35 years old. Never married. No kids. Feeling so out of faith and alone

[Jetta]

To the guy who called me racist, I was the mother of a black child. I was married to a black man who cheated left and right and abused me when confronted. Been there done that and won't put myself through that pain ever again. Call me racist but I'm anything but, just showing a preference for my own race and there should be nothing wrong with a preference for you own race.

[newwave]

To the guy who called me racist, I was the mother of a black child. I was married to a black man who cheated left and right and abused me when confronted. Been there done that and won't put myself through that pain ever again. Call me racist but I'm anything but, just showing a preference for my own race and there should be nothing wrong with a preference for you own race.

 

 

You're right, that doesn't make you a racist. I would also expand that to other aspects. For instance I am Catholic and prefer someone who shares those views. I prefer a white or Hispanic male but would be open to other races if he shared my views. I don't think there's anything wrong with having preferences. However, people are often attacked because of this. I am often attacked because of not dating men with kids, not realizing part of this has to do with my personal values.

[Philos]

You're right, that doesn't make you a racist. I would also expand that to other aspects. For instance I am Catholic and prefer someone who shares those views. I prefer a white or Hispanic male but would be open to other races if he shared my views. I don't think there's anything wrong with having preferences. However, people are often attacked because of this. I am often attacked because of not dating men with kids, not realizing part of this has to do with my personal values.

 

You can't really call people on something natural like attraction. People are born gay or born straight or what have you. People are born attracted to different things too.... and people become attracted to different things through experiences. Before I met my EX I liked really skinny girls, but now I like girls probably size 12-14 the best.

 

Prejudice is only bad when it is unnecessarily arbitrary.

[uncomfynumb]

Why should I bend on something I find wrong? I find being a dad without being married (whether divorced or never married) in most cases wrong. Not to mention I have zero interests in being a stepmom (I refuse to pay for kids not mine). If it means I'm alone then I'm alone BUT the thing is around here there are many men over 40 never married without kids so they are out there. Sure it means I might have to bend on other things (age, weight, education, smoking, etc), but I can't bend on things I find morally wrong.

 

I didn't say that you have to bend or even that you should especially if there are a lot of over 40 never married men with no kids around you. I didn't think there would be that many, tend to think that most would be divorced.

[newwave]

I didn't say that you have to bend or even that you should especially if there are a lot of over 40 never married men with no kids around you. I didn't think there would be that many, tend to think that most would be divorced.

 

There are many never married 40 year olds near me. Thats's the great thing about living near a big city. Even if there weren't this is the one thing I can't ever bend on. Too much drama and not the same morals as me.

[Batya33]

There are many never married 40 year olds near me. Thats's the great thing about living near a big city. Even if there weren't this is the one thing I can't ever bend on. Too much drama and not the same morals as me.

 

There were many in my big city too when I was dating, five years ago.

[CRCfem]

I will bet a lot of your friends relationships/marriages are far from perfect despite what they say.Wouldn't you rather be alone than to be in a bad relationship?

yeah, some women get married partly out of fear of 'ending up alone'. then in an unhappy marriage they can barelly express themselves, their sense of self disappears ( probably because they never had any, or wanted any.people take decisions out of fear as well. i'd say ur in a more fortunate position. maybe u should rephrase your troubling thought saying you wish for someone goof for u to come to ur life, with a it of luck; not just to wish to be soomoene's wife...

[CRCfem]

my ex father in law( in his early 70s) is asked for a divorce by his wife. they have just moved to another country and bought a property there. now she wants to divorce why on earth? he was hoping for a happy retirement, now it looks like he will spend the dawn of his life alone, with split property, and no one that close to relate to, to snuggleup at night, and to talk about their past life together. Tragedies happen.. they are tragedies

[CRCfem]

yep i agree. u just have to be very lucky to meet someone compatible. not just anyone. plus, even in 'perfect' relationships, although we grow in different directions, we lose parts of ourselves. i miss the way i was when i was single. now being in a relationship, there is no time or opportunity for deep self-reflection and other esotheric things. i am someone's partner and i have to adjust myself at keeping him happy ( i do it out of love, and i want to do it 100%. but it is in no way better than me being single and living with yself, discovering myself continuously, and having the freedom to experiment). Maybe u have fallen into a monotonous rhythm, in a sort of a rut. Try to get out of there. Achieve stuff for urself, dare yourself to do things u wouldnt at this point think capable of doing, in the process, someone will fall into ur lap, or maybe u'll pull them on ur lap

[Batya33]

I don't find marriage to be restrictive as you described. I've been married two years and it has given me countless opportunities of self-discovery.

[morris1]

I haven't read through all the posts but I am feeling kind of depressed as I just turned 35 and I am still single as well. I have one issue that I am starting to address which is a little bit of a weight problem (not too bad but I was a little over, not obese or anything like that). I have a successful career as an Engineer and I don't have any kids or anything like that. If they had asked me 10-15 years ago that I would be 35 I would have expected that I would be married by now. I don't think that I am a bad person or anything like that. I consider myself a good person. It's not that I don't understand why I am single but rather that it all of a sudden just hit me that I am 35 and am now trying to rush trying to find someone. I have put as a goal of getting married next year but it really is out of my hands. I'll try to get in the best shape I can and will probably try eharmony or something. Anyways, just wanted to commiserate with others here. Just like a line in fight club that I like so much "we give each other strength". Hope everything works out for those here.

[Fletcher100]

Well just so you know you're not the only one feeling the same way.

I'm 30 years old guy who followed advice given to others here about cutting that toxic girl off of my life and I did it two years ago and I hoped I was going to meet a good girl then but guess what? I'm already 30 and single and out of hope. I feel my life is over since my dream was to become a father by this age.

I'm so freaking tired of people telling me: you're good loking, you have beautiful eyes bla bla bla, I'm starting to think those words are just to make me feel better.

I also tried the online dating thing and I met crazy desperate woman who would also talk about themselves all the time or still talk about their exes so I got off of it.

I've been in the gym for a year and I look absolutely different in a great shape but still nothing has changed, I don't know why is sooo hard to meet decent women since I am also sure I'm good person and I always try to be positive.

Anyway hugs to you and you're not alone.

[sarat]

hi i feel the same i should of been writting what you did cos im in that situation and feel i will never meet mr right or have kids and getting older im 36 all my mates have kids i feel gutted inside and feel horrible like u like there something wrong with me the worse part is all my family are settled with kids and my mum got no grand kids and i love her to see my kids its so sad i hate my life

[Batya33]

hi i feel the same i should of been writting what you did cos im in that situation and feel i will never meet mr right or have kids and getting older im 36 all my mates have kids i feel gutted inside and feel horrible like u like there something wrong with me the worse part is all my family are settled with kids and my mum got no grand kids and i love her to see my kids its so sad i hate my life

 

Don't lose faith! I started dating my husband a week before my 39th birthday. We got married and had our first child when we were 42. Luckily I had a number of single friends who were in the same boat as me so that helped but many of them were married and had kids -and some were the "smug married" type.

[Hope over fear]

I'm 34, unmarried, with no kids.

7 years ago, I lost my only pregnancy and one of my fallopian tubes as a result of a tubal pregnancy. My post-miscarriage depression pushed my relationship passed it's limits and although I've had a few short lived relationships since, I am still single.

 

I'm a problem solver and I have anxiety associated with situations where I'm unable to be in control or rresolve which makes this void so frustrating.

However, I'm always just living life, having faith, keeping positive, focusing on the things I have, and being happy but sometimes my patience wears thin or something triggers and reminds me that this issue is STILL not resolved.

 

I work for my mom and step-dad and today they delegated me to cover the night shift for New years Eve because being unwed and unbarren, I can't possibly have anything better to do.

I don't have plans but it hurts when people assume your available all the time..... it sucks enough not having the obligations that are missing from my life.

So this New Years Eve, I'll be serving the public as they enjoy their festivities with their spouses and children.

I'd much rather be home alone, watching movies and sipping bubbly.

 

Also, ppl always try to give advice, play match maker, list things that "could be worse", or just pitty me.

I know they mean well but none of their tactics ever have positive effects.

[AutumnBorn]

You need a detailed plan because the right relationship isn't going to be presented as a Christmas present. You have to be the instrument of change.

 

What's your plan?