Margin of ERROR

[Dougie_D]

Is this true ladies? Basically you figure how much a man attracts you and after, lets say BELOW 50%, that's your cut off point.

 

So MAN 1 is 90% attractive and MAN 2 is 56% attractive. Both guys do something that turns YOU OFF.

 

Now MAN 1 is 80% attractive and MAN 2 is 46% attractive. MAN 1 is still in game, and MAN 2 is out.

 

For all the ladies out there, what's your limit? 40%, 50%, 60%???

 

I think this is why I have a hard time. I'm probably in the 60% range and I do things that other guys have done but my margin of error is smaller. That sucks.

[pippy longstocking]

So MAN 1 is 90% attractive and MAN 2 is 56% attractive. Both guys do something that turns YOU OFF.

 

so I would not be interested in either

[Willywagtail]

Er, what??

 

Now it's reduced to percentages .......?!

[pippy longstocking]

Er, what??

 

Now it's reduced to percentages .......?!

 

hahaha ...it is a very hard question to answer isn't it ...nothing like that ever runs through my mind and i have tried to look at it like that but it doesnt work ..well not for me .. it is not the looks ..it is what a man does to my soul that counts .

[Willywagtail]

Yea, I thought the reduction of an issue like this to percentages, was particularly, um, male ....

 

(Let's wait for the posters to go spacko over that comment!)

[pippy longstocking]

Yea, I thought the reduction of an issue like this to percentages, was particularly, um, male ....

 

(Let's wait for the posters to go spacko over that comment!)

 

I'll get the kettle on then

[Creacion]

I love these question! It doesn't matter the percentages, end of the day, like shooting star mentions, the answer is 0.

[missmarple]

If something turns me off, it doesn't matter how attractive I find someone.

[Creacion]

I'll give you an example about margin of error. An English guy, living in Western Australia, I caught up with for coffee the second time. The first time, my immediate reaction was to pay for coffee, which usually means game over. The second time was after 18 months. He bragged about how many dates he'd been on since I last saw him. It averaged about 3 dates per week! He figured it was about the law of averages. The more he dated, the more he'd be successful Finding a long term relationship. I felt really sad for him. I had wanted to date someone similar age too..

 

Problem? Childhood conduct disorder manifested into antisocial personality disorder; possibly borderline.. Symptoms of an abused childhood manifested in the way he communicated and transference of his expectations.. It was dangerous for my own mental health to hang around too long. In fact, the organise the second date, I had to Ssssh! Him over the phone. He'd been on his own too long, his thoughts and speech carried on non stop. Recommendation? If you go on that many dates and none are successful long term, date yourself. Listen to yourself.. Is what you say funny or passive/aggressive? Does it sounds normal or negative.. Does your friendship group tell you what a character you are and have a good laugh?

 

It's so endearing to meet these guys that long so much to be in a relationship, but often they are tripping over their two left feet because sometimes.. I don't want to know you were abused in your childhood, which you thought as normal. I would offer to hear how you overcame such adversity and how you have helped yourself.. That's attractive. That's worth hearing.

 

There was no help for this guy. He was adamant that the first thing he needed to tell women was of his struggles. It paints a poor image of him and the fact he's refused to deal with it and wants you to..he's since gone back to the UK. I'm sure he'll never be bored trying.. Just silly really.. All he needed to do was date himself first.

[agent1607307371]

Yes Dougie, we all sit around at home with a spreadsheet and calculator out.

 

Well, that's 10 for attractiveness, but -2 for that nose. He offered to buy dinner which gets him 5, but then he argued about tipping the waitress which is -30...

[Tinydance]

Sorry but in my opinion you can't reduce attraction and feelings to maths. Just me personally I don't go for people based only on physical attraction. For me connection, spark, great conversation, common interests, and compatible personality is number one. I just have to feel that it's the right person and I'm extremely intuitive. So physical attraction aside, for me compatibility and spark is either 100% or nothing

[Tinydance]

Yes Dougie, we all sit around at home with a spreadsheet and calculator out.

 

Well, that's 10 for attractiveness, but -2 for that nose. He offered to buy dinner which gets him 5, but then he argued about tipping the waitress which is -30...

 

Thanks for the laughs

[Batya33]

Not about percentages in the least and someone who reduces it to that is not serious about finding a long term partner.

[Pixels]

Yea, I thought the reduction of an issue like this to percentages, was particularly, um, male ....

 

You're just jealous that we're better at math...

[Doc Blaze]

If you are trying to figure out women with math equations...you are going to have a baddddd timeeee

[ParisPaulette]

I hate math, there is no percentage of error. It's dealbreakers and red flags that count regardless. One giant red flag can strip away the other 99 percent positive in a heartbeat and has. Two little red flags someone is working on may balance out against the 100 percent leaving an 80 percent probability--wait no, now I'm calculating. Arrggh I hate this. It's like those "if two trains are moving towards each other at 90 m.p.h. and the wind is blowing 20 m.p.h. one way and 40 m.p.h the other way who will get there first?"

 

My reply, "Who cares? Everyone on board both those trains is going to die!!!"

 

Sorry, anyways you can't reduce relationships to equations. Plenty of people see and have relationships with people who fall wayyyyy below percentages of what they want in a mate and still they go out with them, because of sex and attraction which can't be quantified. And yeah, I've done that too when I was younger. Said, "Whoa, this guy doesn't tick any of the boxes that I need in a relationship, but still I MUST have him." Later in life I started to pay attention to red flags instead.

[toolovehim]

It depends what she wants, every woman has their own measure, you make that point, she may adjust to other figures.

[Dougie_D]

The funny part is that I never mention PHYSICAL attraction. I just said attractiveness. That could have been anything. Like it or not, everyone is somewhat calculating the pros/cons and puts a value of the "red flags".

 

There is no way 2 people are equally 1 and 1. They are either 1a or 1b. So 1a is essentially your FAVORITE.

[tallydoo]

Yes Dougie, we all sit around at home with a spreadsheet and calculator out.

 

Well, that's 10 for attractiveness, but -2 for that nose. He offered to buy dinner which gets him 5, but then he argued about tipping the waitress which is -30...

 

I just put it on my iPhone. That way I can do it live.

[tallydoo]

Is this true ladies? Basically you figure how much a man attracts you and after, lets say BELOW 50%, that's your cut off point.

 

So MAN 1 is 90% attractive and MAN 2 is 56% attractive. Both guys do something that turns YOU OFF.

 

Now MAN 1 is 80% attractive and MAN 2 is 46% attractive. MAN 1 is still in game, and MAN 2 is out.

 

For all the ladies out there, what's your limit? 40%, 50%, 60%???

 

I think this is why I have a hard time. I'm probably in the 60% range and I do things that other guys have done but my margin of error is smaller. That sucks.

 

Mostly, I'm either attracted or I'm not--it's a binary, not a continuous. If a guy does something that turns me off, I'm just off.

[Rosti87]

Dougie,

 

Do you purposely come on here once a month to add another subject for discussion?

[Blue Spiral]

You're absolutely right, Dougie. In my experience, if a woman really wants you, there's no way you can screw it up. Whereas if she doesn't want you, you'll never be able to win her over. And, as you suspect, there are varying degrees of this. A better-looking guy will get away with stuff that you and I never could. (I believe there was a SNL skit about Brad Pitt and sexual harassment, which did a nice job of pointing this out.) I could name dozens of examples of this: I do something, a woman says that it bugs her, or she doesn't like it...and then a guy that she's clearly attracted to does the exact same thing, and she promptly bangs him. No math or spreadsheets involved, it's strictly physical attraction and status/confidence-based attraction.

 

Men do the exact same thing, though, so stay off that high horse.

[HeartGoesOn]

There is no way 2 people are equally 1 and 1. They are either 1a or 1b. So 1a is essentially your FAVORITE.

 

Algebra was not my favorite subject, Dougie.

[boltnrun]

You're absolutely right, Dougie. In my experience, if a woman really wants you, there's no way you can screw it up. Whereas if she doesn't want you, you'll never be able to win her over. And, as you suspect, there are varying degrees of this. A better-looking guy will get away with stuff that you and I never could. (I believe there was a SNL skit about Brad Pitt and sexual harassment, which did a nice job of pointing this out.) I could name dozens of examples of this: I do something, a woman says that it bugs her, or she doesn't like it...and then a guy that she's clearly attracted to does the exact same thing, and she promptly bangs him. No math or spreadsheets involved, it's strictly physical attraction and status/confidence-based attraction.

 

Men do the exact same thing, though, so stay off that high horse.

 

This is 100% correct.

 

If a male coworker a woman thinks is unattractive or gross says she has a nice butt she hightails it to HR to file a complaint. But if a guy she finds attractive says the same thing she's off in a corner with her female coworkers giggling and wondering if he wants to date her.

 

And yes, people ignore all kinds of red flags if they really want the other person. I can't tell you how many times I've listened to men complain about their GFs or wives and when questioned, they say "well, she was HOT!!" Or woman say "but he's so good looking..." about their BFs or husbands who treat them like garbage.

 

There was a guy I dumped a few years ago because he wasn't treating me properly...and my friends all thought I was insane because he was SO good looking! AND he had money! But if I can't stand the guy, looks and money can't make me want him.

[Batya33]

That wasn't true in my case. I was with men who I thought were completely hot in every way and then a red flag came up and I was out of there -maybe not immediately but within less than a month. In one case it had to do with his values about sex in a There was one exception where I gave too many chances most likely to Mr. Wishy Washy but the ultimate issue that broke us up really had nothing to do with that. In the other I discovered that he had a rather severe mental disorder that could have been very harmful to me. He "confessed" it -it wasn't just speculation.

 

I have seen people -mostly women- make excuses for bad behavior/mistreatment just because they had good chemistry.