would u trust someone with this history?

[bananashake]

i dont agree. he created a very uncomfortable environment and had it coming. i would have no right to tell him that i dont agree how he feeds them Mcdonalds 5 days/week. But bullying a child, hmmm, i think i did the right thing.

[Batya33]

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i dont agree. he created a very uncomfortable environment and had it coming. i would have no right to tell him that i dont agree how he feeds them Mcdonalds 5 days/week. But bullying a child, hmmm, i think i did the right thing.

 

If the bullying wasn't something that was child abuse to be reported then no I don't think your interpretation of his actions justified you giving him unsolicited input and criticisms about his parenting -and obviously you didn't do it for the children - you did it because you were arguing and angry at him -if you were thinking of the children you would have brought it up when you weren't fighting, in a calm way and after you asked him whether it was ok to share input about his parenting style.

[pl3asehelp]

Mc Donalds 5 days a week is abuse.

[Batya33]

Mc Donalds 5 days a week is abuse.

 

I would never do that to any child but if she felt it was abuse she could have reported it. The way she went about it was unproductive as far as helping the children -it simply accomplished her venting and lecturing her boyfriend during a fight. Not much of an accomplishment IMO and certainly not helpful to the children.

[bananashake]

actually, I did calmly talk to him about it two times in the past. He said he is aware that he does it, and he *thinks* he does it because he has a bad relationship with the non-favored child's mother. Thus, he takes his frustrations out on their child. He also said he sees alot of her traits in their child, which is not a good thing to him. So, yes, he was aware of his doings before I lashed out at him. If he was rational, he would have recognized that he needs to make some changes. I like to think that I may have given him a different glimpse of what harm this could cause. It's a serious and sad situation.

 

When I snapped during the BU, I was basically telling him he needs to stop treating people so poorly, especially his own child. I went over the 10 things I hate about him, like the movie. And most of the list was how he treats people.

[Batya33]

I'm glad you chose to speak to him during a calm time and in a mature, reasonable way.

[bananashake]

I'm glad you chose to speak to him during a calm time and in a mature, reasonable way.

 

Oh yes.

 

The first time I brought it up was around 10 weeks into our relationship. This is when he told me he is aware of how he treats them differently, he doesn't feel a bond to the (non favored) child, that he can't stand his mom, etc. I was gentle and listened.

 

The 2nd time I brought it up was 6 months into the relationship. And this is when he told me that he thinks he treats them differently because of the different relationship he has with their mothers. I was gentle, listened and offered some sweet advice.

 

The 3rd time I brought it up was during the BU fight. I was very blunt and matter-of-fact. Nothing gentle this time. The advice I offered him was to work on his inner happiness, then maybe the rship he has with his child and women will fall into place.

[Batya33]

In general I don't think you're entitled to comment on his parenting unless he's allowing the children to be violent towards or disrespectful towards you. But certainly lashing out at him during a breakup fight is never going to have a result that will be in the best interests of the children so if that was your intention in lashing out at him I don't think that was an effective strategy.