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Juliette ne pas

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Juliette ne pas last won the day on August 6 2012

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  1. Sorry Lost, I wish you and your children didn't have to suffer so...hugs.
  2. Thanks Lost I am trying to stay on the high ground, I will try to start a new thread, thanks
  3. Originally Posted by waffle What it tells me when one party or the other struggles financially after the divorce is that they were probably spending a disproportionate amount of the marital income on themselves during the marriage. I was not given the opportunity work with the ex with the finances, there was no planning for vacations, winter or summer clothes or schools for growing kids or myself, for medical or dental needs kids or self (the military took care of him, even a clothing and food allowance especially TDY), nothing for house repairs or car repairs, tires, nor the future for our kids or ourselves; schooling for the present or the future, no paying off debts, just increasing them... I hid my head in the sand to avoid arguements and threats, Jeffbobo, you and the young men on this thread aren't deadbeats, you seem to be upstanding and decent gentlemen. Please don't take offense, you guys have shown me that not all men or women are Don't take this the wrong way, but after reading many of the different posts from people like yourself, Lost, Nick, Raoul, and John... it makes me believe that maybe (years from now, maybe God willing) I can find a man who has some all of you guys lovely characteristics; hardworking, educated, moral, family oriented, being trust worthy, being worth honor and respect, dutiful, and being able to love and encourage your family and to love them with and through their faults, being willing to go the distance.... Fear not guys, I'm not hitting on you, I am still married( for 4 mos...lol) and then I have a loooong road of healing before me all of you live well over 18+ hours from me...but I like to speak encouraging words to others, especially when I believe them to be true... You see I'm odd that way, I will go out of my way to say thank you to a Vet, compliment someone on their eyes or smile, let someone go before me, see someone having one of those days and try to say something encouraging or sometimes a hug(women only) and pray with them. This is who am, and sadly it was one of the many things my ex despised about me, funny there was very little I think he liked about me. My reason for doing this....I know what its like to be given a second chance, to be the survivor, when others didn't. I know what its like to regret the things left unsaid, because you thought you had time. They are there one minute and gone, literally gone, the next...or your buddies can't "handle it" anymore and you didn't know that last call was really the last call... I learned the hard way that we should never take anything for granted, everything, even the most stable is subject to change when you least suspect it, and life is extremely precious and fleeting. Have a grand day, Juliette.
  4. Everything, custody, alimony, property distribution.Ze filed for a bed and board because I took out the restraining order to force me to drop it, then Ze continued on with this, saying I made Ze's life intolerable, its a fault divorce, Ze was planning this for awhile.
  5. Well I finally got everything I think out of the attic, yay! (he can check and put things aside if he chooses to, as it is our sons things and I have trouble going up and down the attic stairs). My boys want some of the plants they bought me for my body and mothers day...and my great great grandmother's rose bush, but other the that I'm done. He is still living in the barracks (for free) till the end of May, then I don't know or care, just as long as he doesn't cause my children to stay in that awful house as they are afraid to go in it anymore, too many bad memories for them, or stay with him and his girlfriend. I have a question what should I put together for the pretrial?
  6. Hugs Lost, we did miss you...I overwhelmed them in your absence. I'm sorry about the why which is the Was, but your son is blessed to have you. Speaking of absent, hope Nick is doing well, My older son had a verbal melt down overseas and that on top of everything else, sent me into a tail spin. I am finally starting to level off.
  7. Ditto, Happy Easter one and all! image removed This is a picture of taken at my old home in England around Easter, I lived at the vicarage (the brick home in the background, the center window on the second story was my bedroom) the church was est. 1511 AD, in East Anglia
  8. "I think maybe I do that once in a while too, but in a different way. Like when I had to spend a small fortune for a new HVAC mere months after D was final, when the water softener broke, when the pilot went out on the water heater, when the garage door opener broke, when the refrigerator broke, when the washer broke . . . I hated dealing with that stuff all on my own until I remembered, "waffle, you were alone while married too." I never had a real marriage so the fact that I don't have one now is really nothing noteworthy" Thanks Waffle, I tend to forget everything I don't have to fix anymore... your right. No more using a push mower ( I mean push as in a reel push mower , no gas) to try to mow the old acre plus lawn because I couldn't afford to fix the other 2/3 gas mowers (or sometimes the gas). I don't have to fret that the w/d unit is not working again, or having to replace the heat water heater. I don't have to worry about "spending a small fortune for a new HVAC mere months after D will be final or about how in the heck I could afford replacing the whole roof. I don't know what the judge will decide , that's my major worry. Four months and mine and my children's fate will be decided.
  9. Thanks John, I needed to read this again, well aquainted with the 5 stages. I had heard from others going through divorce, that it was worse than dealing with a death of a loved one, at the time I couldn't relate, now I can. I now am beginning to understand, for I still have moments of of sadness and loss for those I lost, but this... there are no words, everywhere I see married people or couples and grieve for what I no longer have, seeing these people together, happy, with their children. Yes, it may have only been my dream, my hope, my bubble that burst, which makes it worse, I was the only one who wanted the marriage to work, who was hopelessly in love, while my husband was looking for a way to escape, and be a lone wolf. I am broken, for I realize I believed a lie for 25 years, I am angry at him and more angry with myself for being so blind. I am having problems with the no judging part right now. I know its a work in progress, Ijust can't wait till this mess is done. Unlike Nick, my Was, has been gone for for 8 months now with no turning back, he is a swinging single and loving it, not so for me. I filed the Financial Affidavit this week, hardest thing I'd ever done. I was never allowed to deal with the finances because it was his money, so I am not certain that I planned fully for everything. He is still texting and questioning me on the where abouts of things I haven't seen in at least 2 yrs or more, yes I lived at the old place and moved from there, but there were many things I couldn't find and believed them lost or stolen. In truth, I just want the next 4 months to go by as quickly and as painlessly as possible. I hope that the judge will judge fairly, I am still worried, my Was truly believes that I don't deserve one red cent of his money and that our children will be fully on their own at 18...part of me wants the judge to meet all of my children, so he can see and hear for himself that this is not probable with their special needs. Also my Was is crying poor, I don't even get half of what he has, and there are 3 of us(4 when my other child returns) living on our amount and it's not easy, if he cuts it, we will have to file for section 8 housing and food stamps and he is an active duty high ranking NCO, the only thing the military will do is make him pay the BAQ, 750.00 twice a month, the rent is 860.00, the car is 400.00, insurance is 87.00, electric 200.00, water 60.00, this does not include phone, internet, food, clothes, and the like, so I am afraid to say too much and complain because I most likely will get much less than I'm hoping for and if I piss him off he will fight even harder than he is now. The Was lied on his financial affidavit, so unfortunately I have the burden of proof to prove otherwise and I don't think the judge will care, it could just make me look bad. I feel like I am between the devil and the deep ble sea.
  10. Yes, we all do need to feel those my friend, we all do. Remember what next week is and, take hold of His hand. FYI, If you happen to be up and are unable to sleep(like me) in the wee hours of 15th there will be a sight to behold in the sky if your interested.
  11. As the Holy Days appoach, I wish you and your families the very best. This is in memory of my father and Passover, in this song the father is able to return, to mine and those fathers who didn't make it home and their families.....Diese sammel es Fuer meine Vater, Ich manke dir. Ich Liebe dich, Pesash est nur zweite tagen da vor. Ich weinte im meinen zimmer und denken uber dir und Abba Vater. Ich voll das ich und meinen kinder will sie kennen besser. Shoewen sie mich seinen anwort fuer mich. Hilfen sie mich, Vatie. Deiner Tochter, Juilette
  12. My natural Father was KIA in Viet Nam when I was very young, oh to have had the chance to have a hug, a kind word, smile, or a kiss on the cheek; to him wipe away my tears, to help me to stand strong with grace and mercy; oh to have my first dance with him, or to have had him walk me down the aisle and to spoil his grandchildren, or to be here now to help me through this devastating time in mine and my children's life. Nick and to the rest of you wonderful fathers of daughters, you have big shoes to fill for through you, your daughters will learn what a man, husband, and father is like. I pray that God will gift all of you with grace, strength, and wisdom for the wonderful task ahead of you. Nick it was truly my dream to dance with my father, I imagine myself as a little girl standing on his boots as he dances round the room with me. To you all and most of all to both my Fathers in heaven, I love you both and know that your both with me even though I can't see you or feel you, I know you are with me. So this is for you guys from me, my Father's little girl.... , ,
  13. Sorry Nick, what happened? Please I know you can work through this, I'm sorry for what your going through and what you are feeling.
  14. Raoul, I don't mind being a single parent...Ive been pretty much a single parent for 24 years...its just his telling me and my family and friends that I'm not good enough, that he can do better, that the kids don't have special needs, its just my fault...my fear is if the judge buys into his story...he is very influential, I believed him for 25 years, he doesn't take the children certain times because its not good for him,if I did that even for a good reason like medical issues, he would use that against me. I've never had me time and I'm ok with that, its more or less, I'd just like to know in a timely manner if he is planing on having the children on his court authorized visitation or not....and please advise me what is an acceptable time frame for both of us to give each other for changes to times and dates of holiday visitation that you know about in advance, I understand things can come up last minute or issues with traffic, yet normally I am given either no notice, same day notice, or if lucky once I was given notice at 9:45pm, however I go to bed at 8:30, so I read it at 4:30am (my watch up time). Most times he will discuss plans with the kids before letting me know or leaving it to my kids to tell me. I just don't know how to even parallel parent with this person who acts as if I'm invisible and a sub-person, remember this has been going on now for 8 months. I feel I have less rights now than I did when we lived together before he left and he has more.
  15. Thanks all, good info. I will lower my expectations for the ex, he's threatened to take the kids again (full custody, the kids don't even want to be with him) ...is it wrong for me to try to push for primary custody and to be the primary or the deciding party in the decisions for my children?( this does not mean I want to keep him out of the loop, its just the way the paperwork reads if he doesn't "like" my children's doctor, school, or counselor, summer camp..ect. because he thinks I'm controling things my children are the ones who will lose out. I can't make plans even for Easter/spring break because its his Easter/spring break, but he will not inform me of the plans (is he taking the kids for the full week, does he just want them through the weekend, I have no clue...so I can't plan on taking them to Church, to the play, to the nature preserve, there are tons of events the kids could do, he knows about them the kids tell him, yet the kids tell me there is NOTHING to do....and what about me???? I can't plan for me I was invited by my girlfriends to go to the beach, can't go don't know if or when he will have our children and I will only do things for myself when the kids are with him, my time with my children is special, I would rather spend time with them than go to the beach...its just seems like he waits till the day before or the day of to inform me of his plans which leaves me in a bind as I can't expect my friends or family to jump through hoops because he refused to give me notice and I'm not just going to dump my kids off I don't want to take any of his time with them...its just I am and have been the only one responsible for making decisions for their health and welfare, I take them to school, talk with the teachers, I work with them on their homework, we have a set schedule at our home, at his they do what they want...they don't even have toothbrushes, don't change clothes or shower, if homework is done its last minute... I make and take them to all appointments and therapies and IEP meetings, I've informed him about them, he was never interested or "able to come" (I know he could get off if he wanted to, the Army is very big about giving soldiers time off for important medical and school appointments for their special needs children)...yet he wants full custody......grrrr.rant rant rant whine whine whine....I don't know how to stand up for myself or my children's rights because when I to he either ignors me or theatens to take my children from me which stops me in my tracts. I am tired of his playing and control every aspect of our lives, he lost this right when he chose to abandon us and then file for divorce. I'm glad he is happy being on his own and being single, he's not yet divorced but has told me many times we were not married anymore...okay, then leave me alone and I'll leave you alone...I have no rights to tell him what to do in his house why do he have the right to do so with me?
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