Girls saying "all the good guys are taken" is insulting

[Lonewing]

Oh yes of course it doesn't Blue....but I'd feel more comfortable going out with a guy 5-7 years older than me than the same age. I had an issue with my ex being immature and he was 30. You can't generalise everyone but I do feel that men of say 27 are in a different place in terms of wanting to settle down than a lot of women of 27. Always exceptions though...

 

Men will be immature until the day they die. Why? Because the things they like the "mature" people declare "immature" a long long time ago - for the purpose of competing of course!

 

Learn to appreciate what a real mature man acts and looks like, and get over those things. Accept the reality that yes, you will have to teach your man how to be YOUR man - and that's all men. And while you can teach him many things, accept the reality that the things he actually learns will not be the ones you hope he learns most, but he will grow all the same...just not...as you expected...

 

If your "perfect" example is your father or grandfather, realize he's the way he is because of your mother and his mother - there isn't a vacuum here!

[Lonewing]

I have almost no standards and yet I have three cats

 

Light click...having no standards is almost as bad as having standards that are too high. It's a red flag, sadly enough...

[jonny15]

Can I ask, how can a guy who possess "Confidence, smarts, a good heart, positive energy, PERSONALITY" be unemployed, lives with his parents and has no savings?

 

He probably has a really big penis.

 

 

To the OP. It's just something that is said by bitter people.

[allcity]

I'm sorry to say it, but the real problem isn't that all the good guys are taken. It's that there are very few good guys out there, period!

 

I've rarely ever met a woman that was truly satisfied with her man and didn't have to put up with all kinds of things she could do without.

 

And the few times I met a woman that was fairly satisfied with her man, I often knew for a fact that he was cheating and that she had a rocky road ahead.

 

Finding someone that really ticks all the right boxes is always tough for anyone, but in my experience it's a whole lot easier for us guys to find.

[Reflective82]

Lonewing- actually my father is my least perfect example!

 

I have definitely come to realise what a mature man is....and for me, I prefer older.

 

I also have noticed a trend that I am quite insecure about, in that men generally do have a strong preference for younger women...it's a story as old as the dawn of time and that's another reason I personally feel more secure dating an older guy. Of course they can still cheat and leave you, but if you are ten years younger, they most likely won't leave you for someone ten years younger

 

Everywhere I look, men have or are trading in women for younger models....even in the age gap relationships section, so many of the male posters are attracted to women 10 plus years younger-- I guess they can't help it, it's in their genes...but that's why I don't date guys my age

[Reflective82]

allcity-- you hit the nail on the head!

 

I know SO many gorgeous, sweet women, with good jobs, and well rounded lives. Most of them have been treated badly by men...and to be honest, the men I know just don't measure up. Or the ones that do, are very alpha mal, and have their real pick of the bunch!

 

I do think there are good guys out there--but I think there is more choice for men. There are tons of pretty, single, sweet girls. Not so many good guys...

[DN]

Men get treated badly by women as much as women get treated badly by men.

 

Men are no more or less immature than women.

 

Really, it seems some people live for generalisations and can't function in this world without them. It's no wonder so many people can't find someone with whom to have a relationship - they just don't like or respect anyone, including themselves. All they can do is insult and belittle.

[Slimpee]

Men get treated badly by women as much as women get treated badly by men.

 

Men are no more or less immature than women.

 

Really, it seems some people live for generalisations and can't function in this world without them. It's no wonder so many people can't find someone with whom to have a relationship - they just don't like or respect anyone, including themselves. All they can do is insult and belittle.

 

x1000000000 I have no idea how people can say "there are few good women/men out there!" I know tons of good men and women. In fact, most of the people with whom I associate are good people. The women may not be good for me romantically, but that doesn't mean they're not good for other men.

 

If you dont' seem to know good men and women, maybe you need to change who you spend time with.

 

And negativity certainly doesn't help. If you believe that there are only a few good potential partners out there, you will automatically assume the worst about everyone you meet. In addition, negativity is an incredibly unattractive trait. Those are two strikes before you've gone out on the first date.

 

Granted, it's fine to feel discouraged sometimes, but there's a difference between feeling discouraged in the moment but hopeful for the future and having a general negative outlook on dating.

[greywolf]

Haven't read all the posts, but I think that a lot of people (not just women), may feel like all the good people are taken only because all the people they are interested in are already married or in a long-term relationship. I've felt like that at times. The older you get, the smaller your dating pool gets, so it can start to seem like everyone is taken. And the guys that aren't taken usually aren't interested in relationships.

[Cognitive_Canine]

You could be a perfectly good person but a person may not want to date you because there is no chemistry/your personalities do not mesh.

 

Sometimes it really does feel like attractive, sane, single - pick two.

 

Of course, sane and attractive are completely subjective.

[Reflective82]

I disagree that men get treated as badly by women-- but that's just from what I have seen. I don't know many couples where the woman has ditched her husband for a partner 10 years or more younger, and had affairs, but I guess it doesn't happen.

 

And if you are referring to me I find that really offensive DN, as I've been single since July 2012 and that's the longest in about a decade. Just because people don't agree with you it doesn't mean they are wrong and they won't find a partner

[Reflective82]

Not interested in starting a major debate on it as there is too much evidence on the topic, but if you wanted some reading here you go. I personally find the number of men leaving their wives for someone younger very depressing. Men are biologically driven to find youth attractive but it just seems a lot cannot control themselves. Everywhere I look men are leaving women with numerous children and running off with someone half their age. I'm only 27 but it already makes me very depressed and terrified of the same happening to me, the number of older men who are in their 50s I get hit on by is ridiculous. I agree a lot of men still get treated terribly by women but I will never agree that it is equal....

 

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[Alone Now]

Both men and women treat each other badly! Not all of them of course. But a woman can treat a man as if he were simply there as amusement. Likewise a man can use a woman to make himself feel more like a man because he hooks her and she will be at his calling. Again, I want a man of good character, strong morals, high values and isn't afraid of showing emotional. If he has a good job, then that is icing on the cake. I know I make more money than most men in my field, and that's okay! I would rather know some man is supporting my dreams and my goals and not me!

 

Find me this man!

[Seraphim]

Men get treated badly by women as much as women get treated badly by men.

 

Men are no more or less immature than women.

 

Really, it seems some people live for generalisations and can't function in this world without them. It's no wonder so many people can't find someone with whom to have a relationship - they just don't like or respect anyone, including themselves. All they can do is insult and belittle.

 

I agree. The women out there whining and complaining and criticizing ,thinking there are no good men,they are not going to find any man that way. Why should a man go out with somebody so jaded? I would not want a man that jaded so why would any man want a woman that jaded? Why would you want to be with a woman who thinks men are scum ?No thanks.

[Seraphim]

I agree if all you're finding is bad people you need to change who you hang out with. It is either that or an attitude adjustment. Bitterness and being jaded does not attract anybody. People often think they hide those emotions but they don't.

[Throwaway999]

Not interested in starting a major debate on it as there is too much evidence on the topic, but if you wanted some reading here you go. I personally find the number of men leaving their wives for someone younger very depressing. Men are biologically driven to find youth attractive but it just seems a lot cannot control themselves. Everywhere I look men are leaving women with numerous children and running off with someone half their age. I'm only 27 but it already makes me very depressed and terrified of the same happening to me, the number of older men who are in their 50s I get hit on by is ridiculous. I agree a lot of men still get treated terribly by women but I will never agree that it is equal....

 

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Wow, that's a lot of evidence - they interviewed THREE men! Well, that settles that.

 

If men are always to blame, how it is that the majority of divorces are initiated by women? I have plenty of anecdotal evidence of my male friends who were left by their wives for no good reason, but you don't see me on here blaming women for everything.

 

For somebody who is only 27, you sure have a jaundiced view of the male gender. If I was a guy dating you, I would run from somebody with your attitude.

[Braveheart1]

I think guys also say the same thing a lot of the times. When it comes to immaturity, it's equal among both sexes.

 

I once had a girl ask me (i was seeing her for about 3 weeks). You're a great guy bla bla bla, how come you're single? What's your damage?

 

But I think that a lot of the times it's not meant to be rude, people sometimes just don't think before they talk

[Thorshammer]

Its very common actually. They walk down the streets and get stares and whistles (sometimes due to how they are dressed, even very casual shows nice figures- no matter how many people want to argue or claim they still get approached wearing fat wintercoats, they are still packing make up and have their hair done to be physically attractive, which even if they do not want attention they will still net them some, because its called "attraction" and you attract when you do certain things that are attractive- not many men show off their chest muscles or shape of their butt- more men are progammed to show off other attributes, attributes that cant be shown off- unless you are driving a nice car- then you will get stares). So, they feel they can be the selector, and all of their options are not to their standards, which actually hits their deep-rooted insecurities. They feel down in believing they are worth more (because they get a lot of attention), but worth less (because they arent the top choices). This is my observation from my female friends.

 

 

 

I explained my belief above.

 

It is princess behavior, we are expected to cater to them. But, times are changing, women sleep around now more so now than ever before, they are also hunters, chasing and hunting for women has gotten easier, and those women that want to be pampered might find themselves alone to the more aggressive women.

 

 

 

They dont have to, people believe we are hard wired in looking for specific traits for attraction, and men seeking women for power or property wasnt usually one of them. But like i said, times have changed. I dont date a women who doesnt work and doesnt have a future goal set in mind, especially since i notice i can be picky too. There were times that i felt i was in my own throne too.

 

 

 

I have met picky women off the internet, and in person they rarely fit the description of someone who should be picky. I cut those dates short when their physical attraction doesnt balance out the princess behavior. This is common. I also get ignored by less attractive women who in person i would never date, but i only hit up because of a common interest we shared.

 

 

She will awaken to the truth when she picks the hot guy, and the hot guy doesnt respond well to the date (unless he is really turned on by her personality). She will say most guys on the interenet are jerks or are trying to sleep with her only, and close her account, while who knows, a man more at her level could have given her his life in loyalty and love.

 

I am actually all for womens freedom. They have come from a history of being sold to men for marriafe, married off by parents, and/or never having a choice who they end up with in life, or dating someone and being pressured to marry someone they are iffy about due to political/religious reasons- as dating wasnt as it is today, they didnt serial date like now.

[Thorshammer]

Not interested in starting a major debate on it as there is too much evidence on the topic, but if you wanted some reading here you go. I personally find the number of men leaving their wives for someone younger very depressing. Men are biologically driven to find youth attractive but it just seems a lot cannot control themselves. Everywhere I look men are leaving women with numerous children and running off with someone half their age. I'm only 27 but it already makes me very depressed and terrified of the same happening to me, the number of older men who are in their 50s I get hit on by is ridiculous. I agree a lot of men still get treated terribly by women but I will never agree that it is equal....

 

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They rate money issues as the number one killer of marriages. I would assume that in many cases that would mean the man isnt bringing in the bread. I would rate this no different as men who leave women for more attractive and younger fertile women. The sexes have certain traits that attract them -and for some its very important. I have a friend who is dating a women who uses up all his money, they have a normal relationship besides this. I told him, she will get old in time, and since what stands out the most to you is how attractive she is, and how she makes you feel sexually and passionately, those feelings can also change with her looks. His money will increase, and he might feel he needs to match what he might see as his new "level", and i know for a fact she would consider leaving him if he lost his job. And i am not saying its about money, i am saying its about money and status, some people see someone who makes 100k as a stronger proivder with high status than a guy making 20k.

 

Obviously there is this magical thing called LOVE that can fix a lot of these issues, but i dont think people know what love is or feels like. I even sometimes believe people arent even looking for love, they are just filling-up feelings and holes that arelost and inside of them with someone else.

[John John]

I agree with this wholeheartedly. I feel like dating is much easier for women, so long as they are at least average/slightly above average looking and in decent shape. They're the ones getting hundreds of emails a day on these online dating sites, so they know they can be picky. But one thing I've observed is that many of these women are poster children for flakes.

 

I usually don't message women, unless I'm both attracted to them and feel I have a good amount of things in common with them. I get a good amount of messages from some attractive women. I've had a few that I was really excited to meet, because we had texted and spoken on the phone before the first date, and felt we built up a decent rapport (even before meeting in person). Sometimes I'll just text to set the date up, sometimes we'll communicate a lot beforehand. Some of these women show a crazy amount of interest, then suddenly flake out either right before the first date, or right after.

 

If they weren't into me after the first date, that's totally fine. I'm not going to be every woman's cup of tea. But what gets me is how they show a crazy amount of interest beforehand, only for that interest to suddenly disappear (sometimes even before the first date ever happens, so you can't blame the first date for ruining it).

 

Most people I know agree. All else being equal, dating is easier for women than it is for men (controlled for the same level of attractiveness of these women and men). It's also especially easier for women to get laid than it is for men (but I think everyone knows this lol).

[Ms Darcy]

Of course some men think dating is easier for women and some women think it is easier for men. And not surprisingly, those folks are single! When you spend your time developing these negative views, you have a harder time getting into positive relationships. Bitterness is like a pheromone and it stinks.

 

Get your heads out of the sand people.

 

I hardly think some women flaking at the beginning stages of dating is evidence that dating is easier for women. If that was the scientific evidence presented to support the women have it easier hypothesis, it would be laughed at.

[DN]

Some women have it easier because they can wait for the men to ask, some men have it easier because they get to do the asking and can therefore choose who they ask.

 

But that leaves out the women who don't get asked very often, and the men who get turned down a lot.

 

It also leaves out those who don't get past the first date - that is for many reasons but very often it is because of expectations, attitude and behaviour and that is not specific to gender.

 

I agree with Ms Darcy it is single people developing negative views who become bitter. But they should more often look to themselves for the root of the issue.

[Thorshammer]

I wouldnt say so much that they have an easier time dating because they have to actually apply it, i would say they have an easier time getting attention- but from guys they dont see as potential. They can still date and fail, they can still be lied to and used for sex- some women might want to stay in their bubble and avoid this and wait for a prince- and some may take all their attention to their heads and make that prince unrealistic- which can further ruin their dating chances.

 

From my experience, they stop pretending to be princess when i attract them, and i would say a lot has to do with personality. At one point they become vunerable and they show the "real" them. I would even say some would be hesitant to open up, not only their minds, but showing themselves to you with clothes off and make-up off, which for some women is a big deal. I say this is the main goal to reach if you want to be in a relationship with her. Its like them showing you what they are without all the triggers of attraction (or mask as some of my rude friends put it) that make those men whistle in the streets (basically they get rid of their strength). I would even say some women believe the attraction they get isnt real, some might be insecure and say its the "make up", the "push up bra" the tight dress that any other women could have used and would have been just as (or better) in terms of looks, but some take an alternate path and feel they are superior, but in my experience, it all changes when you are undressing them, when they wake up the next morning in your bed, or when you really reach into their head- basically it changes when all of a sudden you know them without their strength and your judgement can seriously affect them. But thats just my 2 cents from my dating experience.

[John John]

Of course some men think dating is easier for women and some women think it is easier for men. And not surprisingly, those folks are single! When you spend your time developing these negative views, you have a harder time getting into positive relationships. Bitterness is like a pheromone and it stinks.

 

Get your heads out of the sand people.

 

I hardly think some women flaking at the beginning stages of dating is evidence that dating is easier for women. If that was the scientific evidence presented to support the women have it easier hypothesis, it would be laughed at.

 

Yes, I'm still getting over a breakup, so I guess I am on the bitter side right now. It comes with the territory. I just know many friends personally (both women and men) who have said even before I was single that dating is (mostly) easier for women. But perhaps maybe they meant it's just easier for women to find casual sex than it is for men.

 

I've actually taken a more laid back approach to dating in the last few weeks, and I think it's working for me. I don't message any of these girls, and I only go on the date if I think we will actually hit it off and have something to talk about it. It's because of this that I see myself with mores positive prospects.

 

But I never said that women flaking is "scientific evidence" that they have it easier. Perhaps that's just my warped opinion right now. But I do know many people who have said women do have it easier, and maybe that's influenced my view as well.

[Reflective82]

Hazlewood- it is such a common thing- a man "trading in" his wife for someone 10 years younger--- are we really even debating this?? Come on!!

 

I haven't had this happen to me but I find it hard not to feel a bit jaded because it is just so prevalent in today's society....google it and you can see so many message boards where wives of 20 years are left for the man's secretary or PA which is 15 years younger. My parents have also remarked it has happened a lot amongst their friends.

 

And as for running from "someone with my attitude" -- you wouldn't know becauyse I hardly tell guys I meet or am potentially dating....lol