The eight week challenge - For the ladies

[nanana]

Why did you split up? Do you wwant reconciliation? Maybe we can help each other out! I'm tempted to phone but I know he doesn't want to hear from me. Are you coping well?

[jaygirl]

Just like uncomfy's first post said. he didnt think he would want to commit to me.

[1guygirl]

nanan are u my sister? lol

 

he still has my flasks, and his whole load in my house. he said he wouldnt collect them unless he sees me! since he wants us to be friends. i have a plan to drop them at his friends house next month though. they will pass the message accross to him.

 

lets make it work sweetie. day four too

 

nanan and jaygirl...this is what is known as BEING HELD TO RANSOM...your stuff is their bargaining chips, if you can live without it or it can be replaced, then cut it loose and regain your power. My ex ex did this, he even held my sons christmas presents ransom on christmas day so id go and see him (i didnt, i sent my big baaadd bruv over to scare his sorry arse) . when we really split up, cos he binned me pregnant for another woman, ah THEN my possesions were as worthless as me and he got rid of my pets and cds and brand new treadmill and everything

 

cut em loose if you can...and let it be a lesson to keep valuables like keepsakes elsewhere or in a place that if you do leave you can quickly take them with you EDIT: or even better...jus dont go out with knobs who have the pathetic capacity to withold your own stuff from you - yeah that would be better advice DOH

[kbh]

I find that so interesting. ALL of my serious bfs (three) have been left handed. I never knew before starting to have feelings for them.. but they have all ended with them breaking up with me.... I must be attracted to the energy of leftys.... Sounds like I need to choose a right handed man since I can't seem to get it right with the lefts!

 

Thanks for posting this

[jaygirl]

Day 5. Not too bad. I feel sad when I think of him, but that's just it. Trying my best to be strong and focus on other things.

[uncomfynumb]

I'm day eight of NC; I had emailed him last week when because of the Outlook message. He emailed me back an explanation but I haven't responded. I'm actually proud of myself for that.

 

tomorrow will be 8 weeks since the break up. I'm not waiting for him, I never was. Of course I would like for him to call me because a part of me feels like he never cared and that hurts. I really thought he was the one at one point. So yes, there is some residual disappointment still but not so bad. I'm pretty happy in general and I'm forever hopeful and optimistic about my future.

 

The book has helped me learn a little bit more about men and about myself and I'm glad for that regardless. And I feel that I'm a better person now because of this relationship and my heart is open and ready to love and be loved.

[jaygirl]

Went to our bookstore.....didnt find the book there. i keep reading small excerpts i see online though.

 

Day5.....what to do what to do , what to do

[jaygirl]

Day six. NC. My brother was asking me what has been making me look very happy in the last seven days. I didn't know I had been looking happy. Was shocked. I am really praying my ex doesn't contact me. Cos I know that it sets me back.

[sadheart2010]

well iam back on NC again.....Day 1......hopefully ill be able to say Day 30 .....soon

[Saudade]

We broke up 2 weeks ago...I asked for NC but yesterday i broke it with Bday email msg. I kept it simple. 'Happy Bday. Hope you have a good one' Did I ruin the chances (if there is one) for him miss me and think to get back together?

[quirky]

Saudade - You're not NC for long, it is normal to still send a text for his birthday, I know it feels too soon to act like a stranger. Best to stay NC from now on so he can really miss your presence.

 

The 8 week thing. First time I split up from my ex he called within 6 weeks. Second time we split up he called in 2 weeks (just to confuse me and then we reiterated the breakup) then after that 7 weeks (confused me again) and now 9 weeks. Maybe there's something to the 8 week idea. I left because of immaturity and lack of commitment from his part, I lost my trust. He could easily think it was my time to approach considering how many times I've left but it goes to show, they know deep inside what they are offering. He could think I'm difficult and arrogant but in reality through my actions I have been true to myself and he sees that. And I think that reinforces respect from their end, knowing that you'd rather be without him and be true to your needs.

[jaygirl]

day six has ended! ex didnt contact me. i am glad i removed him from messenger......i thought of him today, but not as much as the other times. A friend of mine who got dump exactly the same time (three thirty pm same day) as i did called to say she had met someone new! quite happy for her, even though i am not looking for a relationship yet, but i would start opening my doors to at least make friends.

[jaygirl]

day seven.

 

I dreamt about him all night. we went to see a movie, then went for icecream at my favorite place, then spent the night together!

 

Anyway that was a dream. today is a new day. today is a new day

[uncomfynumb]

Often times we think that the one that we love is "the one." Unfortunately if the feeling is not mutual then we become stuck. How can we feel so much and they not feel it too?

 

I think it is ok for anyone, male or female, to go through a period of uncertainity, especially when the relationship has progressed to engagement. Of course it is not the ideal but again I think it is ok. However there does come a time when the uncertainity of another means that they are not "the one." So then this challenge is put that uncertainity to the test.

 

Just know this: If they do not come back, it is truly for the best, and the best thing that could happen to you. All of us deserve someone that is going to love us and cherish us and be there til the end. So at the end of 8 weeks if you are single, just know that you are so much better off being free to find someone, to fall in love with the person that is really right for you, that feels the same way that you do.

 

So then, this is not so much a challenge but a journey to personal fullfillment, no matter what happens in the end. Try and look at it that way, as your journey. Keep on keeping on!

 

((hugs))

 

P.S. I danced my heart out tonight and I did not think of my ex once this evening until I came home and decided to check out ENA.

 

It really is all good. Keep that positive attitude and life as well as love will find you I promise!

[jaygirl]

Nice. i know that by eight weeks, i wouldnt feel this bad. definitely i wont. But u know, sometimes, for eg when i read posts of people who didnt do NC i.e remained friends and got back together, i cant help but think: hope i am not ruining my chances? you know!

 

But however, what ever will be will be. if he is mine we would be together, no matter the route. if not, i wiill meet someone else.

[jaygirl]

Arrrrrgh! you know times like this........so many things are just running thru my head on why i should break nc. I have got to fight this feeling! arghhh

[sadheart2010]

NC day 2 and its not easy to do it again,but we all have to go through this i am proud that i didnt email or text or call him.

[uncomfynumb]

Nice. i know that by eight weeks, i wouldnt feel this bad. definitely i wont. But u know, sometimes, for eg when i read posts of people who didnt do NC i.e remained friends and got back together, i cant help but think: hope i am not ruining my chances? you know!

 

If you are friends with your ex, he will never get to experience the loss of you. If you are friends with your ex, you will stay emotionally attached to him.

 

You were his friend PLUS his lover. If he can't love you enough after that, do you think he is going to love more being just friends?

 

So you are friends and then he starts feeling like he wants to have sex with you again. Now you are right back where you are now.

 

And the majority of posts where the dumpee stayed friends with the ex DID NOT work out. NC is the best option all around for bringing them back and moving on.

 

And remember, if there is such a strong tie of friendship there, 8 weeks is not going to sever that. Years wouldn't for that matter.

[Saudade]

Today I got a reply from him for the Bday greeting email. It took him 1 day to reply.

He kept it simple. He said he knew I dont want to hear from him but he wanted to thank me and said he really appreciated for hearing from me. And mention he was going to ask his sister to bring back the rest of my stuff and I d give his. (yeh when I asked for NC I also said I d prefer to deal with his sister about exchanging stuff) He also said he hope things were going well with me (argh!!! Im hurt, you dumb@**) and that my midterm went well.

 

I must say that it hurt me a lot. It was the first time I ve got an email from him like this. So impersonal! But I wasnt expecting to hear anything different though like e.i'I miss you' . It just made me realize that I cant deal with him right now, not even through emails. We cant be friends right now. Maybe down the road.

 

I am not gonna reply it. It makes me feel worse. Im gonna stick with NC. I will wait for his sister to contact me.

 

This breakup is making me realize so many things about relationship that I ve never really paid attention. For example what is my real relationship standards, what i expect from a guy. It is just not about being in love and make the other person happy. We gotta compromise in some aspects but NEVER forgetting about yourself. NEVER. I am sure once Im healed I will be stronger and wiser. I will be leaving this behind and will be happy with or without someone.

 

This how I am feeling now...I am not sure for next hour (I am experiencing a roller coaster of emotions still.

[jaygirl]

If you are friends with your ex, he will never get to experience the loss of you. If you are friends with your ex, you will stay emotionally attached to him.

 

You were his friend PLUS his lover. If he can't love you enough after that, do you think he is going to love more being just friends?

 

So you are friends and then he starts feeling like he wants to have sex with you again. Now you are right back where you are now.

 

And the majority of posts where the dumpee stayed friends with the ex DID NOT work out. NC is the best option all around for bringing them back and moving on.

 

And remember, if there is such a strong tie of friendship there, 8 weeks is not going to sever that. Years wouldn't for that matter.

 

 

Uncomfy, thanks so much for this post. you dont know how much it made me feel much better. you do truly have a great point here! thanks.

[jaygirl]

So, today i also did some thinking about my ex. maybe its to early to start wondering if he was actually 'all that' , but i guess during a break up you have you ups and downs. My ex was a very laid back person, and i guess that prompted me to act like a mother to him. Thru out our relationship, i was always doing things for him, trying to make him very comfortable.

 

For example, he was looking for a new job while working somewhere. But he would never ever apply for any. whenever he saw one he would keep postponing. I opened a new email address for him and started helping him apply. Every night i would sit up till late, browsing for available jobs, apply, and then forward him the application. Pls note that i am co-dependent, but his case was special. he lost his job eighteen months after we started dating. so i invited him to move in with me because he had no money.....

 

It was crazy. i was cooking, feeding, making him very happy, with all my savings. But he would lie at home all day and play computer games! and when i got back from work, i would start cooking again, and then help him apply for more jobs. This went on for the whole six months he stayed out of a job. I finished my savings, and at the end of that period, he was owing me a thousand dollars. at one point in time i got angry, because he was just too laid back. But i guess God helped him, someone he knew called him up, and he got a very fabulous job!

 

last week when we saw, he was telling me how he missed my 'helping attitude!'. He is still laid back. i was wondering today, what happens if we get married and he lost his job, and we had kids and all that, would he still lie at home all day? i dunno. i just thought of it today as one of the negative things in our relationship. He was just to laid back! and i was too co-dependent. it wasnt my job to make him happy or live as if he was my God.

 

Anyway, just had to vent. writing it out made me feel much better. sometime we refuse to see the obvious!

[uncomfynumb]

You're welcome jaygirl. I'm glad to read that you and others are doing better and feeling stronger.

[amber12]

I am so glad that I came accross this thread. I posted a few days ago about me and my recent ex. To make a long story short we only dated 2 months. He wanted to immediately be together, he told me he loved me, we hubgout constantly, and he even went as far as booking a vacation in a few months for us and paying for it. At the time he was POSITIVE how strong his feelins were for me. Well even though we were moving so fast (we met eacchothers families) it just felt so right on both our ends. He kept pushing and being so affectionate and wonderful. Then the last 2 weeks of our relationship he began acting distant. I went away to Texas on vacation and he hardly contacted me. It was like a switch turned off. He is 30 years old and he has told me that in his past he broke up with women after 2 months bc he just didn't feel the same way etc. I asked him how can you book a vacation when you know how your relationships don't really last and he explained because with me it's different.

 

When I came back from vacation it was obvious he was created distance between us, so I confronted him. I asked him what was wrong? He basically explained I didn't do anything but his feelings changed. He felt that he should have missed me more then he did miss me and he is questioning his emotions. I mentioned to him that if people analyzed how they WERENT feeling all the time then they wouldn't allow temselves to actually fall in love. I explained that he's repeating his past pattern and he acknowledges he doesn't know what's wrong with him. I basically walked out not understand how he cam go from caring so much to no longer wanting to be together.

 

That was one week ago. He ended up contacting me today on myspace wishing me good luck on my new job this week and giving me advice since we hVe the same career. He writes me like nothing ever happened!! Is he kidding me? I pretended it wasn't me and said it was my sister who as the one who introduced us too begin with. He tells my sister the reason y we aren't together is because of his job. (which is total bull * * * * and is an excuse) he says he has to concentrate on his job and having a gf is distracting, meanwhile it's the same job he had when he was soooo into me so it's def an excuse.

 

Anyway the point of me writing this is to ask these questions. That book that this thread is based on, does the author give a time frame the couple has to be dating for the 8 week challenge? In other words, we only dated for 2 months which isn't long at all, so does the 8 week challenge still apply or the liklihood of him missing me unlikely bc we didn't date for long? Can people till miss someone drastically if they only dated for 2 months? I refuse to contact him and I never will. I just don't understand why he contacted me today to wish me luck! Is he crazy?! I'm not saying I'd ever be with him again but was wondering if the author mentionspeople who didn't date for long.

[jaygirl]

Welcome girls. please join us. the more the merrier.........

 

today is day 8. strict NC. its still morning so i hope the day gets better as it goes!!

[crymeout]

Hey guys and girls, i am now on DAY 34....

 

and wow has it been a journey.... i guess i am no longer on the 8 week challenge really as i no longer want him back OMG did i just say that? lol

i have been thinking and i deserve better and so does my son.

It just isnt worth getting upset over, hes the one i feel sorry for as he has lost an amazing girlfriend. he will see that and he will be back im sure at some point, but im afraid i feel its too late for that now.

ive been working on myself and it sure does help, feel better about yourself, go out with friends do things that take your mind off the situation and then eventually u come to the conclusion that well you really aren't missing out on anything in fact you are living and growing stronger by the day and thats got to be a good thing.

 

so well i will still be doing NC but im no longer doing it in a hope he will come back i am doing it because its the best thing for me and my son right now to heal and move on and look towards a bright future...

lifes precious dont waste it and take it for granted live your life, a day spent moping is a day wasted a day you cant get back, if you look at it like that, make yourself think more positively and then if they come back you are a stronger person and in total control over what YOU want.......after all it isnt about THEM, its all about US and what WE can do to make US feel better and happy.....

 

hang in there guys, whatever you doing the 8 week challenge for im sure it will turn out for the best, i know for me i am already feeling positive and feel i can move on now and stop dwelling on the past..

 

wish u all the best... keep smiling