Batya33 Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Craig sounds like a good prospect! I agree with Annie about the texting -you two haven't even been on a proper first date yet! Link to comment
missmarple Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 Well, if he does contact me about the date tomorrow, it will be fine...it's just that the fact he didn't contact me at all today doesn't agree with the enthusiasm he had displayed and it makes me think that my first impression of him (that he was full of it) might have been right...I guess we'll see tomorrow. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Well, if he does contact me about the date tomorrow, it will be fine...it's just that the fact he didn't contact me at all today doesn't agree with the enthusiasm he had displayed and it makes me think that my first impression of him (that he was full of it) might have been right...I guess we'll see tomorrow. Or it could mean he's a very healthy person who has a full life and doesn't want to come on too strong to someone he plans on seeing again but has only met once in his life. I actually wouldn't like being contacted by someone I just met if we already had a date planned -meaning the "just saying hi" kind of thing - for me that worked far better after we'd been on a few dates. But even if that wasn't my preference I think your expectations in this context are unrealistic and even if he did text it might not mean it was because he was interested in a healthy way -it might be a sign of being clingy/controlling. He's still mostly a stranger to you. Link to comment
missmarple Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 Batya, it was not about expectations but about consistency. Consistency is very important to me because of experience. It's about what someone says to agree with what he does. To be more specific, Jonathan had seemed very enthusiastic about me, very excited with my text message on Monday and 'he couldn't wait'. Now, if he had meant what he had said, in my experience, he would have tried to keep the communication lines open with a text or email. Sure, I could have been wrong (and I was hoping I was wrong)....and he could have been 'a very healthy person with a life' , but, unfortunately, I wasn't wrong. Once more my instinct (or experience, whatever you want to call it) was right. It's 4pm and he never contacted me about our date tonight...safe to assume that the date isn't happening and I certainly won't contact him first. I already did on Monday and I was the one who picked the place, too. All he had to do was call/text/email/whatever about the time..and he hasn't. On other news...unfortunately, Craig doesn't seem to be interested in meeting me again. He hasn't contacted me after the date and he's added new details to his profile about the kind of woman he wants, etc. Theo, the teacher, sent me a couple of texts this morning about how my day is going, etc. Finally, a new guy emailed me today. Axel is 50, a graphic designer, divorced with 2 daughters, 18 and 21, 6'2, grey hair and goatee and green eyes. His hobby is photography and he's written a book that he's trying to get published. We exchanged a few emails, we both agreed that we're looking for a serious relationship and, eventually, we asked for each other's phone numbers and I'm going to call him in the evening Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 To me consistency means backing up words with actions and he did -he said he wanted to see you again and made plans to see you again. He might have changed his mind after and I agree it is inconsistent not to get in touch to confirm the plan - but I don't see not sending a "hello" text the next day as inconsistent - his asking you out on an actual date was consistent with "I want to see you again". Had he also texted you to say hi that would have been consistent with interest but his non-text to say hi doesn't mean an inconsistency or that he's not interested. I would agree had he said he would text you to make another date and then not made another date. In short -yes he behaved inconsistently by not following up to confirm, but you don't need a "hello" text for consistency of interest. I don't think your instinct was right - I think he probably was interested when he asked you out on a date and later changed his mind - and that might have happened even if he sent you one of those hello texts you seem to need to "show interest". I personally am not a texter (and maybe he isn't either) so if I already have plans with someone I am interested in seeing and becoming better friends with I might or might not be in touch prior to the actual plan and I would be very put off if that person assumed that I wasn't interested in a friendship because I didn't choose to chit chat between meetings. I would absolutely get in touch to show interest if she told me that something major was going to happen in her life that week -then I make a mental note of when that thing is happening, and follow up with a friendly "hope all went well". That's the distinction I make. Link to comment
missmarple Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 To me consistency means backing up words with actions and he did -he said he wanted to see you again and made plans to see you again. He might have changed his mind after and I agree it is inconsistent not to get in touch to confirm the plan - but I don't see not sending a "hello" text the next day as inconsistent - his asking you out on an actual date was consistent with "I want to see you again". Had he also texted you to say hi that would have been consistent with interest but his non-text to say hi doesn't mean an inconsistency or that he's not interested. I would agree had he said he would text you to make another date and then not made another date. Batya, you're confusing him with someone else. I've never met Jonathan. We were supposed to meet tonight for the first time. He never made any plans. I had made the plans. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Batya, you're confusing him with someone else. I've never met Jonathan. We were supposed to meet tonight for the first time. He never made any plans. I had made the plans. Ahh ok then I really cannot understand why you expect a complete stranger (meaning for dating purposes -I understand that you communicated on line) to text you "hello" just to chit chat before ever meeting you in person. I do understand entirely that he should have confirmed plans in a timely way - I'm really sorry he flaked on you. I don't agree that your instincts were right just because he didn't text this morning. I do agree he's a flake unless there is an emergency reason why he didn't confirm. Link to comment
missmarple Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 Again...it's that, in my experience, guys who show the kind of enthusiasm he did, do text or call or email when the date is 3 days away. When they don't, they usually flake. From guys who act normal during the first conversation and just make plans for 2-3 days later, I don't expect any in-between texts or emails. Example: I called Axel, the new guy, a few minutes ago. We had a nice chat, he told me about his book (a thriller), I told him about my cat, we agreed we'll meet on Friday and he said he'll call on Friday afternoon to confirm. Do I expect a hello text from him tomorrow? Or an email? No. If he does send one, it will be a nice surprise. If he doesn't, I won't make anything of it. But Jonathan was a different story. After everything he had said, the fact that he didn't try to communicate with me at all made me feel uneasy and like he would flake. And he did. Sure, it could have been a coincidence but I've seen it happen too many times and it's always guys who act too enthusiastic too soon. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 "Again...it's that, in my experience, guys who show the kind of enthusiasm he did, do text or call or email when the date is 3 days away. When they don't, they usually flake. From guys who act normal during the first conversation and just make plans for 2-3 days later, I don't expect any in-between texts or emails." I understand! And I totally agree about the difference between Axel and Jonathan. Link to comment
missmarple Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 Well, Jonathan finally texted me...at 8pm...saying Are we on for tonight? To make a long story (of 5-6 text messages back and forth) short, he insisted that we had agreed on a time, that we were supposed to meet at 8.30 and that I'd 'forgotten' about it. I even went back to this journal AND to my email to check ..and, of course, there was no mention of time. The only thing I remember from our phone convo was that, at some point, we had said it's going to be after 7pm but no specific time at all. He either confused me with someone else or he had another date who changed plans at the last moment or he's just crazy. Anyway, what annoyed me was that he was acting like I was to blame and like I should have been the one to confirm plans even though I had suggested the place and I had been the one who contacted him first (and last) on Monday. I tried to 'redirect' the conversation to new plans (only because I had really liked our phone convo) but he kept complaining and saying stuff like 'whatever'..which is a word I hate. My last message to him was oh, well, it wasn't meant to be...good luck....and, from his attitude, I think I just dodged a bullet. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 I probably wouldn't have focused on who was right with the Jonathan thing - just told him "sorry I guess there was a miscommunication but when I didn't hear from you I made other plans. Would you like to reschedule?" Link to comment
missmarple Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 I probably wouldn't have focused on who was right with the Jonathan thing - just told him "sorry I guess there was a miscommunication but when I didn't hear from you I made other plans. Would you like to reschedule?" That's what I said at first, Batya. He was the one who just wouldn't let go until he left me no choice but to end the conversation. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 That's what I said at first, Batya. He was the one who just wouldn't let go until he left me no choice but to end the conversation. What a jerk -I had exactly those same experiences with that kind of "interrogation". Good riddance. Link to comment
quirky Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 I wouldn't have offerend Jonathan a rescedule, he wasn't switched on enough to arrange a date! And he blamed her too for his own incompetence. What is most annoying is that he seemed so enthusiastic and those guys are the weirdest ones I tell you. Link to comment
missmarple Posted March 27, 2014 Author Share Posted March 27, 2014 What is most annoying is that he seemed so enthusiastic and those guys are the weirdest ones I tell you. You can say that again...and I hope he won't contact me again...all this situation left a bad taste in my mouth. Link to comment
missmarple Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 Axel called me before noon and we agreed to meet tonight at 7.30pm. I don't know if anything will come out of it but I appreciated that he called that early...it sucks when someone leaves it to the last minute to make plans. Theo texted me asking about my weekend plans. I was on a bus at the time (going on a school trip) and I replied saying I only have plans for tonight and tomorrow morning. No follow up message from him. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 Axel called me before noon and we agreed to meet tonight at 7.30pm. I don't know if anything will come out of it but I appreciated that he called that early...it sucks when someone leaves it to the last minute to make plans. Theo texted me asking about my weekend plans. I was on a bus at the time (going on a school trip) and I replied saying I only have plans for tonight and tomorrow morning. No follow up message from him. I'm glad you firmed up plans. As far as Theo no surprise that he didn't respond since you didn't really encourage him to make plans -which from what you wrote earlier was your intention. Hopefully he'll get the message! Link to comment
missmarple Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 Well, Theo just messaged me, after all, and asked if I'd like to go for a drink tomorrow. I told him that I'll call him tomorrow morning to let him know. I'll decide on the spot..unless, of course, my date tonight goes so well that we make plans for tomorrow, too Link to comment
missmarple Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 The date with Axel was very good. He's attractive, friendly and talkative and with a good sense of humour, too. We talked about lots of things...our jobs, families, cars, music, TV, the internet, travels, his book, and many more. The conversation flowed and we were both very comfortable with each other. The only problem here is that he got his divorce a year ago, it was a divorce his wife had asked for (and he didn't want) and he hasn't had any relationships since. I felt that he's really not ready to date yet which is a shame as he's one of the few guys that I've found both attractive and interesting. Anyway, when we parted ways, I told him I had had a good time and that I'd like to see him again...and now it's up to him. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 What makes you think he's not ready to date? Link to comment
missmarple Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 What makes you think he's not ready to date? The way he talked about his divorce and his ex wife. How much he wanted to try to make the marriage work but she had made up her mind. How he still doesn't know why he's now divorced. That sort of thing. He just doesn't sound like someone who's ready to move on. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 You could just ask him point blank at your next date... He might not be ready, but maybe a few great dates with you will help him move on? Link to comment
missmarple Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 You could just ask him point blank at your next date... He might not be ready, but maybe a few great dates with you will help him move on? Of course I will..if he asks me out again. Usually, when someone doesn't ask by the end of the first date, they never do. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 Sometimes guys wait a few days to play it cool. Link to comment
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