Margin of ERROR

[reinventmyself]

Put 10 women in a room and 8 of them will tell you they want a tall man.

 

I guess I can see why you are having such a hard time at dating if you insist that you don't stand a chance.

What you believe will come back to you in spades. Especially if you say it over and over again.

So here's the thing. . you can choose be believe something else. hmmmm

[Blue Spiral]

I'm the same height as Dougie, and it's definitely made things a lot harder--if not for my intelligence and creativity (and a ton of dumb luck), it would have been impossible. I've found that many women and taller men claim that height isn't such a big deal; strangely, short men rarely jump in to agree with them. Human beings aren't always good at fully understanding problems that they don't have themselves.

 

When it comes to men, women seem to care about ambition, height, personality, and confidence. For those of us who don't have any of those four things, well...

[reinventmyself]

If 80 percent of women are attracted to men over 5'8, then that leaves only 20 percent left who I have a chance with. The odds are against shorter dudes. And you can't change your odds the way you can change your odds with weight.

 

I am 5'8. . I have dated shorter than myself. A boyfriend in my early 20's was an inch shorter than myself but he made up for it in personality and confidence.

(I was crazy in love with him, bytheway and I never once hesitated over the height difference)

 

We went to a wedding together and I was fretting over which shoes to wear. He playfully scolded me for first choosing the shorter heel.

`I like everyone to know that I can get the tall girls too" he said with a huge smile.

[reinventmyself]

Put 10 women in a room and 8 of them will tell you they want a tall man.

 

yes . I will tell you that I would prefer a tall man. But if a nice, fun, confident, attractive(to me) solid guy - who's shorter comes my way, I won't push him away.

[reinventmyself]

It's as if you've come up with a theory that validates your predicament and you won't hear anything else than something that validates it.

This mindset keeps you stuck. . Unless you are willing to open yourself to other possibilities.

[Batya33]

I'm the same height as Dougie, and it's definitely made things a lot harder--if not for my intelligence and creativity (and a ton of dumb luck), it would have been impossible. I've found that many women and taller men claim that height isn't such a big deal; strangely, short men rarely jump in to agree with them. Human beings aren't always good at fully understanding problems that they don't have themselves.

 

When it comes to men, women seem to care about ambition, height, personality, and confidence. For those of us who don't have any of those four things, well...

 

We all have flaws that make it harder -at least I did and most of my friends do/did as well. I had more than one but one major thing against me for years was my age since I wanted to have a child and be with a man who wanted one too -made it much harder after age 34 or so (and I was in the dating scene on and off for 5 years after that). That was not the only thing. Women who are overweight have it much harder and I can relate to that despite never having been -it's called empathy/sympathy.

[IAmFCA]

I'm the same height as Dougie, and it's definitely made things a lot harder--if not for my intelligence and creativity (and a ton of dumb luck), it would have been impossible. I've found that many women and taller men claim that height isn't such a big deal; strangely, short men rarely jump in to agree with them. Human beings aren't always good at fully understanding problems that they don't have themselves.

 

When it comes to men, women seem to care about ambition, height, personality, and confidence. For those of us who don't have any of those four things, well...

 

These traits are true for me, but I'm just one person.

 

On the flip side, I seem to be (according to boys trying to say nice things) engaging sexy smart and interesting, and a great mom, but not suitable for long term commitment. That tells me that my goals and my dating targets are out of alignment, not necessarily that I am flawed. We all are flawed.

 

Thought I fixed this, but still attracting men who are unavailable.

 

And yes. Certain traits are attractive to a larger number of people. True for men and women. A hard truth. True nonetheless.

[Blue Spiral]

We all have flaws that make it harder

 

That's true. But, sadly, what Dougie and I don't have is an opposite gender that's built and/or cultured to pursue and do most of the early initiation in a relationship. That does a lot to negate an individual's weaknesses. You mentioned overweight women--I saw an extremely obese woman in a store, today...and she had her much-thinner husband with her. If there were a woman with all of Dougie's problems, I guarantee you, she could get a boyfriend if she wanted one, even if he was far from her ideal candidate. I bet that Dougie would gladly accept a less-than-ideal girlfriend.

 

It isn't just about the person's issues--it's also about the environment they're in, and the dynamics they have to work with.

[reinventmyself]

I have a beautiful friend who has a tragic dating history. She was married for 18 months and will overlook good men and hone in on the most dysfunctional man in the room.

Her endless loop of complaints is, I am fat,(she's not) I am lonely and I can't find anyone. Yet she is the probably one of the most attractive in the group of women I associate with.

Men run from her because the vibe she gives off. . It's uncanny and frustrating at the same to watch this because from the outside one can see that if she just tweaked her attitude a little, the outcome would be different.

BUT you can't tell her otherwise.

[Batya33]

That's true. But, sadly, what Dougie and I don't have is an opposite gender that's built and/or cultured to pursue and do most of the early initiation in a relationship. That does a lot to negate an individual's weaknesses. You mentioned overweight women--I saw an extremely obese woman in a store, today...and she had her much-thinner husband with her. If there were a woman with all of Dougie's problems, I guarantee you, she could get a boyfriend if she wanted one, even if he was far from her ideal candidate. I bet that Dougie would gladly accept a less-than-ideal girlfriend.

 

It isn't just about the person's issues--it's also about the environment they're in, and the dynamics they have to work with.

 

Yes but as a woman I was expected not to be proactive-not to ask men out or be too "forward" or risk turning off men who wanted long term relationships. I preferred the forward approach but at least back then it was not effective. Just as hard to wait around especially when it's not in your nature, as it is to initiate -been on both sides actually -none of it is easy. None of my women friends, including me, wanted to settle. I don't think any of us did (I did not, definitely could have if my goal had been to start a family sooner even if I had to settle- that was a dealbreaker for me so I held out for someone I was excited and sure about). I know of many overweight women in happy marriages and many more who are unhappily single because the weight issue gets in the way, fair or not. It's no harder to be a short man, than to be a clock ticking woman, a flat chested woman (for example), etc.

[boltnrun]

My latest crush is a gymnast. I assure you he is NOT tall...but he is amazingly fit, not particularly handsome but has beautiful hair, is somewhat reserved and doesn't smile much. But I like him.

 

My crush before him wasn't tall either. I just liked him.

 

Neither of them likes me back, alas ...

[Blue Spiral]

It's no harder to be a short man, than to be a clock ticking woman, a flat chested woman (for example), etc.

 

You'll never convince me of that.

[Batya33]

You'll never convince me of that.

 

Not my intention to. You can think whatever you want of course. I'm talking about how hard it is to find someone to marry or be with long term. I have no idea if it's harder for a shorter man to find casual sex or a fling than it is for a woman who is overweight, flat chested or some other less than objectively desirable quality. It's probably easier for a woman to find a casual sex partner than for a man, in general, but I was referring to long term relationships and marriage.

[Batya33]

My latest crush is a gymnast. I assure you he is NOT tall...but he is amazingly fit, not particularly handsome but has beautiful hair, is somewhat reserved and doesn't smile much. But I like him.

 

My crush before him wasn't tall either. I just liked him.

 

Neither of them likes me back, alas ...

 

I always was more attracted to men who were shorter than average. Most of my serious boyfriends were and so is my husband.

[Dougie_D]

I guess I can see why you are having such a hard time at dating if you insist that you don't stand a chance.

What you believe will come back to you in spades. Especially if you say it over and over again.

So here's the thing. . you can choose be believe something else. hmmmm

 

Well, what's crazy is when I was growing up is very arrogant, cocky, and picky. I always thought that I should be with the real hot chick. I can tell you, I rejected girls because of stupid things. But crazy part is the more I thought about it, I was given NO suggestions that they were into me. When I realized the fact that they were being nice, and didn't even want to date me even I tried,...it was then I started to try. And I was failing miserably.

 

I came to a conclusion a few years back, that I was going after girls that just wouldn't go for a guy like me. Now, I lower my standards, and these girls STILL don't want to date me. It's like it's never gonna happen.

 

I really don't want to think about it, but when you realize a truth in something, your confidence will never be the same. And your approach will never be the same before. I like to wish I never heard that "you have no chance, dude".

[Dougie_D]

This is why the height thing bothers me.. Height is something you can't normally "fix. I don't even know if a surgery that exists for it.

 

If you are overweight? -- just get surgery

 

You need bigger/smaller boobs --- just get surgery

 

You want a kid? --- adopt

 

You want to be taller ? --- please help me out.

[happy_snapper]

It's an interesting fact that in my office, there are only three guys over... about 5'8ish. Oddly, we're the only ones not married.

[Dougie_D]

Not my intention to. You can think whatever you want of course. I'm talking about how hard it is to find someone to marry or be with long term. I have no idea if it's harder for a shorter man to find casual sex or a fling than it is for a woman who is overweight, flat chested or some other less than objectively desirable quality. It's probably easier for a woman to find a casual sex partner than for a man, in general, but I was referring to long term relationships and marriage.

 

I'm just looking for a steady girl. Short guys, get rejected WAY too fast. So it's even harder since we can't even get in that stage. You gotta have something else that trumps your height. Most short guys that I know that get women, are not fit. They just have a really good looking face.

[Dougie_D]

It's an interesting fact that in my office, there are only three guys over... about 5'8ish. Oddly, we're the only ones not married.

 

I don't think height is a big deal to UK women as much as it is for American women. I've heard that most guys are too shy and majority of women over there have to make first moves.

 

Also, what's funny is that there are not many TALL guys out there. I think women are single because they want the "perfect" man. He exists...but if he's perfect, than there is reason why he's not going after you lady..because you ain't the perfect woman.

[Draven8]

Man reading your posts are so sad. Get a grip

[bulletproof]

I don't think height is a big deal to UK women as much as it is for American women. I've heard that most guys are too shy and majority of women over there have to make first moves.

 

Also, what's funny is that there are not many TALL guys out there. I think women are single because they want the "perfect" man. He exists...but if he's perfect, than there is reason why he's not going after you lady..because you ain't the perfect woman.

 

If anything you think is true, then no short guys would ever be in a relationship. How do you think they found someone?

 

Nice convenient stereotypes, by the way. I've never heard in my life that UK women care less about height, or that UK guys are shy. Where are you getting this?

 

Again, you're placing the blame on externals (what you can't control). It's easy to just say the women are too picky because then you don't have to change anything about how you approach them, or how you approach life. It's also easy to say it's your height that's holding you back, because you can't control that either, hence not having to do any work to change.

[Draven8]

If anything you think is true, then no short guys would ever be in a relationship. How do you think they found someone?

 

Nice convenient stereotypes, by the way. I've never heard in my life that UK women care less about height, or that UK guys are shy. Where are you getting this?

 

Again, you're placing the blame on externals (what you can't control). It's easy to just say the women are too picky because then you don't have to change anything about how you approach them, or how you approach life. It's also easy to say it's your height that's holding you back, because you can't control that either, hence not having to do any work to change.

 

This is pretty much what I wanted to say but couldn't cut through the amount of BS to decipher

 

Why don't you try and mutate into someone who ladies might like to be around

[agent1607307371]

I don't think height is a big deal to UK women as much as it is for American women. I've heard that most guys are too shy and majority of women over there have to make first moves.

 

Nope. Sorry.

 

The culture is still pretty much that men are raised believing they deserve a 10, and women are still raised to believe they need to get with the first men who gives them attention no matter how rubbish he is. To an outsider, it might not look like that, but it is.

 

Some guys are shy, some women make the first move. It's nowhere near most though. Not even a large minority.

[happy_snapper]

Keep making excuses Dougie

[Rosti87]

I don't think height is a big deal to UK women as much as it is for American women. I've heard that most guys are too shy and majority of women over there have to make first moves.

 

Also, what's funny is that there are not many TALL guys out there. I think women are single because they want the "perfect" man. He exists...but if he's perfect, than there is reason why he's not going after you lady..because you ain't the perfect woman.

Have you ever been to the UK? Where did you get that notion?

 

Back on the ranch...I know plenty of shorter guys in long term relationships because with exception of countries like the Netherlands most men are shorter than 5' 10". And they are finding women.