Margin of ERROR

[reinventmyself]

Great advice reinvent, but we've all told him this many, many times. Just look at his previous threads. It's like we're talking to a wall. I think at one point (though I could be wrong) he even said something to the effect that he doesn't even WANT to work on himself. His sole goal in life is to get laid/get a gf.

 

He has to want it. If he doesn't want to do anything for himself, it may not matter what any of us say, as much as we wish he would try to help himself.

 

I know, I know. .the minute I sent it I was reminded of the frustration I have with my friend. . .deaf ears. . Aargh!

I'm out!!

[John John]

I know, I know. .the minute I sent it I was reminded of the frustration I have with my friend. . .deaf ears. . Aargh!

I'm out!!

 

lol. I know. I have a friend who is just like him. And while I'm here for him, I rarely talk to him because there is literally nothing I can do for the guy. I'm afraid the same may be true for Dougster, even though I feel bad saying that.

[Blue Spiral]

Not everyone has the power and/or ability necessary to change their life.

 

Obviously, that isn't a message that people generally want to hear, and it goes against the whole American individualism/self-empowerment thing. We also love to find hope in the exceptions to the rule. The evening news will tell you all about the dog that tracked its former owners cross-country; you'll never hear about the hundred other dogs that got run over trying to do the same thing. Most of the time, external circumstances really are more powerful than an individual's will. But we all want to believe that we can get the life we want, so, if someone starts to cast doubt on this, we blame them, rather than the world. You could give an amazing, stronger-than-average person all of Dougie's issues, and I'm sure they'd find a way to triumph. Us normal people will just get crushed by life.

 

If Dougie had lived a hundred years ago or so, I'm sure he'd be fine. Oh, he'd still have most of the same problems, but he would've been able to find a wife, at least. There used to be a whole system that was devoted to giving options to men and taking them away from women--the patriarchy. I'm glad that it's fading, but, please keep in mind that many past men only had success because of these artificial/social reasons, and not anything inborn. We're now doing this without a net, so more and more of us are going splat.

 

You can't control what people want. If Dougie only wants a girlfriend, that's all he wants. I used to be that way, a bit, and I was always amazed at how non-relevant (to me) stuff would get dragged into that. For instance, I don't have an ambitious bone in my body. Telling me that I need ambition to get a gf...it's like telling an astronaut that he can't go to space unless he learns how to breed llamas. Society has tied "relationships" and "ambition" together, but on a purely-logical level, they're entirely unrelated. No matter how much my hypothetical astronaut wants to go to space, he'll never have the same passion for raising llamas, and that will sabotage his attempts to succeed in that area. He doesn't really want to be doing that; he wants to be doing the thing he's actually interested in. When I was younger, people told me that I had to do A, B, and C to get a gf, and trying to do those things was misery, because I just. Didn't. Care.

 

I don't know if it's possible, Dougie, but you should try to find a source of happiness that has nothing to do with other people--expecting other people to provide your happiness and fulfillment just isn't a wise strategy. Granted, you could do that tomorrow, get "confident", and still be rejected by women for superficial reasons. And the good people of ENA would change their arguments a bit and go right back to blaming you.

[Rosti87]

A hundred years ago he would have LESS of a chance to get a spouse. Men a hundred years ago lived in a much more unforgiving world than today. A rougher world where survival skills had to be high or you got very little let alone a woman. Men had to not only woo the woman they had to woo the family. Women were more dependent on choosing a man with good prospects of providing for a family than today's high tech let me go upstairs and game online for the next 4 hours lifestyle of today.

 

I was a life of hard graft and labor. The few privilege with money or status could end up with a woman via arranged marriage, but Joe Blow of the period would not.

[Blue Spiral]

A hundred years ago he would have LESS of a chance to get a spouse. Men a hundred years ago lived in a much more unforgiving world than today. A rougher world where survival skills had to be high or you got very little let alone a woman. Men had to not only woo the woman they had to woo the family. Women were more dependent on choosing a man with good prospects of providing for a family than today's high tech let me go upstairs and game online for the next 4 hours lifestyle of today.

 

I was a life of hard graft and labor. The few privilege with money or status could end up with a woman via arranged marriage, but Joe Blow of the period would not.

 

You definitely have a point...but I stand by my own point. Many women of that era were desperate, and I maintain that he would have found a wife. Not an ideal wife, by any means, but...

 

(Elderly men and women in my extended family have told me about women having to "settle for less" as they got older, with "older" being defined as "past twenty". I'm sure that Dougie would be content with a merely average-looking twenty-one-year-old, especially one that existed back before fat-acceptance.)

[Rosti87]

You definitely have a point...but I stand by my own point. Many women of that era were desperate, and I maintain that he would have found a wife. Not an ideal wife, by any means, but...

 

(Elderly men and women in my extended family have told me about women having to "settle for less" as they got older, with "older" being defined as "past twenty". I'm sure that Dougie would be content with a merely average-looking twenty-one-year-old, especially one that existed back before fat-acceptance.)

 

In the 19th century old maid was late 20's not early 20's.

[Blue Spiral]

In the 19th century old maid was late 20's not early 20's.

 

I wouldn't know about the 19th century, but I'll take your word for it.

 

My grandparents and great-uncles/aunts have told me that, in the runup to WWII, anyone that was over 22 or 23 and not married was considered to be a little strange (especially if they were women). They lived in tiny rural areas, though, so that has to be taken into account. I have to believe that it was even more pronounced before that, at least in some places/cultures. I think that 100 Years Ago Dougie could've landed an average woman that was still in her physical prime. (Referring to her body, not her sex-drive.)

[Rosti87]

I wouldn't know about the 19th century, but I'll take your word for it.

 

My grandparents and great-uncles/aunts have told me that, in the runup to WWII, anyone that was over 22 or 23 and not married was considered to be a little strange (especially if they were women). They lived in tiny rural areas, though, so that has to be taken into account. I have to believe that it was even more pronounced before that, at least in some places/cultures. I think that 100 Years Ago Dougie could've landed an average woman that was still in her physical prime. (Referring to her body, not her sex-drive.)

 

I still believe his thriving skills will still have to be improved to hold any women in that age. I think there is some fantasy about the old days and men/women's roles in that era. It was a tough time for all.

[chitown9]

Well, personally, I don't think that Dougie cares what his chances would be 100 years ago. He is highly interested in how to enhance his chances NOW. It seems that all advice offered is not being considered by Dougie, however, as he keeps starting threads about the same old same old. Also, he is getting the same answers. It all seems pretty fruitless to me. chi

[Rosti87]

Well, personally, I don't think that Dougie cares what his chances would be 100 years ago. He is highly interested in how to enhance his chances NOW. It seems that all advice offered is not being considered by Dougie, however, as keeps starting threads about the same old same old. Also, he is getting the same answers. It all seems pretty fruitless to me. chi

 

Agreed. The past is the past. The present is the present. It is all up to Dougie at the end of the day.

[Doc Blaze]

Well, personally, I don't think that Dougie cares what his chances would be 100 years ago. He is highly interested in how to enhance his chances NOW. It seems that all advice offered is not being considered by Dougie, however, as he keeps starting threads about the same old same old. Also, he is getting the same answers. It all seems pretty fruitless to me. chi

 

 

it frustrates me, can only imagine how he feels..

 

I get frustrated because i have really given him some good advice and he has not even attempted to try

it out..

 

i think if he came back and said i went out this week and tried what u did a few times but its still

not working, i would be able to maybe point him in a better direction but he hasnt even tried

so i dont know where exactly its not working at...

[John John]

Yeah what frustrates me is that there's zero evidence of Dougie attempting to utilize any of the advice we've all given him. He just makes threads every so often that always end up reading the same as the ones before them.

[Rosti87]

Yeah what frustrates me is that there's zero evidence of Dougie attempting to utilize any of the advice we've all given him. He just makes threads every so often that always end up reading the same as the ones before them.

 

Thus my comment several pages earlier. Its becoming like Dougie's Attraction subject of the month for discussion thread. Then they all end on the same note. It runs its course and the moderator drops down the curtain.

[faraday]

I chucked over 450 dollars. So I guess it's decent??

 

 

Good job. It's a step in the right direction. I was just thinking...I hope you bought a double or a queen- something big enough to fit two people into it.

 

What is your next step towards your goal of upping your value to attract potential gfs?

[John John]

Yup.

 

Time for MCJD to look into his crystal ball:

 

I can see it. The scared cat avatar is upon us. It will come seemingly out of nowhere, proclaiming "THREAD HAS RUN ITS COURSE. CLOSED." This thread will fall into the depths of all previous Dougie posts, and Dougie will return to start the cycle again in about one month.

 

Dougie, you know I love you. Glad you at least bought a bed It's a step in the right direction!

[chitown9]

 

Glad you at least bought a bed It's a step in the right direction!

 

Yes, MCJD4ever, at least Dougie listened to us on that one bit of advice. chi

[John John]

Yes, MCJD4ever, at least Dougie listened to us on that one bit of advice. chi

 

Tis true. Lol chi you always use the most hilarious emoticons haha

 

Dougie, one more tidbit, even though your height is not your problem. I read an article not too long ago where (somehow) Okcupid went and found the most popular four people on that dating site (the most popular straight man, gay man, straight woman, and gay woman). Apparently, the most sought after and popular straight man on Okcupid was a towering 5'8". Lol that's my size, and it hasn't held me back either, though I'm sure I'm far from being the most popular (nor am I trying or care to be). The point is, your being two inches below that is not the death knell you believe it is.

 

You at least listened to us and got a bed. That is a step in the right direction, and I applaud you for that. Now, why don't you do something else for yourself? Start exercising a little, maybe buy yourself a new outfit (that's your own personal style and fits you properly), join a club. I promise - once you just start living your own life, you will eventually meet someone.

 

There are very few men out there who "always get the girl," but many men who manage to "get a girl" simply because they meet many females while just going about their own business.

[Dougie_D]

Too be honest I can't "be myself" all the time because I have "society priorities". Like working all the time. I can't be in a band because I'm older now (I mean like a serious band). Since I started working when I was 24 I gave up on the things that made me happy. Going to show after show. Hanging out with the scene. It's like everyone has grown up.

 

I took a few hours off last night from work and went to see my friends band play. I ended up getting trashed, got a girls number (yeah she was wasted but so was I) and probably should've made a move on another girl. (we were both about get UBER and she goes if you lived in Hollywood we could've taken the same UBER together. ) When I woke up today, I thought to myself dang..I should've said "well, maybe just tonight I do." haha!

 

I do EXTREMELY well in those environments. Those type of people. I'm just myself. I don't care, I feel natural. I feel like I have a bit more respect from people when I tell them I was a tour manager too. Telling that to some girl who doesn't or is not into music, just would be like "Whatever".

[Rosti87]

Did you ever look up meetups in your area for people who check out live music? There may be more people in your age range in those type of clubs. If you feel you are past the age range to hang out in this environment then go out and meet people in your age range that still likes to enjoy live music. Think outside the box.... Stop being so rigid.

[John John]

You have to find the proper balance. You seem to enjoy the live music scene. Or, maybe having a few drinks is what's loosening you up around this crowd? I mean, hey, you managed to get a girl's number! So clearly, it's not your looks/height holding you back.

 

Anyway, if the live music scene is what you enjoy, make time for it outside your job. You have to do things you enjoy outside work if you're not able meet people through work. If all your friends have moved on from that scene, maybe do some meetups like Rosti said to make new friends who have the same interest.

 

My only word of caution is that I hope you don't rely on alcohol/getting wasted to talk to girls. Yeah, having a drink or two is normal, we all need to loosen up a bit (especially during a nice summer happy hour), and it helps get the conversation flowing. But don't get drunk to the point where you'll embarrass yourself. I remember a long time ago you had a thread about you doing stupid sh*t while drunk to get attention or "make others laugh." It's great to have a sense of humor (girls LOVE being made to laugh, trust me), but make sure they're laughing with you and not at you. There's a world of difference between the two.

[Rosti87]

To add onto the live music meetup approach. I will confess I am a member of a live music meetup group. The median age in that group is mid to late 30's with it going up into middle age. These are people who don't want to park the bus and want to enjoy live music without getting sh*t face drunk. You can meet very interesting people in such groups.

[Dougie_D]

Did you ever look up meetups in your area for people who check out live music? There may be more people in your age range in those type of clubs. If you feel you are past the age range to hang out in this environment then go out and meet people in your age range that still likes to enjoy live music. Think outside the box.... Stop being so rigid.

 

No, I mean people my age don't seem to get out as much as I want to. I'm 34. I'm sure the girl's number I got was like 23, but not sure. I want to hang out every night. I just feel like I have to do certain things that my age requires. Meaning, less partying, going to rock shows, etc..

[Dougie_D]

My work schedule conflicts why I can't go out. I wish I didn't have the night shift. Saturdays' are my only night out, but even my friends would rather stay in. I go to shows, just to go to shows. They only go to bands they want to see. I go for the environment, for a fun time in general. It doesn't matter what band honestly for me.

 

If anything, I don't need alcohol.. but I definitely feel my chances are better if girl has been drinking so she look past my flaws.

[Dougie_D]

To add onto the live music meetup approach. I will confess I am a member of a live music meetup group. The median age in that group is mid to late 30's with it going up into middle age. These are people who don't want to park the bus and want to enjoy live music without getting sh*t face drunk. You can meet very interesting people in such groups.

 

I'll be honest. Going with a GROUP of people just to see live music makes me cringe a bit. I don't drive anyways. I just take an UBER now so I can get drunk if I wanted to. To be fair, I wouldn't probably like the people since I would feel "I'm too good for them".. Not saying I am, but that's how I would feel. Each time I went SXSW I was by myself going to shows. I'm a pro! haha!

[Rosti87]

No, I mean people my age don't seem to get out as much as I want to. I'm 34. I'm sure the girl's number I got was like 23, but not sure. I want to hang out every night. I just feel like I have to do certain things that my age requires. Meaning, less partying, going to rock shows, etc..

 

Did you hear what I said? S-e-a-r-c-h O-n M-e-e-t-u-p for live music groups. If you want to go out more than periodically join multiple groups. I'm sure Los Angeles is chock full of them.