Margin of ERROR

[Rosti87]

I'll be honest. Going with a GROUP of people just to see live music makes me cringe a bit. I don't drive anyways. I just take an UBER now so I can get drunk if I wanted to. To be fair, I wouldn't probably like the people since I would feel "I'm too good for them".. Not saying I am, but that's how I would feel. Each time I went SXSW I was by myself going to shows. I'm a pro! haha!

 

Do you want to sit on your laurels and be the 'pro' or do you want to take the knowledge you have and meet people possibly women who may be interested and respect your said expertise? Again think outside your bloody box...

[John John]

I'll be honest. Going with a GROUP of people just to see live music makes me cringe a bit. I don't drive anyways. I just take an UBER now so I can get drunk if I wanted to. To be fair, I wouldn't probably like the people since I would feel "I'm too good for them".. Not saying I am, but that's how I would feel. Each time I went SXSW I was by myself going to shows. I'm a pro! haha!

 

See now you're just sounding close-minded and arrogant. Why would you think you're "too good" for people you haven't even met yet? Maybe you'd make a new friend who might introduce you to a girl.

 

Or is this just your latest excuse? Cmon Dougie...

[Dougie_D]

The problem is that I don't have time to go see shows or party anymore. I work 5pm to 2am M-F. My work schedule is causing my social life to decrease. Even if I joined a group, I could only go on a saturday or sunday.

 

I did check on the meet up list. There are only select shows, and if there is a show I want to attend, I would be a "host assistant". Not happening.

 

I just feel like those groups are for people who have only been to 3 shows their entire lives and stuff. I used to go to random shows because it was fun. I had a car (my car is constantly in the shop too) and I didn't have to worry about work the next day. Work depresses me. I can't get over that hump. I feel like I can't do anything I love anymore because of it. It literally wastes my life away.

[Dougie_D]

See now you're just sounding close-minded and arrogant. Why would you think you're "too good" for people you haven't even met yet? Maybe you'd make a new friend who might introduce you to a girl.

 

Or is this just your latest excuse? Cmon Dougie...

 

First off, I would introduce myself to THE GIRL. haha! I'm a pretty arrogant person. Not lying about that. I'm just saying that I don't need a "group" to see a rock show. The easiest way to talk to girls at a rock show is ask them "so do you know the band or just a fan?"..and then go from there. It's always been my "in" and it works. Women at rock shows are there to have fun and they are just easier to talk to. There already in a good mood!

[Rosti87]

First off, I would introduce myself to THE GIRL. haha! I'm a pretty arrogant person. Not lying about that. I'm just saying that I don't need a "group" to see a rock show. The easiest way to talk to girls at a rock show is ask them "so do you know the band or just a fan?"..and then go from there. It's always been my "in" and it works. Women at rock shows are there to have fun and they are just easier to talk to. There already in a good mood!

 

THe group is not the point. You are making excuses. You are finding reasons not to go outside the tiny social box that you have used forever. And your method is NOT working otherwise you would be dating by now.

[Batya33]

If you already know you are a "pretty arrogant" person why even ask your original question,

 

For all the ladies out there, what's your limit? 40%, 50%, 60%???.

 

You already know what's probably happening- and sure arrogant people get dates and sex, etc (but not long lasting relationships with a healthy partner) but if you add your arrogance to the other obstacles you've put up to meeting people then you've probably answered your own question and can proceed to make changes.

[Dougie_D]

If you already know you are a "pretty arrogant" person why even ask your original question,

 

For all the ladies out there, what's your limit? 40%, 50%, 60%???.

 

You already know what's probably happening- and sure arrogant people get dates and sex, etc (but not long lasting relationships with a healthy partner) but if you add your arrogance to the other obstacles you've put up to meeting people then you've probably answered your own question and can proceed to make changes.

 

I highly doubt my first relationship is going to be long lasting and healthy. If so, I'm the luckiest man alive. I have NO IDEA what type of girl I want relationship wise.

 

I'm arrogant in the sense that I can come off cocky when I'm trying to tell people how cool, great I am. I have to over exaggerate for the "flaws". If not, women totally walk past me and think I'm dull.

 

I'm either modest or arrogant. It's when my modesty comes in, is when I have trouble.

[happpybear]

Ya, you're totally making excuses. Yawn

 

Firstly, you don't NEED the group to see a show, I get that, I go to live shows on my own too, but Meetup is just another way to meet people, a supplement to meeting people on your own. You don't need to make it your only means of socializing. It's not just about finding chicks to hit on, it's about making social connections, you will meet people with similar interests that could lead to a relationship with a group member, or it could lead to a new friend who might introduce you to your future wife....why would you want to exclude those possibilities?

 

Secondly, I am a member of a meetup musical group (live roots/blues/folk) the age ranges from mid twenties to mid forties. In my experience, these people do not want to get wasted or "party". Many of them are musicians themselves in those genres and are extremely knowledgeable and enthusiastic about the music, I am sure that you will be able to find like-minded individuals that are also way into music and you can have an in-depth convo with. Most of the shows we see are on Sundays in the afternoon.

 

Lastly, you wrote that you can't be in a band anymore because you are too old. Well that's a pile of crap. I know several people over thirty and into their 60's who play in bands, including my own brother. The difference is that these people don't go out and get wasted every show and act like tools. They don't act like twenty-something wannabe rock-stars because they aren't, they have matured, and know that tomorrow they need to get up and go to work, or take care of their kids etc. So they act responsibly, make awesome music and have (reasonable) fun playing it live for their fans.

 

No more excuses.

[happpybear]

I highly doubt my first relationship is going to be long lasting and healthy. If so, I'm the luckiest man alive. I have NO IDEA what type of girl I want relationship wise.

 

I'm arrogant in the sense that I can come off cocky when I'm trying to tell people how cool, great I am. I have to over exaggerate for the "flaws". If not, women totally walk past me and think I'm dull.

 

I'm either modest or arrogant. It's when my modesty comes in, is when I have trouble.

 

As a women, I prefer a modest man over a boastful one. I have no time for arrogance. You are getting in your own way here, and doing yourself a massive disservice.

 

And arrogance is also a "flaw"

[Batya33]

I highly doubt my first relationship is going to be long lasting and healthy. If so, I'm the luckiest man alive. I have NO IDEA what type of girl I want relationship wise.

 

I'm arrogant in the sense that I can come off cocky when I'm trying to tell people how cool, great I am. I have to over exaggerate for the "flaws". If not, women totally walk past me and think I'm dull.

 

I'm either modest or arrogant. It's when my modesty comes in, is when I have trouble.

 

I never wrote anything about a "first"relationship. Being modest doesn't mean downplaying or acting insecure. Arrogance shows insecurity -if you have to tell people how cool or great you are that comes accross as insecure and self-absorbed/arrogant. Also so so boring. You have the wrong idea about what modesty or humility means. Look it up and do the work.

[John John]

I highly doubt my first relationship is going to be long lasting and healthy. If so, I'm the luckiest man alive. I have NO IDEA what type of girl I want relationship wise.

 

I'm arrogant in the sense that I can come off cocky when I'm trying to tell people how cool, great I am. I have to over exaggerate for the "flaws". If not, women totally walk past me and think I'm dull.

 

I'm either modest or arrogant. It's when my modesty comes in, is when I have trouble.

 

Women will know that's all a smokescreen. If you'd actually get off your a$$ and start improving yourself from the inside out, you wouldn't need to put on a show. That might get you a number and might even get you a hookup...but definitely not a long term relationship.

 

All you do is make up excuses and put up arbritary barriers to improvement. You're getting in your own way. Let go of all your preconceived notions about life and women, stop doing what others tell you to do or what you THINK women want you to do and just live your damn life bro!

[Doc Blaze]

"I'm arrogant in the sense that I can come off cocky when I'm trying to tell people how cool, great I am. I have to over exaggerate for the "flaws". "

 

nobody likes the "cocky guy" ....thats probably another reason why people shut you down...

also if your a one upper...idk if you are or not..then dont be that guy either....

[happpybear]

How do you think you are arrogant? Give some examples. Is it about music? Do you try to come off as a rock snob?

 

It's a good thing to be knowledgeable about something and be passionate about it and express that passion to others. You can be enthusiastic, but you can't make others feel beneath you, no one wants to hang out with someone that makes them feel inferior or stupid.

 

And dougie, I'm envious that you went to SXSW, I have always wanted to check it out, must have been a blast. I have no time to attend NXNE this year and I'm gonna miss some good stuff

[Rosti87]

Kevin Bacon the actor is in a traveling rock band with his brother. He is 56.

[happpybear]

^^Right?

 

I have a colleague to is a singer/guitarist for a rock band, they play shows around my city, he also holds down a normal job, is married and has a child.

 

My bro is a drummer in a band, my mothers next door neighbours are a 60-something couple who have a band and they play shows around there city, but mostly just jam in the basement.

 

I just dont buy Dougie's argument that he has no time to do his hobbies. Douge, you work 5-2am. I get that it would be hard to socialize during weekdays, your nights are out, BUT you have THE WHOLE DAY to do stuff, like volunteer or any other number of hobbies that would get you out socializing. And it's not even so much about socializing as much as it is building a full life in order to be happy and interesting person who has something to offer other people and potential love interests.

 

Most people I know over thirty, don't go out much during the week anyway, even when they work 9-5, I know I don't. So that leaves the weekend. PLENTY of time in that 48 hours to get a life. It just depends on time-management and MOTIVATION. But, I think in a different thread you indicated that you have no motivation...I guess nothing has changed since then.

[Dougie_D]

I don't want to be in a band that doesn't go on tour. Also, the industry isn't looking to sign a band where the guitarist is in their mid-30's. I don't want to be in a band just for fun. I would want it to be super serious. Family and kids get in the way honestly. It's tough on families. I don't have a kid or wife. My time has passed though. I'm not in my early twenties and it's too hard to break into the music as a band in general. Bands are becoming non-existent.

 

Yeah, the difference is meetup people are there to enjoy the show. I'm there to meet and try to hook up with a rocker type chick. I will come off looking bad in a group. Because even if I'm talking to a chick in the group, I might mingle with a girl who wasn't in the group. I'm not the type that sticks around with a certain group of people. I'm that guy who's off doing his own thing. I'm not a good group guy.

[Dougie_D]

I'm tired of having to trying to do everything within that 48 hours. I'm not used to working full time. I just started. It's taking a huge blow of my desire to do anything. I'm used to waking up and doing whatever for almost my entire life.

 

I already have anxiety thinking that I have work in the next 24 hours. I just don't like work. It drains me emotionally. It's taking up my time to relax and do the things everyone suggests. I literally can't get my mind off hating work unless I drink, sleep, etc.. I don't even need the money. I feel like what am I working for? It covers my expenses and that's it. I don't even check my bank account. What for? So I can see that I just have an extra 100? I feel absolutely useless. I work all the time for nothing.

[faraday]

I'm tired of having to trying to do everything within that 48 hours. I'm not used to working full time. I just started. It's taking a huge blow of my desire to do anything. I'm used to waking up and doing whatever for almost my entire life.

 

Welcome to adulthood. *cue sad violins*

[Batya33]

40 hours is technically full-time I know but when I worked outside the home a 40-hour week was an easy week. And for the lat 15 years that I worked (from late 20s-early 40s) I never had a specific shift - I was at my office during regular business hours but was on call basically 24/7 except on rare occasions during certain holidays and certain parts of vacations I was able to take. And I had a busy social life and did volunteer work, and went to the gym/exercised. I did send out my laundry for much of that time.

[happpybear]

^^ya really

 

This is life...many people really don't enjoy their jobs, but realize that we have to work in order to live. Often, work gets in the way of what we would really like to be doing, but that's how it is.

 

I'm used to waking up and doing whatever for almost my entire life.

 

This is how teenagers live, you are no longer a teen. Welcome to the next phase of your life. Might as well accept that you can no longer loaf around all day and that you have to prioritize your activities, and make the most of your free time.

 

I cram most of my hobbies into my weekends--just like everybody else.

[reinventmyself]

I'm tired of having to trying to do everything within that 48 hours. I'm not used to working full time. I just started. It's taking a huge blow of my desire to do anything. I'm used to waking up and doing whatever for almost my entire life.

 

I already have anxiety thinking that I have work in the next 24 hours. I just don't like work. It drains me emotionally. It's taking up my time to relax and do the things everyone suggests. I literally can't get my mind off hating work unless I drink, sleep, etc.. I don't even need the money. I feel like what am I working for? It covers my expenses and that's it. I don't even check my bank account. What for? So I can see that I just have an extra 100? I feel absolutely useless. I work all the time for nothing.

Since when does having only Sat and Sun off become an obstacle in dating? If most people work mon-fri then this is what is part of making the world go around.

Most agregious excuse ever!

I too cram in something that resembles a social life in 48 hours and do pretty good job at it.

You can too, if you want to.

[tiredofvampires]

All of these details about the why and wherefore of what's not possible are idle chatter.

 

There's one simple reason nothing anyone says can help you, Dougie -- because you're not interested in any of these suggestions. The Einstein of relationships could find you the answer to your prayers, and you'd pass it by. You are not interested in how to fix your problem. You don't want help, you want to show us that you are helpless. It's not conscious, but that's what's going on.

 

Seeing the forest through the trees, even for one, brief, shining moment, soon comes right back down to staring at the trees, and how this or that is not right about them.

 

Not even the most important "ah-ha" insight you have, Dougie, leads you to gain momentum in searching for a larger perspective and a larger solution. Because that would ask too much of you -- too much could change! -- and it's easier this way, which is like a soft armchair you've had for 35 years, as unhappy as it makes you because it's busted up. That's the reason I hardly ever post on your threads anymore. They are dead ends -- mirroring your life, currently.

 

But I'll throw this in anyway.

 

People keep telling you that you're making "excuses." Does that EVER ring a bell for you?

 

There is not a single suggestion on here that anyone ever gives you that you don't shoot down with some reason or other. Oh, sometimes the reason sounds like a good one -- but then you give a reason why that reason can't be worked with at all or changed, so in the end, you use your obstacles as grander excuses to make sub-excuses, rather than using them as challenges to work with.

 

I'd like to know: are you aware that your entire life is built upon reciting and rehearsing all the reasons you can't do anything to make progress in your life?

 

Because until you see what you're doing, and go, "HEY, I'M WASTING MY LIFE AWAY WITH THIS", you're going to keep spitting out reasons to play out this dead end. Then you're going to periodically freak out about your age, your continued failure...and return right back to the same old stories -- why you can't, why you won't, why you don't, blah blah blah.

 

People dig themselves out of even bigger trenches, Dougie. Coming clean from heroin addiction and alcoholism, having their legs blown off, being homeless, and they use the sweat, blood, and tears of those experiences to dig themselves out of their holes. Does it register on you that you're a human being, and therefore no exception? That you have the power to dig yourself out of your life hole too, but like everyone else, you need to grab the shovel and start digging?

 

I also wonder if it's at all possible for you to see how unrealistic your goals are, and therefore why you keep encountering failure. Things don't work out for you because you're barking up the wrong trees, and no amount of changing the sound of your bark is going to make those trees the right ones. This is not meant to be demeaning, but there is no way you're going to land a rock chick groupie. You're not cut out to pick up chicks at bars or concerts, no matter how many "moves" you watch other men make. You're not going to "score" on a night out with your friends, or alone. You're not going hit up a chick at a party and land her in bed. This doesn't mean you're doomed to never have sex or a girlfriend, but you're not going to get any of it this way, ever. So you're going to have to find other ways, other means, and other types of girls -- pick up the shovel and start digging.

 

You're also not going to have half a chance to be respected by women in general or pretty much anyone else if you don't value work, taking care of yourself, and behaving like an adult with adult responsibilities.

 

If you want to stop feeling like a failure, start making reachable goals, for starters. If you don't know how to do calculus and have a fear of flying, there's no point in dreaming of being an astronaut some day. It will only frustrate you. So you'd have to think of Plan B. Or Plan D.

 

Sure, people should follow their dreams -- until it's clear they are COMPLETELY OUT OF TOUCH WITH REALITY.

 

The only "excuse" that I find the least bit useful (and only for recognition purposes) in this flood of childlike "no's" and using threads as a way to present a picture of abject helplessness, is that due to your emotionally abusive upbringing, you were not raised to become a functioning adult. You were raised to remain a dependent, and to keep resorting to that role in your own mind. You are a perpetual "victim" of circumstance, having to blame things beyond your control, because that's the mentality you grew up with. And then there's the likely Asperger's, which I've talked about at length.

 

At some point, you're going to have to take it seriously that you're the the entire cause of your problems because, ironically, you think you're not. It's a hard realization to come to when much of your life, you weren't the cause of all your problems. But NOW you're the cause of your problems and until you talk to a therapist about why you sabotage yourself with excuses that take on the guise of "making sense" and "defending your position", until you become interested in actually fixing things rather than just talking endlessly, you're going to continue to be a puppet on your own strings.

 

Do you want to live the rest of your life as a puppet on your strings?

 

Would you rather make excuses, or figure out solutions? This is the question facing you.

 

"Dougie, you're making excuses" has to come from YOU -- posters can say that all day, and the only progress you'll make is when it comes out of your own mouth.

[Dougie_D]

Since when does having only Sat and Sun off become an obstacle in dating? If most people work mon-fri then this is what is part of making the world go around.

Most agregious excuse ever!

I too cram in something that resembles a social life in 48 hours and do pretty good job at it.

You can too, if you want to.

 

Most of my friends don't have saturdays or sundays off. They either work retail or the food industry

[reinventmyself]

Your friends work schedules prevents you from dating?

[Dougie_D]

What bothers me is that I try to do how I think I am suppose to do things and they never pan out. So I get aggrevated and keep on telling myself eventually it will work out. It's almost like if it's "not my idea" than I shouldn't even try it. I need people to trick me into thinking that their suggestions is my suggestion or idea. Than I feel like I accomplished something.

 

I like suggestions from people, but I want something that I've never heard of and is something that I had actually thought of. Like I am never asking for help or suggestions. I'm looking for validation and agreements.