notalady Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 In the update, she does seem to be sending mixed signals. She seems interested and enthusiastic but the "dude" and the "buddy" would throw me off too. One theory is she sees you as a cool guy to hang out with but has no romantic interest in you. Well, just go to the date on Tuesday and see what happens. Link to comment
csdude55 Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 My opinion on this: strike while the iron is hot. I recently went through a similar experience. Girl was totally in to me on Friday, with the same hugs and all that, but by Monday... no interest. I went through that 3 times with her before finally giving up entirely. Looking back, I realize that when she was totally in to me on Friday, I should have asked her out for Friday night. Not Saturday, and not Monday... RIGHT THEN! Don't give her time to think about her ex, meet another guy, or worry about whether it's going to "complicate things". IMO, she's totally in to you, but has something else going on. Maybe a complicated ex, or maybe even a real boyfriend, but for whatever reason she's torn on whether to totally commit to anything. If you really like her and don't mind a little drama in the beginning, then I say go for it, now. But be clear about your intentions from the beginning. Link to comment
Sarah691607309662 Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 csdude55 makes a lot of sense. The Sagg acts like she wants a buddy. I would ask her on Tuesday if she will not bring over to the date her friends - where she is at this point in her life and is she looking for friends. Link to comment
sibelius9 Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 Good points. I've started to wonder myself if she's possibly involved with someone else (in which case, I'm not interested. Been there, done that. Not for me.). What if I get her on the phone today and just ask her straight and to the point- "do you like me"? This would save time and energy from a potentially lame date tomorrow. I think so, anyway. I tried to get her to hang out last night and she did answer my call and was friendly but also a bit dismissive and yet again with excuses to not hang out impromptu. People that constantly need to plan ever single move (and on weekends?!)....they don't inspire too much trust. She was also awkwardly aloof about our plan for Tuesday night. Basically I'm ready to nip this whole story right where it matters in order to get a result and move on accordingly. It's been "fun" but I really need results or I'm good on this and I can flip the page. Perhaps it's a harsh attitude to haven but time and previous experiences can do that to someone. I'm more about economizing means to an end these days. R Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 I don't think it's that she has to plan every move on weekends -she's just not that interested in making a plan with you so she's making excuses. Link to comment
faraday Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 I would be surprised with her level of aloofness...that she'll keep the date with you tomorrow. Idk, Wouldn't you rather date someone that makes you feel really good about yourself and about them...and what you have? Link to comment
Sarah691607309662 Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 I understand your impatience to figure it out, but I think it is better to wait till tomorrow night and see what it brings. You made an offer, it is good to stick to it and see it through. You will gain more experience this way. If you call her today with the request to define her intentions, it would be a turn off and even if her intentions were set on dating, most likely she would get defensive and nothing good will come out of it. Tomorrow will show. Link to comment
sibelius9 Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 I'm inclined to believe there's a lot of this going on in my story. Given the age difference, it would make even more sense. I feel most young girl's romantic feelings tend to be scattered and erratically polarized. It does come down to striking while it's hot. I may have dropped the ball on that. Link to comment
sibelius9 Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 Yes, faraday. I would prefer that. My friend thinks I'm enjoying this chase. I'm really not...at all. Link to comment
sibelius9 Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 I agree with Sarah69 that would be the mature approach and perhaps the wisest in order to settle matters in a clean, friendly and clear way. Should the date still stand (my gut tells me it won't but....), I'll see it out this way. At the very least, this should be "interesting". Thanks! Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 What if I get her on the phone today and just ask her straight and to the point- "do you like me"? This would save time and energy from a potentially lame date tomorrow. I think so, anyway. Not a good question, because it means different things to different people. What is someone supposed to say to that, "No?" Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Yes, faraday. I would prefer that. My friend thinks I'm enjoying this chase. I'm really not...at all. If you weren't getting something out of it, you would move on me thinks. You both act vaguely interested. She called you and you didn't seize that chance to really get to know her interest. She asks you out and you show up with a friend. Both of you are hot/cold. Link to comment
sibelius9 Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 Granted but she did not ask me out. She asked me to go see her at her place of work for the hundredth time. Lol! I was already out with my friend and we decided to get a coffee together. I killed two birds with one stone since visiting her at work does not constitute anything of much importance to me by this point. It's actually bordering on weird I think. It was sweet and it had its charm the first 3-4 times. What gives with her insisting so much on my visiting her at work? I sure hope it's not a ploy to bring business to the establishment. If you weren't getting something out of it, you would move on me thinks. You both act vaguely interested. She called you and you didn't seize that chance to really get to know her interest. She asks you out and you show up with a friend. Both of you are hot/cold. Link to comment
sibelius9 Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 She could say "as a friend", "not in THAT way", insert any of those generic female not-interested-but-thank-you-anyway-"aawww"-how sweet-you-are-deep-in-the-friend-zone-maybe-if-the-world-was-on-fire-and-even-then-not-too-sure-I'm-just-a-flake-and-a-tease-I-love-attention-but-I'm-insecure-there-are-daddy-issues- type of answers. No? If you weren't getting something out of it, you would move on me thinks. You both act vaguely interested. She called you and you didn't seize that chance to really get to know her interest. She asks you out and you show up with a friend. Both of you are hot/cold. Not a good question, because it means different things to different people. What is someone supposed to say to that, "No?" Link to comment
Sarah691607309662 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I am curious to know whether the date took place tonight? Link to comment
sibelius9 Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 Of course not. As expected, she flaked out. It worked out better that way since I was minutes away from having to cancel myself (I have a huge project due on Thursday and I am the furthest away I could be from even remotely finishing). She sent a text at around 5 pm saying "hey sweetness, could we please rain check our date for early next week since I'm not having a good day and I don't feel my best? Perhaps we can even actually add dinner to the original plan?" I replied "sure, that's fine with me since I have a long night of work ahead". I feel ok with this. I'm not bothered that this is going nowhere since I've truly lost interest and motivation regarding this girl. Maybe there was too much hot/cold for too long and we both just dropped the ball along the way. Thanks for checking in. Should anything miraculous, unexpected and/or exhilarating, suddenly unfold, I'll keep you posted. Cheers, R Link to comment
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