My Boyfriend Called a Break-Up But Then Said After Vacation Will Decide

[letshavehope]

I've been with living with my boyfriend for around 10 months and we've been together for around a year. I know that's not the greatest move. However, I am currently extremely upset. Past 3 months we've been having little arguments here and there. Last week, he called a break-up making decision under anger and frustration. He told me that he still love me but he don't think our relationship would work. Without even trying, he don't want to fix things and doesn't know how to. He don't want to try and give it another shot. He thinks that it's just going to end at the end of the day. But he still wants to be my friend. He said he lost feelings. I told him not to make decision over emotional state because I really did feel that we just need another shot. We've been going through a lot of stress due to many issues in our lives for a year and we never really had a break. I was trying to save the relationship. I really think I didn't try my best to make things work. We have an upcoming vacation and he changed his mind to decide whether to break up or not after the vacation. He's the one who suggested it. But he also know I might cancel the trip if we break up. Right now, he's first being very hot and cold. Last Saturday, he was all lovey dovey and told me things that would think that he's having a future with me, and on Sunday, he don't even want to hold my hand in public. Actually, he don't even want to talk to me or look at me in the eyes. I was really upset because I thought that things were at least going a little bit better from Saturday. Since I was upset because he was being dry and mean, I looked really down. I tried asking him questions like do you really think this vacation would help? He answered me he honestly do not know. I told him I cherish everything and I'm very thankful for what you've done for me. I really hope this trip can turn things around and remind you why you loved me and why you wanted to be with me. When I said that, he didn't look too happy (looked a little guilty). That night, he slept on the edge of the bed and tried his best to stray away. He usually drives me to work in the morning, I asked him before we went to bed if he's being able to drive me, he said he doesn't know we'll see in the morning. In the morning, he told me to "F*** off, and F***king stop waking him up". I also have to say that I'm the one who paid for this trip. Some of my friends were saying that the reason he's still here is because I would cancel the trip if we break up now. But anyways, I've been feeling pretty much single for the last 3 weeks. He's not texting/calling me unless he really has to. After this swearing to me in the morning, he still don't bother to send me a text message. We live together, but I don't think he gives a damn. He's in a habit of not coming home to sleep if he's pissed off/mad. To be honest, I don't really know what he's mad about. He's a type of person who's not open up about why he's mad and act on it. I mean we are in such a bad term already and what he did this morning just disrespected me a lot. I helped him out a lot throughout our relationship. If it wasn't because me he won't even have a car and his dream place to live in. I can take these all back if we do break up. What should I do if at this point he's still ignoring me? Why is he behaving this way? He's acting a extreme

[kbbcoop77]

I would break up this sounds horrible. No vacation is going to "fix" this. Sorry

[ParisPaulette]

That's cause he wants the fun of a vacation and is using you to get the vacation, NOT to fix the relationshipand you'll be stuck with him the entire time. Most likely he'll leave you in the hotel while he's off chasing girls, then when you get home he'll break it off and blame you AFTER he's had a good time, presumably on your dime.

 

Seriously, end it now and use that vacation for recover time. Leave him at home, he's just trying to use you at this point. Sorry, but if you swallow his bullship here I think you are going to very much wish you hadn't. It'll be the worst vakay of your life.

[j.man]

What are these "little arguments here and there?" What were these "many issues" in your lives? There's a whole lot of ambiguity leading up to this guy wanting to call it quits.

 

In any case, the guy is checked out of the relationship. There's no way anyone could objectively say otherwise. I couldn't tell the exact reason he hasn't physically checked himself out. Could very well be the upcoming vacation. If he's financially dependent on you in any way, it could be that, too.

 

You two couldn't wait to play house and had your honeymoon period. Your outcome is pretty typical for the scenario you two threw yourselves in. In the future, I'd pace yourself a little more slowly.

 

And if someone is unhappy with you the night before, don't wake them up in the morning asking for a ride.

[letshavehope]

Then don't reply me "I don't know" and just say "NO"

[j.man]

I get the impression that had he said "no," the conversation wouldn't have been allowed to end at that. He said what he felt he needed to in order to get you off his back for the night. Gotta exercise a bit of common sense, particularly when tensions are high.

 

I don't think there was a single line in your original post that would suggest this relationship had the potential to go anywhere positive. It's time to chalk this one up as a loss and cancel the vacation (or find a friend to go with you).

[NoMoreJerks]

He's using you. Break up with him. He has no respect for you, basically hanging the break-up over your head, and still saying, but we can still go ahead and go on the vacation you bought for me.... and then I'll go ahead and break up with you.. when he does end up breaking up with you after the vacation, he's gonna say, don't act so hurt, I had told you so.... I'd cancel his ticket, and go on my own, or change the ticket if you can, and invite a friend or a family member... and take that time to enjoy yourself and clear your head and detox from this man.

[letshavehope]

He is financially relying on me. Once he piss me off, I can leave him on the street and he would lose this job.

[letshavehope]

Very upsetting for me. I thought he was the love of my life and I can't believe it had gotten so bitter.

[NoMoreJerks]

He is financially relying on me. Once he piss me off, I can leave him on the street and he would lose this job.

 

Good. Do it. If the shoe was on the other foot, he would've done that to you. Heck, despite being so dependent on you, he has zero respect for you. Imagine what he would've been like if he weren't dependent....... This man is an ungrateful, unloving, uncaring b*stard. Sorry to be so blunt... ONCE he pisses you off? I'd be pissed off as is....

[letshavehope]

But you never know, maybe it's not about the trip.

[NoMoreJerks]

But you never know, maybe it's not about the trip.

 

It doesn't matter if it's not. The trip is secondary / a distraction. The issue is that he is not sure he wants to be with you. Actually, he KNOWS he doesn't want to be with you. He couldn't have been more clear about not wanting to be with you, except for the vacation. He is blowing hot and cold? I'd say he is cold all the time, and is blowing hot only with regards to the vacation. So, can you live with someone who has no regard for your feelings, and keeps playing games with you? He's either in or he's out. He doesn't get a free vacation by being "out", or by being in-and-out when it suits him!

[HeartGoesOn]

He is financially relying on me. Once he piss me off, I can leave him on the street and he would lose this job.

 

He relies on you to be his meal ticket, otherwise he doesn't give a hoot about your feelings. As for the way he's treating you, I wouldn't hesitate to put him out on the street, after all he's an adult, and it's about time he starts acting like one.

 

I would rather take a loss on his ticket, rather than watching him have the time of his life on this vacation on my dime. Please dump this clown, and respect yourself.

[mhowe]

But you never know, maybe it's not about the trip.

 

You are kidding, right?

[letshavehope]

I'm not kidding.

[mhowe]

He will go on the vacation, make your vacation miserable and walk out on you the minute he gets back.

[j.man]

I don't think you're kidding. While he's financially dependent on you, you're quite obviously emotionally dependent on him. While I sincerely hope you find your bearings and prove me wrong, I can see him milking you until he's got all his ducks in a row and/or has another woman ready for him with open arms.

 

I think him leaving you after the vacation would quite honestly be the best case scenario here.

[mhowe]

He is financially relying on me. Once he piss me off, I can leave him on the street and he would lose this job.

If you aren't pissed off now, you will never be.

[agent1607307371]

But you never know, maybe it's not about the trip.

 

You're right. It's probably about all the other stuff he's getting out of you.

[surfdiva]

So you're paying for the trip and he's financially dependent on you? I'd say you're dodging a bullet on this one. Why on earth are you letting him make the decision? He's stringing you along and you're letting him. Dump his ass!

[LC8328]

Jman hit the nail on the head here. You are emotionally dependent on him and he is financially dependent on you.

 

A trip will not change the dynamic in your relationship. It is not a magic wand that will make him respect you or realize what a jerk he's been (or make YOU realize that, for that matter).

 

I have to tell you, objectively, as someone who doesn't know you or him, he is using you and is involved (at least emotionally) with someone else.

 

A person who has been acting the way he has...sleeping as far away from you as possible, etc...is someone who is thinking about someone else, at least in my experience.

 

Don't you see? That's the only "foot" that he has in the door...the fact that you provide the roof over his head, etc. I am really sorry about this but I honestly think you would have a great time on your trip with your best friend, sister, etc. And don't forget to change the locks in your home once he's out! He can only take advantage of you if you let him, but first you have to see it. Good luck hon.

[Ms Darcy]

He is financially relying on me. Once he piss me off, I can leave him on the street and he would lose this job.

 

There you go ... between this and the vacation, now you know why he's dragging things out.

[ParisPaulette]

Yup, he's using you. And probably seeing someone else, which is why he's not around. Pack his crap up, set it at the front door with locks changed, and tell him to get out of your life for good. And do it after the ticket for his vakay is canceled or in someone else's name. Don't tell him what you're fixing to do though, just do it then spring it on him as he's out.

 

And then don't fall for it when he tries to turn on the charm and "decide" to salvage the relationship just long enough to keep doing it again until he lines up another honey to pay his way. Next time give it a year and don't contribute to them financially until you see they are stable financially and able to jointly work out finances together in a sane and fair manner.