New Journal

[dias]

I haven't read all your posts but have you tried IVF? It's a pity when people who want kids can't have them...

[itsallgrand]

Hi Dias.

No, I have not tried IVF. As of now, no issues with fertility. I was pregnant in winter, within a month or so of us trying to conceive, but had a miscarriage in the first trimester. We are trying again.

So it may happen that way. I suppose we just want to cover all the options, and since we are both comfortable with adoption, and the process is so long, we wanted to start it now.

[itsallgrand]

Been filling my bosses position while she is on vacation and so far :

Had to deal with an employee who brought bed bugs to work.

Had to deal with an employee getting jumped and jacked at a hockey street party, so she can not work, happens to be the best employee

 

You can't make this stuff up lol.

 

Even so, love being the 'big boss'.

[itsallgrand]

This is exactly the kind of day I needed. I decided to pick up work over the long weekend, so today is my lazy day instead of lazy weekend. We slept in, lounged, went to the park, picked up a few supplies to work on projects and a few beers, out in the yard on a sunny day working on them and Kebobs and corn on the cob for supper. So relaxed now!

[itsallgrand]

I won't have to work for my birthday! So I'll go in tomorrow, have meatballs and gravy ( I asked for that instead of a cake), and then get to have another lazy day!

Excited.

It doesn't take much to make me happy.

I plan to work hard this summer.. but also... I've finally reached a place where I can pick n choose. One good thing about working like a hog. Plan is.. fugue into semi self employment.. and about there really.

[itsallgrand]

Yesterday I had a total me day and it felt awesome. My love took me out for brunch, then I went shopping for clothes for me . Then I got a pedicure. Then I dyed my hair bronde, with a bottle of tequila ( made an amazing strawberry margarita)!

My hair turned out actually more of a blonde than bronde, which surprised me, but I've never gone blonde and it actually looks pretty damn good .

 

Truth is, my mental health hasn't been 100% in the last while. Old familiar symptoms cropped up. But I caught it, and I remember the theme we kept going back to in therapy - self care.

[Seraphim]

Happy Belated Birthday IAG. 🎉🎂. Yes, take time for self care every day. Even if it’s only a few minutes . Good for you for recognizing that .

[itsallgrand]

Thank you!!

 

On the topic of my birthday, I got one of the oddest presents ever. There's a pic of me with it right after opening it, with a very bewildered smile on my face.

I honestly didn't know what to think or feel. I couldn't stop laughing.

It's a hand made puppet of me. It's well made, specially ordered from a lady who custom makes these things. And there was thought behind the present.

Still.. so weird! Lol

[Seraphim]

Thank you!!

 

On the topic of my birthday, I got one of the oddest presents ever. There's a pic of me with it right after opening it, with a very bewildered smile on my face.

I honestly didn't know what to think or feel. I couldn't stop laughing.

It's a hand made puppet of me. It's well made, specially ordered from a lady who custom makes these things. And there was thought behind the present.

Still.. so weird! Lol

 

No kidding! 😂

[tiredofvampires]

Finally getting to catch up just a little here, with your journal...and so much has happened.

 

But it seems I am not TOO too late to wish YOU a Happy Belated Birthday!!! Our birthdays aren't far apart at all!

 

It sounds like you had a wonderful "you" time, shared with your beloved partner and friends. Sounds like it was yummy! I'm so happy for you. Glad you are doing so well.

 

I am trying to fill in a few gaps here...you are now a married woman, is that so? Please forgive me if I've misread the posts when I've been more absent than here for the milestones...

 

I'm very sorry to hear about your miscarriage. But I do think it's good you're trying again, as well as preparing for adoption, should it come to that (and even if you adopted, who knows, you might conceive one of your own after that! It's happened!) I know that personally, I would find IVF too invasive, and adoption has a social appeal to me that carries its own virtues. But, if you have the resources, I would look into working with a Chinese Medicine practitioner, one specializing in prenatal care, throughout your pregnancy. They are very useful for fertility issues, but also, to keep pregnancies healthy. I know I keep plugging Chinese Medicine around here, but it's such a brilliant and effective modality for so many (including myself).

 

As for the puppet gift -- I would have loved getting something like that! Seems so personal. And now, you can really put it to use, and gives it another whole level of meaning, to say, "Talk to the hand!"

[itsallgrand]

Thanks TOV!

Not a married lady yet- engaged to be. We are planning for next summer/autumn. We decided to do this because :

-his step brother announced his engagement just prior to us, and are getting married this summer, also I have two cousins getting married this summer, so we didn't want to steal thunder and be crammed in

- putting resources and priority on becoming parents. We had already knew we would get married when I got pregnant, but he officially proposed shortly after. We thought we'd be prepping for a baby , and decided to not be planning a wedding during pregnancy, then I miscarried, and here we are.

 

I like your idea about looking into TCM. I had success with it before- don't know why I didn't think of it!!

[itsallgrand]

Mom, I miss you so much.

You raised me to be strong and to be able to get on with things no matter what, and I am, it's odd how we can adapt.

But you not being here changed my whole world as I know it. What means something as I know it - you have and do mean so much to me.

I love you.

[itsallgrand]

I have a wedding to attend today. His step brother and his lady. Although I don't know them that well ( mostly from family dinners), I like them quite a lot as they are warm people with a love for nature. I remember the first time I met him, he was telling me how he enjoyed drinking fresh water from the mountains, but was saddened by the big gas guzzling trucks going up and down each day to get people like him there. I liked him immedietly.

 

It's an outdoor wedding, at a horse ranch. Should be fun. I know water works are going to happen on my end. I'm not generally a weepy person, but for various reasons, weddings ( the vows ) tend to bring it out in me. When two people come together to say, I love you so much, I promise to stand by your side no matter what life throws at us, it does touch a sentimental nerve in me, because it's beautiful.

 

And I have two more to go to yet this summer lol. Cousins who I watched over as little babies, told them my special brand of bedtime stories passed on to me by the father ( build your own adventure, make it up off the top of your head, always funny where kids will take a story).

Oh yeah, I'll be bawling! Lol

[itsallgrand]

Just as an aside, I had a hell of a time finding a dress. I now think this explains my lack of love for shopping for clothes.

I tried on at least thirty before finding one that : fit, was appropriate, and the colour looked ok on me.

I chose a wrap dress with a summery white and purple floral pattern.

Wrap dresses and tshirt dresses are all I own! I wish they'd make more clothes for women with my proportions. There's be money in that! It's either petite with a tiny little top portion, or the top fits and the rest is a bloody army tent! I just want to look nice without looking either schlubby or ty. Lol

[Jibralta]

Wrap dresses are THE BEST!

 

I didn't know this, but apparently the wrap dress was invented by Diane von Furstenberg.

 

I learned this last year, when I was trying on dresses for my friend's wedding. The saleswoman pushed this crazy looking orange and blue DVF wrap dress into my dressing room. I was skeptical, but tried it on knowing wrap dresses are generally flattering. And sometimes clothes can surprise you.

 

Well, this one really surprised me. It looked fantastic. But it was $600 freaking dollars so I didn't buy it.

 

I searched for the dress online, hoping to find a better price. That's when I learned ole DVF is the progenitor of all dresses wrap.

 

-----

 

I cry at weddings too, weirdly. It surprises me every time. Especially when it's strangers getting married. Like, I don't even know these people.

[reinventmyself]

Cry baby here too.!

Just the planning of my sons wedding for October of this year makes me emotional.

I may have to sedate myself during the ceremony, or get drunk first. Not sure. . lol.

 

The last wedding I went to I had to excuse myself during the father/daughter dance, it reminding me of my dad.

So embarrassing.

 

The dress sounds beautiful!

[itsallgrand]

I did not know that about wrap dresses!

 

Yes, the father daughter dance did me in. The father was standing near me during the first couple dance. Tears streaming down his cheeks. Then the father daughter dance, and the bride was visibly weeping. It was really sweet. And yeah, I cry not just cause it's so nice but I missed all that with my dad. Makes you think of that. I miss him and my miss my mom.

One of the aunts, super nice lady, gave me this big hug. She was like ' I think I know what's going on. I'm 71 and still think of my parents every. Single.day. They never leave you!' . She knows I lost my mom since I've known her the last few years, as we were absent from a few family dinners during that time and a few of them even attended my moms funeral!

 

Very nice wedding, very nice people. Yes I cried a few times lol.

[itsallgrand]

I received some sad news last night. The caretaker of our building came to me and let me know that a friend in our building has passed away. She thought she would tell me personally because she saw that we were friends. I hadn't thought of it that way before, but that's exactly what we were. I had seen fire trucks and the police at his place, but had kept my distance out of respect for his family and not wanting to get in the way of the paramedics doing their job. I had a bad feeling, as C was not on good health, but I had hoped for the best. He often had random family showing up and causing ruckus, so I had hoped it was something like that. Unfortunately, it was not. C passed away in his home, and his daughter had called to check in on him, and he wasn't answering. When she came to have the caretaker check, she saw him on the floor and called 911.

 

C was my friend. He was older, though I was surprised to learn he was only in his late 50s. He had a very rough life, filled with manual labour and being moved around from home to home when he was younger. He walked with a heavy limp, from an old injury. He had very bad arthritis and struggled to run after his grand daughter, who was the light of his life. She was here every weekend and sometimes more. Part of what drew me to C was seeing him and his grand daughter out on walks all the time, so I'd run into them at all the parks and out walking. We got talking that way. C lived alone. He had been waiting for years to go back home- all he wanted was to be at his little trailor on his reserve. I know others from his reserve, so we got on easy talking about what all goes on there.

 

He'd always try to feed me. When he had anything extra, he'd share. I'd bring home cooked food and baked goods I made in return. One time, after his nephews funeral, he invited me in and loaded me up with food. I was really touched by that. He was grieving, but he was thinking of sharing still. His place was stark - a true bachelor place. Anything he had in there was mostly for his young grand daughter.

 

And I feel so sad for her. It made me so happy seeing a grandpa so engaged with his grand daughter. She beamed around her 'papa'- his little side kick.

 

C gave me a sense of some community. The looking out for each other. I will miss him very much. This place feels like a warm presence of life is missing. He laughed so easily. I'll miss that too. That earthy, constant good humour of his.

[Jibralta]

It sounds like he was a very nice man. I am sorry for your loss.

[Seraphim]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[itsallgrand]

Thank you both.

I'm glad I'm on vacation time now. Went strawberry picking today, off to distribute to those I think will like some. Sort of feel inspired to do some acts of kindness in his honour. The rest of the strawberries I'll turn into tarts for my sweetie and for a few other people who appreciate that kind of thing.

Then off to the lake tomorrow. Perfect timing for it, as I need a good recharge.

[itsallgrand]

Back at my workplace this week. Being away from it, I've had a good chance to think. I am so much happier when I am not working there. I could go into all of it, but I'm not going to. It's enough to say it's no longer serving my best interests anymore. I'm so ready for it to be a memory.

I may leave earlier than I initially planned. It's doable. Just have to make the leap.

I'm smiling as I write this.

[Jibralta]

Sounds exciting!

[itsallgrand]

I have a slew of alternate work booked up for September. It's exciting. Things are falling into place.

 

This last week at my 'regular' workplace, I was approached several times to mediate workers who were literally crying and scrapping with each other over the most ridiculous things. I work with adults, no children! Bigger issue is management up top blows and is IMO unethical and incompetent. They are insanely money hungry. It's all about lining pockets. And steadily they have been replacing full time qualified employees with a revolving circus of part time, unqualified govt subsidized staff . Hence crying at work and temper tantrums are regular occurrences, and longer term staff are being expected to play mediator roles and to essentially train these nitwits from scratch .

 

Exit the sinking ship now! Plus I just found out they are changing the insurance provider and benefits for those few of us who were here when full time and benefit plans were available. It's a joke.

 

It's the perfect kick in the rump as the only motivation left for me to stay was the benefits.

[Seraphim]

I have a slew of alternate work booked up for September. It's exciting. Things are falling into place.

 

This last week at my 'regular' workplace, I was approached several times to mediate workers who were literally crying and scrapping with each other over the most ridiculous things. I work with adults, no children! Bigger issue is management up top blows and is IMO unethical and incompetent. They are insanely money hungry. It's all about lining pockets. And steadily they have been replacing full time qualified employees with a revolving circus of part time, unqualified govt subsidized staff . Hence crying at work and temper tantrums are regular occurrences, and longer term staff are being expected to play mediator roles and to essentially train these nitwits from scratch .

 

Exit the sinking ship now! Plus I just found out they are changing the insurance provider and benefits for those few of us who were here when full time and benefit plans were available. It's a joke.

 

It's the perfect kick in the rump as the only motivation left for me to stay was the benefits.

 

Do we work at the same place? 😳 Good on you for escaping.