Silverbirch Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 Hi All, I wasn't going to post about this, but I've been feeling quite emotional about it today. There are 2 ENA members who already know. I have another tumor which looks identical to the last one except on the scan, it's a little smaller. It is malignant, but usually treatable. I've known for around 3 weeks, and tomorrow morning, I have surgery. I'm having it done at a public hospital under a general anaesthetic. I'm hoping they are not going to keep me in long. Last time I had different things hooked into me. A small price to pay for my life I know. If they have to do that this time, I hope it isn't for long - I can't afford to be off work for long. Not many people know. They don't know at work, and I've told D that I'm just having tests done. I don't want him to know for a number of reasons. He asked me to stay at his place tonight and I have to be at the hospital 7am tomorrow. I'm trying to be positive. I'm going to be busy packing soon, and will try and take a peek here later. Otherwise, I won't likely be back here until after the surgery. Wish me well. Please say a prayer for me. Link to comment
East4 Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 I wish you a quick recovery and that it would be the last operation to undergo. Take care. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 silver you are in my prayers and my thoughts , your a very brave strong lady ..you keep that smile xx love and best wishes to you xxxxxxxx Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 Thank you so much to you both. Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 i wish you all the best!! will think of you tomorrow and pray for you! but why don't you want him to know? wouldn't he want to be there for you through this? i would be hurt if my loved one would go through this alone and i found out later, i would want to be there for him all the way....but maybe you have good reasons for this, you do what you feel is right for you right now! hope all goes well and you have a good recovery! take care Link to comment
luminousone Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 May your surgery be smooth, may your surgeons hands be guided, may your healing be complete, and may you be cancer free Link to comment
laura40 Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 Wishing you a fast recovery. Hope you're feeling better ASAP. Take care Link to comment
journeynow Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 Sending you healing thoughts and prayers. May all around you be kind and gentle and great healers, and you have a quick recovery! Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 I hope it goes well. Good luck. Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 LOL, I'm STILL here, got all my dishes done and ALMOST finished packing! Tonight I'm eating chocolate! Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 May as well eat chocolate...good comfort food! Link to comment
Moggs Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 Good luck Silverbirch, wishing you all the best with your surgery tomorrow! Link to comment
Juliette ne pas Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 My prayers are with you....I pray they are able to isolate and contain the maligancy, that there be NO more growths or abnormal cells, that you have a swift and relatively painless recovery, and I thank you for letting us know so you know your not alone... I understand the silence, I just recently had emergency surgery for the same reason myself and by God's grace no chemo ... and if it weren't for certain members here supporting me I would have felt that I was in it alone. Hugs and remember we are with you in spirit. Petra Link to comment
journeynow Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 Sending you hugs, and healing mugs of hot cocoa, too! Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 I hope all goes well for you!!! Link to comment
Huntress0527 Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 Good luck! I hope everything goes well. Try not to stress! Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted July 10, 2012 Author Share Posted July 10, 2012 Thanks everyone. I was first on list this morning. All went VERY well. David got up at 5am, insistent on taking me to be here at 7am. He is taking me back to his place, and after tomorrow, I will go back to work. No pain, not many tubes and all out. I've eaten a bit and sitting up in bed on the laptop. I'm very fortunate. I see the docs in 3 weeks. Looks like the tumor came up where the previous one was. They had told me they usually recurr so I knew this was on the cards. It's really not too bad at all. XXXX Link to comment
journeynow Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 Hugs! Take care, and heal well. Hopefully you can take it easy when back at work. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 good to hear from you silver stay strong ...lots of rest and lots and lots of love from the uk xxxx Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 My prayers are with you....I pray they are able to isolate and contain the maligancy, that there be NO more growths or abnormal cells, that you have a swift and relatively painless recovery, and I thank you for letting us know so you know your not alone... I understand the silence, I just recently had emergency surgery for the same reason myself and by God's grace no chemo ... and if it weren't for certain members here supporting me I would have felt that I was in it alone. Hugs and remember we are with you in spirit. Petra Thank you to everyone, but especially to you Petra. I pray for you too. My biggest battle right now is with cigarettes. My understanding is that they were able to "scrape" the last tumor away. The tumors have been in my bladder. They are low grade, but malignant polymorphoid carcinomas. The most recent one on cystscopy around 3 weeks ago was measured to be around the size of a fingernail. The first one was 1 inch round, stage 2. I still haven't told D I had a recurrence as he is already very worried. He has always been very anti-smoking. He doesn't let anyone including me smoke on his property. He refuses to kiss me if he can smell I have had a cigarette, and really cracks it if he knows I have been smoking. Last year, before I found out about the carcinoma, I had tried Champix, and although it was easier, I still smoked. I feel so much guilt and weakness about smoking, and for me, it seems like knowing that I must not smoke is making it harder to give up - not the other way around. I am thinking of giving the Champix another go and having hypnosis. I've given up twice in the past - once for 9 months and once for 3 months. I do crave it a lot less when I am with D. I feel like God is giving me a warning and a chance, and I'm being selfish and weak. Sorry for the rant. Link to comment
Huntress0527 Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Smoking is one of the most difficult things to quit. I've never smoke cigarettes so I can't say I truly understand but my dad quit 30 years ago after he had surgery. They told him he had to or the healing process would be stalled. You have to want to quit bad enough in order to get it to stick. You can do it! Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 silver I don't ever want to hear you call yourself selfish and weak again ..ok your a fighter and you come on here with what your facing and have a kind word for everyone x I am a smoker too , I bury my head in the sand for the most part , the addiction is terrible isn't it and even worse ..I enjoy smoking , I can't pretend otherwise. you have to try silver , that's all you can do , give it another go and don't be so hard on yourself. I hope your feeling well today love and best wishes coming your way xxx Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 Thanks so much for your kind words Huntress and Shooting Star. Shooting Star, I have started reading this book which is a stop smoking program. Anyway, I have felt too that I love smoking, but reading what it says in the book, I know it is me where it describes how the addiction works. I personally prefer the double-whammy. I most enjoy a cigarette if I am drinking a real coffee - get the caffeine hit at the same time. Anyway, I've checked what it says while I'm smoking, and I DO what it describes. . . . with the addiction, sometimes, you get this HIT of all those chemicals, especially the nicotine, which is very pleasurable. You get the hit often enough to keep trying, though since I've been conscious of it, I know that I don't get even just one hit on every cigarette I smoke. Usually, it's the first cigarette of the day, I get the hit. Then it says, we keep smoking trying to get another hit, but it doesn't come. . . . not right off anyway. I am like this. I am only early into this book, and I hope it will help me to stop. I know that my addiction is mostly psychological. I've given up before, but long after the physical addiction would have left my body, I have picked up cigarettes due to the psychological addicition, and I get this feeling of comfort from them if I am stressed. The girl at work who had hypnosis which worked was a very heavy smoker. She has not smoked for almost 3 months now. It's expensive but she pointed out that the treatment has already paid for itself - although as she points out - you have to want to stop. I do feel very well in myself, and I will go back to work tomorrow. Another fortunate thing for me is that the tumors can - at present at least - be removed without me being cut open. Every 3 months, I have a flexible cystoscopy under a local anaesthetic. I get to see the screen while they look around for tumors. I only found out about the first tumor when I went to the toilet one day, and my urine was bright red. I had no pain. It's eerie how silent cancer can be - not meaning to scare anyone, but truly, I hadn't had any pain although, when I thought of it later, a few weeks before I was diagnosed I got these TERRIBLE cold sores. They took weeks to get rid of and the doctor told me that if I had taken something called Fanvil very early on, I wouldn't have had such a terrible episode of the blisters. The scars are still just faint now 9 months later. I have since taken Fanvil - just after the first tumor was diagnosed and again a few days after the last one was diagnosed. I'm thinking that maybe the cold sores are a sign that my immune system is really working hard with the carcinoma. It feels very good knowing that right now at least, there is no tumor there. GONE, GONE, GONE. Yippee! Link to comment
Juliette ne pas Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 I'm glad things went well and Huntress and Star are right...don't be so hard on yourself....everythings takes time...take time to heal...believe me the Good Lord will give you the strength to quit when your ready...my addiction is soda...those lovely carbinated drinks that have enough acid to clean an old brown copper penny and make it look brand new...hhhmm. makes me wonder what is does to the insides of my body... The though makes me sick....yeah I know bad pun... I'm so happy for you....My visit went well also...cancer free at this visit....its funny my uterus was the size of someone who was 14-16 weeks pregnant which is a little bigger than a large grapefruit....I glad it, the tumors, and the cysts are gone....Yay!!!!! Gentle hugs and take care of you....Petra Link to comment
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