Another online daing journal

[reinventmyself]

My one friend is on the fence about the guy she is dating and the other one already crashed and burned.

 

The one friend is on the rebound and so is this guy she's going out with. It's too long of a story to go into but I don't see this going anywhere.

 

It was a nice long 3 day weekend.

 

It's been 7 weeks since I last saw S. I had to go back and count because I am not keeping track.

I am testimony to NC working. Reading all the post of peoples sporadic contact, facebook stalking and it's no doubt it definitely prolongs the healing.

If you read recent articles how exposure lights up nerve centers of the brain that are associated with addiction, I for one am a believer.

I turn off mushy songs. I push the thought of him out my head. I go over my list of things I am grateful for everyday, if not twice.

 

I actively acknowledge that certain areas that my life are better; more time for myself, my friends, my family. I can get things done that I got behind on, I sleep better. I am doing activities that I enjoy that I missed out on.

 

Early on I wrote one of those letters I don't intend to send. Sunday I looked at it and fine tuned it. ( I may or may not post it here )

It's sad the further I get away the more toxic it looks to me. As well as it makes me nervous that I have the capability to still be attracted to what is familiar to me even though I know it's wrong. I would have left him, eventually. Both times, but I stay too long to being with.

 

Funny as I am out with my gf's this weekend and the conversations were often about men. I am usually the one dating or in a relationship. I sat quietly listening yesterday and in the end said out loud `It's just so nice to not be dealing with any of that, good, bad or otherwise right now. That might change, I don't know but for now I am not going to worry about it"

 

Mark text me a couple times on Saturday. (in keeping with my ghosts that pop up) Wanted to let me know the cute young couple we spent time with finally got engaged. Sunday he text again asking if I would go with him to this couples house for a bbq. I already had plans. I don't know if he would assume we were anything other than friends. I have made that critically clear, but just didn't want to take the chance. I just don't need the drama.

[faraday]

I do the same things as you to heal after a break up. Out of sight, out of mind. It helps.

 

It's good that you can see that it was toxic. You'll be able to recognize that pattern with future people that you date (whenever you do) very quickly and know to get out- because it doesn't get better.

[reinventmyself]

I've been doing Invisilign for a year and half now. Two weeks ago I pulled my crown off when taking out my tray.

I called my dentist and the soonest they can get me in is July 25th?

I repeated ' You did hear me say I pulled my crown off, right? Girl on the phone `Save it, because you'll need it' Wha???! Lol

Luckily my orthodontist was kind enough to cement it back on today.

Orthodontists are clearly not dentists I have just learned, picking cement off my gums and surrounding teeth still half a day later.

Even had to scratch a small spot off my cheek.

I can't wait 'til this is over with!

[reinventmyself]

I am back to considering a kitten. . again.

 

It's been almost 6 weeks since I lost Xena and Macy isn't doing much better.

She lives in my room and mostly under my bed or in my closet. I can get her to come downstairs when I am home.

But it's typically only for brief period of time before she bolts back upstairs.

 

Even my son's presence bugs her and he's been there off and on for years.

 

I have housekeeper every other Friday.

I leave the closet door cracked open because I know she'll hide in there while the housekeeper is there.

Last Friday I came home and as usual, I go upstairs to find Macy. She's in my closet, I pick her and I feel something warm and wet.

I smell my arm and it's urine! The poor thing had apparently been in there all day, too afraid to go downstairs to use the litter box.

I guess just picking her up squeezed it out of her. It makes me sad for her.

My cat's have never had an accident of any kind, so this is totally not like her. I now have litter box upstairs.

Not that she's using it mind you. . She scampers around in it like its a toy box or something.

 

Xena was the alpha cat and Macy was her shadow. Without her Macy is just really insecure. I don't have faith that will change.

 

So . .there is another kitten I have found on the internet who is in foster care. I can see him tomorrow.

Still on the fence and withholding a decision until I see him.

[reinventmyself]

Look at this face! ]

[superkatnip]

I am back to considering a kitten. . again.

 

It's been almost 6 weeks since I lost Xena and Macy isn't doing much better.

She lives in my room and mostly under my bed or in my closet. I can get her to come downstairs when I am home.

But it's typically only for brief period of time before she bolts back upstairs.

 

Even my son's presence bugs her and he's been there off and on for years.

 

I have housekeeper every other Friday.

I leave the closet door cracked open because I know she'll hide in there while the housekeeper is there.

Last Friday I came home and as usual, I go upstairs to find Macy. She's in my closet, I pick her and I feel something warm and wet.

I smell my arm and it's urine! The poor thing had apparently been in there all day, too afraid to go downstairs to use the litter box.

I guess just picking her up squeezed it out of her. It makes me sad for her.

My cat's have never had an accident of any kind, so this is totally not like her. I now have litter box upstairs.

Not that she's using it mind you. . She scampers around in it like its a toy box or something.

 

Xena was the alpha cat and Macy was her shadow. Without her Macy is just really insecure. I don't have faith that will change.

 

So . .there is another kitten I have found on the internet who is in foster care. I can see him tomorrow.

Still on the fence and withholding a decision until I see him.

J lost his girl of 21 years last month right after we came home from vacation. He will not even discuss another kitten. He says he will know when the time is right. So will you. Macy is still grieving. Poor baby.

[superkatnip]

awwww, he is beautiful.

[reinventmyself]

J lost his girl of 21 years last month right after we came home from vacation. He will not even discuss another kitten. He says he will know when the time is right. So will you. Macy is still grieving. Poor baby.

 

Thanks. If would wait if were just me, but my heart breaks for Macy so I may have to pull the trigger sooner.

Wow, 21 years is a very long time!

[faraday]

Usually when they start peeing like that (and it's not a physical reason like a UTI) it's because they've snapped. I hope that's not the case for her.

 

I'm sorry that she's not doing great Poor Macy

 

The kitten is adorable.

[reinventmyself]

Meet cute little Toby.

He's very vocal and hasn't stopped talking since I brought him home. 5 hours sleep and I'm laying on the couch with because he was wailing non stop.

Hope he settles down. ]

[faraday]

Omg, he is soooo cute

 

The high maintenance ones always are

[reinventmyself]

I have to laugh at myself. My online 'daing' journal lately is full of cats, not men

[WithLove]

Toby is adorable!!! I think he'll be good for Macy Mae. Poor baby. I feel so bad for her.

[notalady]

Toby is totally adorable!!!! Is Macy accepting him?

[Sportster2005]

I'm such a softy for kittens. And Toby is just about as adorable and cute as they get.

[reinventmyself]

Not so much

[Clarisse]

Toby is a looker! How is Macy adapting?

[Batya33]

Such a cute kitty and with all that is going on in the world always great to see a cute kitten. Enjoy!!!

[reinventmyself]

I wasn't ready to talk about this but maybe it will help.

 

I took Toby back to join his litter mates.

From the time I brought him home he meowed nonstop. He would swing from just being chatty to wailing anytime I was out of sight.

Non-stop. I would hold him 'til he passed out and would try to sneak just to go to the bathroom and he'd be up wailing.

This kitten had the worst separation anxiety one could ever imagine. I was afraid my neighbors were starting to be concerned.

 

But. . I was determined.

Sunday afternoon I laid on the floor with Macy growling on one side of the room and kitten curiously watching her on the

other side. 90 minutes I laid there and it was the only time he was quiet. I am thinking to myself, if I can just get these to remotely used to each

other he might settle down.

 

His constant crying and wailing agitated Macy. Outside of this he was so sweet and adorable but a little spooky. I really wanted this to work.

I called in sick yesterday committed to get these two to the other side. But Toby was unrelenting.

I swear, this little boy did not have an off switch.

 

I've had my share of cats and this one was an exception. I felt for everyone concerned it would be best to reunite him with his

litter mates. At 9 wks he was still a little too young. I drove two hours round trip to get him back to the foster home he came from.

 

I came home and took a two hour nap with Macy by my side.

It's weird the amount of guilt I feel over these cats. Just trying to do the right thing.

That and the kitty disappointment has an uncanny way of flushing up unresolvedcrap I seem to have stuffed.

 

I just need to shake this off. OK. . .no more cat talk.

[notalady]

Sorry it didn't work out with Toby, but it's good that you returned him quickly. Maybe it's too soon to get another cat hey?

[reinventmyself]

I was committed to keep him and he was very much wanted.

I guess I hadn't anticipated it being so difficult. He was definitely an exception to what I'm used to having had 4 cats total in my life time.

I'm disappointed

I walked around the corner and took a video of him so you could hear him. I've shown my mother and a friend and they agreed I did the right thing.

He'd get so wound up if you didn't know better one would think someone was hurting him.

Just sad.

[faraday]

I was committed to keep him and he was very much wanted.

I guess I hadn't anticipated it being so difficult. He was definitely an exception to what I'm used to having had 4 cats total in my life time.

I'm disappointed

I walked around the corner and took a video of him so you could hear him. I've shown my mother and a friend and they agreed I did the right thing.

He'd get so wound up if you didn't know better one would think someone was hurting him.

Just sad.

 

And it wouldn't have gotten any better. I adopted an almost adult cat like that. Pokey. She never shut up. I was almost relieved that I had to give her up...she kept trying to smother clementine when she was newborn...so she had to go.

 

I'm sorry that this happened. He was cute...but defective.

[Batya33]

I'm sorry this happened and you did the right thing. I hope you feel better tomorrow.

[reinventmyself]

ok. . back to men

In keeping with the ghosts that jump out of the closet.

 

On FB there is a constant banner of `People you might know' I often see K (who I dated last year during my break from S)

 

I swear it was as recent as last weekend (?)that I looked at his facebook page and he was up in Napa with a woman (his arms around her) and her daughters.

People making comments about how happy they look and what a great couple they are. No doubt his current gf?

 

When we dated it didn't go anywhere and got stuck in the friendzone. If anyone remembers he wasn't interested in inquiring anything about me, but *loved* to talk about himself.

He's nice. I wish him well. I reconciled with S and never heard from K again. That was last Nov?

 

Had he contacted me as a friend to say hello. . I would like that.

But yesterday during my drive home K contacts me - `How are you?'

I respond.

He then tells me he is out of town for work, sitting in a hotel thinking of me (!?)

Right?!! I haven't spoken to this man in 7 mo's.

 

I had reached my home about this time and immediately switched to FB to see those most recent pictures of he and the woman are all scrubbed off.

Uhmmm . .rebounding much?!

 

We used to meet at a local restaurant on Wed's and he asked if I would meet him tonight. I told him I was busy.

[reinventmyself]

My youngest son is proposing to his gf next Friday!

He has planned to do this on the London Bridge, on the Colorado River. There is some significance to this but I wont go into it.

It's a surprise and about 30 of us will be there to witness it.

 

My ex husband has rented a house on the river and my sons gf's family owns a home close by.

One more additional home in the area is being rented by an aunt.

I have opted to rent a hotel room.

My sons and their gf's are staying in their dad's house. I was invited to but thought better of it.

My son arranged that I would stay with his gf's family but that felt awkward as well. So I rented a room.

 

I'll leave very early for a 4 1/2 hour drive next Friday morning to see the `moment' at noon. From there we are all together at my ex's rental for the remainder of the weekend. My ex's gf will be there and her and I get along great.

My ex on the other hand can't help himself but try to push my buttons by asking too many personal questions.

He's unpredictable and throw some alcohol on top and we are off to the races!!. . lol.

The more I keep my distance they more he finds it a challenge.

 

That and my older son's gf who I have recently known to throw temper tantrums. . this should be interesting. .

I guess at this point the only thing to be thankful of is S and I are no longer together. When I considered throwing him in the mix it almost

gives me a panic attack. Especially in light of the fact that he's terribly threatened by my ex. . for some unknown reason. And unpredictable himself.

 

The other good news is I can leave any time I want !

I need to go into this with a positive outlook. I just don't trust some of people to be on their best behavior.

 

Me? I'll just smile and keep my mouth shut.