Is it rude refuse giving someone a ride?

[Telly986]

She doesn't live out of my way but I just hate giving rides escpially now that she ask me all the time.We work together so I don't want any hard feelings between us since she is great person so its nothing personal.

 

I just feel uneasy when I have someone in car and if I were to get into an accident they can sue you with everthing you got.

 

another reason why I hate giving rides is the fact that it cost so much money owning car and then someone else expects free rides.I have tried giving excuses like not going home and she stopped asking so I thought she got the hint .

 

However, recently she started asking again so I am thinking to just say no but I am worried she is going to resent me after and I am going to come off as a jerk.So how can I say no without coming off as horrible person?she uses public transportation so its not like she has no way to get home

[Fudgie]

I don't think it's rude at all. Your car, your rules. Sounds like she's not even contributing to gas - I'd say THAT'S rude.

 

Yeah, you don't owe her anything. I'd keep doing the "I have things to do after work" excuse and she'll get the hint soon enough.

 

If she likes being in a car so much, she should buy her own.

[Telly986]

I don't think it's rude at all. Your car, your rules. Sounds like she's not even contributing to gas - I'd say THAT'S rude.

 

Yeah, you don't owe her anything. I'd keep doing the "I have things to do after work" excuse and she'll get the hint soon enough.

 

If she likes being in a car so much, she should buy her own.

 

Totally agree with you

[Snny]

Time to start charging gas money. No, she is being rude. Have a backbone here.

[LC8328]

If she starts resenting you for something like this, then her friendship probably wasn't worth much to begin with.

 

I agree that she's being the rude one.

 

Yeah, you work together, but not liking your co-workers can be pretty standard sometimes in today's world. LOL.

[Iggy5129]

You don't really owe her the ride but I find your attitude selfish. You give to be nice not to get something out of it. It sucks not having a car. My coworkers offer me rides home, rarely do I have to ask. Because they are nice people and don't want to make me take the bus if I don't have to.

 

Try being a bit more compassionate and willing to share. You are fortunate enough to have a car, why not share that with someone in need? You never know when you might be in need and the shoe will be on the other foot.

[Cheetarah]

When I didn't have a car in the past, sometimes an ex coworker offered me a ride. I always gave her a couple dollars. Sometimes she'd take it, most times not. But it would be rude of me to not offer.

 

You don't really owe her the ride but I find your attitude selfish. You give to be nice not to get something out of it. It sucks not having a car. My coworkers offer me rides home, rarely do I have to ask. Because they are nice people and don't want to make me take the bus if I don't have to.

 

She doesn't offer the rides. The coworker asks her. And I hope you offer some gas money here and there.

[Fudgie]

Try being a bit more compassionate and willing to share. You are fortunate enough to have a car, why not share that with someone in need? You never know when you might be in need and the shoe will be on the other foot.

 

Because he's under no obligation to tote her around and it sounds like she is coming to EXPECT that from him. It's not a kind gesture anymore once it becomes expected. You make it sound like he's somehow obligated to "share". He's not! He's the one paying and owning that car, she's not! This is not like grade school where we had to share the communal toys in the toy bin.

 

And I'm sorry, SHE is being the selfish one, not him, if she's asking for free rides and not paying him. I own a car - they are expensive! Gas, repairs, oil changes, etc. Wear and tear takes a toll. If she's looking to score regular rides from OP, she needs to pay him for gas or something because that's what is fair. Otherwise, she's being a leech/mooch.

 

This is why sharing your car with coworkers is a bad idea unless you're being compensated or you have a carpool agreement: you will soon be "expected" to provide free rides and you'll get attitude when you no longer can/want to provide that service. You won't be able to go elsewhere after work because you have to drive so-and-so home. Forget leaving work early or staying late, you have people to drive home!

 

It's a bad deal all the way around.

[Telly986]

You don't really owe her the ride but I find your attitude selfish. You give to be nice not to get something out of it. It sucks not having a car. My coworkers offer me rides home, rarely do I have to ask. Because they are nice people and don't want to make me take the bus if I don't have to.

 

Try being a bit more compassionate and willing to share. You are fortunate enough to have a car, why not share that with someone in need? You never know when you might be in need and the shoe will be on the other foot.

 

 

Trust me,i didn't always had a car all my life.I used to rely on public transportation to get everywhere .Everyone knows that they take forever to get from point A to point B.I was used to it so I didn't mind taking busses. I have had people from work offer rides on occasion an I was grateful of it but I never expected them to drive ne on regular basis even if the live next door to me. I never asked anyone for a ride ever. The fact that I didn't have a car was not their problem .

 

I knew I wanted to drive so I had to work hard to save up money for a car and go to driving school so I earned it. It wasn't a walk in the park .It just annoys me when other people expect a ride as If they entitled to one

[ParisPaulette]

It's customary, if you're going to ask someone for a ride somewhere, to offer them gas money or something in exchange. It's incredibly rude not to, so no you are not out of line here. Either tell her, "I know I've given you free rides, but I really can't afford to keep doing that." Then tell her she needs to pay X amount of dollars for the ride and you make her pay you right there. When she says, "Come on, it's not out of your way, you have to go by there anyways," come back with, "Yes, but if you had to call a taxi or take a bus or drive your own car you'd have to pay, so why do you think you don't have to now? Come on, don't be cheap." If that's not going to suit you then tell her it's out of your way and yes, you have other things you need to do after work. She can only ask for rides so many times and then she'll get the hint. Or not and you just keep having things to do and tell her that you don't go home straight from work any more, so she should see about other options.

 

Is she going to get offended? Well, maybe since someone who tries to get a free ride or a free lunch tends to get offended when asked to pay more often than people who don't think like that, because they know inside they are being cheap and rude. And they don't like being called out on it, but that's not your problem. Be nice to her in the office, but don't let her into your car. It's your car and there will always be people who try to use the logic that just because you have something you should share it with them for free. And that just isn't so. Whenever I've had to ask for a ride I always paid when I didn't have a vehicle and if the person refused to let me pay for gas and maintenance I'd still do something nice like bring them goodies from home or something. For heavens sake a taxi driver doesn't just let you hop in and ride for free, "because you're headed by my house anyways on the way to pick up a paying customer." So why should you?

[Snny]

It sucks not having a car. My coworkers offer me rides home, rarely do I have to ask.

But the girl is asking him to ride everyday for FREE. Gas is expensive to expect someone to drive you to work on a daily basis.

 

You are fortunate enough to have a car, why not share that with someone in need? You never know when you might be in need and the shoe will be on the other foot.

When I used to work in retail and had my own car, I had one co-worker ask me to give him a ride since he was along the way. I didn't think much of it at first. But Sure enough he started asking everyday on shifts we both worked. Then a couple MORE people had the nerve to ask me to give THEM rides because they heard about me giving the first person rides for free.

 

My mustang is not a free taxi service for the poor. I ended up putting a stop to it and started declining. They never paid me or contributed to my gas when they should of out of proper etiquette. I was being taken advantage of just like the OP.

[journeynow]

It isn't rude of her to suggest carpooling, and isn't rude for you to politely decline. If she refused to share expenses, or if she is trying to make you feel guilty, yes that would be rude. My guess is she has asked again because you haven't been clear. Simply say No, that won't work for you. (That is the truth and she doesn't need details.) I don't think it a big deal one way or the other, to catch a ride with someone and for the driver to require the rider to pay for gas since the driver is providing the car and covering all the expenses associated with it. If it doesn't work for you to give her a ride, that's fine.

[journeynow]

When I used to work in retail and had my own car, I had one co-worker ask me to give him a ride since he was along the way. I didn't think much of it at first. But Sure enough he started asking everyday on shifts we both worked. Then a couple MORE people had the nerve to ask me to give THEM rides because they heard about me giving the first person rides for free.

 

Why didn't you ask for gas money and hot coffee rather then get resentful?

 

It's easier on the environment for people to carpool. Just have boundaries, tell people you won't wait, and they pay $_______ per day for gas and expenses.

[blueidealist24]

I think if you do continue giving her rides she should be offering you money for gas. If you really don't want to give her rides anywhere I'd be honest about being uncomfortable with others in the car, even if she thinks that's kind of weird. I was like that when I first got my license, and deeked out of my job before anyone could ask me for a ride a lot of the time. I did give a few but I was rather uncomfortable. Now that's not a problem since I've had a license for awhile, but I see what you mean.

[itsallgrand]

It isn't rude of her to suggest carpooling, and isn't rude for you to politely decline. If she refused to share expenses, or if she is trying to make you feel guilty, yes that would be rude. My guess is she has asked again because you haven't been clear. Simply say No, that won't work for you. (That is the truth and she doesn't need details.) I don't think it a big deal one way or the other, to catch a ride with someone and for the driver to require the rider to pay for gas since the driver is providing the car and covering all the expenses associated with it. If it doesn't work for you to give her a ride, that's fine.

 

I agree with this. Polite but to the point.

 

It'll help to reduce tensions in the long run if you do this rather than trying to duck and weave from her.

[catfeeder]

I would skip the whole gasoline talk and just tell her that you're not going in her direction tonight. Keep that as your stock answer whenever she asks, and she'll stop asking.

[Snny]

Why didn't you ask for gas money and hot coffee rather then get resentful?

 

It's easier on the environment for people to carpool. Just have boundaries, tell people you won't wait, and they pay $_______ per day for gas and expenses.

LOL that was over 10 years ago when I was a naive teenager and recently got my license. So I was being taken advantage of based on my age. Resentment didn't really kick in until two more coworkers asked for free rides and it got out of control from there. Looking back as to how these people really trusted a teen driver with a year of driving experience to drive them is beyond me. They must of been desperate.

 

That was the point of my story about setting boundaries.

[faraday]

Ugh, I started school in march, and there was a guy in my class that lived a community away from me...and I offered him a ride on the day I found out...because it's a two hour bus ride, and only an extra 15 minutes for me to drop him off. On the ride home, he suggested that we could share the cost of gas if I would drive him. I was okay with that. In two months, he offered me 3 cigarettes....i don't smoke..,I even stopped for gas a few times with him in the car...and he wouldn't offer anything. I finally just told him I couldn't pick him up in the morning because it meant that I needed to take my daughter to daycare instead of directly to school (which was true- driving him was an inconvenience for my daughter, and I had to pay extra for daycare)...and shortly after that, I would stay late after class with friends, so I wouldn't be available to drive him. It's not my responsibility to drive him around...just like it's not your to help your coworker. I mean, so nice to do on a day with horrible weather....but...it's a nice thing to do, not an obligation. They have the same opportunities to buy a car as you...they choose not to.

 

People need to reciprocate....or people getting tired of getting used. All relationships are mutually beneficial...or they aren't sustainable.

 

Some people don't get normal etiquette. It's too bad.

 

 

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