red orchid Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 Need serious advice...My boyfriend of 5 years is wanting space from me. We met online, 5 years ago on a game called IMVU. We really connected and have pretty much had a phone relationship since then. We have not met in real life yet. We sleep on the phone together, watc movies on the phone and skype and we pretty muc have a relationship over the phone. Usually we talk most of the day and we also play another game together and also play x box as well. We have a really great relationship and we rarely fight but when we do fight or argue its about the same thing mainly which is he is always tired when we are on the phone and he doesnt really wanna do what we used to do, like watch movies and talk or even get on the games we play together. About a week ago he went out with his friends and stayed out all night and didnt call me until afternoon the next day. I expressed to him that I was upset by that and thats not like him and he has changed because the person I know would never do that to me. So he gets angry with me and hangs up and basically Im usually the one who calls back when he does hang up on me but this time i didnt. he didnt talk to me until Christmas Morning, he called to wish me a merry christmas and then he hung up...I didnt hear from him until Sunday the 29th and he called to say he missed me and to see if I was ok, then he goes on to tell me he needs space, and of course I paniced and cried and asked a million questions, but his answer is he loves me he just wants time with his friends and wants time to miss me. I understand that and I understand that he wants time with his friends...but I feel like he has completely changed and that there is someone else that has caught his interest. and I really feel he has abandoned me and dont want to hurt me by breaking up with me so he is playing the "i need space" game. Last night we were on the phone and he said he was going to sleep for about 30 minutes, and we sleep on the phone together so i look at my phone about 30 minutes later and he wasnt on the phone anymore, so I call him back and his phone is going to Voicemail, so i say forget it and go to sleep, I wake up at 4 am this morning and try to call him again and his phone is now ringing. That is so not like him and Im so hurt he heard my Voicemail and even knows we sleep togethr why wouldnt he call me? I just want to drop back and leave him alone, I feel he is cheating and this space is about him having more time with someone else. I need advice on this...this pain is horrible...and I dont know what to do... I have done nothing but love him through so much, please help Link to comment
JA0371 Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 I know it's hard, but the fact that you have NEVER met in real life in five years is astounding. Is there a reason? It sounds like he may have met someone else in real life? Sorry, I know that doesn't help, but IMO staying on the phone with someone all day or night is not healthy in any relationship. I would back off...and let him call or initiate contact. Link to comment
JJ2980 Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 Umm that's a long time not to meet in person. I don't want to hurt your feelings but your bf can't live off a phone/skype/txt msg relationship. It's not fulfilling. Why haven't you two met yet? Are you both young? I think the writing is on the wall and it's saying "the relationship is done". Link to comment
Dragunov-21 Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 He's sleeping with someone. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 Not going to necessarily leap to conclusions that he is with someone else. It just sounds like he snapped out of the computer games phone Skype daze and rejoined the real world where people go out and interact in person. Seems like your rather odd deal has run its course. Also, how did you not meet in five years? Going forward, please understand that relationships happen in real life face to face. Sure you can make friends online, but at some point you have to get offline. Real life friendships will always trump online friendships in the long run. Nobody will spend a lifetime with you on computer and phone alone. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 5 years is a loooooong time to go with never having met. My guess is that yes, he recently met a woman in real life that he's spending time with. Why have you guys not met in person yet? Link to comment
Iggles Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 I'm going to be blunt here.. 5 years of talking and you've never met in person. You two are not in a relationship. You are pen pals who communicate daily. Long distance relationships can be hard, but spending some face to face time is crucial. You can not assess physical chemistry without meeting. Likewise, there is no way to know if you can build a future together offline (ie, moving in together and/or getting married) if you never crossed paths. Right now you're coming off as clingy and controlling for not understanding that he doesn't want to be on the phone and skype all day. It's not enough. He has friends and family he needs to spend time with in order to be happy. Also, if he meets a girl in real life with the potential for romance that will be a bigger pull than spending all his time tethered to the phone. It's time to make some decisions about how you want to proceed. The status quo won't due. As you only have control over yourself and your behavior, to alter the dynamic you have to make some changes. Dialing back the amount of time spending talking is one thing. Also making concrete plans to see each other in person is a big step forward. It sounds like he cares about you a lot but he is withdrawing because the arrangement you have doesn't fulfill all his needs (physical affection, offline companionship such as going bowling together or bringing a date to family dinner, and physical intimacy/sex). Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 You're 'routine' of how you two did this..forever has now changed and you're hurt. But, honestly, like the other's are saying. 5 yrs and NOT meeting yet, etc is crazy. amazed it went on this long. If he's choosing to go out into reality, do things with friends etc. He has that right. No matter what his choices are, you can do nothing about it... Now, he's asking for his 'space'. This is more less telling you he's done with it. He's obviously tired of this I think and is starting to live his life a more 'normal' way again. Something like this is VERY challenging for people. Distance/not meeting for so long, etc. All you can do now is 'accept' his choices and work on dealing with what has happened now. Sorry you're hurting, no, loss is NOT easy. take it easy.. one day at a time. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 You don't even know if he's married for goodness sakes. Link to comment
Kendahke Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 I agree 100% with Iggles. This isn't a relationship. This is a phone-pal thing. You have to be in the same proximity as them, interact with them in the flesh for it to be a relationship. He's probably seeing someone who lives near him. You should get out and do the same. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 We really connected and have pretty much had a phone relationship since then. We have not met in real life yet. This says it all, right here. You've had a 5 year fantasy that's prevented you from exploring real life and finding a real relationship. Here's your opportunity to decide to make 2014 your best year ever. Live it well. Link to comment
red orchid Posted January 4, 2014 Author Share Posted January 4, 2014 We have planned on meeting, It's not that I don't want to meet, I would love to, I have offered many times to go see him because I am so tired of waiting for him to come see me. He claims his job is eventually going to transfer him to whre I live but it never seems to happen. It's hard to believe someone doesn't have at least 2 free days to come see me, which bothers me a lot because obviously there is something wrong there. There is a lot of things that make me know he is hiding things from me. After 5 years of an online relationship he has NEVER given me his home address, when I asked he kinda flipped out on me so I never asked again. I feel as though he is lying to me about his real name as well. a google search comes up as nothing at all. not even a simple speeding ticket. I know everything is showing me to leave him alone, I guess Im at the point now where I want the truth, since I know there are lies...but I don't think he will ever come clean. Link to comment
red orchid Posted January 4, 2014 Author Share Posted January 4, 2014 Yeah I am definitely wanting that CatfeederThis says it all, right here. You've had a 5 year fantasy that's prevented you from exploring real life and finding a real relationship. Here's your opportunity to decide to make 2014 your best year ever. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Too many excuses. I think you've been "catfished." Link to comment
red orchid Posted January 4, 2014 Author Share Posted January 4, 2014 Thank you JA0371 I think I will take your advice, about meeting him, trust me I have tried, he just makes excuses all the time...it's really very sad... Link to comment
red orchid Posted January 4, 2014 Author Share Posted January 4, 2014 Too many excuses. I think you've been "catfished." I think you are right Annie but 5 years makes me look like an (sorry for my language) Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 well, live and learn, right? in the future, try to meet within a few weeks. if he balks, next!! Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 I guess Im at the point now where I want the truth, since I know there are lies...but I don't think he will ever come clean. The truth is, you've been stringing your Self along for 5 years, and the only thing worse than that is to keep doing it for 5 years and 1 day. This guy has no 'truth' to offer you, and he never has, so why not just quit your investment that has proven for 5 solid years to offer you zero payoff. Head high, and move FORward. Link to comment
greta96 Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Sounds like he's married and he spiced up his life by having you as an online "girlfriend" to feed his fantasies. You have been catfished big time, and the sad reality is that while you've added some extra spice to his life, you cheated yourself of the opportunity to meet someone real, who could have become a serious long term relationship or a potential husband. These are years you'll never get back, and for what? For a make believe "relationship"? Give yourself a good shake and snap out of it. You are not in a relationship, you haven't been in one for the past 5 years, you are being some married man's pen pal and denying yourself a real relationship in the process, while he gets an ego boost from interacting with you, then goes to sleep with his wife and gets to enjoy sweet moments with his real family (probably kids too). Link to comment
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