Should I tell the boyfriend?

[caitcosz]

Long story short, this guy I'm dating (were "working it out") "kissed" this female he works with. I'm sure more happened but liars always lie but the truth will surface one day.

Anyways! She has a boyfriend, I really want to tell him. What do you all think?

[lukeb]

No you don't tell the boyfriend, it's their relationship you should let them work it out. It is their business. These things become difficult if you know the boyfriend as a close friend or relative. It doesn't look like that's the case here.

[sara-pezzini]

No you don't tell him, it's just petty revenge and won't make you feel better or accomplish anything.

[RainyCoast]

no. your motive is revenge. i understand you probably feel angry at her but your issue is your boyfriend, not her. you can work on it with him or dump him. stirring up bull in someone else's pot won't make your situation any better.

 

"dating". did you discuss being exclusive at any point? and what are you working out?

[meoww]

If I was the boyfriend I would definitely want to know. If they have an open relationship, he probably already knows and is fine with it. Once this girl involved you in the situation, whether or not you inform the boyfriend is completely your decision, I think. Who would choose to deceived by the ones they love? Who wants to waste their time in a relationship like that?

 

My only advice would be to be discreet about it. Realize some people might judge your motives for it. Just keep calm and do the right thing!

 

If we're going to be all philosophical about it I suppose cheaters have their rights to privacy, in the same way the KKK is allowed to exist, but seriously if he's a nice guy that thinks he's in an exclusive relationship he honestly deserves better and it is killing two birds with one stone, you're being honest and helping this guy at the same time.

[DoF]

Mind your own business and worry ONLY about your business.

 

Which is, leaving your "boyfriend" for good and be done with it.

 

Rest is history.

[meoww]

I also think the boyfriend would be so embarrassed if everyone knew about the cheating except him. That is such a violation of trust.

[Batya33]

None of your business and you don't know enough about their private arrangement - maybe they are permitted to kiss other people. Also given your motive this is bound to backfire on you. Also he did not cheat on you -you were just dating him, so just stop dating him.

[meoww]

No seriously, there are certain things in life that are your business and sparing someone innocent of pain and further humiliation is definitely one of them. You don't have to be that dramatic or vindictive about it, honestly some of these responses are kind of scary to me but I guess I have to respect how they feel??

[TMifune]

I understand why no-one would want to get involved, but at what point do we as a society or a people or whatever accept some responsibility for the well-being of others?

 

I wouldn't want to see anyone telling her just for revenge, but I do think she has a right to know.

[IAmFCA]

I understand why no-one would want to get involved, but at what point do we as a society or a people or whatever accept some responsibility for the well-being of others?

 

I wouldn't want to see anyone telling her just for revenge, but I do think she has a right to know.

 

We don't know that she wants to know.

[j.man]

1) None of your business

2) You have nothing to gain

3) You don't know if the boyfriend would even want to know. Plenty on these forums would, sure. But plenty others would take ignorance in a heart beat over the feelings that come with your trust being betrayed. Not your place to make that decision and I'm assuming he's a big boy who can handle his own relationship.

[Doc Blaze]

I hate when everyone says..they would want to know lol....not everyone is the same...

 

 

ive had personal experiences even with close friends telling them whats up

with their cheater partners and some how i get backlash...

 

 

not everyone wants to know and to be honest a lot of people

know their partners are cheating and still wont leave them...

[Curly sue]

Yes tell her boyfriend . He has a right to know.

[HeartGoesOn]

Anyways! She has a boyfriend, I really want to tell him. What do you all think?

 

I think you're taking your boyfriend off the hook with a slap on the wrist, which gives him a free pass to do as he pleases. Your only role here is to tell your boyfriend to take a hike, and be careful not to hit the door on his way out.

[Countrywide88]

Seriously id tell him. Cheaters need to be exploited. That is the 1 most painful thing to deal with in a relationship. Stop it while it's not that serious. If he thinks nothing of it then ok. I see no good from condoning it.

[sara-pezzini]

There is a big difference in telling someone with their best interest at heart or to tell out of revenge which seems to be the case here. And that will not bring you anything.

It's up to her to tell, not up to a vindictive person who is just out to hurt the GF

You are hurt, you deal with your BF and your relationship and not with someone else's mess

[greta96]

What if you tell her boyfriend, he dumps her, and so she's free to go after your own boyfriend? Clearly there is already some chemistry there...

Besides, like lots of posters said, the only thing you need to worry about is your boyfriend, if he was loyal to you, he wouldn't have kissed her regardless how provocative she may have been. He is the one you need to deal with, and possibly dump. What goes on in her relationship is none of your business, and you'd be better off not getting involved in that.

[Countrywide88]

What if.....? Who cares what if. Cheating is a terrible thing to do to another person. Yes a lot of hurt could come from it. But I'm pretty confident nothing good comes from cheating. Ya it better to be hurting over a kiss then a fake relationship only one person took serious and knew and had the power to save them more hurt. I don't care if she just wants to get back. Maybe she will make two people feel better who trusted the wrong person. Not saying anything is condoning it. Cheating can really destroy someone if it goes on long enough.

[Seraphim]

I hate when everyone says..they would want to know lol....not everyone is the same...

 

 

ive had personal experiences even with close friends telling them whats up

with their cheater partners and some how i get backlash...

 

 

not everyone wants to know and to be honest a lot of people

know their partners are cheating and still wont leave them...

Absolutely. Many people will shoot the messenger and not think twice about it. My mom told her brother about his cheating wife that she was cheating with my dad and her brother didn't talk to her for three years after.

[j.man]

What if.....? Who cares what if. Cheating is a terrible thing to do to another person. Yes a lot of hurt could come from it. But I'm pretty confident nothing good comes from cheating. Ya it better to be hurting over a kiss then a fake relationship only one person took serious and knew and had the power to save them more hurt. I don't care if she just wants to get back. Maybe she will make two people feel better who trusted the wrong person. Not saying anything is condoning it. Cheating can really destroy someone if it goes on long enough.

Or we can stop pretending that we know what's best for other people. The boyfriend's relationship with the woman is his and her business alone. If dude's perfectly happy with the relationship, then who are you to decide he needs his bubble burst? Let him handle himself and his own relationship. No need to play relationship justice crusader.

[Countrywide88]

When she made that choice to cheat with someone in a relationship she also chose consequences that could be this girl just might want to tell her boyfriend what she did. It was none of her business to interfere in a relationship that was not her own. Which makes nothing is confident when you cheat. Only to know all the heartache it would of saved me had I known sooner it would of stopped a lot of pain I deal with everyday. The wound may heal but it never stops bleeding. I was happy too when I didn't know I was being cheated on then found out after months and wanted to die. My kids pulled me through everyone may not have someone to keep them strong like I do. Why let it go farther?

[IAmFCA]

I know more than one marriage in which the spouse/s would rather not know, including at least one wherein both parties cheated and came back together. They spared each other details and it helped them heal. Had my exH kept his relationship discrete - I knew about it and just wanted social lives and kids protected - AND found his way back home we would still be together (which may not have been a good thing, but point made).

 

Life is long. We are not always our best. Relationships can recover from cheating, and that is much easier if we let people process difficult information the best way they know how.

[Dottieflanogon]

I agree with most of the other answers that you should leave well enough alone.I'd keep it to myself if I were you. It will make you a part of their marital crisis. Don't do this to yourself. You don't need that kind of grief or responsibility.

[TMifune]

Or we can stop pretending that we know what's best for other people. The boyfriend's relationship with the woman is his and her business alone. If dude's perfectly happy with the relationship, then who are you to decide he needs his bubble burst? Let him handle himself and his own relationship. No need to play relationship justice crusader.

 

Yeah, offering someone a piece of factual information is so judgmental.

 

Imagine if doctors were like you. Hmm, that blood test I ran shows that you have diabetes. You didn't ask if you have diabetes and you're perfectly happy living your life with diabetes, so who am I to tell you that you have diabetes. Why would I inform you and let you make a decision about how to manage it based on that information. You're clearly happier not knowing. I'll just wait until you're dragged into the hospital in diabetic shock and in severe risk of losing a limb to let you know. After all you're able to handle your own life, you don't need your blood-sugar bubble burst!

 

Sounds ridiculous doesn't it? And now people are going rush in her and tell me how it's not the same, but the attitude really is the same. It's just a piece of information. The diabetic can choose to change their diet or they can choose not to, but not telling them they don't even know the danger. Same with someone being cheated on.

 

It's no one's job to tell them what to do with that information but the people who see informing them as a compassionate act don't really need to be called "relationship justice crusader". It's not about justice, it's about compassion.