Has anyone ever felt "genderless"?

[Fudgie]

I've been doing some thinking lately about stuff and I realize something - I feel genderless. Does/has anyone felt/feel the same?

 

Def not a bad thing...just something I have noticed. I thought it would be really cool to find out if others have felt the same as I.

 

I don't feel like I'm a woman, but I don't feel like I'm a man either.

 

I have a very curvy figure with large breasts. I have longish brown hair. I know that I look like a woman, but I certainly don't dress like it. I normally dress casual (t-shirts, jeans, but not tight jeans) and that's it. No make-up, etc.

 

I grew up as a tomboy, actually, kind of "wishing" to be a guy. I never got that wish obviously, so I came and sort of accepted myself but never really felt like a woman either. It's so hard to explain. I'm not girly, but I'm not crazy macho or "butch" either.

 

Since childhood, I've been a big drawer and all of my drawings are genderless or ambiguous. Inside, I think I feel that way. I can't really completely relate to either group.

 

I've had boyfriends but no girlfriends, but I went to a girl's camp for years when I was a teen and was always making out with girls there, usually ambiguous like myself. Sometimes I took the "male" role, and sometimes the "female" role. It was very erotic and almost spiritual to me. Then I decided I wanted to be with men only at some point but I find women really beautiful too.

 

I guess it goes along with my independent soul and feeling like I "don't need another half" to complete me. I just find it interesting that I have always felt this way.

 

My boyfriend is interesting too because he grew up being really domestic. I am frequently the dominant one in the relationship but sometimes act the "female", but that's rare. He's not masculine in the least and feels quite "genderless" too at times.

 

I don't feel "confused" and trying to "become a woman" never really appealed to me. I am what I am. Sometimes I think it would be really cool if I lacked breasts and genitals and then I could truly be "genderless" and sort of ascend all the crap that comes with being on either "side". Just sort of something in the middle.

 

At least, that's where I feel I am in my state of mind.

[Capricorn3]

Can't say I have ever felt genderless. I am female and very happy in my own skin and enjoy being a woman, so I can't really relate to the "genderless" thing.

 

I've had boyfriends but no girlfriends, but I went to a girl's camp for years when I was a teen and was always making out with girls there, usually ambiguous like myself. Sometimes I took the "male" role, and sometimes the "female" role. It was very erotic and almost spiritual to me. Then I decided I wanted to be with men only at some point but I find women really beautiful too.

When I read the above, the first thing that came to mind was bi-sexual. Not sure if that would qualify as "genderless" though. Would you say you're bi-sexual?

[Fudgie]

LOL, that's the thing, I don't know.

 

I literally JUST got into a conversation with my best guy friend about this, last night. He told me "Fudgie, you're bisexual" and I said "no! I'm not! I'm straight!" and then he argued with me.

I find both men and women appealing but I just want to be with men (prefer them?) so I consider myself straight but I guess my friend feels otherwise?

 

I never liked to consider myself "bisexual" because when I heard it, I thought of some girls I knew. They were completely into men but claimed that they were bisexual and kissed each other on the lips to arouse the guys and make them want to sleep with them. But they never really seemed to want to be with other women. I thought that was really tacky and came to associate "bisexual" with that and I think that's why I consider myself straight, but I'm not? Who knows.

 

 

I say "genderless" because as a person (not in terms of sexuality), I don't feel I really identify with BEING either sex and I never really have.

I feel like I'm somewhere in the middle in terms of my emotions, identity, etc. I had to attend this "seminar class" in my freshman year whcih was about sex and society and we had to talk about our gender identities and I had NO idea what to say!

[Capricorn3]

He told me "Fudgie, you're bisexual" and I said "no! I'm not! I'm straight!" and then he argued with me.

I find both men and women appealing but I just want to be with men (prefer them?) so I consider myself straight but I guess my friend feels otherwise?

Well, going by what you said earlier (the part I bolded in my previous post), and going by what your friend said to you, I am leaning towards you being bi-sexual, lol. A little bit of both genders, so you're not entirely "genderless"

 

(Sorry I'm not much help in this topic).

[Fudgie]

Oh this is great...My boyfriend doesn't know this but knowing him, he probably already suspects it and hasn't said anything.

 

Well, I guess you're right, I feel like BOTH...but what does that make me? Something in the middle but not either one. So am I "both genders" or "genderless" because you can't have BOTH, either one or the other, or neither?

 

Blah, my head hurts.

 

You'll have to forgive me, I've been stuck sick in bed for most of the day and my back hurts so badly I can't walk so this leaves a lot of time for "thinking".

[Allyo]

Maybe what you have a problem with are female gender stereotypes?

 

I remember feeling quite the same way as you, although I never would have used "genderless" to describe it.

 

I grew up in a household that challenged a lot of gender stereotypes. For example, my dad did most of the cooking just because my mom hates to cook. My parents raised my sister and I in a very empowering way, and I think we were both quite spoiled and felt ourselves to be capable, intelligent, and just as good as any man.

 

However, I remember receiving quite a shock in adolescence as well as later on when I got into the real world. My friends cared about boyfriends, make-up, and boys, boys and more boys (and how to impress them), and I really felt like I had a whole set of interests and concerns that were constantly being repressed. It came as a sudden shock to me that I was not supposed to chase after boys, call them, or compete with them, because "that's not the kind of girl a guy wants." I really had a hard time coming to terms with the whole "hard to get" image of a woman, since it seemed so passive to me and went against the way in which I was raised.

 

I think with time I have "come into my own." I feel beautiful and feminine in my own way and have not had a hard time attracting men.

 

Nobody should let gender stereotypes limit them, but I have realized that there are a great deal of women who want to feel womanly and men who want to feel manly. I think there exist far fewer people who are left uncomfortable by gender roles such as you and I, but I have accepted that. Sometimes it is a little harder to live questioning the order of things, but in the end acceptance is achieved through acceptance of the self.

[Capricorn3]

Blah, my head hurts.

 

You'll have to forgive me, I've been stuck sick in bed for most of the day and my back hurts so badly I can't walk so this leaves a lot of time for "thinking".

lol, nothing to forgive. My head hurts too, I'm also sick in bed and also suffering from major back pain. Ouch.

 

Hopefully other members will have more input for you.

[Fudgie]

Yeah luckily my professors have been fine with it. I didn't miss anything important. I emailed in all of my assignments and did my notes in bed. still, I'm bored.

 

Allyo,

 

I think some female stereotypes may play a part. I also was unhappy growing up and getting boobs and all. I much preferred the "genderless" figure I had growing up. I grew up in a pretty cool family though. Both of my parents are doctors and my mom made more than my father for years! I saw them as pretty much the same but I was much closer with my father.

 

I definitely don't like the female stereotypes, but then again, the male ones kind of stink too.

[itsallgrand]

What I am hearing is that you do not identify strongly with a gender role. That it does not come into a lot of play in who you see yourself to be, in your identity.

 

That does not have to do with sexual orientation. A straight woman, a bisexual woman, or a gay woman - sexual orientation too is usually given sleek little categories, and some people have a hard time identifying with any one specific box. You could be of any sexual orientation and identify strongly or weakly with it; and it would not necessarily impact how strongly you feel your identity is tied to your gender.

 

Please let me know if I'm misunderstanding what you mean.

[Fudgie]

Well kind of...yeah, I get what you're saying.

 

What I'm saying though is that I don't FEEL like a female, at all, sexual orientation aside. I consider myself straight but I don't feel like a woman, or a girl.

[itsallgrand]

What does it feel like to be a girl, a woman, though?

[Fudgie]

I don't know.

 

I would imagine it would feel...pretty or something. And feeling beautiful, having a guy to "protect" you, feeling sexy, wearing dresses, etc.

[90_hour_sleep]

I don't know.

 

I would imagine it would feel...pretty or something. And feeling beautiful, having a guy to "protect" you, feeling sexy, wearing dresses, etc.

 

identifying with the role of being considered a 'woman' in the eyes of a typical socialized male gender role man?

 

god...that was a mouthful. what i read...is that you might think that feeling like a woman comes from a man treating you like you think a woman ought to be treated?

 

holy crap it's hard to find the words for this. it is a bit ambiguous. i can understand your 'confusion'... :S

[Fudgie]

Yeah it sure is confusing!!!

 

Yeah something like that. The more I think about it, the more I associate being a woman with having a guy that makes you feel like "woman"...and I don't really know how that feels. I love how my boyfriend treats me. He makes me feel good, but not like a woman, or whatever.

[90_hour_sleep]

Yeah it sure is confusing!!!

 

Yeah something like that. The more I think about it, the more I associate being a woman with having a guy that makes you feel like "woman"...and I don't really know how that feels. I love how my boyfriend treats me. He makes me feel good, but not like a woman, or whatever.

 

maybe you're just open to what feeling like a woman really is. maybe it has nothing to do with any of the gender role crap out there. or...maybe it really doesn't matter. you're a person...he's a person...you've found strength in the bond you share. sure...you're well equipped to procreate...if that should ever suit you. but does it really matter? look at all of the thriving relationships that don't regard gender at all? the bond between two people transcends the labels our society has worked so rigorously to develop. maybe feeling specific to one role misses the whole point. you're human. do you know what humanity feels like? if you'd grown up never knowing the difference...aside from the phyically obvious...would you be any different?

 

maybe you don't 'feel' like a woman...simply because of the fact that you don't identify with the things that categorize women. you've stepped out of the box. maybe...

[Fudgie]

Yeah I don't know! It is something to think about.

 

I grew up not knowing much of a difference, other than the "roles" which I felt were dumb, because I don't like to cook/clean.

[OptomisticGirl]

Could it be that it stems from your sex drive in a way? I mean, as a woman I feel more like a woman at no other time than when I'm physically with CS. Not just sex but the whole physical contact. Could you be linking your feelings about being female to that self conciously?

 

I was a tomby as well growing up, I kind of naturally just progressed to that stage where I started doing more girly stuff. I still have tomboy tendencies (I hate dresses and I LOATH high heels). Could it also be you feel like you never progressed past the tomboy stage and as ayoung 20-year-old you feel out of wack because of it?

 

God this is confusing...

[greywolf]

I wouldn't say that I feel genderless. Gender-flexible would probably be more accurate.

[Fudgie]

It's very possible, OG. I know what you mean when you say that you feel like a woman when you're with CS. I've heard other women say this about their respective boyfriends/husbands, heck there are even songs about it "You make me feel like a real woman..." but I never actually understood it.

 

When I was with my ex, we had oodles of sex, like 10x in one day easy. My sex drive was huge back then. I thoroughly enjoyed it but I don't recall feeling like a woman. for me, sex felt primal and empowering. I took control for the majority of the sex. It felt...enthalling, powerful, and sweaty. When I was done, I felt...satisfied, but not like a "woman". I don't recall being feminine ever playing a part in sex. In fact, I feel that when I have had sex, I feel very primal and masculine. I know that sounds totally weird.

 

Of course, it's all different with my current boyfriend, B. We make out and he always has his arms around me and vice versa. I feel a sense of love, desire to take care of him (isn't that funny) and sometimes, I feel my heart race, but that's about it. It's really weird how these things go about in my mind. Maybe it's just the way our relationship is, how who is "male" and "female" is blurred. I almost always am dominant, despite him being much older, and he takes the slow, steady, "reasonable" route. I definitely don't feel like a woman, at least, I don't think so. Even when it comes to genitalia (sorry for TMI), he has "problems" with his in terms of function and size and I tend to not do anything with mine, besides washing them. It's like they don't exist. I know this sounds really weird but I really feel comfortable with that.

 

I guess I'm starting to realize that who I have relationships with have little to no effect on my sense of self. I think that's why I get along so well with B because he fits within my life but does not try to fit within my "essence", does that make sense? I have NO clue if that's bad or not.

 

My mother has told me that from a young age, she doesn't think I've identified with either gender because when I grew out of being a "tomboy", I took a very gender-neutral look and did activities that weren't girly nor masculine. Heck, I dated a very masculine guy when I was in early high school. We did sexual things together. I wasn't that heavy yet and wore tennis skirts all the time to show off my legs. he told me I looked like a million dollars...I would feel this sense of a "power surge" and flash a smile. I felt like I could hold my own with him, and I did. He made me feel really masculine, but not feminine.

 

Sooooo confusing. I am confused.

[Fudgie]

I wouldn't say that I feel genderless. Gender-flexible would probably be more accurate.

 

Yes, maybe this is a more correct wording here. I like that.

[OptomisticGirl]

See, for me, I don't feel feminie after sex. Like you I like to take charge, I like to be in control (control freak here). It makes me feel like a woman BECAUSE I have that power, I have that control. I suppose I define myeself as a woman not by the gender sterotype. When I make love to CS I fell that feminie feeling you were saying but in any other kind of sex, I just feel impowered. I'm his equal and he is my equal, not only in bed but in life. The gushy side defines me but so does that impowdered sense you were talking about. I'm rambling now, lol

[Fudgie]

LOL, that's fine OG.

 

I think I tend to associate control/domination with being more masculine, probably from those "gender roles". I've been a go-getter and do what I want, for the majority of the time. My mom (who doesn't know yet about B) has even told me "You can't be this way (masculine, not girly, telling off-color jokes, being really forward with men) and expect to find a guy. No guy is going to like what you're doing." Well, guess what, I found one! B loves it when I tell him "I'm hungry. Go make something, please." He told me that he loves it when I do that. someday, I'll probably be taking care of him because he'll be old so I might as well enjoy it now, he said.

 

I'm afraid I can't relate to the feminine feeling. I can't recall a time I actually felt that. I love a dress that I made myself (it's Celtic, made of velvet, very modest) and I love it, but even then, I don't feel masculine. I just like the way it looks and feels, so it's more of a "positive sensory experience".

 

It's just so confusing. I love dressing up as a wench for the Ren fair that I do every year, but then I think "why do I like dressing up as a wench?" Because it's the only time where I can show off my breasts (all these older guys there stare and it just cracks me up!!) and I get to be really baudy and rude (to play the part of the wench). Good fun really, but nothing to do with being a woman.

[FathomFear]

Well, I think you're describing the senstation of being comfortable with your sex but not so much attached to a particular gender. ie, you're fine with having breasts and a vagina but don't really identify with "being a woman" in the sense that you're drawn to traditional modes of being that are thrust on females. You usually see this in the GLBT community as there isn't as much pressure to abide by specific gender norms, but I think it's a mindset that can go along with any sexual orientation really. Being male or female doesn't necessarily mean you have the desire to adapt traditional dress/speech/etc of the gender of man or woman.

[AstrallyMundan]

I feel rather androgynous, myself, *shrug*, but that might be a result of my individual levels of masculinity and femininity being relatively level with one another, it ties into my sexuality as well, because when I meet somebody, I try not to even see them as male or female, I try not to label or judge on any level, and try to approach each individual I encounter as a blank slate, because truly, I could never know someone before reaching out to them, and even then, they have to open up, as well. I'm making this sound more complex than it is for the sake of trying to explain x_x

[Sparkly Eyes]

Sometimes I feel feminine, sometimes masculine, sometimes genderless. The times that I feel mostly feminine are when I wear something sexy or I see some good and manly looking guy or if I'm in the arms of such a guy.