The eight week challenge - For the ladies

[squirl]

yeah that gaslighting is a red flag...my ex done it with me and tried to shift all responsibilty of his actions into something i made up or blew up. nah nah nahhhh *waves index finger*

 

dont be too hard on yaself...i think you have learnt some things fro this encounter, i think thats the only way we can learn sometimes from encounters aswell as the NC...its jus NC can sheild you to the extent you forget about the true colours

 

my FB status for the day is

 

"And I see your true colours shining...but they aint no beautiful rainbow sweetie"

 

i was gunna put

 

"I want a man...not a sorry excuse for one" but decided against it as its just giving too much over to ex...but made a good b*tch

 

Thank you 1guygirl.

 

The gaslighting is very weird. I am still figuring out what role I played in this, which is painful.

 

The bottom line is that the reason I decided to go NC was that my ex was very explicit in telling me that he would never want to have a relationship with me again. Yet he said that he wanted to be friends because not doing so would be a denial of the history we had together. I told him very clearly that I cannot be friends because I want more and not to contact me unless it is to talk about getting back together.

 

When I saw him last night he was angry and said that I don't want to talk to him or have anything to do with him. That is only true because he broke up and doesn't want to get back together. So it really is a classic example of him blaming it on me that he can't keep just the parts of me that he likes.

 

Anyway, back to me.

 

Days of NC: 0 (we collaborated on the article this morning)

 

I had a great workout at the gym and I got together with a very interesting new client on a new case I'm excited about. Tomorrow I'm starting Korean language class. Yay!

[violetka]

I am starting again day of nc 3. We have seen each other once, in which time i got my pets back and behaved well, excluding the fact that i hit him, when he tried to again persuade me to sleep with him. we have talked on skype three times, but not about much...I decided to try to keep nc again. Now is time for me and save and work on me

[uncomfynumb]

Well I am way beyond the eight weeks but I did want to post as I am rather proud that I have broken my own NC record of 16 days. The end of today will be day 18 of NC.

 

I've treated my situation a little differently, not caring as much about the reconcile but I am a little perturbed at myself for the LC. I just felt I needed more clarification, explanation, understanding or whatever for the way that he handled things. I held this guy in such high regard from an ethical standpoint and now I don't. I thought he was special. He promised he would always be honest, no matter how much it hurt. And I believed him...

 

Trying to understand how it might be hard for him to explain things and I still don't get it. He has been open to communicating and talking about all but that it seems...

 

I don't get it but to hell with it! Bring on the next .

[jenmar]

Today is day 5.

Feeling good. feeling good

My challenge isn't to see if he will change his mind and miss me.. its been 2 months since the break up

 

just wanting to do this for me so I heal

I guess my challenge is the NC ever again challenge LOL

[violetka]

well just broke nc to ask him a stupid question about some money that i owe him...but it was an excuse. I should stay strong! So I guess from this hour I am again ground 0 and start new counter

[uncomfynumb]

Today is day 5.

Feeling good. feeling good

My challenge isn't to see if he will change his mind and miss me.. its been 2 months since the break up

 

just wanting to do this for me so I heal

I guess my challenge is the NC ever again challenge LOL

 

And if he does?

 

He is not worthy of you. You put this guy up on some kind of pedastal and he is a jerk that doesn't deserve it AT ALL! And I guarantee that if you went back to him, you would end up in the same place all over again.

[Whistle]

Day 6 of NC

 

It hasn't really been that long since the breakup and we never had a proper goodbye, so I suppose it makes sense why I don't completely feel at peace. But frankly, at this point, I think this is for the best we don't speak again. For a long while. God knows we'll just fight if we talk.

 

I should stop caring he's not contacting me. I shouldn't care either if he gets back together with his ex-ex-girlfriend. I should just stop thinking of him all together. And just focus on myself.

 

It sucks, honestly, that I no longer have him to share inside jokes with or talk to, but you know, I'm just going to take it as a challenge to get to know more people and grow closer to them. Basically, just build up on having more friends.

 

I'm sincerely okay, I think. Better off, even. Just have to come into terms with the loss.

[jenmar]

And if he does?

 

He is not worthy of you. You put this guy up on some kind of pedastal and he is a jerk that doesn't deserve it AT ALL! And I guarantee that if you went back to him, you would end up in the same place all over again.

 

I know.. Trust me I know it wouldn't ever ever be the way it was the first couple months.. In my other thread.. my journal so to speak.. I am living in the fantasy world. I will be honest.. i sorta kinda hope that it would some how go back to that,

 

I do miss him, but not the real him, the fanstasy he created.

 

I am trying to think positivly.. trying to keep in mind I deserve better.. what helps me mst is i know my son deserves better

[marshmlofluff]

Squirl, you handled your meeting admirably.

 

When I saw him last night he was angry and said that I don't want to talk to him or have anything to do with him. That is only true because he broke up and doesn't want to get back together. So it really is a classic example of him blaming it on me that he can't keep just the parts of me that he likes.

 

Wow; that is not nice of him. So he doesn't owe you a relationship, but you still owe him a friendship?

 

Uh...I got some news for him.

[jaygirl]

Okay girls. so its day 30 strict NC. two missed calls from the ex one on day 14, one on day 26, and suddenly this evening, i go online, and i see an add contact request on yahoo messenger from the ex. I was in shock.

 

I didnt reply though. then i saw a text! It read:

 

Hi, I tried calling a while back. How's everything going. Things are pretty slow on my end. Just wanted to say hi.

 

That was all. I havent replied, i havent accepted or declined the yahoo request, nothing. I am off to pray.

[uncomfynumb]

Okay girls. so its day 30 strict NC. two missed calls from the ex one on day 14, one on day 26, and suddenly this evening, i go online, and i see an add contact request on yahoo messenger from the ex. I was in shock.

 

I didnt reply though. then i saw a text! It read:

 

Hi, I tried calling a while back. How's everything going. Things are pretty slow on my end. Just wanted to say hi.

 

That was all. I havent replied, i havent accepted or declined the yahoo request, nothing. I am off to pray.

 

I am so very proud of you!

 

So you don't want him back anymore?

[jaygirl]

I do, but I dunno, I guess I need to pray more. I don't want to be friendzoned! Nothing in d text implies wanting back. Or prob he's lonely. I dunno.

[Ms Darcy]

I do, but I dunno, I guess I need to pray more. I don't want to be friendzoned! Nothing in d text implies wanting back. Or prob he's lonely. I dunno.

 

Yeah, that message was a whole lot of nothing.

 

I see no reason to cut someone off if you don't mind being friends. But if you don't want to be friendzoned .... stay gone.

[squirl]

Squirl, you handled your meeting admirably.

 

Wow; that is not nice of him. So he doesn't owe you a relationship, but you still owe him a friendship?

 

Uh...I got some news for him.

 

Thank you for that succinct analysis.

 

My take is, yes he thinks he is owed a friendship. That is what his last ex gave him.

 

I always told him I don't believe in being friends with exes until both are recoupled. He just never listened, or never believed me. And that friendship is a big part of a relationship. Now that I have cut him off, he sees how much it sucks. So actually it is news to him.

 

I did tell him yesterday that the email I was referring to was the one from his boss where she joked about helping him shop for a new girlfriend (before we had broken up). He said I should learn to take a joke. I said, I get that you and she thought our relationship was a joke, but I do not have to find it funny. He said sorry, he does not think that is so.

 

Days of NC: 1

 

According to the NC challenge, we are supposed to write our feelings if there is contact. Feeling very disturbed and sad at our recent interactions. Yet somewhat happy to have collaborated and had the dialogue. Yes I still am attracted to and love him. Of course I loved seeing him in person. I will just have to work on my temper, and my bitterness, and maintain a safe distance.

[jenmar]

day 5 success.

on day 6 yay, im almost at a week, its getting easier!!

[jenmar]

I want to call him

I miss him right now.. Idk why

 

This sucks.

Its almost four weeks since I have last talked to him.... clearly I need to take a hint. and i got that hint.. its accepting that hint that is the problem

[jaygirl]

Day 31. i didnt reply any of the texts or the invitation. the day was okay.

[squirl]

Days of NC: 2

Weight: 128

Days since smoking: 1 (1/3 way there)

 

Mild stalking on Twitter and FB. Is it unfair for him to dump me and pick up chicks by complaining he is lonely? I cannot tell you how this doubles my pain and hurts my pride. I cannot control him, but it is hurtful to see. I need to stop looking at that.

 

Why oh why did I turn into a crazy b i t c h when I saw him? Right about now is when I feel the 8 weeks would be kicking in. I feel I blew it by being mean. Told my mother and she said, well you said you were sorry. And I did. I feel like crying whenever I think of it.

 

Telling myself, I am only human and I had plenty of cause to be hurt. He must know that. I need minimum 30 days to heal myself, overcome the roller coaster caused by nicotine withdrawal and not worry about what he does. 30 days for just me.

 

Today I worked on a new case, which was fun. I signed up for a 60-day fitness challenge. Korean class last night was fun.

 

Helped another client after class. This is a guy friend. Just a friend. At the end of the meeting, he insisted on walking me to my car. I tear up and cry at the small kindness. I'm not used to being treated like that by a guy. It is almost too much to bear.

 

There are better days ahead.

[Whistle]

Day 9 of NC

 

I'm actually pleased I'm nearing ten days of not contacting him, but I think I got set back today.

 

I know it was for laughs, but he joined this Facebook group called, "You liked her?! Ewwwwww." AND MAN, I KNOW I MAY BE OVERREADING, BUT CONSIDERING HOW RECENTLY WE JUST BROKE UP, THAT HURT. That hurt a lot. I know it's childish and I shouldn't care--but I guess I still do care.

 

And I just feel bad that he won't miss me because his ex-ex-girlfriend, his best friend, will always be there.

 

I hate realizing I might be his GIGS-girl and I just totally was not greener. Maybe this is just my pride speaking. But gyah, I feel so 'gyah.' I just can't find the words.

 

I just want to stop hurting and remember how to be happy again. Brain, can't you just cooperate?

[jaygirl]

Day 32. Still didn't reply my ex or accept his messenger request.

 

Then he sends another message today:

 

Hi, I need to see you.

 

Then another: hi, I have been trying to contact you for a couple of weeks. How are you doing? I will need to get into your place this weekend. And I need to see you. Can we arrange something?

 

That was the text. He has his luggage in my former appartment, , so I am guessing that's what he need s to collect. but I dunno abt the seeing me part. Phew. I dunno.

[jules813]

Day 32. Still didn't reply my ex or accept his messenger request.

 

Then he sends another message today:

 

Hi, I need to see you.

 

Then another: hi, I have been trying to contact you for a couple of weeks. How are you doing? I will need to get into your place this weekend. And I need to see you. Can we arrange something?

 

That was the text. He has his luggage in my former appartment, , so I am guessing that's what he need s to collect. but I dunno abt the seeing me part. Phew. I dunno.

 

 

Wow, sounds like you're doing great. Any way you can leave his things with someone else so you can avoid seeing him?

[jaygirl]

yeah i can do that. i dont even want to reply him because that is breaking NC , but i guess i have to, since he has found a reason to make me reply. I would text him:

 

hi, you can go and get your luggage there. My key would be with Catherine (my neigbour). thanks.

 

Then i would continue with NC.

What do you guys think

By the way, where did all this strength come from?

[jules813]

yeah i can do that. i dont even want to reply him because that is breaking NC , but i guess i have to, since he has found a reason to make me reply. I would text him:

 

hi, you can go and get your luggage there. My key would be with Catherine (my neigbour). thanks.

 

Then i would continue with NC.

What do you guys think

By the way, where did all this strength come from?

 

 

You could even take it a step further and ask someone (maybe Catherine) to give him a call to let him know she has his things. You don't want to put anyone in a bad spot but if you don't want to break NC, that might be better.

 

If you do decide to text, that message sounds about right!

 

And the strength has always been there

[jaygirl]

thanks Jules. I would send the text. but would absolutely not reply any followups

[uncomfynumb]

jaygirl,

 

Jules has a great idea and she is right about your inner strength. You are doing great!