35 years old. Never married. No kids. Feeling so out of faith and alone

[strangeman]

Yes, it really is about his ego. Which you were happy to stoke and stroke until he left you, presumably. BTW I don't think it's unusual that as a woman you wanted a man around the same age. Of course you did. Most men, however, want a younger woman, especially once they themselves start getting older and the rules of male psychology and the pecking-order really start kicking in.

 

So, even though you still wanted what you wanted, men had their own needs and as you got older, their needs started drifting away from what you still saw as your ideal. Especially if you didn't realize that as you were getting older, your value to younger men was decreasing.

 

I'm sure you're quite lovely! To suggest the opposite is certainly not my intent.

[strangeman]

ROFL! Tears are coming to my eyes...

 

Why? Because such a man could rather easily date women in their late 30s and 40s?

[rapunzel]

I did meet one 60 year old I found attractive, but he happened to be a married and extremely wealthy rock star, a bit out of my league....not to mention unavailable. I worked with him on a show. I have not met any other 60 year olds in "real life" I find attractive, alpha or no alpha.

[strangeman]

Bottom line, life isn't fair and let's face it, there's a reason for the saying "it's a man's world". Until they get a bunch of aging actors to go on Oprah and talk about how hard it is to age in this culture, it will continue to be. We won't see that though, because men are allowed to age naturally and women are not. Men are allowed to enjoy their full humanity, their natural life span and women are not.

 

Hang on here just a second! When women are in their 20s, they are absolutely brutal and ruthless to men. Only the best men will do, lavishing women with their attention and resources. Women seem to think this can and should continue forever, after all, it is highly favorable to them.

 

Basically, under this regime the lower 80% of men do terribly. This was certainly my experience. Then, as we all age, the tables start to turn. The men become more desirable and the women less so. Eventually, that same 80% of men who were constantly rejected as younger men finally come into their own. At long last!

 

I think women need to understand that they can't rule the roost forever. Something has to give, eventually.

 

What does it mean for a woman to enjoy their full humanity and natural lifespan, as you put it? To always be on top, always rejecting the lower 80% of men? Forever?

[rapunzel]

Why? Because such a man could rather easily date women in their late 30s and 40s?

 

Why do you assume this is the case, unless they are extremely good looking and well preserved, wealthy or famous/rock star? I never remember women my age dating much older guys when I was in my 30's and early 40's.

[strangeman]

I did meet one 60 year old I found attractive, but he happened to be a married and extremely wealthy rock star, a bit out of my league....not to mention unavailable. I worked with him on a show. I have not met any other 60 year olds in "real life" I find attractive, alpha or no alpha.

 

And this is basic female pyschology at work. I don't think it's a coincidence that 1) you found him attractive, 2) he's a rich rock star, and 3) he's taken. He is an alpha male, and hence you were open minded about him.

[rapunzel]

What women are you talking about? A small segment of very beautiful, spoiled, wealthy young women perhaps are "brutal" in their 20's. I was always pretty in my 20's but I had low self-esteem and low self confidence so I was not "brutal" nor "ruthless". And I was petite at 5'1" and 100 lbs so it was difficult to be "brutal".

 

You are making generalizations based on your own experience, it appears. Nothing wrong with that, we all do it to some extent.

[strangeman]

Why do you assume this is the case, unless they are extremely good looking and well preserved, wealthy or famous/rock star? I never remember women my age dating much older guys when I was in my 30's and early 40's.

 

Well, because if a man doesn't bring to the table something strongly real and highly valuable to women, then he does not have alpha status in her eyes.

 

True alpha males are rare, and that's probably why you never saw your friends with such men. Such men won't commit or be seen in public with their playthings in the role of a committed man. Their women, meanwhile, fantasize that they can tame this alpha and get him to commit because she is a special snowflake, completely different than all the other women in his life.

[strangeman]

What women are you talking about? A small segment of very beautiful, spoiled, wealthy young women perhaps are "brutal" in their 20's. I was always pretty in my 20's but I had low self-esteem and low self confidence so I was not "brutal" nor "ruthless". And I was petite at 5'1" and 100 lbs so it was difficult to be "brutal".

 

I have a flair for the dramatic, so with that said, the "brutality" corresponds with the frustration felt by men who get rejected. Women tend to just sit back and do the rejecting, not appreciating how hard it can be for men to approach. Which is part of how women filter men; if he's not bold enough to approach, well then, he can just piss off because he is weak.

 

Meanwhile, I'd guess the men around you are largely to blame for your low self esteem at that time. Unless your mom/grandma was just evil or something.

 

The top 20% of women constantly reject the lower 80% of men. It is related to something called the Pareto Principle.

[rapunzel]

And this is basic female pyschology at work. I don't think it's a coincidence that 1) you found him attractive, 2) he's a rich rock star, and 3) he's taken. He is an alpha male, and hence you were open minded about him.

 

Ah no, this is not true....it is because he was very well preserved and good looking and NICE. I sat next to him at dinner and he was charming, intelligent, funny and down to earth as well. And he had a British accent. He married a very wealthy woman.

 

This past weekend I had a gig with several other aging rock stars. There were about 8 of them on stage, all over 50 I'd say and I thought they all looked old, out of shape and weather beaten. None of them appealed to me, except maybe the bass player (who admittedly, I thought was cute and seemed nice). They all have status and money but it doesn't matter. I'm a musician so I meet a lot of musicians. Even if he's a rock star, if he's unattractive AND a jerk AND out of shape, I'm not interested.

 

If the other 60 year old musician I mentioned previously was single and a guy I met in real life (or even if he was this particular world famous drummer who happened to be single), I would have dated him as I was attracted to him. I don't care about money, I have plenty of my own. And I don't care about status, it intimidates me. I care about whether or not I'm attracted to the man and/or if I like the man.

[strangeman]

Hey, I'm a musician too! Cool.

 

Women are complicated, so it's not enough to say that money = attraction. It's more accurate to say that men who are successful possess qualities that just happen to be desirable. And why are these qualities desirable? Because at some point we recognize the obvious: that success is good, and conducive to being comfortable or/and raising a family. Ideally we can make this recognition in a way that doesn't cast the woman as transactional or like a mercenary. Of course, as a woman, you know this intimately, but since you're challenging me in this discussion you don't bother to spell out the concept... as central as it is.

 

If he's unattractive and a jerk and out of shape, I agree! He can piss off because he is weak.

[strangeman]

After reading your posts in this tread, here are my thoughts

 

First of all, thank you for actually reading them. I appreciate that and don't necessarily believe I deserve to be listened to, agreed with, or even have the pleasure of being understood.

 

You wasted away your 20s as you have stated at least twice and now you are in your 30s and you are feeling the pain. There is some resentment towards career women in general as a result of your mother, and that is understandable. But now that you realize as you are getting older that you want children, you are feeling your regrets. Lets face it, it is not as easy as you think it is to marry a young woman these days and turn her into a baby making machine just because you are closer to ready now. You are less desireable to the majority of women that you would like to date and marry because those women are not interested in dating and marrying you right now because they are having too much fun with life as they should be.

 

This is generally accurate. I do feel regrets, and some resentment towards career women in general as a result of my mother, an absolutely expert career woman and long-suffering, model feminist. I don't think that's a surprising outcome, so I wonder if you can connect the huge chip on my shoulder to my mother's very typical choice as an aspiring career woman?

 

Do career women wish their children to be like I am? Formerly confused, presently resentful, and now leaning conservative in a perfect symmetry against her ideals?

 

I'd sure like it if the future career women reading this can actually consider what I'm trying to say here. I'm merely putting in the effort to spell out what most people aren't able to even get in touch with until it's too late.

 

By the way, I had *tons* of fun in my 20s. Just like the young women who are doing what you say they should. This suggests women who are so sure in their 20s they should be partying, traveling, anything but getting serious with a man, may not be doing what is actually in their best interests. That is, assuming that their actual motherhood phase is intended to be done 1) in full partnership with her man, and 2) in a way that truly is in the best interest of the child. As opposed to being rationalized where, in fact, the opposite is true.

 

So far, all I see here are women making excuses and rationalizing their choices. Never is the life of the child coming first!

 

Beyond that, you are waaaaaaaaaaay overthinking and over analysing all of this. The majority of NORMAL men and women do not think like you do, they meet someone, fall in love and work out the details later. You've obviously never been in love, you know the kind that is not based on kinds of crazy conditions?

 

I recognize this as something other women would see as quite an insult. How can you tell I've never been in love, or am not in love right at this moment? Because I'm challenging so many women at once here on these forums? I certainly hope you don't interpret data for a living.

 

Morever, I work hard at what I choose to do, and I do it well. For example, I'm apparently a better writer than all of you combined (minor typos and rushed grammar notwithstanding). You perhaps assume this is difficult for me, and thus represents a gross over-investment. However, I believe the passion and pain in OP's post and general situation demands that somewhere, somehow, a man should step up and address what are the actual issues at play here (or so he thinks).

 

When a person initiates a breakup, the reason they state is often not the real reason. We all know this to be true. Hence, a discussion of the real issues, the big picture, is relevant. Even though you find it discordant.

 

As we all know, men in their 20s are usually immature and are becoming more so with each generation. That's why women in their 20s, who recognize the importance of having kids earlier rather than later - especially when they still want to have careers - should be looking for men who are 5-10 years older.

 

Anyway as I stated, you are projecting. The world is not as you think it is, men are valued and are not becoming obsolute and women are not evil men haters whose one goal in life is to concieve a child at any cost. You are much to defensive to begin with. No one is amused at your pain or anything such as that. And why you are here posting all of this on a forum dedicated to people helping peope heal from breakups is way beyond me. I figured it was the opening line, 35 and no kids, where you saw an easy target...

 

I'm certainly not here trolling or to ruin the thread in general. I'm a counterpoint to the feminist echo chamber saying all this is the man's fault / older women are just as attractive as younger women / it's a man's world and this is unjust / women *still* don't have enough power / etc.

 

I expect to be challenged. What you don't seem to expect is the strength of my rebuttal, here in semi-permanence for as long as the Internet shall reign.

 

You have a huge chip on your shoulder, HUGE strangeman. My apologies to the OP. I hope that you have the support that you need.

 

I hope she does, too.

 

In my view, OP wouldn't be nearly so concerned about this breakup if she were 25. However, she is 35, and that is causing her tremendous worry, pain, and fear. Why? Because of her number of eggs remaining. Otherwise she'd have nothing to worry about! Nothing at all!

[uncomfynumb]

Why? Because such a man could rather easily date women in their late 30s and 40s?

 

No, because you believe your own BS so intensely. If a so called alpha male could not easily date me at my age, then what makes you think he can date someone else so easily? I don't date men for money period. If I'm attracted to them on other levels and they have money, that is a bonus. But think for a moment the kind of woman that a man that age ends up with. One that is not physically or sexually attracted to him, only with him for what he can offer her. If a man finds that stimulating and alluring, then fine. These types deserve each other. I personally find it sad.

 

Again, you are basing your theories on this perspection that the majority of men and women are shallow. And that is usually how it goes. One thinks their perception often is the reality when it is not.

 

There are not alot of studies that prove that alpha and beta types exist in humans. Actually there are none. More unlikely theories. I smell a conspiracy!

[strangeman]

No, because you believe your own BS so intensely.

 

Some definitions of "BS" on the Web:

 

* talk through one's hat: speak insincerely or without regard for facts or truths; "The politician was not well prepared for the debate and faked it"

* obscene words for unacceptable behavior; "I put up with a lot of BS from that jerk"; "what he said was mostly bull"

* False or exaggerated statements made to impress the listener

 

My statements are not:

 

- insincere

- without regard for facts or truths

- poorly prepared

- obscene

- unacceptable

- false

 

Perhaps they are exaggerated, but as I said, I have a flair for the dramatic. Certainly, "exaggerated" can apply to the writings/attitudes of pretty much everyone on this thread. So it's inaccurate, incorrect, and inappropriate to single *me* out in this regard.

 

Except to the extent that I'm the only person with a different point of view. Which is somehow automagically bad.

 

If a so called alpha male could not easily date me at my age, then what makes you think he can date someone else so easily?

 

If he can't date you easily, he is not alpha. At least, not in the way your biology defines the term. I'm not saying (or even inferring) that money=attraction.

 

I don't date men for money period.

 

Please, relax on this point. Don't be so defensive. Once again, I'm not saying that money=attraction.

 

If I'm attracted to them on other levels and they have money, that is a bonus. But think for a moment the kind of woman that a man that age ends up with. One that is not physically or sexually attracted to him, only with him for what he can offer her. If a man finds that stimulating and alluring, then fine. These types deserve each other. I personally find it sad.

 

As do I. What you describe is an Anna Nicole Smith type of marriage. I completely agree with you. It is sad. Oddly enough, though, it was her choice - not his! Males display, females choose. That means Mr. Ancient Oil Tycoon displayed tremendous wealth, and she chose to be with him.

 

This is not men's fault. It is, however, a function of female psychology. Because males display, and females choose. Period.

 

Again, you are basing your theories on this perspection that the majority of men and women are shallow. And that is usually how it goes. One thinks their perception often is the reality when it is not.

 

There are not alot of studies that prove that alpha and beta types exist in humans. Actually there are none. More unlikely theories. I smell a conspiracy!

 

I'm not an anthropologist, and I also didn't stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. I'm not saying most men and women are shallow, but I am saying all men and women are fundamentally animals. Then we have these layers of personality added. Some of us have such strong personalities that we forget or ignore our animal natures, and that's where suddenly it becomes confusing when we try to understand the other gender. Once we are out of touch with our primal selves, those base motivations become threatening, confusing, ridiculous. As in worthy of ridicule, which is the tone I'm getting from a lot of women's posts here.

[uncomfynumb]

Do career women wish their children to be like I am? Formerly confused, presently resentful, and now leaning conservative in a perfect symmetry as compared to her ideals?

 

No and again, you are not the norm. I know men that come from single parent homes that are not like you at all. Sometimes kids come out screwed up and they come from a two parent home. That is life for you and it is not near as dramatic as you make it out to be...

 

How can you tell I've never been in love, or am not in love right at this moment? Because I'm challenging so many women at once here on these forums? I certainly hope you don't interpret data for a living.

 

I assume that you have never been in love because when you fall in love, all of those conditions that you have placed are not so important. You seem to have thought about all these things too and hard too long to just to let loose and just fall in love with a good woman. No, she must be this, she must do that. Perhaps I'm wrong but this is what I sense. What are you going to do when you find out the woman that you love can't conceive? What are you going to do when she doesn't lose the weight after childbirth and she is covered with stretch marks? What are you going to do when your age difference becomes more and more apparent?

 

Morever, I work hard at what I choose to do, and I do it well. I also seem to be a better writer than all of you combined. [/quopte] You also seem to give a damn about this more than anyone else here! LOL!!!!

 

I can get my point acorss without being fancy, editing my posts a few hundred times and with a few misspelled words. When I'm writing a letter to someone or for something that I care more about, I'm a bit more careful. I promise. LOL!

 

When a person initiates a breakup, the reason they state is often not the real reason. We all know this to be true. Hence, a discussion of the real issues, the big picture, is relevant. Even though you find it discordant.

 

The only thing I find discordant here is your targeting this thread with an agenda.

 

And finally, here is is, the disgust, the hatred bubbling up to the surface

I'm here as a counterpoint to the feminist echo chamber that says all this is the man's fault / older women are just as attractive as younger women / it's a man's world and this is unjust / women *still* don't have enough power / etc.

 

This is all in your head buddy....

 

Here is the issue that I have with your posts, you write in absolutes and it is annoying because you are not absolutely true. I don't think you are close. The only thing that you are correct about is that there are some shallow, selfish people in the world and that children tend to better in two parent homes. Otherwise you write as if women pursue careers, have children on their own, the world is going to come crashing down. It is not. Nor are they destined to a sad, pitiful and loney existence as they age.

 

Get over yourself already...

[strangeman]

No and again, you are not the norm. I know men that come from single parent homes that are not like you at all. Sometimes kids come out screwed up and they come from a two parent home. That is life for you and it is not near as dramatic as you make it out to be...

 

Go ahead and judge. It's only fair.

 

I assume that you have never been in love because when you fall in love, all of those conditions that you have placed are not so important. You seem to have thought about all these things too and hard too long to just to let loose and just fall in love with a good woman. No, she must be this, she must do that. Perhaps I'm wrong but this is what I sense. What are you going to do when you find out the woman that you love can't conceive?

 

That happened to me. I ended the relationship and did not marry her.

 

 

What are you going to do when she doesn't lose the weight after childbirth and she is covered with stretch marks? What are you going to do when your age difference becomes more and more apparent?

 

Under those conditions, I'll look a lot better than she does and so the age difference won't be much apparent at all. Are you suggesting she should refuse to put in any effort, perhaps because she is a woman/mom and therefore doesn't need to?

 

I'm not perfect and I never will be. I don't expect her to be perfect either. I do, however, expect to put in real effort to stay healthy, and I expect her to do the same. If she refuses, I will take action.

 

Morever, I work hard at what I choose to do, and I do it well. I also seem to be a better writer than all of you combined. [/quopte] You also seem to give a damn about this more than anyone else here! LOL!!!!

 

Again, rushed typos/grammar/quote formatting set aside, you are right. I do care. And I will persevere despite your pinched attitude.

 

I can get my point acorss without being fancy, editing my posts a few hundred times and with a few misspelled words. When I'm writing a letter to someone or for something that I care more about, I'm a bit more careful. I promise. LOL!

 

If you don't care, why are you here? To lord over OP with your glorious presence? To upstage her deep pain with your light-hearted superior judgments? That you don't even care about to begin with?

 

Nice.

 

The only thing I find discordant here is your targeting this thread with an agenda.

 

You're darn right I'm targeting this thread with an agenda. What do you think it is? I've only described it about 25 times. I reckon my honest appraisal of my own agenda is going to be quite different from what you'd write as a function of your own agenda to disbelieve/discredit mine...

 

And finally, here is is, the disgust, the hatred bubbling up to the surface I'm here as a counterpoint to the feminist echo chamber that says all this is the man's fault / older women are just as attractive as younger women / it's a man's world and this is unjust / women *still* don't have enough power / etc.

 

This is all in your head buddy....

 

Really! Then why all the hostility? Surely you've noticed that I treat each of you as individuals and don't start getting snide until one of you establishes a pattern of negative attitude. What you describe as hatred bubbling to the surface. But, to your credit as a woman, you probably can't even realize this. You probably just think you're all sweetness and light, walking with a tuneful tra-la-la though this thread when suddenly a would-be rapist appears! Attacking you with his evil, phallic agenda!

 

Here is the issue that I have with your posts, you write in absolutes and it is annoying because you are not absolutely true. I don't think you are close. The only thing that you are correct about is that there are some shallow, selfish people in the world and that children tend to better in two parent homes. Otherwise you write as if women pursue careers, have children on their own, the world is going to come crashing down. It is not. Nor are they destined to a sad, pitiful and loney existence as they age.

 

Get over yourself already...

 

I agree, I am not absolutely right. I could be wrong. If anyone were being tested on the material in this thread, and actually were forced to prove they comprehended what was said here, they could not escape the simple fact that I've left plenty of room open for the opinions of others. I agree with any possible exception, and congratulate all for their happiness and success.

 

I'm not a bad man and I'm not here to tear anybody down. I'm here to represent the male point of view. I'd also point out there are basically no men here disagreeing with me. Which I think is, as someone said earlier, telling.

[uncomfynumb]

If a woman had posted that all she was interested in was a man's money and sperm, she would have gotten the same kind of backlash. This not the forum or the board for this as this place is for people that sincerely care about each other, don't like to argue and debate in general, and who do no have personal agendas and general beefs with members of the opposite sex.

 

It's not men, it is you and your point of view. Thankfully, you are not the majority!

 

Your name fits you well strangeman. Find a therapist soon for the love of Christmas!

 

Good luck!

[strangeman]

If a woman had posted that all she was interested in was a man's money and sperm, she would have gotten the same kind of backlash.

 

That's not what I said at all. You are performing a "Reductio ad absurdum" (link removed). I stand by the written record, which contradicts your characterization of my views and does so quite clearly.

 

For the tl;dr crowd, an audience I so frequently fail to reach, I'll summarize once again...

 

I believe that if a man is to marry under today's anti-male divorce laws, he probably wants/needs children to make it worthwhile. And, relative to the age of the man, a younger woman makes a more desirable wife than an older woman, assuming that the man is himself desirable (top 20%) and therefore has a high sexual market value. I also said that women are mercenary in how they pursue their goals, and are selfish/taking men for granted/taking their own desirability for granted when they glorify a lifestyle that puts a first child in a woman's 40s.

 

The top 20% of young women reject the lower 80% of men. This continues until, later in life, they discover that the tables turn. Suddenly they start getting rejected by 80% of men if they are still/again single. This is common sense and based on our animal natures.

 

OP still has time to recover and snag a man for the long term. But she should probably make some adjustments as to the kind of man she really wants, and this time, not go for the abusive narcissist who is attractive to her for reasons she doesn't quite understand. That mystery, those details which smart lovers (according to some) just refuse to consider until "later", leads women to wasted time and a building sense of panic.

 

Thank you for the wishes of good luck, though. I can always use more good luck. And I certainly wish you plenty of the same.

[Yodabell]

I can find nothing to disagree with here. You recognize that your priorities were different and as a result, any children you'd have had when you were younger would have suffered. All I can add is that your story is most properly seen as a cautionary one for young women everywhere. I'd urge young women who cannot fathom starting a family to enter therapy and learn to understand why this is well before age 30.

 

If someone had suggested to me in my 20s or early 30s to go into therapy as to why I didn't want a family, I would have told them where to go.

 

As well as my priorities being different when I was younger, I don't think I would have made a good mother. My own childhood was dysfunctional at best, and it's taken me until 38 to properly realise that. I think it's only now that I have the compassion, the empathy and the patience to be a good mother anyway, and to break the cycle of abuse that I suffered from my mother and that she undoubtedly did from hers.

 

I don't think it's a cautionary tale at all.....I have seen and experienced and lived things that many of my friends who chose to have children younger haven't. And likewise, I've not experienced having children.

[Batya33]

If someone had suggested to me in my 20s or early 30s to go into therapy as to why I didn't want a family, I would have told them where to go.

 

As well as my priorities being different when I was younger, I don't think I would have made a good mother. My own childhood was dysfunctional at best, and it's taken me until 38 to properly realise that. I think it's only now that I have the compassion, the empathy and the patience to be a good mother anyway, and to break the cycle of abuse that I suffered from my mother and that she undoubtedly did from hers.

 

I don't think it's a cautionary tale at all.....I have seen and experienced and lived things that many of my friends who chose to have children younger haven't. And likewise, I've not experienced having children.

For whatever it's worth I am so impressed with the maturity and insightfulness of your choices, then and now.

[Jetta]

Your a gem, I just think about my bestfriend whose in a long term relationship but legally never married, and has no children. How she'd be in high demand IMO on a dating website. Whereas there's me, twice divorced by 30, a child from each marriage, one who committed suicide, and now I'm alone and likely will be for life unless I settle for a non-white man. Would you honestly rather have this? I didn't think so. Stop fretting and get out there and connect. Ask your married friend to set you up with their single friends if the websites aren't working for you, branch out and meet real life prospects.

[Sparkly Eyes]

If someone had suggested to me in my 20s or early 30s to go into therapy as to why I didn't want a family, I would have told them where to go.

 

As well as my priorities being different when I was younger, I don't think I would have made a good mother. My own childhood was dysfunctional at best, and it's taken me until 38 to properly realise that. I think it's only now that I have the compassion, the empathy and the patience to be a good mother anyway, and to break the cycle of abuse that I suffered from my mother and that she undoubtedly did from hers.

 

I don't think it's a cautionary tale at all.....I have seen and experienced and lived things that many of my friends who chose to have children younger haven't. And likewise, I've not experienced having children.

 

 

Life is about way more than having children. I don't need to have children to understand that, just talking to my own parents and other parents is enough. I absolutely love my parents and they are great but they also think that having children young was not a wise decision on their part. My mother still to this day regrets not doing the things she wanted to do when young and having a family instead! Bear in mind that she still has a career and a supportive husband but she didn't enjoy her youth nearly as much as what she wanted and couldn't be successful in her career as much as she wanted. She went back to work tho and although it was a little hard for us to be away from her, I'm grateful that she did it. She was a great role model for us IMO. When her housewife friends were all about gossiping and cooking, she worked a full time job, went to classes and learned new things, and helped my dad tremendously in his business.

 

I also don't think children necessarily need a mother and a father figure. I have read long term studies that even say children of gay parents are happier and do better in school. I think what children need the most are grown intelligent parents who know what they want in life and who are also financially stable. Young parents mean absolutely nothing if they are dysfunctional.

 

Bottom line is that, if you pursue your dreams and don't conform to old gender roles, you will definitely lose some guys attention, but mostly those that you never wanted attention from anyway. And you also gain the company and attention of some other men, who perform on a different ballgame and enjoy a woman who has seen the world, know what she wants and has something to talk about other than cooking and children's home work (yeah, I know a few men who have such wives/gfs and let me tell you that they are NOT happy!).

[coolchick64]

Your a gem, I just think about my bestfriend whose in a long term relationship but legally never married, and has no children. How she'd be in high demand IMO on a dating website. Whereas there's me, twice divorced by 30, a child from each marriage, one who committed suicide, and now I'm alone and likely will be for life unless I settle for a non-white man. Would you honestly rather have this? I didn't think so. Stop fretting and get out there and connect. Ask your married friend to set you up with their single friends if the websites aren't working for you, branch out and meet real life prospects.

 

You can't be serious . . . is this a joke or are you really that racist?

[newwave]

Ugh, what a depressing thread this turned into. So strangeman has again confirmed for me and all women that YOUTH and BEAUTY and NUBILITY is what men value in women, which means all of us single gals over 25 are relegated to only date men 10-40 years older than us. So I'm a young looking 49 - I guess my age range for prospective male partners is 60-85? Look out all you octogenerians, here I come!

 

Based on my last relationship and I hope not all men are like this, I have to admit that strangeman is correct, good looking guys my age (like my ex) mostly want younger women, and think they are entitled to younger women. My ex lies about his age on internet sites to meet women 7-15 years younger, and oh, by the way he doesn't want children.

 

I have seen this attitude on online sites and it bothers me. The most undesirable men you can imagine want these young women and they have little to offer. I'm talking fat, ugly, unemployed losers who think they can get hot gals. I actually had someone tell me I should date a 60 year old because they'd want me! I have a 63 year old in my life- my dad, so why would I want to date a guy his age? I guess I should ask him if any of his friends are single (gag).

[newwave]

This reminded me of something. Years ago I met the bass player, drummer and lead singer for a well known British rock band. They are all 50 and older. The lead singer looked bloated (years of drinking apparently) and was a jerk (and many other bad things about him), but the bass player and the drummer looked hot. If I had met them in another way and if they weren't married, I'd definitely date anyone of them. And contrary to what Strangeman thinks it's not because they were "alpha males". In fact they aren't alpha males at all. In fact the lead singer is married to a supermodel yet he still cheats on her (and sadly, young girls still find this idiot hot).