Margin of ERROR

[John John]

Dougie, look, let's face it - women as a whole (no matter where they are located on the planet) tend to prefer taller men. That's just the way it is. But take a look around you outside...don't you see short men with attractive women? I mean, I'm short too I'm 5'8" but I still date attractive women.

 

Dougie - your fundamental problem is that you have no goals or ambitions for yourself aside from getting a gf/having sex. That's all fine and dandy...but women have a sixth sense, and they can sense desperation from a mile away. We have told you many times over the last several years now that you need to forge your own path and live life on your own terms. Set and achieve your own aspirations. I promise you, if you can begin setting and achieving things (even relatively minor goals, such as losing 10 pounds, for instance), your confidence will increase. This, in turn, will have a snowball effect and you'll start feeling better and better about yourself. Once you do this, it will be much easier for you to attract and keep a woman.

 

Let me give you a real life example. I have a friend in real life who is quite similar to you (actually, I don't see him much anymore because I got tired of his sh*t, but he knows I'm here for him). He has no education, no job...he used to work in construction (which is good money with no college degree), but he screwed that up. He's 29 and still lives at home with no job. He doesn't do ANYTHING. His sole goal in life is to get a gf. He actually got a gf in rehab a while ago (he was an alcoholic, but at least he cleaned that up), but she eventually left him because she was at least trying to finish college and had ambitions. Now he's back to square one! I told him that her leaving him would devastate him, because he had NOTHING ELSE GOING FOR HIM BUT HIS GF (who would eventually leave him). The moral of the story is that your getting a gf will be a temporary bandaid to your underlying problems! I have told my friend the same advice I've told you...you can't put the freaking cart before the horse! You need to have your own life (career, hobbies, goals, get in shape, etc) before you can get and keep a woman interested.

 

If you keep living your life as you have been and posting these types of questions on here, make you mistake, you will get nowhere.

[Batya33]

Why does it matter whether shorter men are with "attractive" looking women? If you see couples together who seem to be happy (of course you never can really tell) and the man is shorter than average what more information do you need?

 

I also dated men who were my height - 5"2. I remember feeling a bit uncomfortable if I wore even a low heel but it was ok with me. I was turned off by men who were very skinny as well as shorter than average and the related issue was if they were so focused on fitness/weight loss/body fat percentage that I was concerned it would re-trigger my eating issues (I am slim, always have been). I didn't find that shallow because dating involves physical attraction as well as other factors.

[John John]

Why does it matter whether shorter men are with "attractive" looking women? If you see couples together who seem to be happy (of course you never can really tell) and the man is shorter than average what more information do you need?

 

It doesn't really matter. I'm just trying encourage him (although I suppose it's futile, he doesn't take our advice anyway) and show him that you can be successful at any height (attraction is subjective anyways).

[Batya33]

It doesn't really matter. I'm just trying encourage him (although I suppose it's futile, he doesn't take our advice anyway) and show him that you can be successful at any height (attraction is subjective anyways).

 

I would tweak that a bit. It's not about "success" as much as it is being comfortable in your own skin and therefore making other people feel comfortable in their own skin, in your presence. That requires reasonable self-confidence, a willingness to be honest with oneself and do the work, and a refusal to blame every external factor under the sun or to indulge in torturous math experiments/statistics/percentages as to why that sense of mutual comfort is lacking.

[John John]

I would tweak that a bit. It's not about "success" as much as it is being comfortable in your own skin and therefore making other people feel comfortable in their own skin, in your presence. That requires reasonable self-confidence, a willingness to be honest with oneself and do the work, and a refusal to blame every external factor under the sun or to indulge in torturous math experiments/statistics/percentages as to why that sense of mutual comfort is lacking.

 

I agree, but the only thing I will say is that I think you slightly underestimate the difficulties of short men (whereas Dougie is just using that as his latest excuse). I feel like for me, my height is borderline, but it hasn't held me back, so I can't complain too much. But I know a number of guys under 5'7", and they do have it a bit harder. I see them get frustrated because they have many other things going for them, but still struggle with self-confidence at times. I know you were always open to dating men of all heights, but it doesn't change the fact that you're kind of in the minority in that respect.

[Batya33]

I agree, but the only thing I will say is that I think you slightly underestimate the difficulties of short men (whereas Dougie is just using that as his latest excuse). I feel like for me, my height is borderline, but it hasn't held me back, so I can't complain too much. But I know a number of guys under 5'7", and they do have it a bit harder. I see them get frustrated because they have many other things going for them, but still struggle with self-confidence at times. I know you were always open to dating men of all heights, but it doesn't change the fact that you're kind of in the minority in that respect.

 

I was not as open to dating men over 6"4, that's for sure! (If that counts). I do not agree that in general it is harder for shorter men unless you're also going to agree it's equally hard as I wrote above for women over 35 who want a family, for flat chested women (and no, implants are not always a feasible option), or for women over 5"10 for example. I know it's harder for shorter men including in the workplace and it is terribly unfair but I don't want Dougie to feel he has that "ammunition" to point to in "why I can't seem to find a woman who wants to date me". It's somewhat harder for many of us. It was for me.

[John John]

I was not as open to dating men over 6"4, that's for sure! (If that counts). I do not agree that in general it is harder for shorter men unless you're also going to agree it's equally hard as I wrote above for women over 35 who want a family, for flat chested women (and no, implants are not always a feasible option), or for women over 5"10 for example. I know it's harder for shorter men including in the workplace and it is terribly unfair but I don't want Dougie to feel he has that "ammunition" to point to in "why I can't seem to find a woman who wants to date me". It's somewhat harder for many of us. It was for me.

 

Well I agree that Dougie can't use his height as "ammunition." That's just wrong. And I agree that we ALL have something (age, race, height, whatever) that may hinder us a bit. But as a whole, compared to other men (not counting women and their age, since short men and other men "compete" with each other for women), I disagree - I believe that shorter men do have a harder time overall. I mean, this is all but a well known fact, just look at women's height requirements online. Some women consider me short at 5'8", and it's really not even that short. Frankly I'm not chocked up about it because I do just fine, but I think you're downplaying the issue a bit because you never had a problem dating shorter men and married one yourself. But again, I think you're in the relative minority. Of course there are MANY women who might SAY they want 6ft and above but throw that out the window when they meet the right guy...but the fact remains that most women prefer average height men and up.

 

I personally think that you just have a soft spot for short men

[Draven8]

I would tweak that a bit. It's not about "success" as much as it is being comfortable in your own skin and therefore making other people feel comfortable in their own skin, in your presence. That requires reasonable self-confidence, a willingness to be honest with oneself and do the work, and a refusal to blame every external factor under the sun or to indulge in torturous math experiments/statistics/percentages as to why that sense of mutual comfort is lacking.

 

Me likey !!

[tiredofvampires]

 

I think this is why I have a hard time. I'm probably in the 60% range and I do things that other guys have done but my margin of error is smaller. That sucks.

 

The reason you have a hard time is because you can't get into a woman's head. You don't understand what women are about, how they think, what creates interest for them. If you did, you'd realize how unreal your concepts in this thread. You're still stuck in a Dougie interpretation of women, which is to say, a world of formulas. You will never understand or experience interpersonal connection through formulas. And plugging women as a whole into these formulaic constructs of yours, as though they are math equations and constants, is your biggest ongoing undoing. You speak of women as a single unit when you most need to focus on individuality, and talk about obscure, irrelevant variables such as in this thread when you most need to understand overarching patterns about women's minds.

 

I don't have a solution, just pointing you to a more accurate diagnosis, since incorrect diagnosis is a perpetual problem for you.

[Unreasonable]

My number 1 goal my entire life is to get a girlfriend and have sex. That's all I've wanted since elementary school.

If that's, literally, your number one goal in life, then no wonder you're not getting laid. You'll give off a desperate vibe. Women don't like desperate.

 

Once you prioritize and accomplish more worthy goals (and based of a previous post - you don't even have a proper bed??), the women will follow.

[John John]

If that's, literally, your number one goal in life, then no wonder you're not getting laid. You'll give off a desperate vibe. Women don't like desperate.

 

Once you prioritize and accomplish more worthy goals (and based of a previous post - you don't even have a proper bed??), the women will follow.

 

 

We've been telling him this for eons...and yeah...the "bed thread" was quite disturbing to me.

[JustWishing]

This is the most shallow thread I have ever responded to. Woman prefer taller men, woman prefer shorter men. Do, don't, do, don't, do, don't.... bottom line is: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If a woman prefers a tall guy, she will go for a tall guy. If she doesn't care for heights, she won't mind that a guy is shorter than her. There are so many other things more important than how tall someone is. The guy I like is the same heights than me. Never bothered me, wondering if it bothers him, but don't know. In the end it doesn't matter how tall the person is. The chemistry must be right.

[John John]

I am not defending Dougie in any way (nor am I attacking him)..he is just using his height as his latest reason for his failures with women, when that has to do with the fact that he needs to get his life in order. But I will agree that women generally prefer taller men (even successful short guys I know will tell you this, heck I do well with women and I will tell you this lol). However, men who do not do well with women shouldn't use this an excuse as to why they fail with girls. There are many more important components to a person rather than how tall they are, and most short men are able to get relationships/sex. That is the difference - Dougie is just throwing this reason and many other reasons why he can't get girls instead of fixing himself from the inside out.

[reinventmyself]

Much like my beautiful friend I referred to earlier in the his thread. When one isn't open to suggestions and keeps repeating the same thing over and over again, I have no choice to fall back on the old theory `People do what works for them. There is some sort of payoff or they wouldn't do it' So when I am exasperated at my friends endless loop of complaints and excuses I throw my hands up and let it got because apparently this works for her (them) and they must like it in some odd way. (or they wouldn't do it)

If someone gets uncomfortable enough, they will do differently.

This does not appear to be the case here.

Status Quo

[John John]

Much like my beautiful friend I referred to earlier in the his thread. When one isn't open to suggestions and keeps repeating the same thing over and over again, I have no choice to fall back on the old analogy `people do what works for them. There is some sort of payoff or they wouldn't do it' So when I am exasperated at my friends endless loop of complaints and excuses I throw my hands up and let it got because apparently this works for her (them) and they must like it in some odd way. (or they wouldn't do it)

If someone get uncomfortable enough they will do differently.

This does not appear to be the case here.

Status Quo

 

This is exactly how I deal with my real-life friend who is just like Dougie. We are still friends, and I'm of course here for him...but I've sort of "thrown my hands up" because he's just like Dougie. This guy is in the same place he was 6 years ago. It's sad...his life is passing him by, and he refuses to do a thing about it, no matter all the advice I and others have given him (and Dougie!).

 

They have to figure their own sh*t out and want it badly enough for themselves, I suppose.

[chitown9]

Dougie...I just have to ask. Did you ever get a decent bed??:smiley_simmons: or are you still waiting for one to just fall in your lap? chi

[John John]

Dougie...I just have to ask. Did you ever get a decent bed??:smiley_simmons: or are you still waiting for one to just fall in your lap? chi

 

OMG...Poor Dougie! lol but Chitown and the others are right...Dougie...YOU DON'T HAVE A PROPER BED!!! You have an AIR MATTRESS! You could look like Brad Pitt, but do you really think a woman isn't going to question why you are trying to get physical with her on an air mattress on the floor???

 

Dougie - you need to stop putting the cart before the horse. You need to take control of your life before you have success with women. If you really crave sex that much and want it right now, why not just pay a prostitute while you're at least working on yourself. I HATE myself for saying this..but maybe if you get sex out of your system and are at least "happy" you're not a virgin anymore (although I don't think you should waste your v-card on a hooker)...maybe this will break your mental block?

 

I dunno....

[BigKK]

I'm no doctor but my guess is Dougie has aspergers and doesn't possess the tools to live life and attract women. Instead he gets caught up in girls, and albeit interesting ideas sometimes why he's failing, when he should be working on balancing his life and being a productive member of society. He is trying to follow peers, when they don't seem to be the best role models. Focusing on the completely wrong things and finding reasons for failure when in fact he should be focused on something else...he has no guidance, and no amount of threads or messages will help him, unfortunately. Seems as an unguided soul. This isn't one of those, do enough reading and you'll do it yourself type deals.

 

but if this is what he needs then

ENA boys Nevada trip to the bunny ranch, I'm in

[John John]

ENA boys Nevada trip to the bunny ranch, I'm in

 

I'm actually kinda serious though, as sad as it is. I have heard that for some guys who can't get past some sort of mental barrier (and want to stop being virgins, but can't because of said mental barrier), that just getting this out of their system via a street walker actually gave them some confidence to work with.

 

I personally could never. But apparently this works for some guys. Maybe we should all chip in and send one to Dougie's doorstep (semi serious). I mean, if the ends justify the means and this will show Dougie that sex (which is great!) isn't all he is cracking it up to be...

[JustWishing]

There is a quote I found I liked very much. I think this is fitting:

A wise man learns from his mistakes, an even wiser man learns from the mistakes of others.

How true is that?

[Dougie_D]

Dougie...I just have to ask. Did you ever get a decent bed??:smiley_simmons: or are you still waiting for one to just fall in your lap? chi

 

I chucked over 450 dollars. So I guess it's decent??

[Jean-Luc]

Have you ever sat at home and came up with a list of positve things about yourself and what you can bring to the table? and use that list about yourself to your advanatge with meeting new people/females etc?

 

I think having things going on in your life, and having ambitions and goals that you strive for is great. I'm always looking to gain more knowledge about a multitude of things, even things that are outside of the career that I'm getting into(IT/computer science related field), such as economics, science related fields, mathematics as a whole, literature, english. I like to bike, play soccer, watch soccer games, read fantasy and sci fi books, going out to places like book stores and cafes and being around other positive people, traveling(though I can't do that right now). All of this stuff to me is great, and I think you should live life to the fullest. You only have one.

 

It seems like the OP doesn't have anything he likes doing except trying to get with someone, and that is problematic and is never going to work. I hate to say that, but its just the truth. However I've never agreed with the whole mentality that our society has, that you must benefit them in someway for them to have anything to do with you. People don't like people for who they are, but for what they do and what they can offer to them individually. I think its a sad state of affairs really. Yes have your own ambitions and goals. Yes have your own likes and hobbies. People should be attracted to those kinds of things that make up parts of who you are, not because they can benefit from it in someway. I get where the OP is coming from somewhat when it comes to that. However, like I said, you have to have your own likes and hobbies, ambitions and goals, instead of just wanting one thing and that's all your life is. You're never going to get anywhere with that.

[Jean-Luc]

The more attracted the woman is to the the man, the more leeway he gets.

 

I don't know. It does seem like that sometimes. However, I will say yet again that I'm supposedly considered quite attractive and have done some stupid and weird things to a girl who really liked me. I only got the one chance to mess up and haven't heard from them or seen them since. I think it really depends on other factors outside of how attractive someone finds you and how much they like you. If you do something bad enough or weird enough, the attraction is gone regardless. If not for good then at least for a long while.

[reinventmyself]

honestly. . if you want a partner you have to have something to offer them. You need to bring something to the table.

If you are not particularity pleased with yourself and where you are at in your life and feel you haven't reached your potential emotionally, spiritually, achievement wise . I could go on. .

Basically, if YOU don't think much of yourself the chances are great you wont have much to offer a relationship and you are likely not going to attract anyone.

 

So the lesson here is to get busy working on yourself, for yourself. Be the best version of Dougie you can be and only then do you take your show on the road.

Sitting idly by and spiraling into negativity will get no where further but down into negativity.

[John John]

honestly. . if you want a partner you have to have something to offer them. You need to bring something to the table.

If you are not particularity pleased with yourself and where you are at in your life and feel you haven't reached your potential emotionally, spiritually, achievement wise . I could go on. .

Basically, if YOU don't think much of yourself the chances are great you wont have much to offer a relationship and you are likely not going to attract anyone.

 

So the lesson here is to get busy working on yourself, for yourself. Be the best version of Dougie you can be and only then do you take your show on the road.

Sitting idly by and spiraling into negativity will get no where further but down into negativity.

 

Great advice reinvent, but we've all told him this many, many times. Just look at his previous threads. It's like we're talking to a wall. I think at one point (though I could be wrong) he even said something to the effect that he doesn't even WANT to work on himself. His sole goal in life is to get laid/get a gf.

 

He has to want it. If he doesn't want to do anything for himself, it may not matter what any of us say, as much as we wish he would try to help himself.