Naomi99 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 I think where you are tripping yourself up here is by proposing the question whether or not this guy has romantic intentions but you then slide over justified getting involved with someone you admit you're not attracted to. Same scenerio, different day! Though somethings are different ultimately the end result will be that of the dr debacle. You likely being entangled with an ill suited partner. My guess is the responders are growing weary. I don't know if he's an ill-suited partner because he's not even trying to ask me for a relationship. As friends, we're great together. Anything beyond that is a big unknown. The responders that are weary, although I appreciate their time and efforts, they are trying to peg me for something I'm not and they're free to leave. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 "That's for him to decide" You do have some responsibility here recognizing whether or not you are able to give this man what he truly needs and deserves. Give that some thought. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 Fair enough. I think the overall advice was to be less passive. Applies here, too, perhaps? Yes, I really do need quit being so passive. But I am not going to initiate a talk this time. I refuse. According to you all, he is romantically interested. He needs to initiate the talk whenever he feels comfortable. Link to comment
Hermes Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 "He needs to initiate the talk whenever he feels comfortable." At which time, you, Naomi, will tell him "I am not attracted to you because of XYZ (the things you mentioned in earlier posts here, his weight, looks, etc. etc.) So, what is the point of all this. Just asking....in puzzlement. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 "That's for him to decide" You do have some responsibility here recognizing whether or not you are able to give this man what he truly needs and deserves. Give that some thought. I will give it thought. We've never talked about what either of us is looking for in a relationship because this has just been a friendship and there hasn't been a need to discuss any of this. I know he deserves someone wonderful (that pretty much rules me out). Link to comment
Fudgie Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 I know he deserves someone wonderful (that pretty much rules me out). Why do you say this about yourself? Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 What do you want at this time, for yourself. A friendship? Seduction? Neither? Both? Maybe dial down the frequency…let things occur naturally. Which I have been doing, but I got freaked out when he asked me about the europe trip. I do believe I can fall in love with someone based on their qualities over attractiveness. My ex, who I was with for 10-plus years, I thought he was super handsome and everyone thought he looked like the candle from Beauty and the Beast. He treated me really well (the first eight years) and I thought he was the most darling person on the planet. After the relationship took a turn for the worse, I lost attraction for him and we stopped having sex. He lost his appeal in my eyes because he didn't treat me well at all toward the end. So why can't the reverse be true? Someone I don't find physically attractive will become attractive over time with their loving qualities and how they chose to treat me and others around them at the forefront, rather than looks. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 Why do you say this about yourself? Because this is what someone with low-self esteem and entitlement would say, as Ms. Howe has diagnosed me with these two traits! (I said it tongue-in-cheek) Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Not a diagnosis....just glaringly obvious. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 So now MHowe has said I've: 1. Inflated ego. 2. Low self-esteem. 3. A sense of entitlement. Mom, is that you??? Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 Agreed. So quit acting like my mom as if you know me so well to make comments as you have. Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Honey...publish your problems on a public boards...you take your chances. Link to comment
Rosti87 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 He is NOT pining over me and he is not "poor" by any means. He is fully aware I was seeing doctor1 and was in love with him up to the very end. And to be honest, I'm not quite sure how I feel about him (doc2) right now. I like him. Could it turn into something more? I have absolutely no idea. I don't even know if he views me that way. He could be lonely and just wants someone he knows well to keep him company at these functions and outings. If you want to go out with him, go out with him. But PAY YOUR OWN WAY until you see if it is evolving into something more intimate. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 Honey...publish your problems on a public boars...you take your chances. Okay. Be my guest and comment away. Your time, your dime. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 This is an issue with nice guys. Nice guys are too chicken to show their interest. Huckabee 2016 I keep reading your posts with Trump's voice for some reason. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Christ, this post already has a thousand views????? It was only created this afternoon. I think it's a combination of things. One, the topic is interesting. Two, you are a responsive OP. Some people post and then disappear. Three, there aren't any other interesting active threads on the dating forum right now. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 If you want to go out with him, go out with him. But PAY YOUR OWN WAY until you see if it is evolving into something more intimate. I paid for dessert and movies one time. I forgot about that. He needed to go to bank and I said no, don't worry about it. I got you covered. I forgot all about that time. I've also cooked/baked things for him. This is nothing in comparison to what he's done, but I thought it was worth mentioning. And please remember, I always always always either throw money on the table, tell the waitress to take my money, but he insists upon paying. What am I supposed to to? Wrestle with the both of them until I win? Also that group of people we went out to dinner with, he picked up the whole tab for the table. We all made a big fuss to the point he was getting angry. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 I think it's a combination of things. One, the topic is interesting. Two, you are a responsive OP. Some people post and then disappear. Three, there aren't any other interesting active threads on the dating forum right now. HAHAHHAHAHAHHA!!! So by default, because there's nothing else on TV, this sad thread is most interesting? My doctor thing got moved to journals and I hate that forum. Seems so egotistical to have one place designated for your entire dating history, and you don't even have the power to "like" someone's advice. It's much more interactive out here where you can actually show your thanks to people who have meaningful things to say and hear their experiences too. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 I guess I don't understand the draw between this compared to others that post about their unrequited love or dating the wrong person. Baffles me Link to comment
LoveSoDeep Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Hi Naomi, Alright I'll admit I skipped a few pages but my advice as someone who has given the guy a shot even when I wasn't attracted to him physically. It isn't worth it. Don't do it. It may be pleasant you may have a nice time with him and yes it's nice to spend time with someone who is a great friend, but you'll be missing something very important and eventually you'll realize it's just not what you wanted. Don't waste your time or his. Find the guy who has everything you need in this case 2 out of 3 isn't good enough. You're just out of a relationship you need time to heal. That's beside the point. This guy is interested in you. I bet his intelligence and generosity is what gets him dates in general but it's unfair to him for women to accept his generosity if they aren't interested in the whole package, this includes you. You need to let him know you're not open to dating anyone right now and that includes him. Next time he offers to pay for you, I'd say "This isn't a date. I'll pay this time you can pay next time." I think that clearly states that you don't see these interactions as dates and you don't want to. He will probably slow things down and that will be the best thing for both of you. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 Some advice for you. Take comments said on the internet with a grain of salt. My signature shows you're off with the Trump comment. Huckabee is a champion of the unborn and my signature makes it very clear who I support. Huckabee 2016 You're hilarious, and yes, it is very clear who you support. Link to comment
Rosti87 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Okay. He likes me. Think maybe I am in denial that someone can be romantically interested in me, and yet not make any moves, physically or verbally, for this long. Not every man acts like a Neanderthal and goes in for the kill to show they are attracted to someone. Some men are more subtle. Link to comment
Hermes Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Hopefully this thread is heading for the journals section too..... and soon. Link to comment
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