DaisyHope Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Do male dumpers ever regret their decision but just decide to sort of be stubborn and just 'live with it' rather than going back? Also read an article yesterday about males actually dealing with breakups worse than women, even if they've done the dumping.... thoughts on that? For the record, I've totally given up that my ex will ever come back - this is just throwing questions out there for debate. Yes we met up last weekend, yes he knows I won't and can't do the friend thing, yes he suggested another drink and messaged me on Wednesday BUT meeting up with him was eliminating his guilt for himself and since it's 'breadcrumbs' I'd be stupid to think otherwise. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Why would someone be too stubborn to return to something they enjoyed. I think, for the majority, they find being out of a relationship more freeing than being in one. Link to comment
greta96 Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 No, I don't believe that to be true at all. If they try to weasel their way back in an ex's life, it's because they are going through a dry spell and hope for a FWB situation, knowing that the exes are likely to go for it in hopes they would be able to rekindle the relationships. Lots of exes do fall for it, so kudos to you for being able to realize those were breadcrumbs and for not having any of it. I think that most men don't dump unless they are SURE that's what they want. I'm not talking about situations where couples break up because of reasons unrelated to the relationship (such as one of the partners moving away), I'm talking about those situations where one of the partners gets the GIGS and dumps because he/she wants to experience something else. When that happens, it means there are no more feelings left, or that whatever is left is not enough to keep the person in the relationship. If they still loved their partner, they just wouldn't risk him or her being snatched away from them. Many years ago, I asked my boyfriend at the time whether he would ever go back to an ex. His answer was "only for sex". And yep, a couple years after we broke up he did contact me and asked me out, he had forgotten he was stupid enough to tell me what that really meant lol. Link to comment
chamachama Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I always cringe when I see a thread that is based on gender like this. A dumper is a dumper and a dumpee is a dumpee. Gender makes very little difference. What matters most is the dynamic of situation. Link to comment
relevart Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 So in the last few days, I have learned that all men cheat and all men are too stubborn to go back to an ex they just broke up with even if that's what they really want. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 So in the last few days, I have learned that all men cheat and all men are too stubborn to go back to an ex they just broke up with even if that's what they really want. Tough life lessons..to be sure! Lol. Link to comment
relevart Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Tough life lessons..to be sure! Lol. I need to get in the game. 44 years old and I haven't cheated yet. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Well, my bf swam against the current and came back because he realized that a commitment to me would make him happy. Go figure...ya maverick! Link to comment
Clinton Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I don't think anyone is that stupid. Link to comment
kathy679 Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Sometimes things happen in relationships where you still love them but you just cant go back because too much has happened and you either cant forgive or you cant forget, and moving on is your only option Link to comment
jimthzz Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I was with my cheating, crazy ex-wife for 32 years before i finally pulled the plug. It was the hardest thing i ever did and the best thing I ever did. There is no way I would ever take her back. According to our daughter she was a basket case for six months and never thought I'd leave her. I'm sure that if I had wanted to we could have gone back together. I'd sooner drive a railroad spike in my head than to ever do that. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I don't think it has anything to do with being stubborn and certainly not gender related. I do think that when people decide to end the relationship they have some very strong and serious reasons for that - real deal breakers. That doesn't mean that you won't miss the good parts of the relationship or the companionship, thus the coming back for hook ups, wanting to be "friends", etc. Ultimately, though it's over for good reasons and the better you are able to recognize that this is the case, the easier to move on. Link to comment
redswim30 Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 People like to believe that the person who dumped them will "regret it" and "want to" come back. I think this is rare. It doesn't mean people can't have conflicted feelings about dumping someone, but usually when the choice is made to do the dumping, it's a pretty clear and final decision. If it was just a problem they thought they could "work through" with you, they would. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 So in the last few days, I have learned that all men cheat and all men are too stubborn to go back to an ex they just broke up with even if that's what they really want. 44 years old. I have never cheated on anyone in my entire relationship life. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 This only happens in those skeevy romance novels where a couple have to be at each other's throats through the first three-quarters of the book to amp up the drama. You know, "I love you, but some circumstance/person/my own emotional damage has driven me from your arms and I refuse to return." And then more drama happens, the couple fight more and make up and do the whole, "No, no, this will never work" routine. And then to make the reader happy they are...finally...together. And love conquers all. (Said with arms thrown wide, head back, shouting with glee.) And it's utter rubbish. Seriously, if relationships had to go the way romance novels outline them we would all be seriously screwed, and not in a good way. If any person, not just a man, is that stubborn then wish them luck on their crappy life and move on to find someone far more emotionally healthy. Stubbornness in romance doesn't work anywhere except in those dreadful bodice-ripper novels. Link to comment
YouCanDeleteThisAccount Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 47 and never cheated on a girlfriend or wife. Link to comment
Shane Falco Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I love lazy, gender-stereotyping threads. Link to comment
dasnico Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 While I don't believe this is a gender-specific thing, I do think it is possible for the dumper to perhaps be too proud or possibly even too ashamed to ask for a second chance despite how they feel. Maybe they even feel it might take too much effort to get things back on track and they don't want to put that effort in. Everyone is so different and things aren't so black and white. Though, as many previous posters have stated, the dumper probably walked away knowing they made the right decision, even if they did love the dumpee. It also only complicates things when the dumper turned into the dumpee when a second chance was pending. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Do male dumpers ever regret their decision but just decide to sort of be stubborn and just 'live with it' rather than going back? There isn't one specific answer to this. You have lumped all male dumpers into just one category. There are many different reasons why someone (of either gender) would choose not to go back. However, I'm assuming the most common reason is simply because they don't want to (and again, I'm talking either gender) . However, anwering your question more directly, some male dumpers would regret their decision, most wouldn't. This goes for female dumpers too. As regards being too stubborn to go back … I doubt this very much. If they were able to end a relationship, they would also be able to restart it, especially if they already have regular contact. If they make half-hearted attempts (or none at all) then they evidently aren't bothered. Also read an article yesterday about males actually dealing with breakups worse than women, even if they've done the dumping.... thoughts on that? This has been discussed before on eNA. It is believed that women deal with such situations better because they are able to express their emotions to those closet too them and thus build up a network of support to help them. However I don't see that it bares any significance to reconciliation or how quickly one moves on. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 While I don't believe this is a gender-specific thing, I do think it is possible for the dumper to perhaps be too proud or possibly even too ashamed to ask for a second chance despite how they feel. Maybe they even feel it might take too much effort to get things back on track and they don't want to put that effort in. Everyone is so different and things aren't so black and white. Though, as many previous posters have stated, the dumper probably walked away knowing they made the right decision, even if they did love the dumpee. It also only complicates things when the dumper turned into the dumpee when a second chance was pending. I believe that if a dumper becomes as heartbroken as the dumpee over their decision, their stubbornness would be overshadowed by the pain they would be feeling and, at that stage, they would do anything to get that person back and to stop hurting … unless of cousre they had specific reasons to walk away in the first place. At the very least they would make their feelings known. If they don't, then they really can't be that bothered or that heartbroken over it and if they don't want to put the effort in then they really just don't care. Link to comment
Doofus Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 I think it's hilarious how the same people who are decrying generalizations based on gender are dividing the human race into 'dumpers' and 'dumpees'. There is no such classification. I've both been dumped and done the dumping. I've also been in situations where the break up was truly mutual. I've regretted doing the dumping and I've been relieved to be dumped. The reverse of those have also been true. There are no general truths when it comes to something so irrational as romantic relationships. In terms of 'getting back together' the same is true. It happens sometimes. Often enough that I think it's absurd to dismiss the possibility of it. I don't think that means we should put our life on hold waiting for it to happen, but one only needs to spend a few hours reading threads on here from people who were left by a partner for their ex to see that getting back together happens all the time. Link to comment
obsessed2 Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Do male dumpers ever regret their decision but just decide to sort of be stubborn and just 'live with it' rather than going back? Also read an article yesterday about males actually dealing with breakups worse than women, even if they've done the dumping.... thoughts on that? For the record, I've totally given up that my ex will ever come back - this is just throwing questions out there for debate. Yes we met up last weekend, yes he knows I won't and can't do the friend thing, yes he suggested another drink and messaged me on Wednesday BUT meeting up with him was eliminating his guilt for himself and since it's 'breadcrumbs' I'd be stupid to think otherwise. I think you are a bit in denial and you do want him to come back, otherwise you never would have met with him. Don't blame you for doing it all, but you need to admit to yourself that you still might be in love with him and that you have not given up hope. By doing that will help you deal better with the situation. Just be honest to yourself and I know it's not easy. It wasn't for me and sometimes I still really have to catch myself. Best of luck Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.