Online Dating - A Woman's Journal

[jas56]

This thread is everything lol! What a roller coaster of experiences you've had! Good luck on your date and phone calls. I'll be tuning in too!

[missmarple]

I would change your admonition about endless chatting on line to simply "I am interested in getting to know people in person" and leave off the "endless hours of chatting" so that you're not airing any potential dirty laundry (like the impression that you're cynical because other men have taken up too much of your time). The first part says exactly what you want, in a positive way. Anyone who is serious about meeting in person will understand.

 

Good advice. I'll do that.

 

 

Now...last night I had an email exchange with Tony. A little background: it's the guy I had gone out with late December. I had liked him and the date, although he had told me his divorce wasn't final yet (he had no kids and it was going to be his second divorce). After the date, he hadn't contacted me except to answer my thank you text. I had sent him some new year wishes to which he never replied so I had deleted him from my list and my phone and moved on.

A month later he sent me a new friend request and a few emails and we started talking again. We talked for a few days, then he asked to meet in a few days, I accepted and then he disappeared. Meaning he'd be online and not talk to me, no mention about the new date, nothing...so, eventually, I deleted him once more. That was a couple of weeks ago.

Last night, again, friend request and the typical email 'why did you delete me again? I don't bite'.

This time I emailed him back that, obviously, he's only interested in chatting online here and there and that's not what I'm looking for...that I wish him luck and everything but this method of communication just isn't for me. He didn't reply so, hopefully, this was the last I heard of him.

 

On other news...I woke up today thinking that I don't really want to go out with Theo. My interactions with Jonathan and Gabriel have been much more pleasant and interesting...I haven't made up my mind yet but, when you have a date and you're thinking you'd have a better time if you stayed home..it doesn't look good.

[missmarple]

UPDATE

 

I just got off the phone. I talked to both Gabriel and Jonathan, first I called Gabriel and then Jonathan called me.

 

Gabriel is the 44yo, divorced with a 7yo daughter. A very positive person, even on the phone. He sounds confident and knows what he wants. He's been divorced for 2 years but is on good terms with his ex and has the kid every second weekend. He works a lot and plans on doing some more..business stuff (he kinda lost my attention at that point), he's doing very well financially and he's looking for a woman to share his life as he feels it's the only thing missing. I didn't get a chance to tell him much about myself as he mostly talked about himself..I don't know if it was nerves or a personality defect. Anyway, it seems that he's someone who has his life in order (not to mention he's very good looking) and it's worth going on a date with him...however, he never asked me to. We talked for 15-20 mins and when I said I had to go he just told me to have a nice day. It's up to him from now on since we've already established that our goal is to meet someone in person.

PS He has a very sexy voice.

 

Jonathan, who called me after my talk with Gabriel, is the 39yo gym teacher, divorced with a 5yo daughter and, basically, our chat was one of the best I've ever had on the phone. He's the exact opposite of Gabriel. Very artistic, imaginative, great sense of humour, sensitive and asked many questions about me...but shared a lot about himself, too. He's had a quite adventurous life, apart from his marriage. He'd been with his ex wife for 2-3 years and then they got married for another 9 years..he got divorced a year ago. He told me that he feels guilty about his daughter being so young when he got divorced and that she still asks him why he doesn't live at home. He sees her every day and usually takes her home every Sunday afternoon. He lives at his aunt's house (apparently he doesn't get along well with his mother and sister but he does with his father and brother) and he's looking to rent a place of his own..he said he's already collected stuff he needs (furniture, etc) and by next month he'll have moved out. He also doesn't have a car for now because he left his car to his ex wife to drive the kid around, etc but he's also looking to buy a new one. Job wise he's a bit all over the place (he works at a gym, he's also studied computers, he's also in a business with his father and brother) and, in general, he's either one of those people who are good at many different things or he can't decide what to choose..I couldn't understand.

We talked a lot about what we want out of a relationship. He told me that the women he's met online weren't to his liking, mostly because he didn't feel a connection. He repeated what he had said in his email that he really stopped at my pics and felt something he couldn't explain. He stressed that it's not about looks for him, it's about, as he said, 'leaving after the first date and still thinking about that woman'...oh, and that he believes in monogamy and he's never cheated.

We laughed very, very much, there was definite chemistry between us..I don't know if it will translate to real life chemistry but on the phone there were no awkward silences, no misunderstandings, nothing. We agreed we'll meet on Wednesday, he told me he'll be coming over to me (he lives about 40 mins away) and asked me to pick a place. I said I'll think about it and email him.

One more thing is he's not a smoker (naturally, I guess, since he exercises) and I told him I am, he said he doesn't have any problem with it.

 

I guess, from the amount of words I wrote about Jonathan vs the ones about Gabriel, is obvious who captured my attention more..one more reason being that Jonathan flirted with me (Gabriel didn't) and asked to meet me. However, I'm not giving up on Gabriel...on paper he seems like a better prospect for a LTR..so, we'll see what happens.

 

About Theo, I had decided I'd go on the date (I thought oh, well, if we don't get along, I'll have a cup of coffee and leave) when he texted me asking if we could move our 7.30 date to 9...I said I can't and that we could do it some other day but he texted back that no, it's ok, he'll see me at 7.30....sooooo, update coming up later.

[missmarple]

So, I met Theo tonight.

 

He's a very nice guy and I had a better time than I expected. He looked exactly like his pic. He was easygoing, friendly, talkative and we have many things in common. Unfortunately, being also a teacher, most of our time was spent talking about the job...we talked about other things, too, but only towards the end. I don't see anything romantic between us but he said we'll talk mid-week, he'll call me, so, I may see him again but just as friends.

 

Meanwhile....there's one more guy I met today (this weekend has been BUSY!)

Jim is 50, a financial advisor, divorced with a daughter, 11yo (what is it with me and men with daughters??) He's 6 feet tall, brown hair and eyes, a goatee, looks attractive. We also talked on the phone this afternoon but just for 10 mins because I had to go. Then, when I was out with Theo, he called me and I told him to call me later so, I imagine he will any minute now.

 

And....Gabriel just messaged me on the site and asked me to talk on the phone, too...lol. I told him I'll call him later, after something that I have to take care of, he said ok.

 

I don't know why but I feel a headache coming on!

[missmarple]

UPDATE

 

Jim didn't call, so, I called Gabriel and this time things were much better than the first phone call.

He opened up much more, even flirted a bit, he said I look very sweet in my pics, that he likes that I'm open and easygoing and I know what I want and that my style (phone wise, at least) is exactly what he's looking for. He said he's in no hurry to have sex, that he believes in atmosphere and that there's a right time for everything...and, eventually, he asked me to meet tomorrow

We made plans to have a drink tomorrow night at a nice club near my house and he'll call me in the afternoon to tell me the exact time (he has some business appointments before).

[annie24]

Good luck, hope the date goes well!!

[missmarple]

I texted Jonathan good morning from work today and he replied immediately good morning, baby and he can't wait (I imagine to meet me). I didn't particularly like the 'baby' thing but he was like that on the phone, too, so, maybe it's his style. I'll email him later with the place I've picked for our date on Wednesday...it's a very atmospheric cafe.

 

Also, last night's date, Theo, just texted asking how I'm doing, how was work and what am I doing tonight. I said I'm going out for a drink in the evening and asked about his plans. His answer: I don't know, I haven't made any plans.....exciting, isn't it

[missmarple]

I emailed Jonathan some pics of the place we're going and he emailed me back:

 

missmarple, I'm not that peculiar to care about decoration..besides, my eyes will be busy elsewhere..

[Batya33]

I texted Jonathan good morning from work today and he replied immediately good morning, baby and he can't wait (I imagine to meet me). I didn't particularly like the 'baby' thing but he was like that on the phone, too, so, maybe it's his style. I'll email him later with the place I've picked for our date on Wednesday...it's a very atmospheric cafe.

 

Also, last night's date, Theo, just texted asking how I'm doing, how was work and what am I doing tonight. I said I'm going out for a drink in the evening and asked about his plans. His answer: I don't know, I haven't made any plans.....exciting, isn't it

 

I think that's a bit harsh on Theo. There are people who don't feel the need to have plans on a weekend night -you don't know him -perhaps he's tired, has a long day tomorrow. Far more exciting then "going out drinking with the guys" -at least to me.

[missmarple]

I think that's a bit harsh on Theo. There are people who don't feel the need to have plans on a weekend night -you don't know him -perhaps he's tired, has a long day tomorrow. Far more exciting then "going out drinking with the guys" -at least to me.

 

No, no, that wasn't what I meant at all! The 'exciting' comment was for the way he replied and, effectively, ended the conversation.

By the way, tomorrow is a public holiday here, he's off work (and so am I, that's why I agreed to this late drink).

[Batya33]

No, no, that wasn't what I meant at all! The 'exciting' comment was for the way he replied and, effectively, ended the conversation.

By the way, tomorrow is a public holiday here, he's off work (and so am I, that's why I agreed to this late drink).

 

Ahh -sorry mistook what you wrote. It sounds like you weren't that into him anyway so hopefully this means it's mutual and he won't bug you for a date.

[missmarple]

I hope I'm wrong but I think something is wrong with Gabriel.

 

First of all, I think he must be stingy. This is what happened:

I went to bed for a few this afternoon and when I woke up I found a missed call by him...2 hours before he was supposed to call. So, because he had said he has some business appointments today, I texted him, I just found your call, I'm texting you because I don't know if you can talk right now.

Now, if I had gotten that text and I could talk, I would call the other person, but, no, he texted back, I can, so, I had to call him myself. I don't mind calling but, I don't know, I felt weird.

 

So, I called him and we agreed to meet at 9.30 and then the other strange thing happened. Yesterday, we had decided on a modern bar with very good (low) music and had even agreed where exactly to meet...it was just the time that we had left open. But today, without any apparent reason, he said how about we go somewhere else on the same street. This bar is on a street full of cafes/bars/restaurants...I said where do you mean, he said, oh, let's meet outside so and so (which is, like, 50 meters away from our original meeting place) and we'll see where we'll go. Now, isn't that strange?? Especially since he knows all those places very well and yesterday he had seemed more than fine with my choice and he didn't even have a counterproposal.

 

I know that it sounds like I'm looking too much into things but I don't like things that I can't explain (thus my nickname..lol). I should have asked him why the change in plans but, well, I had just woken up...and started thinking about it afterwards.

[Batya33]

Because he is afraid that someone he knows will be at the first bar.

[missmarple]

Because he is afraid that someone he knows will be at the first bar.

 

You know, I've thought of that, too, but why didn't he just tell me yesterday that he doesn't like it and let's go somewhere else? Unless he found out today that someone will be there.

Anyway, you agree that it's strange...I wonder if I should ask him when we meet.

[quirky]

The bit he said 'I can' about talking on the phone and didn't call is more strange to me than the bar choice. I meet guys with weird ways like that a lot.

[annie24]

Maybe he looked at the menu and saw it was expensive?

[missmarple]

Maybe he looked at the menu and saw it was expensive?

 

But the thing is he knows the place very well, he told me he's gone there many times.

[missmarple]

The bit he said 'I can' about talking on the phone and didn't call is more strange to me than the bar choice. I meet guys with weird ways like that a lot.

 

I find it less strange because I justify it with stinginess..lol

[missmarple]

The date with Gabriel was one of my worst.

 

First of all, he was shorter than he had said, maybe 5'8. Second, I just didn't like his looks..he looked much better in pics.

And as if that wasn't enough, he talked about himself the whole time, his job, his daughter, his diet, the exercises he does at the gym, his parents...plus he smiled maybe 3 times in the hour we were together..a very grumpy person, exactly the type I can't stand. He was tired, his stomach hurt, his eyes had been itching him, his ex wife is lazy, his daughter doesn't do well at school...you get the picture.

I couldn't wait to leave! He must be one of the most boring people I've ever met. He drove me home (thankfully, it was just 10 minutes from the cafe) and the best moment of the evening was when I opened the car door outside my house. I thanked him, anyway, and said 'see you', which I won't and I think he knew it very well as, after the first 10 minutes of the date, I barely even talked. Oh, and the only question he asked me was 'what are you going to do for Easter?'

[quirky]

Wow..that does sound pretty bad.

[missmarple]

Well, as it turned out, I'm meeting someone new tonight.

 

Craig is 50, a computer programmer, divorced with no kids, 6'2, grey hair, brown eyes and a big smile. In the last couple of days we had exchanged a few emails and, finally, this morning I called him and we talked for a while. He's a person of many interests, from history to music to politics to theater to psychology, etc, etc. He does have a tendency to lecture but I cut him off a few times and he didn't seem to mind. He lives relatively close to me and at a neighbourhood where I used to work years ago and we found a few things we have in common, like the music we like, places we like to go to, trips, books, etc.

He made it clear that he's interested in a serious relationship but, also, that he's not the kind of person who will compromise, he wants a woman with many interests, too. I was very honest with him in that, although I do like literature and music and I might be interested to learn more about psychology (the guy reads Freud), I am a person of simple pleasures and I like to laugh and have fun.

That didn't phase him and he asked me to meet. I told him that I have a dinner party to go tonight but we could meet for a cup of coffee before my party and he agreed....so, we have a date for 7pm.

[missmarple]

Craig looked and behaved better than I expected. He's a cool guy, after all. We mostly talked about online dating...he told me he's gone out with 4 women - 3 of them were over 250 pounds and 1 of them was slim and pretty but very cold. He said I'm the first 'normal' person he meets (imagine that ) He asked me what I'm looking for in a guy, he agreed with me on many things and he talked to me about a LTR he had had after his divorce with a spoiled only child (I'm an only child, too) that came from a rich family and, eventually, that broke them up. We also talked about 'modern life dating' and how everyone wants to date-have sex-move on to the next person as fast as they can. It seems like we see eye to eye on matters of dating, sex, and relationships.

He didn't lecture me at all (as I was afraid he would)..on the contrary, he was a very good conversationalist..much better than on the phone...and he smiled a lot, too, which didn't hurt as he has a very good smile.

We spent an hour together and then I had to go to the dinner party, he told me he had a good time and we'll talk. I don't know if we will but I'd like to see him again.

[annie24]

Yay sounds like a good date!!!

[missmarple]

It was a good date, indeed.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to meet Jonathan but I have to say, I'm a bit disappointed that he didn't contact me at all today. A good morning text or email would have been very appreciated, especially since I did contact him first yesterday.

I wonder if he will bail tomorrow.

[annie24]

Don't expect too much. I know you would like a hello or good morning text but I don't think it's productive to expect these sorts of things before you are a couple.