The eight week challenge - For the ladies

[jaygirl]

Violet u are not a loser. The important thing about making mistakes is picking urself up and trying to do things d right way. Everything happens for a reason. If I hadn't dated my ex, there are so many things I would have missed out, and so many things I wouldn't hsave discovered about myself. And in the future am sure as hell never gonna make d mistakes I made before. So don't call urself a loser my dear! Am sure u guys had nice times too!

 

 

PS: this is my tenth or eleventh try at nc. And I am still at it. It doesn't matter how many times u fall, as long as u get to the finish line!

[incaangelique]

Day 14. 2 weeks. I feel horrible now, but I think this will be good for me in the long run.

[violetka]

Day five of no contact, one week of break up. I feel miserable and depressed tonight. Very very lonely. My moods keep swinging. However i do sleep and do eat No work done, however I need to start working seriously I want him to call me and apologize for being rude and offensive, but I know this will never happen.

[1guygirl]

Day five of no contact, one week of break up. I feel miserable and depressed tonight. Very very lonely. My moods keep swinging. However i do sleep and do eat No work done, however I need to start working seriously I want him to call me and apologize for being rude and offensive, but I know this will never happen.

 

aww babe if its any conso...not in a good place myself...misery loves company so let all us stick together ??? it goes up and down up and down...they say its gets better, but your ex story reminds me of mine, short, sweet then devastating to the core. its really hard to pick yourself back up and recentre when being dropped in the honeymoon stage...it feels so weird and deep in ways i can only shake my head at, i have lost alll ability to express myself on here or anywhere in anyway.

 

jaygirl well done on not answering...i bet it will have been a selfish "how you doing?" call which is more about them and their egos, and nowt to do with your benefit. at least texts they jus say it out right and theres no guesing to be had - ugh

 

anyway...i said day 35 fews days ago...nope its day 35 today

 

im in limbo hell...jus not in a good place right now, really not. im not really really bad over ex but there is some deep hurt and distrust and major bitter dissapointment that is affecting me bad. i really dont feel i will ever be able to trust a man again with my heart - seriously!! im considering anti depressants but will give myself some more time...its not all him, its been the let down of this house falling through and just arrrrrrrrrrgggghhhhhhhhh feeling bout life in general. getting sha* on from a high height by some seemingly "lovely spiritual guy" jus makes it worse for some reason...if someone who is awake to all this stuff can still blindside you, it cuts deeper than from some clear cut arsehole. God i rather despise you Lee right now, infact you turn my stomach, and you could probably turn the milk sour too

 

ffs...this is BS

[violetka]

Today I woke up crying and feeling sorry for myself and stupid again. But I slept a long long time, which had not happen in awhile. Yesterday I bought a skirt and today I intend to dress up and look good. I feel that having him on skype just makes me feel worse, since when he does not write I expect him to write, even though I do not answer. I just need him to want me so I can get my confidence back up. I am so childish its crazy I know that this person never really loved me or even liked me, just was using me, but do I accept that? Noo, I subconsciously want him to suddenly realize what he was missing and how amazing and wonderful and beautiful I actually am. That is why I had not blocked him on skype - so that if he writes I can read it and not respond But the truth is that he will never ever appreciate me or like me, it is just me who is getting hurt even after the relationship ended. One of my ex boyfriends told me that I never had tolerance of other people opinions, and I am starting to believe him...if my ex boyfriend does not like me, why should I just not accept his opinion, but secretly hope to convert him and make him want me so that I can punish him. That is just stupid, when there are enough people who do like me.

[abigheart]

Important Q - ladies!

 

I posted a thread on Getting Back Together:

 

But I want to get your opinions as well. Should I break my NC with my ex to let him know that I'm taking this time out to grow and work on myself as well? I would let him know NC is still the best thing right now. I want to let him know this because when he broke up with me, I don't think I really apologized for the hurt I may have caused him that factored into the break-up, in addition to his reasoning of not being ready to be in a long-term relationship with anyone. Sigh, I guess I just don't want him to continue to have the impression that I'm depressed and mopey. I DO want him back, but I know I have some things to work on myself which is where NC comes in.

 

Thanks for any input. You guys are doing well, so keep it up

[jaygirl]

Sweety, delete him from skype. i am glad i deleted my ex. because it was frustrating seeing him online and knowing he was online and wouldnt contact me. its better to delete him. gives you less time to dwell on him. You can t control him to appreciate or not appreciate, but i guess, the best way people appreciate things is when the thing is not available. so i would think the NC might make him appreciate what he has lost.

 

Live your life, go out and have fun. i feel very happy when i am out and so many guys are all over me and asking for my number because being dumped really damages ones self esteem! keep it up girl!

[jaygirl]

In my opinion, there is no need to send him any mail. please dont send it. your emotions are still a bit raw from the break up. I think for this kind of things, it is better to show them from your actions, than words.

[jaygirl]

Day 15! yaaaaay. am at work. giving myself another two week challenge to loose 5kg......hopefully. lol. nothing new here. still NCing. Only problem is i keep dreaming of ex. the past four days he has tormented my dreams....

[violetka]

hey jaygirl. I also want to lose some weight. i already lost some just from the break up. but would like to lose 2 kilos more. Do you want to do something together?

[jaygirl]

Lucky you. been adding weight since the break up. i eat like a cow! of course i would be overjoyed! PM me your messenger details.....yahoo messenger or gtalk or blackberry messenger or msn.

[jenmar]

day 2 was a success.

I wonder if he misses me.

ah who cares.. hes dumped me 6 weeks ago and stopped speaking to me over a week ago.

I dream about him and I hate it.

[yonanz]

hahaha...likewise.

 

i dream about her..i wake up thinking about her..and it sucks!

[Saudade]

day 2 was a success.

I wonder if he misses me.

ah who cares.. hes dumped me 6 weeks ago and stopped speaking to me over a week ago.

I dream about him and I hate it.

 

 

Same here....its disgusting how i have been dreaming every single day about my ex too...My sleep has been a mess.

 

 

I am week 3 going to week 4 of NC (since the break-up)....Its really hard...because ..I still wonder if he misses me too....or he s just this ice man. Argh!!! I hate this feeling...I wanna be back the way I ve always been...a happy person.

[1guygirl]

Same here....its disgusting how i have been dreaming every single day about my ex too...My sleep has been a mess.

 

 

I am week 3 going to week 4 of NC (since the break-up)....Its really hard...because ..I still wonder if he misses me too....or he s just this ice man. Argh!!! I hate this feeling...I wanna be back the way I ve always been...a happy person.

 

week 3 NC, quite frankly, is a b!tch - i think the happiness does come back (i say that cos its so cliche and yet so true, jus feels like yeah yeah whatever right now!) ...but them dreams dont help one iota

[violetka]

I was thinking about my relationship...It was really bad for me. It was not even a relationship. it brought me very bad emotions almost constantly. This person who claimed he was in love with me, constantly put me down, was not open, we had no communication and the sex was not very passionate. Why would I want this relationship any way?

[1guygirl]

I was thinking about my relationship...It was really bad for me. It was not even a relationship. it brought me very bad emotions almost constantly. This person who claimed he was in love with me, constantly put me down, was not open, we had no communication and the sex was not very passionate. Why would I want this relationship any way?

 

the way ive been dealing with it, and i guess the most logical explaination also, is that while my ex was a soulmate, he was one of those soulmates who make you wake up to the lessons you need to learn and the issues you need to fix in order to be happy/ier later down the line.

 

what lessons have you learnt from this guy and about yourself?

 

what things were brought up that felt uncomfortable? and what can you do to mend them?

 

what things do you want from your next relationship? (by identifying what was lacking in your last one with ex)

 

theres always a reason for something in this mad dance of the universe, even if it doesnt make sense to us at the time

[jaygirl]

what lessons have you learnt from this guy and about yourself?

 

I have learnt that there is no need to be a doormat to any body. no need to render any unneccesary help. no need to wrap yourself around any man. and no need to completely believe any body. No need to beg, no need to go the extra mile to make any man accept you.

 

 

what things were brought up that felt uncomfortable? and what can you do to mend them?

 

On my side,, i had trust issues. Email hacking and phone checking etc. that has to stop. i have learnt that there are certain things beyond my control. and i leave that to my Higher Power to take care of. i knwo he (God) wants the best for me, so i wouldnt try to change things myself or do any unnecessary investigation and hurt myself. I have also learnt that no one likes being policed.

 

 

 

what things do you want from your next relationship? (by identifying what was lacking in your last one with ex)

 

1. more expression. More effort from the mans side. I made 80 percent of the effort in my last relationship. this time, i wouldnt go out of my way to make plans, and i wouldnt be placed on hold til any man decides to figure out what he wants to do that weekend. If you dont call me, i definitely wont call you. you need to work hard if you cherish something.

 

2. He has to be on the same page that i am spiritually. i aint compromising no more. i am not a fanatic, but i believe there are some rules that should be adhered to morally.

 

3. No emotional baggage.

 

 

Those are things i have listed for now. i am sure as the day goes by the list would increase. lol

[violetka]

What have I learned:

I learned several things about myself:

1. I am still ready to sacrifice my plans and very important career goals for a guy. This has to stop. I need to be more independent. and more organized about myself.

2. I am still dependent on other people approval, allow myself to be blackmailed emotionally.

3. I do not trust my instincts enough. I knew something was wrong from the way he treated me.

4. I should make less compromises in a relationship and be more self confident, yet assert myself in a calm positive way, not overly emotional.

5.I should not allow anyone to disrespect me.

what made me uncomfortable:

I need to have more confidence and not to depend on other peoples approval. The only validation I need is from myself. But I am still far from achieving this.

 

What I learned about my partners:

In order to prevent future disappointments avoid dating and sleeping with someone you have recently met. Allow 3 months of friendship before dating.

1. it is important that there is chemistry

2. if he nonstop speaks about his ex girlfriend, this is a bad sign

3.if he is very persistent and intruding and all over you this does not mean he likes you, it means he ...does not ?!

if things are weird, it is not because he is interesting, or unpredictable or manly or proud or whatever...it means that he is just not that into me. If his ex girl is short and petite and I am tall and athletically built, there is no way i am his type physically , no matter how many other guys like me.

4. if he has different taste in music and movies and does not like reading books, there is no way there could be a nice relationship.

[1guygirl]

right on girls...

 

but you are missing something....

 

LISTEN TO YOUR GUT...IT IS PROBABLY TRYING TO TELL YA SOMETHING

 

 

[violetka]

* * * * it...i broke my almost week of total silence !!!! he texted me about my rats and i responded and i tried to answer as monosyllabully as possible but still answered and mentioned me being angry at him and myself. offff ....

[jenmar]

damnit.

i went two days

WHY did I message him.

 

i said this

I only wish I would have handled it differently, becaues now its like you hate me and you wont even speak to me.

 

crap crap crap

[violetka]

jenmar , at least yo are not the only one. we restart our counters. I am now determined to never speak to him, since he IS very very nice when i ignorehim and a complete @@@ when i do. i said the opposite : that i will not speak to a person that disrespects me.

[violetka]

He wrote to me : i bought this this and this for ur rats. I asked how much do i owe you, he said nothing, i just told yo so u do not waste money on buying it. i said ok ill pay u when i come to get them. then he started asking me how i am. i told him that i will speak only of rat-related stuff, and he started saying some things about the rats-teaching them to jump from high heights, knowing that i will freak out. basically then he started asking me why i do not want to go to his house blah blah. i told him he knows why, he told me he does not. now i feel sorry for myself again and keep crying.

[jenmar]

I feel so stupid. I must look so pathetic to him... he clearly wants nothing to do with me yet I text him anyways.. knowing he will never respond.

 

What a moron I am. ugh im so mad at myself!!! I could scream!