gross.

[oitnb]

So long story short. My boyfriend and I had a Halloween party. We had parties a lot when we first got together, just being typical 20 somethings. This last five months we haven't really had any, kinda got over the whole thing thing.

 

Well we've wanted to have a Halloween party for awhile cause we had one last year and it was awesome. So it was fine. But towards the end of the night, he was extremely drunk. And two girls decided it be funny or what the heck ever to kiss each other in front of all the guys. And my boyfriend, instead of leaving or idk, stayed and watched. Then went upstairs and passed out in bed.

 

I told him the next morning what he did and he apologized. He thought it was gross because he's known these girls a good majority of his life, and they're both dating his cousins. I forgave him because he's a guy and was drunk.

 

But I keep having flashbacks of it and just feeling so jealous and grossed out ugh

[annie24]

Sorry, I don't really see what the problem is (no offense). So people were drunk, two girls decided to try to get some attention, made out, your boyfriend saw it and then later went to bed. I mean.... I dunno, you just described a typical 20 something party.

[oitnb]

Just the fact that he sat and watched. I know it's not some terrible transgression, it just grosses me out thinking about it...

[Natasha24]

I understand why you're upset, and to be honest, I think I would be upset too if I was in your shoes.

 

The way I see it, it's kind of like watching two girls doing pornography-type acts infront of him. If two girls started to go down on each other in the middle of your living room, I bet your boyfriend would have left the room. I know it's not the EXACT same thing, these girls were both clothed and they weren't touching each other's "private" parts - but there's no doubt that the guys were watching for sexual reasons, and the girls were doing it because they knew it would excite the guys sexually. To me, that's not something that is okay for my boyfriend to partake in.

 

It really depends on your relationship boundaries. My boyfriend knows it would be inappropriate to sit and watch this kind of thing. Just like I would know it's inappropriate to sit and watch two guys grinding up on each other for attention. Some couples, on the other hand, might be perfectly okay with this type of thing.

 

It's kind of like - where do you draw the line? Okay fine, it was just 2 girls kissing each other in your house for the attention of a bunch of guys. Big deal.

But what about if one started to kiss the other ones neck?

What if they started rubbing each other's breasts?

What if they started rubbing each other under their pants?

and more stuff that I won't say because I don't want to get too graphic.

 

You have the draw the line somewhere. And to me, the line is: whatever a girl does to purposely make my boyfriend horny is NOT okay. And my boyfriend sticking around in order to get horny - also not okay.

 

You can try to give him the benefit of the doubt because he was drunk. But I wouldn't be happy about this either.

 

How close are you with the girls? I know you said you guys are 20-somethings, and I can understand that this is something that some 20 year old girls do for attention.. but I don't think I would spend my time with these kinds of people. I'm 26, I know what girls can be like at this age, and they don't need to be acting like this.

 

I don't know. Maybe I'm kind of biased. I have had some bisexual tendancies in the past, so I have nothing against girls kissing other girls. But it drives me absolutely bonkers when girls kiss each other for the sexual attention of other guys, when the girls aren't even attracted to each other in the least. That kind of "attention seeking" is not something I look for in a friend. Even if not a "friend", that's not someone who I would want to invite to my house for a party.

 

You said both girls are dating your boyfriend's cousins. Were the cousins at this party too? If not, do they know about this? I can't imagine this is a trait that many men want to see in their girlfriend. A lot of people consider kissing - regardless of sexual orientation and gender - to be cheating.

 

EDIT: Sorry, I kind of ranted here. Not sure why this bothers me so much. I'm a pretty lenient girlfriend and I'm VERY open sexually with my boyfriend - but this crosses a line. Apparently you are handling this a lot better than I would! haha

[annie24]

Well, how long did he sit and watch? Was it like 30 seconds or 20 minutes?

[oitnb]

I'm not close at all with the girls. I only see them when my boyfriend is visiting with his cousins. Those people are probably not gonna be around too much any more any ways, because they always start drama within themselves and fight every time they drink.

 

That's what upset me. You put it perfectly into words I couldn't find. The girls KNEW the guys were getting turned on, and my boyfriend watched most likely because it was turning him on.

 

And yeah, if it went any further I surely know he would get up and leave. If not, he'd be single. Lol

[oitnb]

Like a minute or so.

[BentGattling]

I thought you were going to say he joined in. Whether it was disrespectful to the relationship is one debate but to get into it with you there, that's definite disrespect.

[oitnb]

I thought you were going to say he joined in. Whether it was disrespectful to the relationship is one debate but to get into it with you there, that's definite disrespect.

 

If he joined in he wouldn't be my boyfriend right now...

[annie24]

lol. how drunk was he? I'm just imagining a guy who was really drunk and wasn't entirely comprehending the situation. Personally, i would give him a pass, especially if he's never been disrespectful or leery in front of you. I could imagine being really drunk myself and watching them, just because i was so drunk and was trying to figure out what i was seeing. i dunno my point of view....

[Capricorn3]

Sorry, I don't really see what the problem is (no offense). So people were drunk, two girls decided to try to get some attention, made out, your boyfriend saw it and then later went to bed. I mean.... I dunno, you just described a typical 20 something party.

I was thinking the same thing. He was drunk, he saw, he looked and went to bed. No harm done. ~shrug~

[kitkat620]

Boys will be boys.

[Cheetarah]

I actually find them gross doing it to get male attention, making a show of it. Not because it's a sensual act, but just assuming they're two straight girls making a mockery out of sexuality. But that's me.

 

So it's kinda gross to me, all around.

[Seraphim]

In a few years parties like this will get old real fast. Usually about 24/25 people just get really done with that stuff. You guys will just start looking for better ways to spend time and money than that. And after a while in the morning feeling like something the cat puked up just gets old too.

[oitnb]

I actually find them gross doing it to get male attention, making a show of it. Not because it's a sensual act, but just assuming they're two straight girls making a mockery out of sexuality. But that's me.

 

So it's kinda gross to me, all around.

 

That irritated me too. You don't see straight guys making out for attention.

[oitnb]

In a few years parties like this will get old real fast. Usually about 24/25 people just get really done with that stuff. You guys will just start looking for better ways to spend time and money than that. And after a while in the morning feeling like something the cat puked up just gets old too.

 

It's already getting old, for me at least. I just wanted a Halloween party so I had am excuse to dress up lol

[Seraphim]

The thing is once alcohol is involved there's always instant stupidity.

[oitnb]

The thing is once alcohol is involved there's always instant stupidity.

 

Yeah. Which sucks because I think I'm literally one of the few people I know who can handle haVing a few drinks, everyone else just doesn't know when to stop. Sigh...

[catfeeder]

Pick your battles. If you're going to start drama over this, you're setting yourself up for a need to escalate in order to get attention. And you're setting BF up to escalate the risks he's willing to take.

 

Think about it: if GF is going to have the same meltdown whether I see something or participate, what's to lose by participating?

[lerenard]

Lighten up and let it go. Most people have no idea what is going on around them and have no judgments when they are so drunk. He passed away several minutes after it, I bet he hadn't even remembered his name at that point.)

 

When I had my fair share of parties, I was once told pretty bad things I said and did while drunk. I had no memory of it, and it was actually hard for me to believe I really said these things!

[lostandhurt]

So he watched to old friends kissing. So what? Did he encourage it? Suggest it?

 

If he witness's a robbery are you going to hold that against him too?

 

Lighten way up. It was a party not a funeral or church. It sounds like you have issues other than him seeing two girls kissing.

 

Keep this up and he will be single alright but not because you dumped him.

 

Lost

[Tanzi]

Sorry, I don't really see what the problem is (no offense). So people were drunk, two girls decided to try to get some attention, made out, your boyfriend saw it and then later went to bed. I mean.... I dunno, you just described a typical 20 something party.

 

I agree. I really don't understand where the issue is. I expect plenty of others were watching too, each with their own opinions of the display. Would you have an issue with it if it had been a guy and a girl making out?

[oitnb]

Woah people. Calm down. I didn't yell at him or nag. I simply told him what happened the night before because he didn't remember, and he offered up an apology all on his own. I just keep remembering seeing him watch and I don't like the feeling, is all.

[chamachama]

Oh please, that's your insecurity not his. So now he had to lie to you and tell you what he knew you wanted to hear. That's better for you? He looked because it was two attention seeking idiots making a spectacle of themselves in a sexy manor. Who cares?! Did he touch them or go home with them? Give me a break. Stop trying to control your SO. It won't do anything at all for creating a lasting healthy relationship to try and control what he looks at. Would you like it if he saw you look at another man and got all freaked out? What if you are at your best friends bachelorett party and there are male strippers. Should he make you promise to leave the room screaming with your hands over your eyes?

 

The dating his cousin thing I can understand the weird factor. But seriously, have more confidence in yourself and your ability to keep your guy interested in you. That's how you keep someone interested. Confidence. Not jealousy. Let him look at whatever the heck he wants to. So long as he goes home with YOU.

[itsallgrand]

In the past, on the rare occasions I'd get really stupid drunk, it always ended up with a minor fight with the bf at the time. Apparently I'm a gawker.

People can act braindead when they are drunk - true story.

 

I'd let it go. I think the only good reason to bring it up again is if your bf is or gets into a pattern where he is regularly getting ridiculously drunk, drinking too much in general for what is comfortable with you in the relationship in general, and does these stupid little things that upset you. But then; it's about the drinking really, isn't it?!

 

If this isn't a problem when there isn't drinking, then let it go.