cupcake22 Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 I was dating this guy for only a few months, but we've known each other for many years. It was long distance, but he would always talk about the future and how much he loved me. I visited him last weekend, and everything was great. One moment we were hugging and kissing and in an instant his attitude completely changed. He wouldn't talk to me about what was upsetting him and he intentionally avoided me. After I got home, he deleted his Facebook and hasn't responded to text or email. I have no idea what happened and I just want some closure. Was he just playing me? Any thoughts? Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 Depends. If you had sex with him on that visit and never did before, then yep you likely got played. Either that or for him once he'd met you, if he never did before, he faked it but felt nothing for you then decided to just disappear. OR he met someone else he liked better. Whatever his reason is it's pretty clear he's done. You should be too, so block and delete him on everything and if he ever turns back up tell him he blew it. And block and delete him and move on. That's a very cowardly thing to do and sometimes guys do that as an option to keep things open, so they can come back later with all manner of BS excuses ranging from the "I got scared of my feelings" to "life got too tough for me." But the harsh fact is good people don't just disappear on you, they just don't. And future faking is not something you should take to mean anything at all about another person's feelings. "I'm gonna, we're gonna" doesn't mean much. It's what you do together in the here and now that matters. And one time of being together in the here and now and he pulls that? Nope, be done with him. Sorry you got played, but he's a coward and jerk. And his no response and deleting his Facebook page (or blocking you) IS closure. That's all the closure you need or are going to get. If you want a final closure you get it by telling him he'd forever dead to you for doing that. Send it and you be done with him. Don't think you have to sit there and get a rational explanation, because the guy's a coward if he pulls that. Sorry, stay NC, heal and move on. It sucks when this happens. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 ParisPaulette said what I was going to say, in her first two paragraphs! Forget this guy. Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 OP you need to give more information. It's very vague. Link to comment
cupcake22 Posted July 25, 2015 Author Share Posted July 25, 2015 I really appreciate your response. It's very honest and I need that right now. It's just so frustrating. We had hung out many times before that, no fights, very happy visits. How can people just not have the balls to break up like an adult? Link to comment
cupcake22 Posted July 25, 2015 Author Share Posted July 25, 2015 OP you need to give more information. It's very vague. Really the only important info is 1) he has a child with ex 2) not over ex in my opinion 3) he did this to me once before a year ago He told me he was over her blah, blah, blah....but I'm guessing that's a lie. Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 Ok so what exactly happened. You were hugging and kissing and then what happened. What happened to make his attitute change and go cold, and then how did it end when you left his house to go home. Was something said? Link to comment
cupcake22 Posted July 25, 2015 Author Share Posted July 25, 2015 Ok so what exactly happened. You were hugging and kissing and then what happened. What happened to make his attitute change and go cold, and then how did it end when you left his house to go home. Was something said? He fell asleep, woke up and went to the bathroom...nothing was said between us. I seriously don't know what happened! Perhaps it has nothing to do with me. He drove me to the bus stop in silence, and right before I left I said "If you want to break up with me, I'd prefer you do it to my face now and not through a text later." He replied, "I don't want to break up." Then I hugged him and told him I loved him and he told me he loved me and that was the last thing we said...His phone is disconnected now too. Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 Wow what a jerk. You gave him the opportunity and he took the cowards way out. I hope you shut him out like he has shut you out. You know what else? He didn't even give you the opportunity to breakup with him in the car. He decided to let you think everything was ok as you went home, but you knew it wasn't. That's real low behaviour. I really hope he does not get a third chance with you. For he does not deserve one. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 I'm betting that he got back together with his ex -- or that he's trying to -- and that the weekend he spent with you kind of made something snap in his head and he started having second thoughts about you (nothing to do with YOU -- just HIM not being sure what he wants). This happened with me and my ex -- minus the disconnected phone and deleted FB -- where we spent a great time together and then he went totally silent on me. He wasn't over his previous ex, who was still contacting him. What a mess! Best to steer clear of anyone who has an ex hovering in the picture unless you know for certain they are totally over each other (and it's hard to know that for certain). Since he's done something similar before, it's best for you to just let him go. I know it's hard, given that he just went silent on you with no explanation, but...he's shown you who he really is and how he deals with things, and it isn't good. Link to comment
mandeelove Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 This happened to me months back !! I was totaly devestated and in ur same spot. Guy left me with no warning after 7 months of dating and promises of future. I didnt get my closure either until months later it was confirmed he had a full blown girlfriend and played us both. Total liar. Faked the whole thing and saying he loved me. Heres the thing. The closure comes from within us. There are actual cruel people in the world to do this and we have to realize we did get played. Just dont give up hope because the majority of guys dont do this. This was a coward. Good luck to u !! Youll be fine. Link to comment
ForestofDreams Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 He sounds like a coward. He left and didn't have the guts to actually make an official break up. He played the vanishing act...because he probably was too afraid to deal with an actual break up. He went through an awful lot of trouble deleting everything though...that's a bit weird. I don't think anyone I ever knew who's broken up, or broke up with me, or me break up with them....or whoever...ever went to that extreme (like deleting fb, and blocking the phone and all that). I have a feeling his ex told him to do it, otherwise he couldn't be with her or something...otherwise he sounds just like a coward and he played with your feelings not once but twice. He did it again because you forgave him for the first time... You need to forget about him, otherwise he may do this again and again and use excuses to never have a proper relationship with you. You deserve way better then this. Don't forgive him, and move on and find someone who will be there. Real men (and women) don't just vanish. You deserved an explanation and closure but he ran off, maybe to keep things open without him getting hurt, or maybe because he was too cowardly to give you even that. He gets off scot-free and you suffer and are left on a hook until he decides to show up again? Totally not someone worth giving a chance. He will do it again and again. Link to comment
ForestofDreams Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 I had a similar experience with a crush I had when I was maybe 23. We had known each others for years and had all the same interests. We got closer and closer until we couldn't stop being together....I thought he was perfect. Then out of nowhere he vanished (this was after I had to go on a 2 week trip out of the country) and I told him about it. I missed him the entire time and made efforts to contact him and tell him about my trip but he used that as an escape. I was completely oblivious...totally in lala land, in love. When I came back he was gone. I was crippled by this for months. He did show up 2 years later via fb message. He said stuff like "I really need to talk to you"...my heart sort of hiccuped...not in a good way...in a painful sort of way. I wrote back a week later and said "I don't want to talk, or open up any wounds that have healed. I hope you understand." and that was that. Well he contacted me over and over saying how terribly sorry he was, and how much a jerk he felt like, and it was hurting him every single day that he vanished....I didn't answer. He kept it up for a few months until I finally said "it's fine, but I don't think it's a good idea to be friends. I accept your apology, cheer up okay? I am fine though, if that's what you need to know." He said okay but still contacted me until I eventually asked him why he left. He said he was dating another girl. It was then I told him to never contact me again. I deleted him and never looked back. And you know what, I was so happy because I was 100% over him, and one day you will feel like this as well and it's the best feeling on the planet. I almost wanted to thank him for making me realize what a jerk he was. Buuut...I decided not to. He did contact me a few more times via other social media, begging, pleading...saying he'd do anything...but he felt like a stranger to me. He definitely wasn't the person who I fell in love with anymore. It's not a good feeling when they come back, it's better to get over them and find someone who will always be there. Part me of was happy I was over him but the other part of me really wanted him to just leave me be. Link to comment
crowleysgirl Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 You said he suddenly started talking about everything that was upsetting him. So... what was upsetting him? Either way, he's obviously ended things. And in a very cowardly way too. Link to comment
cupcake22 Posted July 25, 2015 Author Share Posted July 25, 2015 You said he suddenly started talking about everything that was upsetting him. So... what was upsetting him? Either way, he's obviously ended things. And in a very cowardly way too. No, I kept asking him what was wrong and to not shut me out, but all I got was "I don't want to talk about it." Now he has disappeared. Link to comment
cupcake22 Posted July 25, 2015 Author Share Posted July 25, 2015 I kind of want to message his roommate/best friend....would that be a mistake? Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 He did it to you once before and now has done it again. This is really all the information you need. Don't give him a third time, he will do this as many times as you let him. Sorry, I know that one from hard-won experience. I did it six times with the same guy, apparently I'm a bit slow sometimes when it comes to things like that...or I was. No more. Look at this way, you gave him that second chance. He blew it. Now end it for good and move on. This one is a dead-end street who apparently hasn't got the cajones to just say goodbye. Of course, he knows if he does that he can't come back later and talk you into taking him back when it's convenient for him, so take the initiative and end it fully yourself. Give him closure and move forward out there. His type of behavior isn't normal in a good, healthy, sane relationship. And don't message his roommate etc. Do not involve other people, he's already shown you with his actions clearly, clearly that he cannot be trusted and cannot maintain communication. Why would you keep after him after that? Accept that he is what he is and you don't like it and move on. He and this sort of behavior won't change no matter how many people you get involved in the whole thing. Something inside of him is broken and you aren't and haven't and won't change it. I'm sorry, but yeah that's really the long and the short of it. Link to comment
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