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Doofus last won the day on June 24 2013

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About Doofus

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  1. I think a lot of people have someone that they will always carry a torch for. It's definitely not weird. That said, the fact that she deleted your friend request is a clear sign that she is not interested. (It's kind of strange that she did not accept it, but let's leave that aside). I think what might help you is to realize that what you're pining for is what you think being with her would have been like, rather than what it actually would have been like. Other than physical attraction, you're only projecting your ideal relationship on this woman - she's only a canvas. You're goin
  2. 1. Talk to a lawyer. You should know what your options are, what the consequences of divorce might be. 2. Unless the lawyer says otherwise, hire a private detective. Get evidence of the affair. 3. Unless the pi turns up nothing (not likely...) go back to the lawyer and start the process of divorce. Sorry.
  3. Sorry! I just re-read your OP carefully this time. So he stuck it out with you for 6 months?!? I'm sure your cheating really hurt him, but the cheating is not why you two aren't together anymore. I know this won't make you feel better right now, but believe me when I say that you two are not together because he wasn't the guy for you. And you weren't the woman for him. That you aren't together is your fault, but it's his too and neither of yours - and it's not because you had a sinful afternoon, at least not primarily. Forgive yourself.
  4. First, let me say that this is not a good forum to come to if you're looking to feel better after cheating. For the most part, posters here have been cheated on and have no sympathy for cheaters. That said, I think you should go easier on yourself. The reasons are general and specific General: Humans are not monogamous. At least no sexually - probably not in any way. Not everybody cheats, but everyone is tempted to. We are programmed to want to reproduce with many different people - that is the best strategy for the propagation of our DNA. So, if you're feeling bad or confused t
  5. There are so many people who will do anything to avoid pain, avoid being embarrassed, including passing up the chance at something good. My advice is to not go through life letting fear govern your behavior. If you still like this woman, then stay with her. Is there a chance she's playing you? Yes. But there will always be a chance that anyone you're with is playing you, might hurt you. Don't give in to that fear. If you like her, keep dating her. If you don't like her, stop. It's that simple.
  6. I'm not sure you're getting good advice here. On one hand, you've only been dating for 2 months, so, ending it is not a big deal. On the other hand, you've only been dating for two months! There's a very strong, irrational bias on here favoring exclusivity in relationships after only a very short time and in favor of dating people only if 'you can see a future together'. Yes, she's probably keeping some options open while she's getting to know you and to feel a bit more comfortable being in a relationship with you. I think that's natural. It doesn't mean that she's always going to be t
  7. Yes, she does. And? She doesn't care. This is over. Do not call her tonight. Do not call her tomorrow, or ever again. If she texts, don't text back. Block her on social media. Block her on your phone. If you have anything of hers, ask friends to take and hide it from you. If she ever wants it back (hint: she won't) have your friends make the arrangements to return them to her. I'm so sorry you were unlucky, but you were used by a not very good person. I know it's hard, but view this turn of events not as a rejection, but as a time-saving favor. She's not available. Not to you
  8. Well, the good news is that I really doubt her 'know thyself' post was aimed at you, given her subsequent texts. So, there's that. You should only respond if you are SURE that you can have a short exchange of texts with her without 1. straying from the most banal topics - except, maybe, about her grandfather 2. it setting you back 3 it getting your hopes up If you can meet those requirements, you should reply with 'good. hope you are too'. Whether she replies, and how long the reply is if she does will tell you something useful, I think. So, in that sense it's worth it to do it.
  9. Don't send an email. Send a card. Sign the card but don't write anything else.
  10. Katrina, My thoughts exactly. And, like you, my three longest relationships, including my marriage, all began with sex on the first date (or, before the first date in one case!) They were all longer than 2 years. Conversely, the times I dated someone for more than a month without it getting past kissing, were ended by the women, who, eventually, admitted they just weren't feeling the physical spark with me. I know that the plural of anecdote isn't data, but mine and yours seem to be pretty common experiences. Romantic relationships are romantic because they are sexual - by defini
  11. Batya: If you chose to draw the line at intercourse, then, that's fine (of course, drawing the line anywhere is fine...), but that's not the OP's position it seems. Instead, she seems to be uncomfortable with any physical interaction. I read her other thread about this situation. Really, there's only 3 possibilities: 1. This guy is kind of creepy. There's some support for that - buying her expensive gifts after the first date, expressing confidence in a long term future... but if he is creepy, why is the OP so excited to spend time with him 2. She thinks she's supposed to not give
  12. It sounds to me (correct me if I'm wrong, and, if so, I apologize) that you're a grown woman and have been in sexual relationships before. Given that, the situation is simple. If you want to have sex with him, have sex with him. If you don't, then don't. But, if after a few weeks and many many dates, you don't want to have sex with him, then I assume, as probably does he, that you are not - as the book says - that into him, and that you're using him as a place holder until someone you really are physically into comes along.
  13. Just some random thoughts: I think you and your husband are handling this as well as it can be handled, that includes, by the way, telling your children. They're old enough; they deserve to hear the truth - it will come out eventually anyway and it will make it more likely that they can deal with with well. They will forgive you in time. Aso, you have an excellent plan, I believe. Now all that said, let me say this: While I was reading through your thread, I was running through the list of people I know who have been through something similar. I realized this: Of the 25 couples I
  14. Don't put him out in the street. His affection for you is not unalloyed, but he's not beating you. Give him a few days at least. Also? What is your time limit for deciding whether someone is 'the one'? What if instead of this, you had discovered that he told a friend that he was very fond of you, but, he wasn't sure yet if you were marriage material? Would you still break up with him? 8 months is too short a time to decide if someone will make a good life partner, in my opinion. Every one has different time lines, though. I stick by my contention that the actions of the ex are soc
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