WithLove Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 ..... and it's making me uncomfortable. Mom has been seeing this man for about a year. I recently told him that I wanted to get Mom a new TV for her birthday and he wanted to contribute, which I was happy to do. He gave me his phone number and asked me to text him when I was available so we could meet (without Mom's knowledge) so he could give me his portion of the contribution towards her gift. I did and it went without a hitch. Now, he's been texting me every morning. Texts like "good morning, thinking of you, have a good day" and "good morning, have a good day, thinking of you makes me smile". It's overstepping my boundaries and I'm really uncomfortable with it. I don't know what I should say or if I should even respond. I can't let Mom know because she'll be like "why is he texting you?" and it'll ruin the surprise. Does anyone have any advice? Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 How far away is her birthday? That said, I would still tell her. Her finding out he's texting you like that could ruin more than a present. Link to comment
Man with Dog Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Tell him it is inappropriate and it's OK to say "how are you?". Threaten to tell Mom if he persists. He won't. Link to comment
WithLove Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Her birthday is July 11. I don't want to hurt his feelings. I was against their relationship in the beginning and he fought for a long time to just meet me in person. I don't want to ruin anything for Mom by telling her. Maybe I can just... deal with it til her birthday passes? And if he persist, explain that it makes me uncomfortable and a simple "how are you?" occasionally would be okay? I don't know. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 "good morning, have a good day, thinking of you makes me smile". Bluntly - he knows this is over the line. Anyone with half a mind knows that this is an innapropriate way to speak to your girlfriends daughter. Link to comment
Andrina Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 That's really creepy. Sounds like he has a crush on you. It will be awkward no matter what you say, because you regularly have to see him, but if you let it go on, it's like being sexually harassed and I'm sure you get a sick feeling every time you see a text from him. If I was in that situation, I'd call him and tell him, "I'm glad you and my mom are happy together, but I'm not comfortable with you texting me." If he makes excuses and it doesn't sound like he wants to stop, repeat that he needs to respect your wishes. It's up to you if you don't think he's a good man for your mother now, to tell her what has happened. I'd probably show her the texts so she can make up her own mind. To me, that's more important than ruining a surprise. And you don't need to tell her it's a t.v. that you bought. You can explain about chipping in but not tell her what the present is. Good luck and let us know how it goes. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Yikes! Do you respond to his texts? I remember your dilemma about even meeting this guy. This feel very creepster-ish to me. If you haven't told him some how that his texts are not welcome perhaps that would be the first step. I like Andrina's suggestion above. He has boundary issues or has some sort of mother daughter fantasy or something going on. I can't imagine he is that clueless that he doesn't see this is inappropriate. How old is this guy anyways? Lost Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I would respond to his next text ---"I find these texts inappropriate". Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I'd do what Andrina said. And after that never be alone with this guy again for any reason. And if you don't want to do that maybe it's just me, but I think I'd mention it when they're both together. Something like, "Oh by the way Mr. BFB, I'm fine." Hold up phone to show him and your mom the text. Smile sweetly, then tell Mom that you gave Mr. Creepster your number in case of family emergencies and now he's been texting you ever day, isn't that sweet. Then smile really big and tell him, "But you're using up my texting minutes and it's not why I gave out the number in the first place, so please stop." Done and done. He won't text you again and it'll break that little fantasy. If he persists after that tell your mom and tell her he's seriously creeping you out, show her what he's been texting you and that you'll be seeing her without him from now on, 'cause he's getting dang creepy there. Guy is a total jerk and yes a creepster. Link to comment
Theniceone Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 You text him something like Oh! I think you have been sending texts meant to be sent to my mother by mistake! I will let her know ''... and then you never send another text to him again. He should get the message. If not, yes, then you have to tell him to stop explicitely and tell your mother. Link to comment
WithLove Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 I replied with "Hey, did you mean to send this to my mom? This is K." Hopefully he'll realize that he overstepped. If not, I think I'm going to email my mom. (we email each other at work.) Link to comment
alli Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 You text him something like Oh! I think you have been sending texts meant to be sent to my mother by mistake! I will let her know ''... and then you never send another text to him again. He should get the message. If not, yes, then you have to tell him to stop explicitely and tell your mother. I replied with "Hey, did you mean to send this to my mom? This is K." Hopefully he'll realize that he overstepped. If not, I think I'm going to email my mom. (we email each other at work.) I think that was a good move. You have the right to flat out tell him it is inappropriate but that always feels so awkward, especially when it's someone you have to see regularly. I think this response was perfect because it leaves the "possibility" that he thinks you truly thought it was a mistake so it is less awkward when you see him in the future. But also clearly sends the message that you think his texts to you have a tone that is meant for a romantic partner and hence should not be sent to you. If he continues even after that opportunity to knock it off while saving face, by all means tell your mom. While your response may have solved this problem, what I really wouldn't like is knowing my mom is dating someone who would send these types of things to his girlfriend's daughter. If he has no boundaries to even restrain himself from that, what is he doing with other women? It's so awkward. You don't want to be involved in your mom's relationship but how can you keep quiet knowing what a sleeze she is dating while she may have no idea. Link to comment
WithLove Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Do you all really think I should mention it to my mom? I mean, it's her relationship, and I have no business interfering. But if this happened and you were my mother, would you want to know? Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I love this idea!!! You text him something like Oh! I think you have been sending texts meant to be sent to my mother by mistake! I will let her know ''... and then you never send another text to him again. He should get the message. If not, yes, then you have to tell him to stop explicitely and tell your mother. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Give him a chance to correct his mistake and see how he handles it. It was an idiot move no matter how you slice it. WOW! Lost Link to comment
alli Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Whether or not I would tell her now would probably depend on if he does other creepy things as well. I would hate to tell her & ruin what could be a good relationship, but I have a really hard time believing that he hasn't or won't cheat on your mom if he'll send texts like that to her daughter. Really I can't believe he would think it was ok to text you like that. Could he just be socially incompetent? You're in a tough spot because if you tell her then you are the bearer of bad news that her boyfriend is a sleeze. Either she believes you & it ends up causing their breakup, or she thinks you are somehow to blame (like you somehow brought it on) and encouraged him to initiate texts like that. I imagine you must be pretty close to your mom if you are considering telling her & you even bought a tv for her birthday. So it may be unlikely she would have that reaction. But if you don't tell her and he ends up doing something even worse later (like cheating on her), she might be ticked off that you didn't tell her about it in the first place. Did he respond when you sent him that text? What did he say? Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Do you all really think I should mention it to my mom? I mean, it's her relationship, and I have no business interfering. But if this happened and you were my mother, would you want to know? Yes, I would definitely want to know. Yes, it's her relationship, but it's also her daughter he's messing with. Hopefully she'll get a glimpse what he's all about, yet on the other hand it could come down to shooting the messenger. Either way, you've done your part... Link to comment
abitbroken Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I agree with the "are you texting me by accident" etc. He could be thinking he is texting your mom. Give him that ONE if it is an honest mistake. If he doesnt stop after that, tell mom. (he might have no sexual motive. My dad texts me "hope you have a great day - thinking of you" and he texted me that "i made him smile" when i stood up for myself over something or i was doing something really nice for mom. But no - those were not every day and he is my dad and I knew exactly what he meant and it wasn't creepy! This guy might not realize how creepy he sounds. ) Link to comment
WithLove Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 He always hugs me and kisses my cheek when I see him (not often). He's never texted me before now. He texted me yesterday "good morning, thinking of you" and this morning "good morning, thinking of you makes me smile". I've never gotten a sexual vibe towards me at all. I think he's just being overly friendly. I'm going to wait to see if he replies to what I texted back. If he does and it's fine, I'll let it go. If it happens again, I'm going to tell him that he's being inappropriate and let my mom know. It's going to be awkward and uncomfortable, but if it was me, I'd want to know. Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I think this is a case of poor boundaries (his). And the "if I can get the daughter to accept me, it goes a long way with the mother" though process. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 ""I would hate to tell her & ruin what could be a good relationship, but I have a really hard time believing that he hasn't or won't cheat on your mom if he'll send texts like that to her daughter. Really I can't believe he would think it was ok to text you like that. Could he just be socially incompetent? "" I am not sure I would refer to this a potentially good relationship! You have 2 problems: Him over stepping boundaries and your alliance to your mom. I like the others advise about telling him he must be mistaken and you will do him a favor and fwd the texts to your mother for his benefit. And. .show your Mom the texts and let her decide. Tell her you are not sure if they are inappropriate or not and let her decide. You had a bad feeling with him to begin with. . this probably doesn't come as a big surprise. Awkward!! Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 He's never texted me before now. He texted me yesterday "good morning, thinking of you" and this morning "good morning, thinking of you makes me smile". I've never gotten a sexual vibe towards me at all. I think he's just being overly friendly. Don't be so sure of that. I wouldn't excuse this as giving him the "benefit of the doubt," as more often than not his true intentions are far from "friendly." Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Yep, as a mom I would definitely want to know if anyone I was seeing was potentially being inappropriate with my kids. I have boys and yes that's bad enough, but girls? Oh heck to the yeah I would given that a male relative tried that crap on me when I was a teenager and I briefly was under the illusion I shouldn't say anything. Oh heck yeah, messing with me is one thing, but messing with my kids--that's a near death sentence right there or at least banishment from my kingdom forevermore. Link to comment
WithLove Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 I haven't heard from him at all since I sent the "Did you mean this for my mom?" text. I'm still debating on whether or not to tell my mom. I don't think I will, unless it happens again. Thank you to everyone for your honest replies. Link to comment
WithLove Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 I haven't heard from him at all since I sent the "Did you mean this for my mom?" text. I'm still debating on whether or not to tell my mom. I don't think I will, unless it happens again. Thank you to everyone for your honest replies. I take that back. Just as I typed this, he texted "good morning K baby, have a good day..." I'm over it. Momma needs to know. It's not appropriate and makes me uncomfortable. Link to comment
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