What are your red flags/dealbreakers in a relationship

[Lucia Amman]

Well I can only think of things that actually happened that were a deal breaker. Usually I've already weed out the very bad ones (emotional unavailable, immature, mental problems, racist and criminals).

 

So the second row of deal breakers I couldn't notice from chatting with them were these;

 

More of a feminist than I: he thought I was unfeministic because I didn't want to split the bill. I though he was being a jerk because it was his idea (after a walk on the beach) to get some dinner. He asked me who paid for the bill the last times that I went on a date and I said: 'me.' He was astonished and asked why. I said they couldn't pay for the bills. 'Well you don't know how much I earn.' Sure, I don't know. But you never made a point about that when you first asked me out now did you?! They did... They didn't asked me out but I wanted to have a nice dinner. Point is: don't judge me because you want to split the bill.

 

Hating children or people who have children. He questioned me why I didn't opt for an abortion. I made it very clear from the beginning that I have two children. Plus my children were 6 and 8 by that time. It's like asking me why I don't go and kill them?!!! I don't want to be questioned into the why I have them. He later wrote on his dating profile 'breeders creep me out'. I wanted to stake him in the head. Pardon my language.

 

Jealousy is probably a deal breaker. It was always creeped me out because I'm hardly ever jealous. If you want to be with someone else go do it. I know people who do want to be with me. So jealousy is a run away for me.

 

Drugs. Even soft drugs which is (somewhat) legal here in the Netherlands is still a deal breaker for me. I've dated a few heavy users, they sure we're addicted even though you can't get addicted. They told me though that they need to use it to feel normal, every night. Now I don't even drink alcohol. I don't smoke cigarettes or anything else. So smoking every night to feel normal/relax to get to sleep? I'm sorry but I don't feel that's healthy.

 

I've honestly never met anyone here who wasn't a regular user of soft drugs. It looks like it is either every day or not at all. So I go for the not at all.

 

Hating animals. Although I'm allergic to cats (and dogs) I love animals! So he should too.

[IAmFCA]

Negativity

Satisfaction with being average

Stagnant, not growing, reaching, challenging himself

Stationary lifestyle

 

Question: Does anyone think having two marriages and divorces disqualifies someone as LTR candidate?

[Lucia Amman]

 

Question: Does anyone think having two marriages and divorces disqualifies someone as LTR candidate?

 

No, mistakes happen. I think it would be a romantic soul! I would be interested in their story though.

[Clinton]

 

 

Question: Does anyone think having two marriages and divorces disqualifies someone as LTR candidate?

 

Not necessarily. But it is a sign to proceed with caution.

[melancholy123]

I agree with many of the things people have listed. I want to add LIARS to the list. Braggarts and liars really turn me off.

[Patrick974]

 

Question: Does anyone think having two marriages and divorces disqualifies someone as LTR candidate?

 

Four wedding and a funeral...

 

If its a 5+ years marriage it qualifies as LTR.

[Helpexpressme]

A woman who can't cook, or refuses to cook. Such a turn-off.

[TMifune]

..it is a sign to proceed with caution.

 

word-for-word what I was about to write.

[browneyedgirl36]

All this animal talk has reminded me. Another dealbreaker of mine is if a woman doesn't at least like (not necessarily LOVE) animals. I have an adorable kitty cat, and she's a package deal. I also want a dog and a dwarf pig someday. Even if I have to take care of my pets myself, not being able to at least tolerate them is a dealbreaker to me.

 

Same here. I have two cats, and someone who is going to be with me has to at least tolerate them, but I'd prefer they like them. Fortunately, I am currently dating an animal lover!

[browneyedgirl36]

For me:

 

racist/homophobic/bigoted ideas;

bad temper (i.e. road rage, confrontations with strangers, etc.);

criminal record (other than perhaps a minor alcohol or drug offense in his youth);

critical/negative/whiny/victim-y;

couch potato/someone who likes to stay home all the time rather than going out and doing things at least sometimes; someone who doesn't like to travel at all;

significant mental health issues that aren't being treated or that he is not actively trying to get help for;

any drugs (other than LIGHT social drinking);

someone who doesn't at least tolerate animals (but liking/loving them is MUCH better);

passive/aggressive -- particularly someone who constantly makes "jokes" that aren't really jokes;

extremely religious (don't mean to offend anyone, but I am not religious at all, and a super-religious person wouldn't work for me);

rude/obnoxious/cocky behavior

 

I'm sure there are a few more, but...that's a start.

[Cheetarah]

Doesn't like animals

Doesn't like children

Heavy drinking. Preferably they would be an extremely light drinker(like 1 or 2 on special occasions)

Crappy tipper

Racist/sexist/homophobic, etc

Men who say they're 'feminists' when what they really mean, is they don't know anything about it, don't care about it and just want to be sure you're 50/50 at dinner.

Clingy

Early declarations of "love"

Trying to make an insta-relationship

Keeps a messy home. Clutter, okay. Messy and dirt, no.

Leaves pee drips on the toilet

USES THE GOOD HANGY TOWELS. Those are not to be used. Those are for bathroom ambiance. There's a bleach stained towel hanging over the shower rod, you use that.

Impatient

Victim mentality

[Patrick974]

A woman who can't cook, or refuses to cook. Such a turn-off.

 

Word. Known one like that. Couldnt cook because she was afraid of matches, lighters and fire. Seriously...

[BigKK]

My deal breakers are:

 

Likes cats

Not a good, game girlfriend in bed

Likes cats

Rude

Likes cats

Doesn't take care of themselves

Likes cats

Not into the outdoor lifestyle

Likes cats

 

we will never be an item

[journeynow]

USES THE GOOD HANGY TOWELS. Those are not to be used. Those are for bathroom ambiance. There's a bleach stained towel hanging over the shower rod, you use that.

 

Haw, thanks! I never knew what to do with those Good Hangy towels in other houses, and I might've assumed the towel over the rod was your body towel.

[ParisPaulette]

Has anyone actually met someone from OLD who showed up unwashed with bad breath and tattered clothes saying they have to leave early to meet their parole officer or go steal a car?

 

Ding, ding, ding, ding. You have a winner here. Yes, I have. Not in one person, but someone once showed up for a date stinking so badly half the restaurant got up and moved away from us and I actually gagged. He got very offended and stated he had a medical condition, and judging my the state of his nails and hair I'd say he definitely did--of the mental variety that causes a fear of bathing. Then on another occasion I went on a date with a seemingly very charismatic and good-looking guy. His phone rings, he glances at it, it keeps ringing and finally he says, "Can you excuse me, I have to take this, it's my parole officer." He proceeds to whisper in front of me, "I'm at the library, sorry I forgot we had to meet. I'll be there in an hour." Needless to say I had a sudden emergency come up and fled with a "Don't call me child, I'll call you" line.

 

But all kidding aside:

 

Mine are almost identical to that of Spotti Otti and many of the other posters on here. One other deal breaker for me are those people who push you to talk about controversial topics on a first date. "No sir, I am not going to debate you on religion/politics/gay marriage/sex. Check please." And absolutely no invading my personal space by sitting too close to me and finding too many reasons to grab/grope/pet/brush imaginary hair or lint off of me or sexual innuendo before we've even had time to talk about what we're ordering.

[ParisPaulette]

Word. Known one like that. Couldnt cook because she was afraid of matches, lighters and fire. Seriously...

 

Soooo, making creme brulee was out of the question? Seriously, I cannot get enough of the little torches you use on that stuff. My family is sick to death of that desert and I'm all like, "Bwahahahahaha! I can cook and use a mini blowtorch at the same time.!!!!"

 

Okay, sorry. Back to the topic at hand. Any guy who knew how to cook was always golden in my eyes too.

[Cheetarah]

Haw, thanks! I never knew what to do with those Good Hangy towels in other houses, and I might've assumed the towel over the rod was your body towel.

 

Lol. I thought all women universally agreed upon this. We all know if someone uses a good hangy towel, to look at the men first.

[Cheetarah]

Soooo, making creme brulee was out of the question? Seriously, I cannot get enough of the little torches you use on that stuff. My family is sick to death of that desert and I'm all like, "Bwahahahahaha! I can cook and use a mini blowtorch at the same time.!!!!"

 

Okay, sorry. Back to the topic at hand. Any guy who knew how to cook was always golden in my eyes too.

 

You little firebug. That's how I was whenever someone ordered flaming Saginaki in the restaurants I worked at. We had a lot of waitstaff that were scared to do it, and I would fly accross the restaurant to leap at the opportunity to light some cheese on fire.

[shellyf62]

I think poor hygiene and no criminal record is a given. Has anyone actually met someone from OLD who showed up unwashed with bad breath and tattered clothes saying they have to leave early to meet their parole officer or go steal a car?

 

I met this guy too! No parole officer, but literally had rolled out of bed & put on the first things he had rolled onto.

He had serious bed hair, trackky dacks that were stained & wrinkled, as was the shirt.

During our very short meeting he told me that "ladies don't have tattoos" (of which I have 2 very well hidden) and I told him that gentleman always shower, shave & dress appropriately for a meeting.

By the time I had gotten home he had blocked me, so saved me the trouble lol

[journeynow]

Lol. I thought all women universally agreed upon this. We all know if someone uses a good hangy towel, to look at the men first.

 

Yep, it's confusing. I don't know if the other towels are personal/private-body towels, or the old towel over the tub might be for cleaning the floor or dog... Hand towels that aren't decorative are safe. Decorative things in frames are, too.

[IAmFCA]

Adding to my list

Some good points here re racism and homophobia and sexism too

For me, certain faiths are off limits, too much in conflict with my own

Insisting on sex too soon or taking no sex personally

Attaching to me too quickly

Out of shape. I want to share an active lifestyle.

Fearful. Like the man who said he wouldn't have driven through NY as I do, much less arrive in the city at midnight with my kids and check into a hotel. Nor would he have let his ex wife do that, he said. Lol, yeah, we're not a match.

[Ms Darcy]

Doesn't like dogs, or water, or snow, doesn't share a sense of humor, and is negative and critical.

 

My husband and I share the same sense of humor.

 

He once said to me, "Do you have writers? How are you this quick and witty?"

 

Talk about dealbreakers, that was a dealmaker!

[Clinton]

we will never be an item

 

My heart breaks, but you have to draw the line somewhere

[journeynow]

Many of the things listed here don't make my red flag or deal breaker list because they are initial screening items. We wouldn't be in the same realm, we wouldn't be together, so no need throw up red flags or to break up.

[browneyedgirl36]

Many of the things listed here don't make my red flag or deal breaker list because they are initial screening items. We wouldn't be in the same realm, we wouldn't be together, so no need throw up red flags or to break up.

 

True -- on my list, some of the things could be determined right away (i.e. rude, obnoxious behavior, road rage, etc.) Unless, of course, the person is a pathological liar/sociopath/GREAT actor and can pretend for awhile (i.e. some people keep their bigoted ideas hidden initially, or don't express their dislike of animals right away, or they might lie about having a criminal record and I wouldn't know about it unless I did a background check).

 

Then again, you can meet someone who seems great, carry on a relationship with him or her for awhile, and he or she could reveal a dark side (i.e. an addiction they've managed to hide up to that point) OR could develop one -- could start drinking heavily, lying, etc.

 

It's all just a crapshoot sometimes, I think.