Women, age and fertility - Lif is Totally Unfair

[Throwaway999]

The women I know that have 'settled' didn't start out with their guys believing they'd settled. They just got jerked around by the hot, successful guys and decided to be more realistic in their dating choices.

 

Then, once they met someone that was a good guy and had kids with him, it became far more difficult to just do the morally 'right' thing and leave their man, once it became clear that he wasn't really the man for them.

 

Basically they're not happy with their men but they're mature and selfless enough to realise that a stable home, a stable partner, and their kids' happiness are far more important.

 

As a man, being in a marriage like this is pretty much my "nightmare scenario" as far as marriage and children are concerned.

[allcity]

As a man, being in a marriage like this is pretty much my "nightmare scenario" as far as marriage and children are concerned.

 

The most important thing to bear in mind, though, is that all of these guys are being too darn lazy to be a better partner, so they totally deserve whatever they get.

 

It's not like these women haven't tried to work things through together with their men.

 

This may be your nightmare scenario, but would you be emotionally mature enough as a man to admit your failings in a relationship and work on them?

 

These guys aren't, so they get no sympathy from me.

 

Relationships evolve and require constant care to keep them successful. If a man or woman isn't up to that challenge, then it's their own fault if things go wrong.

[Ms Darcy]

I think the unfortunate thing about this thread is how people are making the assumption that women are all doing one thing or another. They are either settling or aiming too high.

 

And of course the only women truly part of the conversation are stunning, non overweight women.

 

I think the conversation gets much richer and more interesting if we can get beyond the surface stuff.

[allcity]

I think the conversation gets much richer and more interesting if we can get beyond the surface stuff.

 

Absolutely! Go for it.

 

Surface stuff will almost always play a part in attraction though, no?

 

Surely even a person that has decided that looks mean squat when it comes to finding a good partner would struggle not to be affected by meeting a man/woman that they thought was really gorgeous.

 

Looks will always be involved in attraction, one way or another.

[Thorshammer]

I think the unfortunate thing about this thread is how people are making the assumption that women are all doing one thing or another. They are either settling or aiming too high.

 

And of course the only women truly part of the conversation are stunning, non overweight women.

 

I think the conversation gets much richer and more interesting if we can get beyond the surface stuff.

 

Thats what my experience has been. Besides the biological clock for women, regardless of sex, an attractive 'person' that doesnt have to hunt might be some entitlement and will feel grow to be super picky (lets say in a parallel world men dont approach woman- attractive men would do the same- even i am super picky on this earth, and i do get approached actually). Once this physical attraction starts to dwindle, and they didnt end up with their perfect soul-mate, they realize they lack the skill or experience to not be the entitled person, they have to be at a more normal footing in the dating world (which can make them insecure, lost and confused).

 

But the biological time clock for having children, and the fact that most men tend to focus more on appearance or youth- which is specific to women, can leave these once entitled women now out of that league and has to settle with the normal world. I have also seen this happen with single women with children.

[Batya33]

I have to say that at my stage in life I would laugh -hysterically- at any person who assumed I settled for my husband because he is not tall. There was a time many years ago when it mattered a great deal what others thought about the physical features of my current boyfriend- glad I grew out of that. I can't really judge a woman for thinking that a short man is "settling" but it sure helped me in the dating world - for whatever reason I was always more attracted to shorter men (but typically not that attracted to very thin men whether tall or short). I can say that looks matter -of course! - but once you don't need a "trophy" on your arm as far as looks then there are a lot more options for someone you have chemistry with. Sometimes the trophy mindset is not all that conscious but it's good to be honest with yourself in case that is an obstacle.

[Kendahke]

And what about people that have never been to a therapist or even considered it or can't afford it (ie. pretty much everone outside of wealthy regions of the US)?

 

Should they just keep their feelings to themselves? Isn't that truly terrible advice to give someone?!

 

What's so bad about talking things through with friends? Is it just the insecurity of knowing that people outside your relationship will know things about you that you'd prefer they didn't?

 

You dont' have to be wealthy to work with a therapist. Many of them have sliding scales to work with people who don't have a lot of money, but need help getting unstuck.

 

Because at the end of the day, your friends are only going to want to listen to you go on and on about your relationship woes before they begin not wanting to hear it anymore. Complaining about your relationship has a very short shelf life when it comes to imposing upon friends.

[Sirenia]

Thank you all for your replies. Even if the topic has changed somewhat sometimes I enjoy reading your responses.

 

I think some of you are misinterpretating what I'm saying though. Sure I have a bit of 'woe is me' syndrome but I do not feel I am spoilt, entitled or impatient. I merely answered questions asking what I wanted. I am not in a hurry to get (re)married, I'm not even in a hurry to have a baby. I was saying how unfair it is that I'm being forced to 'hurry up' and have a baby.

 

I'm just going through a really really rough time right now. For my whole life I've had relationship problems. I have had so many relationships of varying lengths. A few years ago I was married and divorced. Although I'm totally over him now (with no ill feelings whatsoever) I can't help but think that at that time of my life my life was on 'track'.. ie if all was going well I would've had a baby by age 32 or 33. Going through the divorce was the most painful thing in my life as I didn't have a single close person I could talk to about it. I wished I had found this forum back then. Maybe it would've helped. But I had to go through the most painful thing in my life alone and it took me about 5 months to snap out of the depression (in total it was over a year since the separation). Straight after the divorce I would be 'numb' to babies. Whenever I'd see one I'd want to burst into tears as we were definitely going to have them and had even named them.

 

Eventually I got out of that phase and as I begun to reconstruct my life and make my self happy again, I actually 'forgot' all about the baby thing. I didn't seek them out nor did I avoid looking at them in public.

 

Then I moved to the other side of the world where on the outside many friends (who don't know the real story) are totally envious of me. I live the life that they want. It seems so exciting. I travel all the time, I make (made) lots of money, I had total freedom to do what I want.

 

And yet on the inside, I was alone and miserable. I missed family and comforts of home but did not want to move back. I missed having close friends and so all these years of feeling alone has made me want my own family more and more, especially since I know my parents want grandkids too. They never pressure me about it (thank God) but giving them a grandchild would bring so much joy to them that it would ultimately give me joy too.

 

My sister, on the other hand, has never had relationship problems. She's got a great guy and been with him over 10 years. They have been through thick and thin and lived in several countries both together and apart. And yet, she doesn't want to get married nor have kids. That was a while ago though and I'm not sure if she's changed her mind. I think her guy DOES though. He's talked about it and hinted at it but she won't have a bar of it. But now that they've been together for so long there's no way he would break up with her.

 

And so, I'm thinking that this is just so UNFAIR. She has a guy who adores her and would love to marry her and have kids and she doesn't want it. And I would love to have that and (still) haven't met the right person yet. And I am older than her.

 

I see friends of mine who are single and have nieces/nephews to play with. I think that if I had a little niece/nephew I would not feel so stressed/pressured about having a kid as I would have a kid in the family to love. ... but Christmas just reminds me of how much I long and crave for a family and kids. At least I had my boyfriend around this time and he did a really great job to make me happy. I was actually blown away by how much effort he made as I told him that I was so sad last year having NO ONE (not one single person) to celebrate with. I live in a large expat community where everybody goes home for the holidays or celebrates here but within their own family. I had noone and nothing but I was able to go travelling which was a pretty good alternative.

 

However, ever since I lost my job I've been super depressed. Before, even though I was single, I could still enjoy many things because I had the financial means to do so. Now I'm so stressed with living off my savings and problems with my relationship, problems with my ageing parents, soooo many issues (won't list them all) and I am finding it really really hard to cope.

 

The thing about my current relationship is that we work so well together. We even talked about and planned our future together career wise... I thought it would be so awesome to be one of those couples that build a business together.. he says if we break up we can still work together but I said I couldn't, I just couldn't. I couldn't imagine coming to his apartment and seeing him with another woman.... I feel like everything we've been working towards (working on weekends together on our projects for example) will have gone down the drain as not only now will I have to find another romantic partner, I will also have to find another partner who understands me in the work sense and my ambition and vision for creating this business. He was my rock and full of ideas. I know it's easy to say that I WILL find someone else like that but I don't want someone else.

[Blue Spiral]

I can definitely sympathize with you, OP. I know what it's like to bang your head against a brick wall--a.k.a. The Way Things Are--and to be criticized for asking big, existential questions about fairness and the like.

 

I've seen the same patterns you have. Older men and younger women, etc. Some relative that I didn't even know existed sent me a Christmas picture; he's in his late forties or early fifties, I'm guessing, and his new wife is in her late twenties or early thirties. They just had a baby, and his original-wife kids look weirdly old next to new-wife. Full disclosure: though I never wanted to be a father, I tended to follow a similar pattern. When I was about nineteen, my first girlfriend was the same age as me. A few years later, when there was an interim not-quite-girlfriend, she was...19. When I was 27 or 28, my third girlfriend was...just about to turn 20. I know the evo-psych people talk about fertility and the human subconscious, but I prefer Occam's Razor, and chalk it up to immaturity and superficiality. Some of us (and by "us" I mean "men") are just sex-obsessed, overly-visual SOBs, and need no further analysis or explanation. Try not to stare into the Blue Spiral abyss for very long.

 

My personal viewpoint: women are the gatekeepers of sex; men are the gatekeepers of monogamy/marriage. Women have it easier early in life; men have it easier later in life. As you said...if I achieve the impossible and "grow up" sometime in the next thirty years, I can still reproduce. Meanwhile, someone like you doesn't have many options (partially because of your beliefs, but you don't have to justify those to anyone). That just doesn't make any sense. Also, as I said in my thread, I've gotten more female attention as I've gotten older. I feel like I have more "hand", now, to use a Seinfeldian term. The generally-immature gender has a larger "window" than the mature one?? I'm sorry, but, we need to return this species and get a refund; there are some serious design flaws.

 

Of the women I know that have kids...frankly, most of them came from failed first marriages or non-marriage relationships that have since broken up. A lot of "happy nuclear families"--the kind that look perfect on the surface--are actually just rebuilt from the wreckage of past mistakes. So don't let that image intimidate you.

 

If you don't mind my asking, did you try to have kids early in life? If you knew you valued that more than a career, I mean. Or did you think that they'd come from your marriage?

[Lonewing]

The guy you mention sounds awesome, though. A great dad, hilarious and (I'm assuming) also a great husband....that's a pretty great combo and not really 'settling' material.

 

I haven't read that book but surely it's a no-brainer that one of the biggest indicators of divorce was negative talk about the relationship, isn't it?

 

It's not really much of a revelation that people that are unhappy with their partner talk negatively about them and then get divorced. I assume there's more to it than that?

 

And yet how many posts have we seen on ENA from women up in arms about their unemployed loser who can't be arsed to get of the couch and go find a job, or just last week, the girl complaining about her man who Won't go find a REAL job?!

 

If you're a man, unemployment is the kiss of death.

[DelayReaction]

And yet how many posts have we seen on ENA from women up in arms about their unemployed loser who can't be arsed to get of the couch and go find a job, or just last week, the girl complaining about her man who Won't go find a REAL job?!

 

If you're a man, unemployment is the kiss of death.

 

Keep in mind that the people on ENA represent only a subsection of the population (from Westernized countries, I might add, where the accumulation of wealth is a main priority).

 

Unemployment is not the kiss of death, unless you are surrounded by people who think so and also tailor your thinking to the same ideals as they do.

[Lonewing]

As my grandma was saying this Christmas, it just didn't feel like Christmas...

 

I understand where you are, I had so much planned out for my life at this point and yet so much of it failed to pan out, the only things I have left is my health and my future, for wherever that takes me. And all this stuff that is the past ten years, be it here or in my debts. I live in the wrong apartment, having not met the objective of a house, but hey, I did finally get the truck I wanted. And now...my world goes upside down as I get to travel far and wide for a year, a year during which I won't be able to do much dating...

 

Granted, everyone who has gone where I'm going with a wife, has come back divorced...so maybe it is better I leave single!!

 

You realize you are your Not-quite-brother-in-law's mirror image, yes? The same frustrating situation, but from your side of the table!

 

I have been with one woman I would have married, one I enjoyed but didn't particularly desire, and one who was a good night. I'm not too sure about the girl I have been seeing at the moment, after three dates I am really...not quite sure. I'm so happy I didn't marry the first one, because wow, she's done that before, and now I can safely say her liabilities are someone else's love!

 

I dare say the real key to making things work is giving each other what we need always and what we want sometimes as often as we can. If and when we find that person, pow...

 

Nothing is fair in life, but women do get dealt a pretty mean deck... Then again, some make it harder on themselves, while others get lost in people who really aren't good for them.

[DelayReaction]

I think you are tying your happiness in way too much with the end result. You stated you want kids, but you scare yourself with reasons why you won't/can't have them (ticking biological clock), which causes your depression.

 

I am a firm believer that our happiness is measured in what we believe can/will be achieved, and not what we end up with. Like others have pointed out, there are so many ways to have kids. Have you even considered going those routes? Thinking there is only one way to go about it (getting married and giving birth) and that it is the be-all, end-all method is only going to cause you grief. I don't live my life based on stipulations (ie. I can be happy, but only if so and so happens). I also don't pigeonhole myself with believing in one true path to happiness, which I am destined to follow.

 

If I tied my happiness with having to get married and having kids, i'd shoot myself. There are many other ways to achieve what you want right now. Don't use time as a scapegoat for not allowing you to do something

 

You have done and experienced things other people with kids can only dream of doing (traveling, living abroad, etc).

 

i'm curious, do you still feel miserable living abroad? If so, what keeps you from moving back home?

 

I also live abroad, and yes I sometimes miss the comforts of home, but I enjoy my life so much more when i'm abroad and that overrides any notion of me going back any time soon.

 

Also, spending Christmas in another place far away from home and from family is hard. But again, I think it has mostly to do with the fact that it is Christmas that you are feeling more stressed out about your situation.

[goodheartlady]

I think we as women lie to our selves. The majority of us want children and a stable marriage. We can't get that and we say to our selves: but we have good careers! We travel! Let us be honest: does having a few stamps on your passport really replaces your desire for children? I think women need to be honest about what make us happy - as opposed to feminism which has made us ashamed of our desire for children and a traditional family.

[Batya33]

I think we as women lie to our selves. The majority of us want children and a stable marriage. We can't get that and we say to our selves: but we have good careers! We travel! Let us be honest: does having a few stamps on your passport really replaces your desire for children? I think women need to be honest about what make us happy - as opposed to feminism which has made us ashamed of our desire for children and a traditional family.

 

I am not a feminist but I know for sure that feminism does not equate with shame for desire for children and traditional family -it's simply about the power to make a choice -whether that is a choice or a different choice. I'm not sure a majority of women want a traditional family/marriage if that means not working outside of the home.

 

I worked for many years before having a child so that I would have more of an opportunity to be a full-time mom -meaning if finances were an issue in the marriage I would have sufficient savings to contribute a form of income. Yes, had I had the opportunity to be a mother in my 20s or 30s in a stable marriage I would have made it work but when that didn't happen in my 20s my goal was to build this financial nest egg so that I wouldn't have to be concerned if my husband turned out not to have enough of an income to support my being a full time mother for awhile. But, to the outside world I probably look like a typical "stay at home mother" (although I don't think "stay at home" defines at all what I do or have done the last 4 plus years - I rarely stay in one place and I'm most often not at home).

I never lied to myself. I knew that marriage and family were my top goal and equal to that was pursuing higher education and a career. I don't think my women friends lied to themselves either. I think you're mistaking seeing single women who seem happy with their lives as lying to themselves. I've certainly seen people post here about the "negatives" of being married -the supposed lack of freedom, etc. I feel freer being married because when I was single I restricted myself to activities that could lead to my meeting a good match. That was one reason I didn't travel as much as I wanted.

[Batya33]

"You have done and experienced things other people with kids can only dream of doing (traveling, living abroad, etc). "

 

it's interesting, Delay --you go on and on about not being narrow minded about the ways to achieve having a family and yet you have this stereotype of the restrictions when a person has kids. I know many people who travel all over with kids and many people who traveled all over as well before they had kids -not everyone has kids in their 20s (I was 42 when I had my child). Yes, there are restrictions when children are young -but if you're going to ask the OP to broaden her perspective, perpetuating the negative stereotype of how narrow family life is doesn't make much sense.

[goodheartlady]

The majority of single and childless women in their 30's and beyond are not particularly happy. They may have reached acceptance - as I have. But if they were brutally honest with you, they would disclose a long list of regrets and a lot of sorrow.

 

I speak from a perspective of having gone to two Ivy League institutions (college and graduate school) and my friends are all women with accomplishments. They tell themselves and the world how happy they are, but deep down there is a terrible void.

 

I just think women ought to be honest with themselves. If you deeply desire children and marriage, prioritize it. Your law firm partner wants you to take a case that will require you to work the next four weekends? Say no. Focus on using your free time to meet people. There are downsides at work, but ask yourself what makes you happier? A promotion or meeting a new potential partner? Women just need to prioritize their life in alignment of what makes them happy.

[itsallgrand]

I think we as women lie to our selves. The majority of us want children and a stable marriage. We can't get that and we say to our selves: but we have good careers! We travel! Let us be honest: does having a few stamps on your passport really replaces your desire for children? I think women need to be honest about what make us happy - as opposed to feminism which has made us ashamed of our desire for children and a traditional family.

 

Being honest about one individual wants (yourself) has nothing to do with feminism. And if a woman feels like feminism has "made her" ashamed of a desire for children and a traditional family - that is on the individual woman's poor interpretation of feminism, not feminism itself.

 

I dislike the sweeping generalizations about women in a particular age group, who do not have children or a traditional family.

 

OP has been honest about what she wants. She has simply been frustrated in her efforts to achieve it.

[lavenderdove]

>> Now I'm so stressed with living off my savings and problems with my relationship, problems with my ageing parents, soooo many issues (won't list them all) and I am finding it really really hard to cope.

 

I think if you are having a lot of stressors in your life, spending time thinking about the 'unfairness of life' is really a red herring and prevents you from dealing with those stressors in a way that reduces them. So if you are stressed, the simple answer is you need to look at all your stressors and rather than wringing your hands and worrying about the unfairness of women's fertility, you need to focus on the REAL problem right now, which is you don't have a job and have other stressors in your life that you need to focus on resolving rather than focusing on things you can't change.

 

What are you doing now in your job hunt? Spend some time every single day looking for and applying for jobs. Network, and consider taking any job you can to get you active again rather than sitting around brooding. And what are the other issues you're dealing with? Sit down and come up with a concrete plan to deal with them rather than just THINKING about them and worrying about them.

 

And if you are depressed, then it is time for a trip to the doctor to do something about that. You mention another episode of depression in your life, so you may have biochemical issues where when you are under stress, you slip into a biochemical depression caused by the biochemical changes caused by stress, so you may need a short course of medication to snap you out of the depression. When you're clinically depressed, you engage in obsessive thinking, frequently in the manner you are now obsessing about life's unfairness, and everything looks black and miserable, so that could be a large part of the negative thinking you are experiencing right now, being driven by a clinical depression, and once that depression lifts, you won't be tormented by thoughts like this. So schedule a doctor's appointment and get yourself treated.

[savignon]

I can feel your pain as I read what you write. I had hoped for 2 kids and never dreamed of being a single mother. Now here I am and I'm really happier with the outcome than I ever would have thought. My life isn't the 'traditional' or 'normal' kind of family I'd dreamed of but its actually pretty great and has exceeded my expectations. What I'm saying is, in a few years, you might be in a new place and everything that's happened before will suddenly make sense. All of the things that didn't seem to go your way you might find WERE going your way...just not in the direction you thought.

Have you read/watched things like The Secret, about believing that what you want will happen...that its essentially already on its way to you? I find it very empowering and there are lots of fun related things you can do like make a vision board. Doing one thing towards your goal might inspire you to take steps you haven't thought of yet, like joining a gym/meetup group/volunteering.....if you get the thought process started, other things might come to you.

Really, its not too late for you. I'm turning 38 in January and still hold out hope that I'll meet someone great and perhaps have another child before my mid-40s. It very well might not happen, but I've not let go of it yet. If I'm depressed about it NOW, 5 years ahead of schedule, then I'm sending out a "my life is a big, fat disappointment" vibe for the next 5 years.

Does that make sense?

Feel free to message me if you want to talk more....I can totally relate to how you're feeling. I think there are some things you can do to take some more control of how you're feeling and what possibilities may lie ahead.

 

[DelayReaction]

"You have done and experienced things other people with kids can only dream of doing (traveling, living abroad, etc). "

 

it's interesting, Delay --you go on and on about not being narrow minded about the ways to achieve having a family and yet you have this stereotype of the restrictions when a person has kids. I know many people who travel all over with kids and many people who traveled all over as well before they had kids -not everyone has kids in their 20s (I was 42 when I had my child). Yes, there are restrictions when children are young -but if you're going to ask the OP to broaden her perspective, perpetuating the negative stereotype of how narrow family life is doesn't make much sense.

 

I wasn't perpetuating the stereotype of the burdens of family life. Quite the contrary. Also, travelling is one thing. Living abroad is quite another. It's simply easier for individuals to move abroad than it is for entire families.

 

The point i was trying to make to the OP was how she had done things many people only dream of doing (and from her own testimony, is the object of envy for having done so), and that to me, is not something to be ignored, despite not feeling happy and now wanting to start her own family.

[Batya33]

I wasn't perpetuating the stereotype of the burdens of family life. Quite the contrary. Also, travelling is one thing. Living abroad is quite another. It's simply easier for individuals to move abroad than it is for entire families.

 

The point i was trying to make to the OP was how she had done things many people only dream of doing (and from her own testimony, is the object of envy for having done so), and that to me, is not something to be ignored, despite not feeling happy and now wanting to start her own family.

 

That something may be harder to do doesn't mean it's something a family "can only dream of". Good friends of mine with 2 young children and one on the way moved all the way accross the world a few months ago because they wanted to have a few years long adventure of living abroad. Was it easy? No of course not -but that's true of many plans like that. It's easier for me now if I want to travel or live abroad because I don't feel the pressure of having to meet someone to marry. I bet my single mindset isn't unusual for people in their 30s especially who really want to find the marriage/family and have the opportunity to try to conceive a child.

[Batya33]

Most of my friends went to Ivy league schools -I did not but have a graduate degree and worked my tail off in a pressure cooker/male dominated environment for 15 years before having a child (and until very recently I worked just as hard if not harder as a full time mother - now things are easing up a bit and am preparing to return to work hopefully within the year) - we did not lie to ourselves but we did have a great time despite not yet reaching the marriage/family goal.

 

Another story - a friend of mine - a law firm partner in her early 40s -and ivy if you must know. Froze her eggs in her late 30s. Extremely active in so many things -sports, interesting arts organizations, close-knit family, travel - but she never lied to herself about her marriage/family goal. She left a go nowhere relationship (he had no ambition) over a year ago which was so hard for her to do -he probably was "good enough" and was interested in settling down with her but she knew better. Last spring she met a man through a popular dating site -a year or two younger than she is - and the night before Thanksgiving, he proposed. She said she knew they were right together very early on but assumed that he wouldn't propose until they'd been dating a year (they discussed all that stuff). She is over the moon. Neither of them looks like a model -she would say the same. Who cares -they're both attractive, intelligent, successful, lovely people. She made the best of being single but no she didn't lie. Many other examples like that.

 

Your negativity is really going to get in your way of meeting someone (that was one thing I did right -I didn't let myself get cynical or jaded for more than a very short time period -like for a few hours after a particularly bad date). I promise it is so worth it to work on the mindset -don't lie to yourself about what your really want but there's no reason to be a constant debbie downer, ok?

[lavenderdove]

>>They tell themselves and the world how happy they are, but deep down there is a terrible void.

 

The grass is always greener! I know an equal number of unhappy married women. In fact, in surveys, the group that rates themselves as 'unhappiest' in surveys is married women with children! The problems they have are just different than yours. Many married women I know are overwhelmed trying to manage husband, children, house, job etc. They put on a brave face for everyone because they don't want to admit how exhausting family life can be, and how thankless in many cases if their husbands neglect them or focus on their jobs and consider the home and kids the wife's job. They feel terribly lonely in their marriages, like they are nothing more than servants to their husband's and children's needs with no time for themselves and no real appreciation for all that they do for their families.

 

So the 'happiest' people are people who examine their lives and set goals to make the most of any situation they encounter, and to work towards many and varied goals rather than putting all their 'happiness' eggs in one basket then complaining when they don't get the exact egg they want at the moment.

[John John]

There are so many amazing, beautiful, loyal, single women out there....is it really not the same when looking for a man?

 

Really? I'd love to know where they are.

 

I will back Thors on this (and not just because we are friends)...but beautiful, young, single women in NYC are (9/10 times) ruthless and shoot for perfection. Maybe this isn't the case outside of NYC...

 

Case in point...the girl I just ended things with yesterday is very attractive. I wouldn't have gone on one date with her if she wasn't. She's also taller than me. She told me she used to only date guys that are 5'10" and above...I am 5'7"/5'8" depending on my hair/shoes. She said she "got over it." Well, she's gonna be 30, and I think her "getting over it" proves that she needed to get beat up by the dating world in order to mature and be open to other guys.

 

It's neither here nor there that I just wasn't feeling it with her...but I'm sure she was tougher to crack when she was dating in her young 20s. She feels the clock starting to tick.