sibelius9 Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 I recently got a young lady's number after what seemed to be a handful of continuously flirtatious interactions in person. It seemed I had an open door to get a number and so I did. Most people close to me suggested I should based on "the signs" ( refer to my previous post). I got the number...and an impromptu outing that same night as well. That same night, she decided to accompany me to have some dinner. It was late, I was sick and she had just closed the shop where she works. At the end of the night I received a warm embrace and a "see you soon". Can't complain, all positive interactions...until.... On my way back home I texted "you now have my number too" and received a reply with "awesome, dude! I'm listening to the music you recommended the other day-it's just what I needed right now. Hope you feel better". I'm not a fan of the word DUDE and more so if it comes from a lady I like. For two days there was no contact from either end until I broke the silence today with an inside joke (over text) and a greeting. She asked how I'm feeling today and suggested I go back to see her at her workplace in two days. I decided to improvise and ask if she would want to meet up this evening for some wine and she explained that the idea was delightful but she couldn't because of an antibiotic treatment and that she was busy working on her projects. She then asked which are my days off and when I replied, I was told "easy to remember since those days my regular crew all work. My schedule changes a bit and soon I'll be more busy but I'll be around!". "I'll be around"? What? So I said: "well, I'll be around too. We should set up a date soon". Figured I'd cut to the chase. Her reply: "We will definitely have a meeting of the minds soon! Hopefully in the next few days we'll both be back to full health". Really? "A meeting of the minds"? I know what the term means but she is neither a lawyer discussing contract law nor is she a philosopher or intellectual of any kind discussing higher matters so it must be a very eloquent brush-off from a young barista. Right? I really do meet "the strangest ones" as my friend recently said to me. Also, it takes her so long to reply to texts. This seems like an odd practice these days. Anyway... I suspect I either misinterpreted signs of interest from the get go and she's just friendly or I dropped the ball along the way and any momentum there was seemed to have cooled off. I can suspect where I might have "gone wrong" here and there but that just confirms my theory that these games are too precise, demanding, taxing and a bit ridiculous. Anyone's thoughts and/or suggestions are welcomed. Thank you in advance. Cheers, R Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 well she certainly doesn't seem to swinging her knickers in your face does she , the calling you dude as well ..I agree with you , its a pal thing to do and certainly not female interested in male talk ... Link to comment
humblerich Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 From what you have told us I do not see any reason to believe that she is rejecting you. Women like confidence, so perhaps you specifying that your outing would be a date was a bit wimpy. Don't do that! If one man and one woman go out together it is almost always a date! You don't have to spell it out. She may just be subtly telling you to man up a bit. That is all I am getting. Good luck! Link to comment
toby17 Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 We should set up a date soon We will definitely have a meeting of the minds soon! That's definitely a blow-off. Don't text her or call her and if she texts you, don't respond. Forget her! That's an implied no and no means... "next?"! Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 I certainly wouldn't be following this one ...I would just stop contacting her .... Link to comment
csdude55 Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 I totally disagree with the others! I think she's being a little guarded, but still pretty warm. You asked her on a date "soon", and she replied with a "definite". In fact, your comments seem a little elusive, too, so I'm not sure what more you expected. You're not being very committal, either. And I think you're reading WAY too much in to the terminology used. "Dude" and "meeting of the minds" are probably just phrases she's picked up. I seriously doubt she thought long and hard on "should I say 'dude' or not?" Every comment you posted sounds positive to me, though. She pretty clearly said that she would like to go out with you, just text her with a specific date in the next day or two. I would do that, and try not to read too much in to everything else. that just confirms my theory that these games are too precise, demanding, taxing and a bit ridiculous. On this, I couldn't agree more. A girl starts playing games, I start losing interest. I'm just too dang old for that. Link to comment
SGuru Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Let it cool off. Maintain "radio silence" aka no texting & no calls. Also, don't attempt to visit. The best thing to do is to keep yourself occupy with work and friends. Wait for her to call. If she doesn't, then you can jolly well move on as well. Don't fail into a one-side relationship. It will be much hurtful than what you are experiencing now. Link to comment
CraigHowes Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Stop playing stupid text games pick up the phone and ask her out on a date. She sounds interested but it's just bad timing with illness. She asked what days you were free and that she will be around. She's opening the door for you to jump in. It's way to easy to read into texts and make up your own conclusions that are so far fetched it's hilarious. In love you have to make yourself vulnerable to get anywhere. Your the man so man up and go and chase the girl. It will be much easier to judge her interest in person on a real life date. Not going oh she said dude she can't like me. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 I think she's open for going out, maybe as friends maybe as a date. I think she is keeping all the cards close. Ask her out in two weeks. Low contact till then. Link to comment
Sarah691607309662 Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 I would not be able to understand this lady, but one thing would turn me off once and for all. DUDE. That's it. Though English is not my first language and I can not be too picky, but it would absolutely tell me that this lady comes from a different planet and we are not compatible. Since you also did not like this word, I would take it as indication of being different species with her. From this point on everything she says can not be taken seriously because she is different species and we do not know how they behave. The real question is would you like to explore different species? If yes, then nothing stops you from dropping by her shop and chatting now and then with the goal to learn what she is all about. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Attempts to read tea leaves is messy kid stuff and leads to overthinking. Have you noticed? I'd leave time for her to heal up, then I'd just ask her out. If yes, you've got a date, and if no, then leave it up to her to pick a better time--or not. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 One more chance but it has to involve as Craig suggested you calling her and asking her out for a specific date and time. If she is busy that day ask her when is the next time she is free. If she cannot give you a date/time then say "I understand that you're busy -feel free to give me a call when you want to get together again". And that's it. Link to comment
faraday Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 I'm going to say...what does it matter? You're already annoyed with her style of communication...do you think she's going to talk different in a few weeks or months? This is the way she talks. She will continue to call you dude and say things like "a meeting of the minds"...that's her Just my 2 cents. Link to comment
kathy679 Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 I think your reading too much into the way she words her texts. She may just be busy and cant reply as often as you would like. it is easy to misinterpret texts, maybe ring her in future if its a problem? Link to comment
LC8328 Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 As a Southern Californian, I'm feeling the hate. LOL. Some of us use the word 'dude' for anything referring to a male. That's a cultural thing, however, so it's hard to know what she meant exactly. To me, it sounded like she wanted to meet up, but a combination of you being sick and her being sick...in addition to days available...just meant you have to wait to meet another day. However, I have to agree with faraday...you're already annoyed with her way of communication. If you're going to continue to pick apart her every word and move, it might be more merciful to find someone else to date. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 As a Southern Californian, I'm feeling the hate. LOL. Some of us use the word 'dude' for anything referring to a male. That's a cultural thing, however, so it's hard to know what she meant exactly. To me, it sounded like she wanted to meet up, but a combination of you being sick and her being sick...in addition to days available...just meant you have to wait to meet another day. However, I have to agree with faraday...you're already annoyed with her way of communication. If you're going to continue to pick apart her every word and move, it might be more merciful to find someone else to date. aww feeling the hate hahaha ...no hate if I was trying to make sure a man was clear on where I was coming from I would say "mate" which I guess is the same as dude really . That's really where my opinion came from . I like it when we all disagree , it makes a thread so interesting to see others view points ..and quite often someone will say something that really makes me think ... good stuff Link to comment
Rosti87 Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 As a Southern Californian, I'm feeling the hate. LOL. Some of us use the word 'dude' for anything referring to a male. That's a cultural thing, however, so it's hard to know what she meant exactly. To me, it sounded like she wanted to meet up, but a combination of you being sick and her being sick...in addition to days available...just meant you have to wait to meet another day. However, I have to agree with faraday...you're already annoyed with her way of communication. If you're going to continue to pick apart her every word and move, it might be more merciful to find someone else to date. The term dude is no longer regional. It is used in many places now. It does tend to be more generational (less spoken by baby boomers than younger generations). I admit i use the term here and there and its for men I deem as friends or acquaintances. Link to comment
csdude55 Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Ahem... speaking as csdude... LOL I seriously think there's way too much emphasis being put on this. When I was texting with the love of my life (as friends, before we romantically connected), I would call her "homey" and she would call me "weirdo". It was all just being cutesy and jokey, though. If I was talking to a girl that was totally turned off by me using a genteelism, I would think that she's WAY too serious for any real compatibility. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 I agree with craig and cat .... pick up the phone and call her. No more high school text "mind reading." Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 I agree with craig and cat .... pick up the phone and call her. No more high school text "mind reading." yeah end of the day ... we can all sit here all day and make assumptions on this and that ...that is the what a forum is about ...but there is only one way to solve this ! Link to comment
Hazyillusions Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Lol what a weird thing to say. No wonder you're feeling confused. You should just give her a call and gauge her interest through the phone. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Really? "A meeting of the minds"? I know what the term means but she is neither a lawyer discussing contract law nor is she a philosopher or intellectual of any kind discussing higher matters so it must be a very eloquent brush-off from a young barista. Right? I really do meet "the strangest ones" as my friend recently said to me. R You took a benign harmless statement and turned it into rejection. Bravo. Link to comment
sibelius9 Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 Thank you all for so much input. Most of these have made me laugh a good bit. I can see how you've all made strong arguments for or against any further pursuit and you're respective evaluations of the overall story are useful and most appreciated. Here's an update on the developing plot: I actually had a legitimate reason to contact her on Friday night to ask about something in town I knew she would know about (I'm new to this city). She didn't have the answer but said she would ask. I said my thanks and moved on deciding to not try for anything more than an acquaintanceship if anything at all. That same night, much later, she texted to ask my about my birth date and location so she could do my astrological chart (umm? Ok?). She did mine and texted back "yours is awesome as I expected. I'll forward it to you and I'll also forward you mine in case you're interested". She then found me on Facebook and sent a friend request and forwarded me the charts. The rest of the night, until 4 in the morning (6-8 hours easily) of continuos texting. Mainly sharing YouTube links of music she likes. She asked me a lot of questions too about this and that. Next morning (Saturday) she calls me (yes...this time she called) with an answer to the previous night's question. She then asked if I could come by the café later that night to say hello. I ended up going with a friend. Once she saw me come in, her face lit up! She came in for a huge hug BUT then said "hey buddy!". Again with these words?! Anyway, I decided to ask her out for a date on Tuesday and she agreed. On my way out we exchanged a hug and a good joke and then she says "so tentatively on Tuesday, right?". How does that make sense?! Lol. By now I'm just laughing at this bizarre song and dance. Her last words were "I'll be in your neighborhood later tonight after I close the shop. I'll let you know in case you're home.". I said "ok, do let me know". We said bye and that was that. Last night she never called and what is more, we are now into the following evening and not even a text. Isn't this a very strange, ambiguous and a bit tyring story of "courting"? Cheers, R Link to comment
Sarah691607309662 Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 out of curiosity, who she is by astrology? Aquarius? Link to comment
sibelius9 Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 She's a Saggitarius. Link to comment
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