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itsallgrand
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That's very true. Good observation. I am the kind of person who thrives best in quieter environments. Even being in a moderately sized city, I need regular time away from it to de-stress.

Some people do seem to thrive or at least not be bothered in environments where it's people on top of people. To me, that's my version of hell! Even visiting large cities, one or two days then I can't wait to get the heck out of there.

 

Yes, it does seem common in some communities to frame disabilities and loss of children within a context of punishment. I agree it's very tragic!

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I think about stuff like that. I've noticed this huge stress relief since not being at that job, and being in that area of town. Meth addicts everywhere, and I was always looking over my shoulder. The attitude is very much, hey, if you get one over someone, you are so clever. The community is broken down, it's depressing.

 

That sort of environment can definitely take a toll. Obviously, different people have different tolerances for different kinds of environments. Some people might not be affected by working with people like that. Speaking for myself, it would definitely wear on me. I think the key is simply to understand what types of things affect you and increase/decrease exposure to those environments accordingly.

 

I wish I could find the source for this information, but I read somewhere that oppressed communities have a tendency to discourage and often attack constituents who attempt to achieve better for themselves. I believe I first read about this when I was researching Amish women, who are pretty much the lowest member of the Amish hierarchy. Much of the antagonism they endure is from their own ranks.

 

This sort of jealous behavior is often attributed to gender or race, but it's actually a socioeconomic characteristic.

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That'd be an interesting read, Jib.

I've seen that first hand. Especially with kids and young adults who try to claw their way out of a dysfunctional community. The community will even follow them across provinces! To drag them back into the folds. It's intense pressure, and usually family. Hard for anyone, but as a young person!?

I won't go into too many stories, but I have a young woman where we connected, and she still messages me. She goes back and forth, getting sucked into some very bad things. It breaks my heart, as I care about her. A lot, actually. She is smart, has this huge heart, and such a strong work ethic! But she is still trying to figure things out. I just try to be a stable non judgemental support.

 

I agree it's not about gender or race, though yes, culture can have its unique impacts. There are strong commonalities amongst groups who have significant break down in the fabric of the communities and families ( often due to many factors).

 

Not simple, at all. I'm glad for my time getting a broader view of different experiences and challenges, and I think I'll bring that forward in everything I do.

BUT, I also think I can do more ( and be healthier myself in the long run ) somewhere else.

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I also think it's so awesome you helped kids get better access to resources, Bat! Such important work.

 

So this was over 30 years ago and I was assigned it (in the sense that it was a government internship, you then interviewed at various agencies and basically chose among the offers) - I was in college and I adored my boss who had been with the agency many years. It was somewhat "grunt work" but yes I felt I was making a contribution. I've done similar work like that after that, mostly volunteer! Thanks for adding to what I wrote -very interesting perspective.

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  • 2 months later...

Time away to myself is exactly what I've been needing.

I spent the day clearing dead trees, tending to my fruit trees and my grape vines, and cooking. And now I'm sitting by the bonfire, listening to quiet and a few coyotes in the distance. The sky is light blue, so no watching stars tonight. But it's a great view on a clear night, and maybe tomorrow I can star gaze.

The physical exertion and simple tasks have calmed me.

I'll sleep sound, then have my favorite coffee and bacon for breakfast. Bacon...not something I cook very often anymore.

It's good to have this place to get away, alone or with if I want, and it is mine. It almost got washed away, back into public grabs, to become whatever the next one who paid the money willed it to be. But for now, it continues on the evolution of my family. Same way mom and dad worked their tails off to stake a claim here, I worked my tail off to keep it. Worth it.

It's very therapeutic.

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Sounds awesome. Are you away from home somewhere?

 

I remember the first time I heard coyotes. I was in Arizona at a dude ranch. It was in the month of March, early evening. When I first heard the yips and howls, I thought it was the laughter and shouts of some people partying nearby. But when I head it again, I figured it out.

 

We spent a couple of nights sleeping under the stars among a pack of Border Collies and Australian Shepherds. I thought the dogs would become hostile when the coyotes started howling from across the canyon. But they actually howled right back, and with a lot of enthusiasm!

 

We didn't used to have many coyotes in New Jersey, but their populations have been increasing. Lots of people have seen them, even in the more urban areas. I haven't seen any here yet (or heard them), but I've seen evidence of them in the road kill (weirdly). Every once in a while, I'll see a deer corpse that is totally gutted, with its rib cage picked clean. That's a new one around here.

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Away from the home my guy and I have, and on the property that was my mom's. It's a quiet little village in the country. When my mom was ill, she let us know she was leaving it to us...however, there were huge debts and complications she had kept to herself, and she said " sell it, cover what I had to do to keep the house".

It was a cluster f/k of troubles, debts, complications but we decided to pay our way to keeping it. I worked three jobs for a time, my bro worked extra too, to pump money into all the costs of securing it. Also had a funeral to pay for, tombstone, lawyer, and a set amount ( not small, she did not have it ) she had in her will to go to her partner.

Bro and I also had our respective households we were contributing to as usual.

Somehow we did it. Now it's a getaway, as we work on improving the house and property. New roof this summer, floors, electrical work.

I don't know what the end game will be. But we weren't prepared to lose our childhood home that way. Not to pay creditors. We wanted it on our terms, what will become. And its very healing to go there. Put value on what they built there, it helps us feels connected.

Maybe later, we will sell it. Who knows. Maybe not.

It feels good to be able to take off there as I please as of now. My guy gets a chance to miss me, I get solitude and quiet, and come back refreshed.

 

I wrote more than I set out to. I love your story Jibs. Of being out in Arizona, with a pack of pups, under the sky.

 

I remember the first time my bf and I went out camping. I adore it. He hadnt done it much, usually went the cabin route. That first night, with a fire going and a growler of beer we had picked up in a neighbouring town, and he's going deep into stories I never heard before. He got right into what to me is so magical about finding a spot and having a little camp. The lack of distractions, it lets you just be. Helps settle things in you , make it seem less complicated.

So now we tend to do trips that are a mix of solid walls and a tent. I really love it.

 

P.S. Do you live in a bigger city in New Jersey, Jibs? How did you begin your love of horses?

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"I remember the first time my bf and I went out camping. I adore it. He hadnt done it much, usually went the cabin route. That first night, with a fire going and a growler of beer we had picked up in a neighbouring town, and he's going deep into stories I never heard before. He got right into what to me is so magical about finding a spot and having a little camp. The lack of distractions, it lets you just be. Helps settle things in you , make it seem less complicated.

So now we tend to do trips that are a mix of solid walls and a tent. I really love it. "

 

Yes -I love how that triggers depth and sharing -I dated a very reserved guy and - well not in a tent -but we were sort of stuck in a parked car for hours locked out of the house where we were staying and the conversation just flowed including about poptarts (you know the toaster pastries) -not "deep" but deep in the sense of him just being himself, open, flowing. Sometimes you do need that kind of survival type environment to bring that out.

 

Thanks for relating all this!!

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I love your grit and determination. Your description of your childhood home. We never had one as we were nomadic due to necessity.

 

🤗 Thank you! I do feel like it is an accomplishment to have managed it. I've always admired your grit and perseverance too.

 

I understand even more so now why being where you are, having built your business and a life of stability for you and your family is so important to you. You've been nomadic most of your life!

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"I remember the first time my bf and I went out camping. I adore it. He hadnt done it much, usually went the cabin route. That first night, with a fire going and a growler of beer we had picked up in a neighbouring town, and he's going deep into stories I never heard before. He got right into what to me is so magical about finding a spot and having a little camp. The lack of distractions, it lets you just be. Helps settle things in you , make it seem less complicated.

So now we tend to do trips that are a mix of solid walls and a tent. I really love it. "

 

Yes -I love how that triggers depth and sharing -I dated a very reserved guy and - well not in a tent -but we were sort of stuck in a parked car for hours locked out of the house where we were staying and the conversation just flowed including about poptarts (you know the toaster pastries) -not "deep" but deep in the sense of him just being himself, open, flowing. Sometimes you do need that kind of survival type environment to bring that out.

 

Thanks for relating all this!!

 

Yes, you understand exactly what I mean ! 🤗

Thank you for sharing that nice story. Pop tarts lol. Isn't it funny the moments we remember as special sometimes?!

It's the connecting we remember most.

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🤗 Thank you! I do feel like it is an accomplishment to have managed it. I've always admired your grit and perseverance too.

 

I understand even more so now why being where you are, having built your business and a life of stability for you and your family is so important to you. You've been nomadic most of your life!

 

I have moved 37 times since I was born. 34 times with my parents. My dad would never pay the rent or quit jobs we would always have to keep moving on. The only family home we had was the one with my mom and step dad. They had it for 25 years. I lived there for 15. My son lived there the first half of his life until he was almost 13. Stability for my son is so important to me.

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I remember the first time my bf and I went out camping. I adore it. He hadnt done it much, usually went the cabin route. That first night, with a fire going and a growler of beer we had picked up in a neighbouring town, and he's going deep into stories I never heard before. He got right into what to me is so magical about finding a spot and having a little camp. The lack of distractions, it lets you just be. Helps settle things in you , make it seem less complicated.

So now we tend to do trips that are a mix of solid walls and a tent. I really love it.

 

My boyfriend isn't big on camping, either. I dragged him out once with my cousin about 6 years ago. He actually had a great time. But we've had opportunities to go since then and he has always declined. Maybe one day he'll go back!

 

P.S. Do you live in a bigger city in New Jersey, Jibs? How did you begin your love of horses?

 

I live in an urban area, but it's not really a city. I grew up in a more suburban area that was developed on and bordered by farmland. But I didn't interact with farmers much. Most of my neighbors were transplants who were displaced from Brooklyn after the Veranzanno Bridge was built. Most parents commuted to NYC for work. For that reason, the mentality of my town was more urban than some of the surrounding areas. And my New Jersey accent is a lot stronger than the accent of people who grew up just 20 minutes away. I always feel bad when I travel to southern states like Florida and Georgia because people think I'm yelling at them lol.

 

I don't know exactly when my love of horses began. I think the horseback riding preoccupation must have started when I saw The Black Stallion as a little kid. I've always loved communicating with animals, and I always loved going fast. Going fast on the back of a horse seemed like the most awesome thing in the world!

 

Unsurprisingly, it's not as easy as the movie makes it seem. But that same exhilaration is there. And there is this amazing bond that can happen.

 

The Black Stallion is a great movie, by the way. I've watched it a couple of times as an adult, and it stands the test of time.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Heh, speaking of memories with music, I was jamming to an old playlist just earlier while taking care of some things, and on pops Roots Bloody Roots. Immediately reminded me of us talking about Sepultura long ago. I believe that you were the one who posted that song. That band always gets me pumped :D

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Well, I guess it left an impression on me. Perhaps for the exact reason you mentioned. I remember ToV and Quirky were also part of the conversation. Quirky is maybe still around? Sometimes? ToV seems to have disappeared, which is a shame because she is such a special woman. I can only hope she's too busy loving life, and maybe loving another, to feel the desire to visit.

 

When I mentioned in your B-Day thread that I'm glad you're still around, I meant it. The ol' friendly faces of this place are what made it the place it is, and I'm forever grateful of each individual that bothered to lend a hand when I was so deeply stuck in that hole.

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Every once in a while I see them post. I totally agree with you, both of them are awesome people.

And I feel the same way, about the people who have helped me here and have generally just made strong impressions on me. Sometimes I wish I could meet them in person, buy everyone a drink, just hang out.

And your kind words for me really made me feel good.

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You have a genuity about you that is rare and resonates with me. Your words mean a lot to me, and I'm glad that mine seem to as well for you.

 

I really am happy that you seem to be in a good place. I'll get there eventually. Or die trying.

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  • 2 weeks later...

We are going on a somewhat impromptu 'camping' trip for 3 nights with a friend of ours and her 12 year old daughter.

Unfortunately, her grandma had promised her a trip for this weekend, and then fell through at the last minute. So her mom ( our friend, a single mom ) wanted to do something fun with her as she was understandably upset and sad. So since our friend doesn't have a vehicle, and we were going to do some camping around now anyways, we are pooling together.

I've been pretty excited to camp with them, but our friend is not a tent kind of person. I was able to book a place near the lake, with a pool, and we can have a campfire in the back. Pretty sweet for a few days notice!

She's an awesome kid, I so hope she has a good time even though it's a bunch of grown ups.

Will report later how it goes.

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