Has anyone ever felt "genderless"?

[Fudgie]

Yeah I can see what you guys are saying. I try my best not to judge people based on their gender. It's hard sometimes when they really buy into the roles though, because then it's easy to assume, but you know what they say about assuming...it makes a "arse" out of "u" and "me".

 

I really like the GLBT community for the most part. Sometimes the really vocal, "out there" members are a little much for me but that goes for anyone who is always really flamboyant, not just gay ones, lol. I do like the community though, I feel they are more laid back and don't put that pressure on me to "be a woman".

 

Androgynous is a good way to describe me. I like that word a lot.

[AstrallyMundan]

I like people banding together in groups such as the GLBT community, but even they can tend to have some rigid views, like sure, as far as gay vs. straight goes, it's all good, but many are torn on sexualities that aren't quite one or the other, nescessarily. Like my sexual orientation I would describe as being between demisexual, asexual, and pansexual, *shrug*, go figure.

[Fudgie]

I haven't hung out with the GLBT community here at college but I did in high school. It was fun. Highschool was the time where I had all of my sexual experiences with other women (although I was at a camp, not at high school). I did end up falling in love with my best friend and she with me. We never got into a relationship but we were extremely physical and were always kissing, snuggling, holding hands.

 

I feel like a fool now. I have made out with maybe 4 girls in my life, and I mean, HEAVY making out, all out, in private always. Even my parents do not know of my experiences. The first one was when I was 13, she was 13 too. We are still awesome friends and we really saw each other as "spiritual partners" so we hooked up at camp. However, I never considered her to be my "first kiss" because she wasn't a "guy". I didn't kiss a guy until I was 16 years old. D'oh.

Although I don't know....one time when I was 5, my best friend and I were playing "house". I always assumed the male role and when I "came home" with the "kills of the day" (stuffed animals) I would say "I'm home, sweetheart" and then she'd come up and we'd kiss each other on the mouth several times and hold each other.

 

Does that count? Boy I'm confused now. It's weird because now, I really do prefer men.

 

Sexual orientation aside, I never saw myself as a "Woman" or a "girl". Even my boyfriend doesn't call me his "woman", he calls me his "love". The closest thing recently he has come to calling me a "girl" was when I told him he should go hang out with the Golden Girls (he hates them) and he jokingly called me a "sassy bint". Ah, but I deserved it.

 

I just see myself as "person", that's it. No female part involved.

[grendel]

Yes I feel pretty much genderless too. I am female but play the "male" role in my relationship. I have a job, he does not. Any time I'm asked to take on a fake identity for a role playing game or whatever I will probably choose a male one. And I tend to dress as a guy for Halloween. Also I am 6'1" tall and not very curvy so I don't have the easiest time looking feminine anyway. I don't know how to apply makeup. My mom says because her own mother died when she was very young she never learned the "feminine" ways from her and consequently never taught them to me. I also do not appreciate female gender stereotypes and do not want to be like that.

[Fudgie]

Aw crap, I'm sorry itsallgrand. When I think about songs about being a woman, that is the song that comes to mind. Quite catchy isn't it?

 

It's my little sister's favourite song. She always bounces up and down in the car when it's on and wants me to repeat it again and again. Know all the words by now. >

[rhawk2]

I kinda get where you're coming from, Fudgie. I like feeling like a girl (dresses, make-up, heels) but on an ordinary day, I really don't like being a girl. I wear very little make-up, just enough to hide bad skin. I've joked that if I ever got breast cancer or it was even suspected to be cancer, I'd have my boobs chopped off. I hate them and they're only a 36B =S Sometimes I really wish I were a boy, but I'd miss the "feeling pretty" thing. I think it was Fudgie that said you wish to could get rid of your girls bits and just be genderless. I think I could really like that. But, just letting you know, you're not alone in this at all. I just never thought of calling it "genderless".

[Fudgie]

I'm glad you feel like me, it sounds like you do.

 

I have thought about how cool it would be if i got rid of my girl bits and just became genderless. That's how I draw things when I "doodle" without any "bits". Everyone is the same in that regard. I find it comforting, don't you? You could then be whoever the heck you wanted without being defined by what bits you have. Sure, I'm in a relationship but we aren't really into sex so they wouldn't be missed, lol. I think of it as "genderless" because instead of female or male...there's nothing. It's like a blank spot....genderless.

 

I would LOVE to have breast size 36B in place of mine. I am a 38D. Too big. They can "get in the way" and it's hard to find shirts that fit.

 

My grandma got breast cancer but that was because she used a hormone therapy for WAYYYYY too long. Still, if I found that I was "at risk" for breast cancer and would probably get it, I would get them removed, that's for sure. I understand that sentiment.

[commpro11]

Hi Fudgie,

I totally know what you mean. Now, I have male parts, but because of a medical condition that made me have no testosterone I have many female traits. This gives me big "manboobs" and also very small penis and only one tiny testicle. All in all, I often feel "genderless" as I don't feel very male because of my appearance and I don't feel very female because in the end I still have a penis. As for emotional...I sometimes feel that I would make a good woman. However, like you I consider myself "straight" as I feel that sexual orientation is a totally different issue then what gender you are. Anyways, your post prompted me to say that you seem simlar to me.

[Circe]

Gender and sexuality are two different things. Gender is just a construct which people have made up to describe the behavioral traits of a group of ppl with female versus male body parts (sex on the other hand is a biological feature). There will always be exceptions and its fine that you don't identify with the male or female gender fudgie. But that does not have to relate at all to your sexuality.

 

Personally I very much identify as of the female gender and as heterosexual. However I too find women beautiful and have genuinely been sexually attracted to one woman in my life .. And many many men.

[Fudgie]

Yeah I totally agree indigo.....gender identity (whether someone feels "male" or "female") is totally different from sexual orientation.

 

commpro, yeah you sound a LOT like me. I do feel that I would have made a great man had I been born one.

 

I can identify a lot with genital issues too. My boyfriend has problems and actually, I do too to some extent. I am abnormally "tight" and anything larger than a tampon really hurts me. My gyno says I'm normal...just scary tight. I've never had sex with a normal size penis (only been with 2 men, and they were VERY small) and even then, it really took me a LONG time to get used to it and even then, if I did not have sex for a long time, then it hurt when I tried again.

 

I don't know, I guess I'm just...me.

[LightbulbSun]

I feel similar, in a way. I feel like I have both masculine and feminine traits. Not that I'm a woman, or desire to be a woman...or that I'm attracted to men, but I definitely feel like I have both genders within me.

[Fudgie]

Yeah it's an interesting thing to feel, huh LBS?

 

Sometimes I think society wants you to be one way or another but yeah...sometimes it just doesn't happen. I don't feel that it's a bad thing.

 

I still think I would have made an awesome man though, haha.

[MakestheBest]

No. Wouldnt say I've ever felt genderless. I definitely fit into the 'female' box quite nicely, but I'm a "different" kind of women. Most of my male friends and two of my boyfriends have said I'm a dude in lipstick. And bizaarly enough ( even though I'm not interested in women) I've gotten emotionally close enough to lesbian women to know that were I to date women I would be the dom. My lesbian friends have said the same thing about me Which is very odd because in my actual relationships I prefer to be dominated. I find that to be a really weird and interesting dynamic. ( shrugs) whatev.

[Circe]

Yeah I totally agree indigo.....gender identity (whether someone feels "male" or "female") is totally different from sexual orientation.

 

commpro, yeah you sound a LOT like me. I do feel that I would have made a great man had I been born one.

 

I can identify a lot with genital issues too. My boyfriend has problems and actually, I do too to some extent. I am abnormally "tight" and anything larger than a tampon really hurts me. My gyno says I'm normal...just scary tight. I've never had sex with a normal size penis (only been with 2 men, and they were VERY small) and even then, it really took me a LONG time to get used to it and even then, if I did not have sex for a long time, then it hurt when I tried again.

 

I don't know, I guess I'm just...me.

 

I had something similar to that - had to see a physio.. she showed me how to trigger release certain pelvic floor muscles inside there - while slowly stretching it using bigger and bigger .. er.. models of penises .. until eventually - the problem resolved. She said it could come back in the future - but if so - just do the exercises again and it would take even less time than this current time to re-resolve.

[Fudgie]

Oh god I don't think I can do that....

 

I struggle with tampons now (I can only use the lite, teeny tiny kind) and I haven't had sex in nearly a year now. I don't see what good it will do.

Boyfriend is extremely small so if we have sex...well, I can handle it.