Boyfriend confessed to cheating

[Cherry009]

And I know it sucks to hear, but you are definitely exhibiting little to no self-esteem and self-respect in this situation. That's always much easier to see from the outside looking in. I hope this all works out for you somehow. Like someone else said, you seem like the type who will have to ride this rollercoaster out to the end before you get off. I don't mean that in an insulting way - some people are just like that, in that they will have to exhaust every possibility and hit absolute rock bottom before they'll exit the ride. For your sake, I hope that happens sooner rather than later.

 

I agree, it is kind of scary to think how far he is going to have to go before you fully see the light and completely cut him off.

[Amandacast57]

 

I sense tha he isnt actually seeing a councilor and is just filling your head with more manipulating BS.

 

This was my thought too. I dated a guy who had issues with lying. I always caught him in lies and he told me he was going to see a counselor. He started throwing it in my face about how he was trying and blah blah...

 

Until I contacted the counselor and asked him if he was seeing my boyfriend. He responded that if he was, he couldn't say but since he isn't is patient he could say so.

 

I don't think this guy is getting help

[Cherry009]

How are u OP? Its a bit quiet here, please dont say you have seen him

[LonelyGirl10]

How are u OP? Its a bit quiet here, please dont say you have seen him

 

No, I haven't seen him. Sunday was hard. He invited me to take a walk on the beach with him. I have so many good memories of that last year with him. I told him no, and moped all day Sunday. Monday was really, really busy at work. He sent me an email Monday morning on his views of NC, and why it's bad for us. I was stressed out, and just lost my temper. I sent him an email of all the things I don't like about him, beyond just the cheating. Like refusing to see my friends and family, and just overall being selfish. He responded that I was right, and that he would leave me alone. Haven't heard anything from him since then. I'm already dreading work today, because I know it's going to be stressful again. I was feeling really lonely last night. Overall, I just feel depressed. Everyone's comments about my self-respect is starting to get to me, and I just feel depressed and miserable.

[mhowe]

He has now told you 1,349 times he will leave you alone. And he doesn't. He is showing nothing but disrespect for you and your well being. It is all about him.

 

Your self respect will begin to grow when you see yourself worthy of a man who treats you with compassion and respect. This man cheated on you, walked away from you -- and is now blaming God, his mother and you for his inability to be a man of honor. This is not your fault...

 

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

[metrogirl]

Agreed, it's not your fault that you fell in love with a liar, cheater, and manipulator. You however have to stop responding to his emails, no matter how angry you feel. He will continue with that tactic, emailing you knowing that you will respond to his mail whether it's good or bad, as long as you are still responding he still has you baited.

 

Tell yourself, NO MORE......I WON'T READ HIS STUPID EMAILS ANYMORE. As soon as you see *crazy asshat* or whatever his name is, DELETE and keep deleting until he gets so tired of emailing you he will hopefully just give up.

[LonelyGirl10]

He has now told you 1,349 times he will leave you alone. And he doesn't. He is showing nothing but disrespect for you and your well being. It is all about him.

 

Your self respect will begin to grow when you see yourself worthy of a man who treats you with compassion and respect. This man cheated on you, walked away from you -- and is now blaming God, his mother and you for his inability to be a man of honor. This is not your fault...

 

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

 

Rationally, I know it's not my fault. I just feel like crap. I'm a clean person, and my house is really messy. I haven't unpacked from the cruise yet. I'm falling behind at work. Every day I wake up and tell myself that it's a new day. I tell myself that I will focus more at work, that I will clean when I get home, that I won't eat fast food again, that I'll exercise, and that I won't respond to his messages. And every day I fail at all of those things. All I feel like doing is sitting on my couch watching TV. I'm not even talking to my friends anymore, because they all just keep telling me that I don't respect myself. I feel like crap, and I'm completely miserable.

[mhowe]

The only one who can change that is you.

 

When you get home today, aim at one thing. Unpack. Then clear your head and go for a walk.

 

Tomorrow, aim at cleaning one room.

 

But every day --- tell yourself as many times as you need to: This is not my fault, and I don't need to feel this way. Out loud....I mean, say it out loud so you can hear it as well as think it.

[metrogirl]

Yes, I like what mhowe said. Just focus on one little task today. Even if you don't want to unpack, maybe just for today don't go through the drive thru for your fast food fix. Instead, go for a salad or to subway for a sandwich. Baby steps, one at a time until you feel up to doing a 2nd task.

 

You can do this.

[Amandacast57]

As soon as you see *crazy asshat* or whatever his name is.

 

Lol, I just burst out laughing in my office when I read this.

 

LG, please put this as his name in your phone. Or Dingle berry or something that describes how much of a douche he is!!!

 

And I think it is normal to think this is your fault. I think a lot of people come out of relationships, especially abusive ones, where they feel like the failure. But the longer you stay AWAY from him and his manipulative contact attempts, the less you will feel like this. It is normal to mourn the loss of any relationship but at some point you need to take responsibility because you are making yourself feel like this because you won't block him out of your life. If you want to stop this, block his number, his email address, file harassment charges...whatever you have to do to get him to go away.

[LonelyGirl10]

Well, he went about 28 hours with no contact, and he just sent me an email. It said that he went to the doctor today to get tested for STDs, and that he felt like a horrible person for making me have to do that. He said that he felt ashamed, and so he couldn't imagine how I felt. He also said that he requested a prescription for depression, and they prescribed him celexa. I *know* that I can't believe anything that comes out of his mouth. But, if this is true, it's a huge step. I begged him to get treated for depression for probably 6 months and he just kept telling me he was fine.

 

I will not respond, I will not respond, I will not respond.

 

Also, side note.... I got tested last Wednesday. My doctor told me 48 hours for the results to come back. I'm starting to feel paranoid because I haven't heard anything yet.

[Cherry009]

You are stronger than you think LG. Well done for not responding , keep this up....you will begin to get stronger in time.

[Amandacast57]

He also said that he requested a prescription for depression, and they prescribed him celexa.

 

I find this odd.

 

When I went through a horrible break up, I started seeing a counselor who, after a few sessions with me, thought I would benefit from medication. I had to see a psychiatrist who had me talk with her for an hour and a half before she recommended medication for me. So I find it odd that he goes in for STD testing and says "Hey, I'm depressed. Can you prescribe me drugs?".

 

And yes, it is even more odd that after 6 months of so called "depression", he all of a sudden decides to walk into a doctor's office, ask for it and receive it.

 

Sorry, I call more BS.

[metrogirl]

If only it were that easy, hardly anyone would be battling mental health issues.

[Cherry009]

I find this odd.

 

When I went through a horrible break up, I started seeing a counselor who, after a few sessions with me, thought I would benefit from medication. I had to see a psychiatrist who had me talk with her for an hour and a half before she recommended medication for me. So I find it odd that he goes in for STD testing and says "Hey, I'm depressed. Can you prescribe me drugs?".

 

And yes, it is even more odd that after 6 months of so called "depression", he all of a sudden decides to walk into a doctor's office, ask for it and receive it.

 

Sorry, I call more BS.

 

Agreed, he keeps throwing these statements out there about getting help, getting medication for depression etc but all this is just words, the amount of lies he has told it is most likely that this is all lies too. Whatever is happening we know that his councilling is not working because he is not leaving you along and is still not taking any blame and accepting what he did is HIS fault. He is still blaming everything else except himself, now the most recent thing to blame is depression.

 

Just exactly how long do u intend to keep listeing to your cheating, lying ex? How long will you continue to let him get inside your head? You do realise that for as long as you allow him to still contact you you will find it 10x as hard to get over the whole situation and will continue to be miserable. I cant help but feel there is a deeper reason why you are keeping him in your life......?

[LonelyGirl10]

I still have not responded to him today. He has continued the text messages. He sent me a picture of his prescription for the depression medication. I don't think he's lying about it, because of the picture and also because I've been prescribed the same medication in the past at a regular doctor's office. But, I don't think it matters whether he's lying or not. It doesn't change anything.

 

I don't know why I can't just block him. I don't know if there's a deeper reason I'm keeping him in my life. Honestly, no clue. I am going to counseling, and hopefully that's a question she'll help me figure out. I know I can get other guys, so it's not that. I've already had two other guys ask me on dates in the past week. If I had to guess, I'd say that it's that I never know when to give up. I'm an attorney, and my job involves finding all the facts and seeing both sides of every story and never giving up. Also, if I'm bluntly honest, I feel like a hypocrite because I'm not perfect either. I lied to my ex throughout our relationship about the number of partners I previously slept with, because I thought he was a good Christian guy who wouldn't date me if he knew the truth. So, I'm not perfect. I've made mistakes. I know his mistakes are worse than mine. But still, a lie is a lie.

[mhowe]

You are kidding? You are equating lying about the number of partners in your past.with the lies he told you about the number of partners he had while you were.in a relationship WITH HIM!!!!!

[LonelyGirl10]

You are kidding? You are equating lying about the number of partners in your past.with the lies he told you about the number of partners he had while you were.in a relationship WITH HIM!!!!!

 

I said I knew that his were worse. I know it's different.

[Batya33]

"I'm an attorney, and my job involves finding all the facts and seeing both sides of every story and never giving up."

 

I have a feeling you dated before you went to law school and passed the bar and attorneys decide not to represent clients all the time for various reasons including determining that the person's story is not going to hold up in court (for those attorneys who do court related work) and of course there's a point where there are no more appeals, nothing left to be done, so I don't buy the analogy for those reasons -try not to complicate this with references to your career or to some "deeper" reason. I would accept that for now, you are choosing to stay in contact with him because it brings you more pleasure than pain and as far as the "why" it brings you pleasure -don't let that unanswered question be an excuse to keep choosing to stay in contact.

[LonelyGirl10]

I was just responding to Cherry's request about what the deeper meaning is. I have no clue. I've always been like this though. I can never let things go, and I always hang on for longer than I should. Both in romantic relationships and friendships. And I do it at work too. Like, I'm still at the office now at almost 9PM worrying and overanalyzing one of my cases. I'm a perfectionist. I worry about everything, and I never know when to let go. I got on anxiety medication for it probably 5-6 years ago, and didn't really notice a difference. So I accepted that it's my personality, and that's that. I'm in counseling now to try to fix some of these personality flaws.

[journeynow]

Well, in this case, you be the judge, declare him guilty as charged, and close the case. And then, if you keep going with this case, let your inner judge knock you upside the head. Then listen to your inner coach cheer you on to better choices.

[chitown9]

Have you accepted any of the dates that you were asked for???....chi

[LonelyGirl10]

Have you accepted any of the dates that you were asked for???....chi

 

I went out with a guy last weekend, and it was pretty miserable. I have no interest in dating right now. So, I don't plan to go out with anyone else. I don't want to waste some guy's time since I obviously have way too many issues.

[abitbroken]

The "deeper meaning" doesn't matter. its just a question of will. It is sooo easy to block him and yet you refuse. Just do it. It takes a few seconds. If you don't, then you just like the punishment too much...and maybe that's the deeper meaning.

[Batya33]

I was just responding to Cherry's request about what the deeper meaning is. I have no clue. I've always been like this though. I can never let things go, and I always hang on for longer than I should. Both in romantic relationships and friendships. And I do it at work too. Like, I'm still at the office now at almost 9PM worrying and overanalyzing one of my cases. I'm a perfectionist. I worry about everything, and I never know when to let go. I got on anxiety medication for it probably 5-6 years ago, and didn't really notice a difference. So I accepted that it's my personality, and that's that. I'm in counseling now to try to fix some of these personality flaws.

 

 

You've accepted your passivity. No need to do that. Sure, you might need a counselor to help guide you into making different (better?) choices but it is all within your control. Nothing you need to accept if it's not working for you. I wouldn't see it as a personality flaw -I would see it as a need to make different choices because that mindset reminds you constantly that you have control and it's your responsibility, it's not just "your personality" or "a personality flaw".