Margin of ERROR

[Dougie_D]

Your friends work schedules prevents you from dating?

 

I haven't come to that block yet. I need to date more

[chitown9]

Like I am never asking for help or suggestions. .

.

So now we are finally getting to the truth of the matter.

 

So what you are telling us Dougie, is that you are on a forum which is designed to ask for help and suggestions, but that is not what you want. My question to you then is, what in the hell are you on here for then?? chi

[Doc Blaze]

What bothers me is that I try to do how I think I am suppose to do things and they never pan out. So I get aggrevated and keep on telling myself eventually it will work out. It's almost like if it's "not my idea" than I shouldn't even try it. I need people to trick me into thinking that their suggestions is my suggestion or idea. Than I feel like I accomplished something.

 

I like suggestions from people, but I want something that I've never heard of and is something that I had actually thought of. Like I am never asking for help or suggestions. I'm looking for validation and agreements.

 

 

are you serious?

[abitbroken]

Is this true ladies? Basically you figure how much a man attracts you and after, lets say BELOW 50%, that's your cut off point.

 

So MAN 1 is 90% attractive and MAN 2 is 56% attractive. Both guys do something that turns YOU OFF.

 

Now MAN 1 is 80% attractive and MAN 2 is 46% attractive. MAN 1 is still in game, and MAN 2 is out.

 

For all the ladies out there, what's your limit? 40%, 50%, 60%???

 

I think this is why I have a hard time. I'm probably in the 60% range and I do things that other guys have done but my margin of error is smaller. That sucks.

 

Dougie, Dougie, Dougie....

 

Another mutlipage thread with the same thing in common. You are looking for an absolute formula. You want to know definitively what makes men attractive to women, and you want to make sure that you set yourself up for failure to prove to yourself that you never meet anyone so you can prove all of your advice wrong.

 

You are in LA looking for hot chicks. You are looking for them in the "music scene" but you don't want to work out and be at your best and everyone is mostly shallow when scoping out the opposite sex at bars anyways. The perfect match for you may actually be a woman who doesn't like crowds, is a homebody, but likes you because you are quirky and not like the other smooth talkers who are in love with their hair. Did that ever occur to you? She might be making an honest living somewhere and is not at the bar.

 

Anyway - as long as you think you are a hopeless case, you will be. That's basically what it boils down to.

[happy_snapper]

So the reason you come here, is to tell us your crazy ideas about how dating and the female mind works and for us to validate them?

 

You got it Dougie. From now on I'm not going to disagree with you, or try to put my ideas in your head.

[Rosti87]

LA's shallowness has gone to your head. You want rocker chicks who probably want the lead singer of the band. You are a hangers on at live gigs trying to hold onto a decade that has past you 5 to 6 years ago.

 

And you state that you are arrogant regarding same medium. You are passed it but remain arrogant and you expect women to eat this up like a cookie?

 

Fat chance. Not even 20 something's will buy that bill of goods.

[Dougie_D]

.

So now we are finally getting to the truth of the matter.

 

So what you are telling us Dougie, is that you are on a forum which is designed to ask for help and suggestions, but that is not what you want. My question to you then is, what in the hell are you on here for then?? chi

 

Because I'm lonely, starving for attention...and I need any type of communication, any type of anything. If I had someone (girlfriend) that would give a crap about me in some type of emotional form and actually MEAN it, I would be better.

 

I come on forums, because you guys are total strangers and don't judge me based on my looks at first or the way I move, talk, etc..

 

It's like an addiction. Getting help and consistently rejecting it. If there is a name for it..I got it.

[Dougie_D]

Wow...I just realized I'm a "Help-Rejecting Complainer".. That's scary accurate. But it gives no solution.

[IAmFCA]

Wow...I just realized I'm a "Help-Rejecting Complainer".. That's scary accurate. But it gives no solution.

 

Good for you for seeing this!

 

Solution: let go of one old thought pattern, and exchange it with something new. Incremental growth is best, so congratulate yourself for each step no matter how small.

[Batya33]

Because I'm lonely, starving for attention...and I need any type of communication, any type of anything. If I had someone (girlfriend) that would give a crap about me in some type of emotional form and actually MEAN it, I would be better.

 

I come on forums, because you guys are total strangers and don't judge me based on my looks at first or the way I move, talk, etc..

 

It's like an addiction. Getting help and consistently rejecting it. If there is a name for it..I got it.

 

But you are asking for something that isn't part of a healthy boyfriend-girlfriend relationship -asking someone to show they care about you when you show again and again that you don't take care of yourself. That can happen in a parent-child relationship or a therapist-patient relationship. You're putting the cart before the horse - first you care about yourself and show it by taking positive steps, then you are ready to meet someone who also cares about herself and where there is mutual interest in caring about each other.

[John John]

Wow...I just realized I'm a "Help-Rejecting Complainer".. That's scary accurate. But it gives no solution.

 

Dougie, I've told you this before, but I will tell you once again.

 

I have a friend in real life who is exactly like you, except a few years younger (he's turning 30 later on this year). He didn't go to college, has no job (worked in construction and made good money once, but lost that job due to panic attacks/depression), no ambitions, doesn't work out...he just stays home and smokes countless cigarettes. He couldn't even afford to come to a close mutual friend's wedding this year because he couldn't afford to give a gift (not saying you're poor Dougie, but trying to demonstrate the state of his life). All he cares about is getting a gf. He actually DID manage to meet a gf when he was checked into a mental hospital. They were together for I believe a year and a half. I called it from when they first started dating, that she would eventually leave him and he'd be worse off after her than before her. She was getting her college degree and actually had some ambitions...he did not. So, she did eventually leave him. And, as I thought, it sent him spiraling down into a depression worse than what he was in before he met her. This was because he based his ENTIRE life on getting laid/getting a gf. I haven't spoken to him in a while, because he refuses to take any of my advice. Talking to you is just like talking to him.

 

My friend is in exactly the same spot at almost 30 that he was at 23. He hasn't moved on at all, even despite managing to get a gf for a little while. The point of all this is that finding a gf/getting laid is NOT going to solve your underlying problems. No offense Dougie, but any decent woman is not going to stick around with you much because she will eventually see that you've got a lot of issues that need to be sorted out. You will have a much more fulfilling relationship or relationship prospects if you stop this cycle of asking for advice, but refusing to take it.

 

If you don't, one day you will wake up, and you will be significantly older and realized that a good portion of your life has passed you by (moreso than it already has). Do you really want to turn 40 and look back and realize, at that point, that nothing has changed? It's not too late for you to turn things around Dougie. You would be AMAZED at how much better your life could be if you started implementing some relatively minor changes into your life.

 

Here are my cliffnotes for the relatively minor changes that I think you can make NOW:

 

1. Start working out/get in better shape - this will help your confidence/inner game pretty quickly (this is key for us guys, in my not-so-humble opinion)

2. Maintain the best possible hygiene (hair/teeth, etc.) and dress appropriately to accentuate your positive features

3. Make some new friends (you said a lot of your friends have "moved on"). Stop being arrogant and be open-minded towards meeting new people

4. If your height bothers you still, maybe get a pair of Aldo boots/Timabalands, I think they add a nice chunk of height

5. Consider seeing a therapist as you do all of this. You can simultaneously work through your inner issues, while also keeping track of the progress you've made

6. Keep expanding your social circle (similar to number 3), join new clubs, meet ups, etc.

7. Pat yourself on the back for all the positives change you make along the way 8)

[abitbroken]

Because I'm lonely, starving for attention...and I need any type of communication, any type of anything. If I had someone (girlfriend) that would give a crap about me in some type of emotional form and actually MEAN it, I would be better.

 

I come on forums, because you guys are total strangers and don't judge me based on my looks at first or the way I move, talk, etc..

 

It's like an addiction. Getting help and consistently rejecting it. If there is a name for it..I got it.

 

Women don't dig lonely guys. They mostly have pity for them. So don't be a lonely guy. Go to meetup groups. They don't have to be about music. What is something new you want to learn? What about a cooking meetup? There are exercise classes during the day that fit into your schedule. There are Bible studies and book groups. Or why not start something? What about a group for dudes who work nights and want to meetup to shoot pool during the day? Just to make more friends? What about people who are from Tennessee and are transplanted? But you don't want to. You want a woman to walk by and grab you. Ain't gonna happen.

 

You have a job and now a mattress - those are steps in the right direction. Now make more.

 

The problem with the changes you are making is that they are just basic things you need in order to be a an adult - you had a lot of catching up to do - first cutting the purse strings from mom and dad, getting a full time job, getting a bed - all things that should have been done in your early 20s. Now try to make new platonic friends that stick. Forget about women right now.

[Unreasonable]

Because I'm lonely, starving for attention...and I need any type of communication, any type of anything.

 

It's like an addiction. Getting help and consistently rejecting it. If there is a name for it..I got it.

 

Wow...I just realized I'm a "Help-Rejecting Complainer".. That's scary accurate. But it gives no solution.

Doesn't this technically count as trolling?

 

You come here, asking for advice, then rejecting all of it, over and over, because you just like attention, or what?

 

Seems like trolling to me. Because it definitely doesn't seem like you're here for help.

[Rosti87]

I can't speak for others but after hearing your truth about not really seeking help I feel like I've been sharing my help for your entertainment. Your coming here sounds more like a misguided hobby than an effort to resolve some of your problems.

[John John]

Agree with Rosti...as much as I wanted to help the guy, I think I'm done with these threads. Would love to be proven wrong, I've given him some very good/candid advice...just don't see it happening, unfortunately.

[chitown9]

Doesn't this technically count as trolling?

 

You come here, asking for advice, then rejecting all of it, over and over, because you just like attention, or what?

 

Seems like trolling to me. Because it definitely doesn't seem like you're here for help.

 

Yes, he stated that he is doing it for attention and because he is lonely. chi

[reinventmyself]

He wants to be right. . and why shouldn't he? It's his world and he can view it any which way that works for him.

Apparently this works for him.

I guess I didn't catch the part that this was all rhetorical. Silly me, giving advise again. Lol!

[happy_snapper]

Listen Dougie. We might not judge you based on your looks or whatever, but we're real people and don't appreciate being used for entertainment.

If you want to talk with us about random crap, just to feel connected to people, there's the off-topic section, if you actually want advice there's the rest of the site.

I for one am not going to be giving any more advice for you to ignore.

[Batya33]

Well maybe it will resonate with someone else following this thread.

[abitbroken]

Listen Dougie. We might not judge you based on your looks or whatever, but we're real people and don't appreciate being used for entertainment.

If you want to talk with us about random crap, just to feel connected to people, there's the off-topic section, if you actually want advice there's the rest of the site.

I for one am not going to be giving any more advice for you to ignore.

 

Maybe we get suckered in because we see a glimmer of hope - he actually got a mattress, etc, and think things are seeking in - but we are ultimately bamboozled!

[happpybear]

While it's really disappointing that many of us feel we have been used, I don't think it was all totally in vain, I do think these threads can benefit others, and I do think some of this has resonated with Dougie. I think, deep down, he does know what he needs to do, and perhaps in time (and if he ever decides to change) one day he can look back on these threads and finally put all the guidance to good use.

 

I decided a long time ago to try to stay away from his threads, but I always get sucked back in....But in light of his confession that this is all just entertainment for him, I have decided to put Dougie on my block list, so that I won't be tempted to participate in any of his threads going forward.

 

Good luck Dougie, all the best too you.

 

-Peace

[John John]

Part of me wonders if he is even aware that he's been (apparently) trolling us...it's sad.

[HeartGoesOn]

Under review.