boltnrun Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 I didn't say that, actually, but let's pretend I did. As quantum theory tells us, something can be two things at once. You're pretending to be encouraging, while actually insulting him and feeding him the usual "man up" crap. You're also giving him what I like to call anecdotal false hope. "Wow, this one-winged dove dragged itself all the way to the veterinarian, so all the other doves should be able to do that, too!" No, the vast majority of them will starve to death or get eaten. Likewise, sure, a few random people may overcome incredible relationship obstacles, but most will fail. WHEN did I insult him? Please quote my post where I insulted him. Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Well, H8, you are going to have to take that chance. And get into the mood. Maybe the "she" is shy too, or feels awkward about initiating. Link to comment
H8Reality217 Posted June 21, 2015 Author Share Posted June 21, 2015 As a general rule, women are only single if they want to be--i.e., high-maintenance and unrealistically demanding. Or if they're really in bad shape, either physically or mentally. What I mean is that whenever you hear of a person who is over 25, or over 30 and still a virgin, never had a relationship before, its almost always guys you hear of instead of women Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Just imagine, H8! I never knew that! At least over here I have never heard of that. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 What I mean is that whenever you hear of a person who is over 25, or over 30 and still a virgin, never had a relationship before, its almost always guys you hear of instead of women I know if you search ENA you will find lots of posts made by women who are virgins over the age of 25. I know I've seen them. Link to comment
H8Reality217 Posted June 21, 2015 Author Share Posted June 21, 2015 Well, H8, you are going to have to take that chance. And get into the mood. Maybe the "she" is shy too, or feels awkward about initiating. And the reason why I don't feel like taking that chance is because I'm worried women will sense the bitterness in me, and it won't surprise me if they can, women unfortunately seem to have a 6th sense Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 WHEN did I insult him? Please quote my post where I insulted him. That's my bad, I meant the female posters in general. You mentioned "we're being encouraging" and I was referring to that. What I mean is that whenever you hear of a person who is over 25, or over 30 and still a virgin, never had a relationship before, its almost always guys you hear of instead of women Indeed. If men were in women's situation--able to walk into any bar in the country and walk out with a sexual partner--ENA would have much less male traffic. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 And the reason why I don't feel like taking that chance is because I'm worried women will sense the bitterness in me, and it won't surprise me if they can, women unfortunately seem to have a 6th sense Okay , but speaking for yourself would you rather be with a bitter person or a happy person? Would you want to be with a person who hates your gender? Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 You are right there, H8, we do have a sixth sense, and telepathy. LOL. But I think any reasonable woman will be happy to talk with you. Give it a chance. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 That's my bad, I meant the female posters in general. You mentioned "we're being encouraging" and I was referring to that. Indeed. If men were in women's situation--able to walk into any bar in the country and walk out with a sexual partner--ENA would have much less male traffic. Ok, because you did use the pronoun "you". And I've walked into many a bar and walked back out alone. Sure, I probably could have found some meaningless casual sex, but that's not my thing. I think the OP is projecting his bitterness outward, which is a shame. I'm fairly certain he has something worthwhile to offer a woman, but the bitterness is getting in the way. Link to comment
H8Reality217 Posted June 21, 2015 Author Share Posted June 21, 2015 You are right there, H8, we do have a sixth sense, and telepathy. LOL. But I think any reasonable woman will be happy to talk with you. Give it a chance. Ya, I wonder if there is an evolutionary theory as to why women are apparently better than men are when it comes to reading body language and sensing a persons attitude, mindset, confidence and self-esteem, what's on their mind, did this help women out in prehistoric times? If so, how? Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Ok, because you did use the pronoun "you". And I've walked into many a bar and walked back out alone. Sure, I probably could have found some meaningless casual sex, but that's not my thing. You have the option, though, and it's easily-available. If I want to have that option, I have to put in a ton of effort. Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 H8. If you are interested google "evolutionary psychology". Reams of stuff have been written on precisely that topic, including on why women (though not all) might be reluctant to initiate. We are the creatures of evolution after all. Link to comment
H8Reality217 Posted June 21, 2015 Author Share Posted June 21, 2015 Okay , but speaking for yourself would you rather be with a bitter person or a happy person? Would you want to be with a person who hates your gender? I would be with a bitter woman, only as long as the bitterness was temporary, but it seems women never want to be with a bitter and resentful man right from the get go Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Same thing applies to you H8. "Temporary" being the key word here. Work on it. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 I would be with a bitter woman, only as long as the bitterness was temporary, but it seems women never want to be with a bitter and resentful man right from the get go Okay, but what emotionally healthy person wants to be with somebody who is bitter and resentful? There are plenty of women with bitter ,angry and resentful men. But those relationships are called abusive. And usually those women's self-esteem has been crushed into oblivion. Being with somebody who's bitter ,angry and resentful doesn't usually lead to being treated well. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 If you start dating a woman, but then berate her for not meeting you when you were in your teens when you really wanted her (and really, how is that her fault??), you're not going to get very far with her (and I don't mean just sexually). Anyone know if there is any kind of support groups for Aspies? Maybe you could meet a nice girl with the same diagnosis who would completely understand you. And please do not berate her for not meeting you when you were younger! Link to comment
pegasusabc Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 I think you are the type who would be old looking, overweight, weak, unfashionable at 30. I simply feel sorry for your vision of the world. Very short life then for you and I am sorry if anyone around you decide to follow your view of the world, the person would experience a major setback in life and depression soon. I get to know man at 50 who are body builders in a better shape than probably you have been in your entire life, but you won't believe it. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Ya, I wonder if there is an evolutionary theory as to why women are apparently better than men are when it comes to reading body language and sensing a persons attitude, mindset, confidence and self-esteem, what's on their mind, did this help women out in prehistoric times? If so, how? Women, while we are usually the ones who are asked out, we are also the ones who are more commonly sexually assaulted. Sexual assault and rape are unfortunately very common, and I think most women, if they haven't been raped or assaulted themselves, they know someone who has. I know that guys complain that women can be picky or don't frequently approach strange men - but a lot of it also has to do with safety. When I am going somewhere, I have to think about the route I am taking, what time I am going, etc.... These aren't things that men typically have to think about. anyway, you said earlier in your thread that you feel like you are "late to the party." but it's ok to be late to the party, as you still have another 50 years to go. Try to make some female friends - maybe you can join a club or volunteer. I agree with getting counseling. Maybe they can help you get better at reading peoples' body language and attitudes. Link to comment
alli Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 ^^ I agree Annie, I live in a safe neighborhood and occasionally walk at night, but I do NOT like it when I notice a man is walking the same path shortly behind me. Ditto with meeting guys, such as at a bar. Even if he seemed very friendly, safe and normal I would never go somewhere alone with a man if I haven't already known him for some time. Not even a ride home. Being able to read people is essential for your own safety. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 ^^ I agree Annie, I live in a safe neighborhood and occasionally walk at night, but I do NOT like it when I notice a man is walking the same path shortly behind me. Ditto with meeting guys, such as at a bar. Even if he seemed very friendly, safe and normal I would never go somewhere alone with a man if I haven't already known him for some time. Not even a ride home. Being able to read people is essential for your own safety. Yep, NEVER NEVER leave a bar with someone you don't know , EVER. I got raped that way. Link to comment
wsim Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 It is human nature to desire relationships, sex and intimacy. Everyone has a right to experience this, although the truth is that not everyone will. Like you, I had wanted to experience all of those things in my teens and 20's but it just didn't happen. It isn't really likely any time soon either, as I begin my 30's. Sure, I go on a few dates a year; however can't seem to successfully get women to pursue things further with me. If there is one regret, I did once have the opportunity to enter a fwb agreement several years ago with a girl that I was dating. However, I turned it down as I was not comfortable losing my virginity to someone who I did not connect emotionally or had any feelings for. Also, she was bipolar and extremely emotionally unstable, so I did not trust she will honour the boundaries of such an agreement. Looking back, I probably should have taken her up on the offer... I would have gotten the monkey of my back and gain the confidence that I needed at the time. Honestly, I would have liked to have experienced what most people do in their 20's (dating/relationships and sex). It is what it is and there isn't anything I could do about it now. I just have to move on and hope I find someone eventually. Link to comment
doctorwho737 Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 OK, first of all short time lurker, first time poster and all that... Scanning through this, let me say two things right of the bat OP: 1. I get it. I am 37, had a horrible abusive life, have no social skills because of being locked in friendships/couple LTR's that were based partially at least on false values from said abuse...am in dire real life straits and have been alone now for two years after getting my heart ripped out for a second time over a year period following a six year LTR involving a circle I thought was my family and involved kids I treated as my own. 2. MOST of the actual advice given is correct, although some of the posters here are really being kind of insensitive and rude imo. Telling someone that have 'issues' and other things in this thread will not help the OP change himself at all. You ask him if he is waiting to just hear what he wants to hear (and OP you do seem to be doing that), I ask you are you enjoying attacking a misguided lost person in pain? So let me take the middle ground here... I used to keep a mindset like yours, had all the reasons in the world to do so too except it just was not who I really was and it was born from a lot of things that were beyond my control and quite a few things that were. I still occasionally feel as you do, not in the terms of the 'miso' tude you put out there but more in the sense that no one wants to be lonely in a world full of people. I know what that feels like, even feeling it a bit over the last couple days myself. Also I will and will always agree 100% that the male role in all this is so outdated that it is not funny. Although the playing field for men/women is far from equal in terms of pay, rights etc etc to this day, it is IMO very true that this idea that men must make the first move and ask a girl out is outmoded, outdated and really counterproductive to a 'equality' between men and women. That said, it is still sadly the world we live in...only thing you can do is try and effect change in this area. Hard task but well worth it because as we can see from such things as 'walking in NYC' and the apparent (shock!! Horror!!) Man-Spreading garbage as well as the horrible red pill crap and shaming from the male side, we (and sadly probably worse for younger boys and girls) are in the midst of some very odd and sometimes damn silly debates between the two genders. It does indeed make for a really combustible environment...one that can indeed effect a man like you even more.. However, one of two changes must occur for the torture to stop: You must give up this idea that you are too old. You are ten years younger then me and I said that in my 20's and hated and threw so many things away I will never get back. Thing is the clock moves while you about it, it moves when you don't too. Then one day you wake up and like I said a decade has passed. It also does not get easier as you get older, so you want to get off that hateful stance and try and change now. I am 37 with no social skills, ditched my friends of decades because I realized there was no real love or anything there, just like most of my past relationships because I just settled to kill the pain of a life spent in isolation. So... And if you really do feel exactly as you do then try not to focus on it and focus on finding things you love to do and just do them to make yourself happy. Basing worth and happiness on another person is a slippery slope that never ends well. Your hatred is totally inappropriate but I know where it comes from, the pain that is beneath it and the crap that follows it. I am willing to bet that you are not at all this person that came accross in this thread. I'm willing to bet that at one time you were really super nice to people and that the results were everything opposite of what you were told by society and media that it would be. But this world is not a movie sadly. The good guy does not always get the girl nor the gold and like others have told you in slightly less constructive terms, you are not entitled to anything from anyone in this world. Trust me, I have been through the wringer as said time and time again. If good events were based on past sacrifices, I'd be sitting by the beach, drink in hand and a smile from ear to ear...but it does not work that way, as unfair as it feels at times. I still 'have my moments' and I long just to even have a friend today and I have so many other problems that I won't even get into here that also 'hurt' me when it comes to a normal social/romantic life. Thing is I figured out what was really me and what came from the places of anger, broken trust and a feeling that I was so much less then everyone around me. This is an illusion and it exists only in your mind. Fear plays a large part in it as well. Fear of trying and still being alone, fear of rejection, fear of being 'that guy' for the rest of your days. But as a little green Jedi once said (and he was spot on): “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” They say (I have done my homework on this subject matter) that confidence is the greatest tool to meeting people in general and trust me what you are broadcasting is the complete opposite to that. It is HARD AS HELL to change some of these factors because your brain is a computer and right now it only knows how to run the program you have been running. Sadly we have no disk drive nor a USB port so change is effected slowly and surely and there would be bumpy roads for sure, but I would think especially at your age and most likely guessing you do not have some of the other problems I do you may fare well in the long run changing them ASAP. Hopefully this post is not all over the place because I could say so much about this subject matter. I have some links for you if you want to PM me and I always have an free ear and open mind as well. I also apologize to the board and mods for saying other posters were rude and insensitive (and I don't judge those ppl for it either..hard to see that place if you have never been there before), just some of the posts seem to come off as mean and despite the OP's stonewalling it was counterproductive if their purpose was to help... *Note: Being new here, I realize the last part about links might seem odd, but they are mostly a FA area on Reddit where he can 'rant' in safety and a few places I have found that help with such things such as Dr. Nerd-love and Mood-Gym...I'm not trying to spam nor sell the OP anything.* PS: Stay away from most 'Red Pill' sites because although I have found a couple which are not abusive or manipulative in nature most are just strengthening the same tired gender roles that have made this aspect of life harder on individuals for our mental/emotional backgrounds. Good luck and as said feel free to get in touch... Link to comment
doctorwho737 Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 I think you are the type who would be old looking, overweight, weak, unfashionable at 30. I simply feel sorry for your vision of the world. Very short life then for you and I am sorry if anyone around you decide to follow your view of the world, the person would experience a major setback in life and depression soon. I get to know man at 50 who are body builders in a better shape than probably you have been in your entire life, but you won't believe it. Really? That is your advice?? Boy, you really have a sympathetic ear and are so sensitive to other people's emotions [sic]. SOOO tired of the whole 'you gotta lift bro' mentality some people have towards FA/socially stunted people. Link to comment
H8Reality217 Posted June 22, 2015 Author Share Posted June 22, 2015 If you start dating a woman, but then berate her for not meeting you when you were in your teens when you really wanted her (and really, how is that her fault??), you're not going to get very far with her (and I don't mean just sexually). Anyone know if there is any kind of support groups for Aspies? Maybe you could meet a nice girl with the same diagnosis who would completely understand you. And please do not berate her for not meeting you when you were younger! Obviously that would not be her fault, because it seems everything is a mans fault but never a woman's fault for anything in life Link to comment
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