crymeout Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 and get the book GETTING TO I DO, as recommended by uncomfynumb, well its helped me wonders, i have not finished it yet but what i have read so far is so inspiring and it defiantly makes you think and feel different about relationships and it really can help heal you....GREAT BOOK Link to comment
jaygirl Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 and get the book GETTING TO I DO, as recommended by uncomfynumb, well its helped me wonders, i have not finished it yet but what i have read so far is so inspiring and it defiantly makes you think and feel different about relationships and it really can help heal you....GREAT BOOK Grrrrrrr. not seen the book anywhere here:sad: Link to comment
1guygirl Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 I LOVE THIS POST....you rock!! Link to comment
amber12 Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 Wow, no one acknowledged what I wrote. Any thoughts? Link to comment
1guygirl Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 Wow, no one acknowledged what I wrote. Any thoughts? it dont matter you were dating for two months...if you feel you could benefit from this challenge then by all mean climb aboard...with a guy like that you need to put you first instead of him jus claiming to. them men are toxic and only serve themselves, before serving to erode your self esteem and worth talk is cheap, actions speak louder than words... Link to comment
crymeout Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 JAYGIRL you can get this book on ebay thats where i got mine if you cant buy it in your country, or try amazon..... i got mine second had so didnt pay much for it which was good always good to recycle 1GUYGIRL.....thanks i rock haha...... i will still pop on here and im still doing the challenge but for healing not getting him back. If he does come back i guess i will deal with that then, but the way i am feeling right now and i feel like im in a good place, i wouldnt have him back to destroy me and pull down my self esteme.... keep at it guys if i can do it, you can xx Link to comment
crymeout Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 Hey AMBER.... Im sorry your going through this. Its horrible no matter how long you have been together, if you love this person then the pain is still as hard on you as if you were in a long lasting relationship. I dont think its more to do with how long really, i think if he genuinely misses you and cares about you then he will be back. If you shared special time together he wont just forget them times, things will remind him and so on thats the way it works. I was with my ex 3 years and we had so many ups and downs and he too spoilt me rotten and took me on holiday, to the Maldives and he paid. He said he would always love me and that hes never felt this way about anyone. This xmas just gone he brought me expensive gifts one which was engraved with our names and kisses. And then a month later he ends it, saying he doesnt feel the same, doesnt love me like a bf should and also said he never misses me when he goes back to work and so he keeps realising that i am not the one for him. i dwelled on it for ages you can read my posts on here, i was a mess. But now i have come to the conclusion that i needed to work on myself. I felt so spoilt and loved then when he went away i felt lost and unloved and not good enough...well he did that to me by not being honest with his feelings, and who wants to love someone that can make you feel like that, i know i dont, i know i deserve much more than that, and infact its him that doesnt deserve me. if he didnt love me anymore which doesnt happen over night he must have know for a while, he should never have spoilt me with gifts and fill me with broken promises which in turn where all lies as he left, so i now know he didnt mean them. i cannot forget that and i cannot now forgive. i suggest you do the same, move on work on yourself,forget him.make yourself feel better. You are worth more than any guy that wants to shower you with affection and then turn their back on you. Tell yourself its hos loss, not yours because you would never have done them things to him so you know he lost a diamond and people like that are hard to find now a days. Hes clearly taken you for granted and he thinks thats ok, well its NOT ok, and you have to see that and be the better person. you deserve someone that will not turn there back on you when they feel the spark isnt there anymore, you deserve a person that is willing to make things work and work on problems that arise not run for the hills. You deserve a person that will love you and spoil you if they wish but are sincear when doing so and not doing it for the sake of it. like they say actions do speak louder than words.Anyone can say they love you and they have never felt this way about anyone. But he left and well right now i know its hard to say but that says alot about how he truly feels about you. now in time he may change and he may miss you and realise what a nob hes been (excuse my french)but right now he doesnt want to be with you. so work on you hun, trust it will get better concentrate on things that make you feel good, and in time you will slowly forget about thinking about him. before i was thinking of my exs every darn second of the day, it got em down so much other things in my life started to fall down around me. Then i thought to myself IS HE EVEN WORTH THIS, is he worth this pain i am going through, is he worth it to let me mess up everything i am trying to achieve and work towards in life, and my answer was NO..... the way he lied and broke my heart makes him the one i feel sorry for because i KNOW he has lost a DIAMOND and seriously he can go and collect the STONES which he craves so much thinking the grass is greener, but deep down i KNOW he will never find another ME. And in time he will remember how good i treated him and how i never let him down and was loyal till the end and he will regret that choice he made to leave my life.... but right now I SMILE, and i SMILE because i DESERVE TO....you should too... if i can do it so can you sweety hang in there time is a healer and seriously things do get better Link to comment
uncomfynumb Posted March 22, 2010 Author Share Posted March 22, 2010 Crymeout, I'm amazed at your turn around and glad to see you positive and confident again. You do rock! Link to comment
marshmlofluff Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 Crymeout, I am also amazed and proud of you! Don't feel bad if you still have bad days btw...sometimes I have also felt like I was totally over it and then had a day that felt almost like the first week. Him calling really sent me into turmoil. But boy are you making progress. First you stuck to your NC, and then after a little while you started being angry with him, and then I had a feeling it wasn't too long before you would make some huge step. Link to comment
1guygirl Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 1GUYGIRL.....thanks i rock haha...... i will still pop on here and im still doing the challenge but for healing not getting him back. If he does come back i guess i will deal with that then, but the way i am feeling right now and i feel like im in a good place, i wouldnt have him back to destroy me and pull down my self esteme.... keep at it guys if i can do it, you can xx you story sounds like mine... ex making me feel on top of the world then bringing me down and making me feel not good enough. i start this challenge tomorrow as its day 30 NC and 8 weeks since split...and i am gunna be well in for it for the next 26 days Link to comment
crymeout Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 Thanks guys i hope i dont have anymore bad days but i know i prob will at some point. But for now seriously i feel like f@~k him, im worth more. Its not like no other guys dont take notice of me because they do. And now i am working on myself and making myself feel better after all them put me downs he threw my way, i am starting to feel great about things. i dotn plan on getting into another relationship but i am enjoying going to the gym, swimming,sunbeds,saunas, going out my with friends more (nights out) and basically doing more to keep myself busy on the days i am not working. This has helped a great deal. I am still very angry at him like i said. he let me down not once not twice but 3 times.... now i would be a total fool to take him back after that. I feel he feels the grass is greener, well let him think that,and when he doesnt and he realises what he let go i just wont be there for him nomore. i am actually enjoying pampering myself at the moment lol sod any man trying to make me feel liek crap again, i have no room in my heart for any of that right now... hope your all doing well, you have all been such a great support to me and ive had some terrible days as you know....i think i am ok to move on now, to stop with the thinking and to concentrate on me and my son, because we are all that matters, our health and well being...... love u all Link to comment
amber12 Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Thank you CRYMEOUT for taking the time and giving me such wonderful advice. I am so sorry to hear of what that man did to you and you 100% deserve better. There are many good men out there and unfortunately we have to go through the pieces of * * * * before we get to the gold. (sorry for the language) I am honestly so tired of these mind games men play. I also understand that psychologically men are different than women but we all know right from wrong and there are certain things that they shouldnt say or do because of how hurtful it is. What is the psychology of men giving up on their relationships? What makes them say to themselves, I no longer want this person in my life? I wanted to update you on what happened recently. It has been a week since we have broken up. He contacted me on FB through instant messenger telling me "good luck with your new job and reward the children for good behavior blah blah". We both have the same career; however, he has been doing it for years and I am just starting so he was trying to be nice and give me advice. IS HE CRAZY?! After what he put me through adn did to me he is now acting like my friend and pretending like we never dated? This hurt me and honestly I didn't speak to him. My sister and his are friends (thats how we met) and she didnt get a chance to talk to him about how she felt and this was a perfect opportunity for her. She just explained to him that what he did baffled her mind and that it makes no sense. She explained how I was hesitant in dating him in the first place and she made him out to be this wonderful guy and he disappointed her. His response to her was (dont tell me this) but it has a lot to do with his job and how he started slacking and doesnt have time for a gf (which are lies bc we started dating when he had the same job) My sister mentioned to him that I wasnt asking for much of his time and that I had told her the reason why we broke up was because he didnt feel the same way. He explained that this could be something he could work on but for now he has to concentrate on his job solo. BULL * * * * ! Thats besides the point. Anyway, what is the point in contacting me ? Seriously? He is no longer my boyfriend and there should be no reason for him to want to give me advice any longer. II am glad that he wasnt able to speak to me bc that was his ultimate intention and he didnt get what he wanted even if it was just to wish me luck. Any ideas? Link to comment
1guygirl Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 ok im officially IN ive done 30 days nc...do i carry on from this or start from scratch on this thread? lol anyway...cant be arsed going into details over ex, mabes if he contacts i will but for now, nah hes not worth the bandwidth. i still have feelings for him, but hes done alot of damage too. i love him but i love me MORE hey girls...i am also working out but ive found summit even better...hows about giving yourself a facelift naturally for the price of a book or dvd?? ive been doing it for a few days and my tired look/puffy eyes/hollows are actually improving...its amazing and dont take long, just been doing the exercises that matter for me once a day the woman of the book is called carole maggio facercise...shes on youtube also. i love her attitude too, shes so funny in the book and started this when her now ex hubby said she was looking old...ha...now shes minted and looks amazing for 65!! ...talk about revenge hehe Link to comment
jaygirl Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 lol. off to search for the facexercise. i want to look younger.......... day ten. i am gradually feeling better, i hope this lasts, i have lesser episodes of the high and lows. and i am so praying the ex doesnt call. cos i think seeing his number or text might set me back a bit..... Link to comment
uncomfynumb Posted March 23, 2010 Author Share Posted March 23, 2010 I feel the girl power on this thread!! Sending my love and hugs to all! Link to comment
1guygirl Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 lol. off to search for the facexercise. i want to look younger.......... day ten. i am gradually feeling better, i hope this lasts, i have lesser episodes of the high and lows. and i am so praying the ex doesnt call. cos i think seeing his number or text might set me back a bit..... yeah and carole maggio does non lipo lipo...really good too! this womans a god send lol! anyway yeah know what you mean bout ex texting ya...i KNOW it would set me back...not having a good day today, i wanna be over him but hes still there in every bloody thought...argh.... Link to comment
truebeauty Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Ok Here's my story........ I'm a 34 year old women, I left my husband 10 years ago, my goal when I left my husband was to focus on my daughter and career, I dated one man out of town for 7 years after my separation...then the time came and I was ready for more, ready to meet someone special to start a life with..... So I started dating and met a wonderful man on January of 2009, we started a relationship immediately (he was 39 and left his wife of 17 years about 6 months before we met, he has no children)..........We had a wonderful connection very deep intimacy level and just an over all beautiful relationship, we took a lot of dance classes together and would go out dancing on the weekends (dancing not partying), we spent every night together, had plans of buying a home together (I even sold mine so we could do this), and really having a great life together...we share very similiar life styles, both very ambitious and strong individuals.........I thought without a doubt he was the one......now leading to the first break-up... Dec 18th, he called me in the morning, telling me how much he loves me, has all my x-mas gifts wrapped, can't wait to pick me up after work and go for dinner etc..... spoke to him 2 other times that day all before noon........he was always saying the same things that day............the afternoon, no little I love you notes nothing...........40 minutes before he was suposed to pick me up from work (my daughter had my car) I get an email to my work email, telling me our lives are going in different directions...........I was completely devastated, crushed, wanted to die you name it I felt it, to receive something like that at work, I immediately started sobbing....I'm a professional working woman....(I never seen this coming, there was no breakdown, or distance in the relationship, it was a very tight well working relationship).......and I lost it at my desk, he would not answer his phone, I was completely distraugt......With amazing friends and lots of wine, I managed to get through the holidays......he left the city over the holidays (coward).....January 1st I show up at his doorstep and I rake him over the coals for about 6 hours............a few days later he wants to make things work with me again..........just in case your thinking it's because he couldn't afford to buy gifts or something, it's not, he has a good job and no expense was ever spared........ Jan 11, My birthday, he gives me a beautiful card, bakes me a cake, and gives me a beautiful diamond/saphire necklace.........and on our anniversary he gives me the matching earrings...........with another beautiful card......telling me how he wants me in his life forever, the whole nine yards...... February 13th, lol, I know.........Holiday heartbreaker....he doesn't deserve such a romantic title! he tells me he just can't do it anymore, he isn't ready for me, he said your ready for forever and I don't want a permanent relationship now..........so after a couple hours of talking I leave, but I'm ok, I told him when I went back in January that I was only here because I know i'll have to leave again................I just felt it.............he knows my schedules where Im at when I'm there.........I asked him to avoid all locations during times he knows I'm there..... One week after we break up, where is he? getting groceries at the same time I always do.............we talk for over an hour at the grocery store......he wants to hug me, I push him away, he rubs my hand for 5 minutes in stead...........I'm tearing up in the store, I asked if we could go somewhere and talk, he says no...........we part ways..........when I seen him there I asked him about being online dating since I seen a profile I knew was his and he denied it....I told him if thats what he needs to date others that it's ok and he can be honest and real with me.......he told me to go home and message them, so I set up a profile and messaged him..........he knew it was me and just kept it rather funny so I would never know it was him.........but I still had that gut feeling........so I set up another profile and just waited......sure enough within 3 days he was messaging this new woman.....I played with it for a couple of emails........I found out that he couldn't stand me for lying to him about having one cigarette, and that my car is messy.....I only played that way for 2 days, then I got rid of the profile and him..... then on March 11th, we run into each other again, pure coincidence......we talk again, I'm teary, he's teary..........he says to me "look at what I'm buying".........(it was a statue of two people dancing, meaning the dancing him and I did) I rolled my eyes and said whats that mean to you.......he says it means a lot of love, joy, fun, and the best year of my life.........I said to him it was your choice, he said I need to remember and remember all of it, I just need to! So NC since March 11th, I miss him like crazy. None of it makes sense to me, the only thing that might make sense is that he is unstable or very very cruel........ Turns out I he would break up with his wife at holidays and special occasions and he did that to her for 10 years....... but he seems to have it so together so stable, lives a good life....all of it....... Right now I would love him to come back but at the same time i don't want him to as I know it would be absolutely wonderful then he would do it to me again............. Any Advice or thoughts? Link to comment
1guygirl Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 im not in a good place myself tonight...but one thing that springs up is the fact he did it to his wife for 17 years...this is a big red flag this is something pathological...but i am sooo sorry you have been caught up in this and he has broke you. them unseen blindsliders are the worst, they can break even the strongest women...my heart is with you and im praying that you have strength to keep going and NC this twa+ into oblivion xxx Link to comment
truebeauty Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Well I've just learned in the last week, that he did it to his wife for many years, it kind of helped me push him out of my head a bit, and to think it wasn't me being crazy, and lieing about having a cigarette.........those are not deal breakers........... He was doing a good job of breaking me. In January after I went back, he said to me, I couldn't get my head around how incredibly strong you were, he said now I'm seeing this much softer weaker side and I love it so much more...........that statement never sat well with me...... I Love him, and I wished there was something more, but I know I have to avoid him and just move on, he is the man that can break me into a million pieces... I found this site yesterday and wow I read a lot, it was really nice to hear that others are going through the same thing I am.... Link to comment
marshmlofluff Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Truebeauty, hon, my heart goes out to you--your story deserves its own thread, plus some. Link to comment
truebeauty Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Thanks Marshmlofluff! I'm doing well, but I have my moments, and they are getting fewer and fewer.......it's just hard...........I feel so stupid that I thought it was so perfect and that I could let someone do that to me not once but twice..... I read the 8 week thingy, and in some sick way it gave me some hope, but I don't want him back, even though I do, I know I don't, because he'll do it again if I give him the opportunity! Link to comment
violetka Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 No contact, no seeing him. The problem is that we have the same circle of friends. Does that mean, that I should stop going to parties, where he will be? Day 1. (broke it off 2 days ago) My first day is going well. although I keep thinking about him and feeling very very very angry !!! I hate him I hate myself and I want to punish him. The sad truth is that he is out there having fun and enjoying himself, and i am stuck with my negative sad emotions. Link to comment
marshmlofluff Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Hey, I'm at 9.5 weeks. Where's the thread for 8-week alumni? Link to comment
jaygirl Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 day ten here. seems i skipped a count. anyway its day ten here. no news.just getting on with life. i miss him once in a while. Link to comment
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