Sirenia

Day 11. It feels like MUCH longer than that. I don't even think he thinks about me anymore

6th day of NC. It was so bloody hard to get through this week. Apart from being sick I also had to deal with the breakup. Sure it was great to have work to distract me all week but at the same time I was just so TIRED. Physically and emotionally drained. I just wanted to be home in bed, warm, and cry to myself. I didn't want to be at work surrounded by hundreds of people and put on a happy face and say that I'm fine when they asked how I am. This is the first weekend that we've been apart since the breakup. Doing NC has been relatively easy for me as I was starting to do it even before we broke up and he was doing all the contacting. I guess in a way it's easy for him too as he was emotionally unavailable. I keep hoping he'll contact me just to show some emotion but I guess that'll never happen. Luckily I've got a fairly good female friend to help me through all this but at the same time she's always telling me how great her boyfriend is and how this weekend he planned a surprise trip (no special occasion). I know she's not but I feel like she's rubbing it in my face and I just don't want to talk to her anymore. I poured my heart out to her and all she could tell me was that her boyfriend is so great and does xyz for her. Can't she tell I'm hurting? F**k. I just hate everyone at the moment.

It's been 3 days since I broke up with you and 2 days since I emailed you to tell you I want to stop all contact for a while. You listened to my request. Ironically, when I'm going through a rough patch (like I am right now, and it's not just you, but various other things in my life) the ONE person I want to talk to is YOU, the person who caused me pain in the first place. I feel so alone. I hate feeling so jealous of my friends but I do. I'm tired of being bombarded with wedding photos and baby photos, 10 year wedding anniversaries, house and car purchases, etc. Sure maybe they are jealous of me too as I'm always jetsetting off somewhere and having lots of great adventures (alone) but still.. what I wouldn't give for some stability and some sense of togetherness and belonging. I'm tired of doing every single bloody thing alone. I have many nice friends here but I don't have a single (female) friend with whom I feel a special connection.