bananashake Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 7 years ago he was 27, married for 5 years to a woman 17 years older. He met a girl at college who was also married. they had a sex affair for several months. she got pregnant, paternity proved it was his child he and his wife then got a divorce a few months after the divorce, he met another woman at work. She was his age (now 28) and had already been twice divorced. He fell in love with her quickly and she became pregnant within 2 months. He married the above woman when she was 6 months pregnant. she cheated on his 2 years into the marriage, they divorced even though he wanted to work it out. She is still with the guy she cheated with and it's been almost 4 years now. So, said guy is 33 now, almost 34. He is a doting father to both children, though, plays favorites with them. he says his past doesn't define him, and now that he is older with kids, he is changed. but now he has trust issues.... Link to comment
25something Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Is it possible for people to change, yes but you have to also listen to your gut feelings. If he has trust issues, will that effect you? Is he ready for a relationship if he cannot trust? Trust plays such a major role in relationships in my opinion. Link to comment
replytome Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I would not trust someone with that history, but that's me. Also, I think he has trust issues because having done those things, he realises first hand how easily they could be done to him, since he had no problem doing it. If I were you, assuming you're dating this fella, I would be very very careful IF you plan to continue to date him. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I wouldn't get involved with a man who had made those choices. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 This guy falls in and out of love quickly. He cheated and then was cheated on. I don't feel sorry for someone who has cheated and then gets cheated on. He also seems to be making babies all over the place. Not a very good track record. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 No! He'll do the same thing to you. History has a tendency to repeat itself. Link to comment
petite Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Definitely wouldn't trust him. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Hell no!!! Red flags all over the place! Character is character and this rarely changes. My ex is a perfect example. I wish I had followed my gut, i would have saved myself a lot of heartache. Never again. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 In two words. Hell NO! Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 A guy who dates a much older woman then cheats on her sounds like a fraud to me. I would be ok with the ex wives, the kids, but not a cheater. If your record is clean you two are just not a match. Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Sb that has affairs and gets women pregnant straight away is not my cup of tea. I think you need to raise your standards. You can do way better than this, don't give this man a chance. Link to comment
bananashake Posted February 3, 2012 Author Share Posted February 3, 2012 yea, he met his first wife on the Net when he was 20 and living with his folks in Canada. He moved to the states after a LDR with her for 1 year, and then SHE proposed and he married her . I also think it sounds fraudulent that he cheated on her. she was putting him through school at a community college when he met the woman he impregnated. the girl he impregnated was also married. Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Hell no!!! Red flags all over the place! Character is character and this rarely changes. My ex is a perfect example. I wish I had followed my gut, i would have saved myself a lot of heartache. Never again. Yeah I should have listened to my head or my gut instead of going against it to listen to my heart. Big mistake -_-. You know how they say, follow your heart? I call BS on that. Be smart and go with what's in your head. The heart is not great with logistics. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 yea, he met his first wife on the Net when he was 20 and living with his folks in Canada. He moved to the states after a LDR with her for 1 year, and then SHE proposed and he married her . I also think it sounds fraudulent that he cheated on her. she was putting him through school at a community college when he met the woman he impregnated. the girl he impregnated was also married. What do you mean by "fraudulent?" The guy has no values or character! Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Hmmm...so he is Canadian and the older woman lived in the USA and paid for his schooling?? Sounds like he wanted to become an AMerican and have someone pay his way. This guy is a full user...Run!!!! Link to comment
bananashake Posted February 3, 2012 Author Share Posted February 3, 2012 Hmmm...so he is Canadian and the older woman lived in the USA and paid for his schooling?? Sounds like he wanted to become an AMerican and have someone pay his way. This guy is a full user...Run!!!! Pretty much. But it's now been 10 years since he married/divorced her and even though he is still in America, he does not want to give up his Canadian rights, so he is just an American Citizen (or somthing) - not an American. Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I'm not going to bash the guy. We all go through life and we all make decisions along the way. Not one of us has not faltered during our trip. People can change and while I would like to think that I could look past his history, I highly doubt that I'd be successful. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I got up to the "he had a sex affair in college" and said NOPE!! No wonder he's got trust issues. He is a scumball and has cheated several women. I'm sure in the back of his mind, he worries that Karma will come back for him. Not gonna lie, I wouldn't exactly feel bad for him to hear that he got cheated on himself. I would pass this one up unless you enjoy getting your heart broken. Link to comment
bananashake Posted February 3, 2012 Author Share Posted February 3, 2012 thank u everyone!! Link to comment
RadicalDreamer Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 The cheating is terrible, but from what we can glean, he did that once, then stopped, and then was cheated on. People can change (suggesting otherwise borders on being delusional) but not all people do. This is familiar territory (aside from the holdouts who suggest once a cheater always a cheater. Meh.) However, he doesn't really seem to think of parenthood as a weighty, serious responsibility. That part is much more telling about him. It tells me that he doesn't think much of creating a life, which is the second most consequential thing we can do on this planet (the first being murder.) Maybe that too, has changed, but I wonder if he just doesn't see the gravity of child-rearing? Proceed with caution, but I would say to find out more about how he feels about responsibility. If you play things cool for a while, and slow down, you might be able to find out if he's one of the repentant few, or itching to "return to the slop." Link to comment
nrb Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 his past guarantees his future...an other woman, an other baby...an other cheating... Link to comment
bananashake Posted February 6, 2012 Author Share Posted February 6, 2012 ehh. he absolutely does not want another baby. and he is very committed to his kids - he makes it well known to women that his kids come first. he doesn't treat his 6 yo very nice, but he is committed to teaching him some values. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 he doesn't treat his 6 yo very nice. ^^ That, and the fact that he plays favorites with his kids would be enough to put me off for life. No child deserves that. Ever. Link to comment
bananashake Posted February 6, 2012 Author Share Posted February 6, 2012 ^^ That, and the fact that he plays favorites with his kids would be enough to put me off for life. No child deserves that. Ever. Thank u Capricorn!! No really, thank u!! during our breakup fight, I went off on him about how he treats his 6 yo compared to his 5 yo. I called him out on it big time. I nicely mentioned it to him once before, during a non fight, and he admitted that he is aware how he treats them differently. he said he thinks he subconsciously does it b/c he gets along well with one bio mother, and the other bio mom, he doesn't get along with, thus, takes it out on that child. But during the BU I was not gentle about it. I told him that I won't be surprised if both boys grow up disliking each other because of the sibling rivalry he is creating. And I won't be supirsed when the 6 yo does not speak to him as an adult. Many people on this forum flamed me for saying those things, telling me how he is better off w/o me and how dare I talk bad about his parenting style when he didn't ask. wth. I was sticking up for a damn 6 yo, how can anyone flame me? Sooo, thank u for validating that he is NOT right. I was beginning to think that maybe I should have minded my own businness Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 Yes you should have minded your own business unless child abuse was involved and then you could have reported it anonymously. I don't think you get to give unsolicited input on someone else's parenting style. You took the risk by dating someone who makes babies with more than one woman he's not married to or committed to so it's no surprise that his parenting style might leave something to be desired given his behavior in conceiving those children and his behavior otherwise. So even if it was "right" of you to give input he has so many issues your lecturing him wasn't going to make a dent especially while breaking up. Link to comment
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