Breakups and Crying

[Tryptophan]

When did you stop crying over the breakup?

 

I have literally been crying myself to sleep and crying in the morning in the past few days. He isn't much in my mind during work/school times but he still comes up at those times and I can't help crying. It's been 4 months, and I'm frankly sick of it. I'm not depressed, I can function perfectly fine now but the crying spells never fail. It usually happens when I see something that reminds me of him but I don't feel this is normal :sad: Sometimes I want to be with him (don't wanna be explicit) and my mind will start fantasizing then I remind myself that won't happen EVER again so I cry. I can't even physically be with other guys or I feel like I'm about to cry. I haven't gotten past kissing in the last 4 months with guys. As a matter of fact, I have only kissed one two times. It just makes me sad that it's not him.

 

Is it normal to still be crying this much? I've heard of people who stop crying after 2 weeks but I've cried every single day in the 4 months post-breakup.

[SapphireNoir10]

I didnt cry a lot. The pain was so deep I coudlnt even cry it out. It was horrific. But it gets better. Everyone heals at different rates, theres no right and wrong. When you start getting these thoughts, DISTRACT yourself, call a friend, watch a film, or literally push the thoughts out and replace them.

 

You will be ok I promise

[RecentlyAlone]

This is a good question. My 5 year relationship just ended on Tuesday and I have been wondering how long its ok to cry over. I'm a pretty emotional person in general and have been crying almost nonstop since. I know it's only been 2 days but I don't want to get over him so how am I supposed to not be sad? We didn't break up because we didn't love each other but because we want different things in life. (kids)

[Starrgrl]

I cried everyday for 2 and half months. I've never been the teary, cry at anything type.

 

=(

 

Still cry some nights. Not as hysterically though. Takes time I guess.

[Tryptophan]

I don't cry hysterically anymore but I do cry. There were times where I would cry 4-6 times a day at ANY time. I could be partying and the tears would come running. It sucks that I still cry but I do see a pattern. It's mostly when I listen to certain songs so I think I just need to stop listening to them when the wounds are still open. If not, I'll go crazy.

 

RecentlyAlone, I was the same. I just wanted it to be over but it's gonna take time. You can't speed these type of things up. Just let the thoughts/actions flow and you'll be okay.

[RecentlyAlone]

I don't cry hysterically anymore but I do cry. There were times where I would cry 4-6 times a day at ANY time. I could be partying and the tears would come running. It sucks that I still cry but I do see a pattern. It's mostly when I listen to certain songs so I think I just need to stop listening to them when the wounds are still open. If not, I'll go crazy.

 

RecentlyAlone, I was the same. I just wanted it to be over but it's gonna take time. You can't speed these type of things up. Just let the thoughts/actions flow and you'll be okay.

 

Thanks...I know people say that and it does give me hope that others have been in the same boat and are ok now. Its just hard to see the light at the tunnel when you are so sad.

[Starrgrl]

It took me four months to decide I needed to get back and try to date.

Cried on first date haha when I got home. So after going out for a month with that guy it was like, I need to continue healing =(.

 

Only very recently (ie this month) have I been not sad being with a guy in any shape or form.

 

I'm in a relationship right now (been going out for a month and half, official for like two weeks?). I don't get sad anymore. In march I used to stare off into the darkness and tears would roll down my cheeks while hugging another guy lol. Bad aye?

 

I still love my ex, but life goes on. It makes me sad knowing this, but it IS reality so I need to accept it.

[RecentlyAlone]

Starrgrl, I'm very glad to hear you are no longer sad with another man. How you described is exactly how I believe I'd be when I actually do take that next step and try to date.

[LCA1986]

I am not really the crying type.. I can only remember crying twice since we have broken up. But sometimes I think it's better to cry it out and let it all out. It feels overwhelming to have all this emotions at once and not be able to cry.

[Tryptophan]

I just had another crying spell in my car, and another conversation with my car (I know there's someone else here that does this). It has to be hormones because I got a week thinking I don't need him, another thinking I can't live without him, another feeling depressed, another feeling angry. It's a cycle but it does get better with each month. The only thing bothering me now is the crying since I rarely think about him as much as I used to.

[RecentlyAlone]

I'm sorry Thats gotta be rough....

[imonlyhuman]

i cried a lot for two months. now, it might happen pretty rarely. its ok, just cry. gotta accept feeling sad.

[ChellyV]

I just had another crying spell in my car, and another conversation with my car (I know there's someone else here that does this). It has to be hormones because I got a week thinking I don't need him, another thinking I can't live without him, another feeling depressed, another feeling angry. It's a cycle but it does get better with each month. The only thing bothering me now is the crying since I rarely think about him as much as I used to.

 

correct. might be PMS?

because prior to my period, i was crying inconsolably everyday for over a week at random hours of the day. then after that week, i was fine but still felt like crying every now and then.

it will get better. i am on my 5th week of NC, with no attempt of contact from him or me. so it goes to show that there is nothing else left to be said. let that be your light over continuing with your NC. before you know it, you will be surprised that at the end of the day, yuo havent thought about him at all.

[eagleone]

I cried for a long time too. At least you are getting those feeling out. You will be okay.

Just take one day at a time.

[little_buttercup]

Don't beat yourself up over crying. It's natural given the circumstances. As for how long until the crying spells start to dissolve, I think it doesn't really matter. Cry for however long you need to -- it's better to cry than to keep the tears and emotions inside. *big hugs* Right after my relationship ended, I cried every day for weeks. Nowadays I still cry at times, but it's very brief now.

 

*big hugs* You'll get through this. Hang in there. And if you need someone to talk to, we're willing to listen.

[ladyninja30]

I cried almost non stop for 4 weeks and then the crying spells started to let up a tad, then it switched to anxiety. I saw my ex 4 times in one week almost 8 months later and I got these random little mini anxiety attacks. I had alot of break up anxiety in general actually. It's about to be a year since we haven't been together and I heard some things about him and had a huge 2 day crying spell all over again..I hadn't had a full blown crying spell for 9 or 10 months.

[Silverbirch]

I just had another crying spell in my car, and another conversation with my car (I know there's someone else here that does this). It has to be hormones because I got a week thinking I don't need him, another thinking I can't live without him, another feeling depressed, another feeling angry. It's a cycle but it does get better with each month. The only thing bothering me now is the crying since I rarely think about him as much as I used to.

 

I'm doing all of this too. HUGS

[lia86]

I cried probably 2-4 times a day for almost three months. Then I went on anti-depressants and the crying stopped almost immediately. I couldn't drive to or from anywhere without crying. I went from crying ever single day to about once a month. Anti-depressants saved my life. There is no way I would've made it without them.

 

I am all about feeling your feelings and walking through the pain, but after three months when you are so depressed you don't even want to walk to the street to lie down in the middle of it, it's time to seek some help. Just my opinion.

[Realitynut]

Hi everyone. i just took my very first anti-depression pill about 10 minutes ago. I'm washing it down with apples and brownsugar and cream cheese...yum.

I've hijacked random threads around here telling my story. I was thinking about starting my own healing thread tonite, since tomorrow will be one month since he ended it. I've only talked to him twice since. Once, the next day about when I could go up there and get my things, then the next wk. he called and I started crying and asking "are you sure its over?' until he basically hung up on me. (I'm 56 and am acting 16) Last fall he met someone the week before he proposed to me. I cried everyday for 2 months (except for the days I saw him...he was stringing me along) Then after 2 wks of NC and a letter saying do not contact me, he called ME crying that he made a mistake. Went 2 months without seeing ME cuz he didn't want to cheat on HER, but we were to get back together in Dec. (She took him to Jamaica over Thanksgiving..all-inclusive. She paid for one whole damn wk.!!) We got back together, but I don't think he ever quit seeing her. Just tapered off, and she didn't come to his (our) home. I left his home April 1st after making love, and the next day, he said he was on the fence. The rest is history. I cry every day. What's sad, is everyone says go to your family for support. I was at my moms last Sunday, and as I was leaving, she walked me to the door. I hugged her and started to cry. She said, "sheesh, I wouldn't have hugged you if I thought you were going to start crying." I just cried more. I said Mom, I loved him so , so much. Don't they realize that when you are crying is when yu NEED a hug??? My bf didn't. I am a cryer, and it just drove him further away.

 

I was told that sometimes anti-depressents make you feel even MORE suicidal. Gee, I don't need that. Today was actuall one of my better days, but as I was cutting up my apples I was having a big crying jag. And yes, almost everyday as I drive to work I cry. I still don't believe its over. i just feel that he's going to realize he made a mistake and come back. But he already came back...and realized THAT was a mistake.

 

Oh, and I have a question to itsnotlove...you broke up with bf, he didn't dump you, so why are you having such a hard time of it. If you loved him, and miss him so much, why aren't you still with him, fighting for him, holding him,

cherishing him, protecting that love. I mean, I tried to read all your posts, but i don't understand why YOU left HIM?

i clung to mine WAY after he was wanting out...I just didn't believe him when he said, "I'm not sure". Next time I guess I'll believe that , before I believe them when they say, "I love you more than any other woman, including my ex-wife. Was anything "good" coming out of his mouth just a pack of lies.

 

When you are crying, what do you say to people that tell yu, "just get over it". It could be worse. I know I'm driving people nuts. Maybe my pills will help. i know this isn't my thread again...sorry. Too bummed to make my own.

[Realitynut]

Oh, and besides being younger and richer, she is also trashier. 3 huge tatoos accross her back, on big butterfly tat on her pub. area, (I was so blessed, I got to see all these beautiful naked pics of her and him together on CHRISTMAS DAY!!! a christmas I'll always remember...) she smokes, and drinks alot. He said she drinks even more than him, and that's all she wanted to do in Jamaica. But who can believe anything he says, he's a LIAR and a CHEAT!!!

[chiqueangel]

i've cried a lot but then it just stopped when I felt that it's no use crying for him who's not worth it.

[dramallama]

I cried every single night for the first month, every second night for the third month, and so on. But now I don't think I could force myself to cry even if I wanted to. It's just like, "meh... his loss." I never saw it as being weak or like there was something wrong with me for crying so much because it always made me feel better. It's a natural reaction to losing someone and it was part of the process for me.

[MakeItCount]

6 month relationship, 8 months past breakup, 3 months since I found out she has a new bf. Do I still cry? yes, sometimes. Not like pouring tears, but I'll see something that upsets me and I'll relate it back to her and what could've been, and I cry. Shed a few tears, then I move on.

 

It's all natural. I don't beat myself up anymore though. I just get in fragile states of mind sometimes, and thinking about her somtimes pushes me over the edge when I'm sad about something else. Life goes on. Remember that. Just embrace whatever emotions come. Anger, sadness, whatever. Don't resist, just embrace!

[Gessolin]

I cried until I got mad. I got mad at myself for not getting over it. I got mad at him for not getting me and appreciating me enough. I got mad at the time I wasted because of him in and out of our relationship. I got mad at myself for putting up with the b.s. for as long as I did.

 

I got stronger as a result. My eyes are wide open. I have new boundaries and rules to live by. I value me so they better!!

 

"Don't make somebody a priority if they only make you an option.."

[reidqa]

Enjoy the sadness and crying.

 

The darknesss of hate if far worse and easily fed by one's soul.