The eight week challenge - For the ladies

[Loxxt]

Interesting article.

 

Had to go back and count.. at 9 weeks I broke NC to ask him to fwd his mail and he went on about meeting as friends and wanting my support as he's leaving for the army EVEN THOUGH I made it very clear in our previous contact it was all or nothing with me. No seeing each other "just cuz".

[jaygirl]

So i had a major set back today. I decided to go and collect my stuff from my ex......maybe just an excuse to visit him. i got to his house, and he invited me in, and we got talking and all that, and then before i knew it we were hugging and kissing and as usual we ended up in bed.

 

After the sex, we then started talking about the relationship, he said he had missed me, he was very bored and lonely and always needed someone to talk to. and he really wants me back, but is still not ready for marriage, and doesnt even want to think about marriage for now. And then i messed up.........i started the water works again. This is just all so messed up.

[uncomfynumb]

So i had a major set back today. I decided to go and collect my stuff from my ex......maybe just an excuse to visit him. i got to his house, and he invited me in, and we got talking and all that, and then before i knew it we were hugging and kissing and as usual we ended up in bed.

 

After the sex, we then started talking about the relationship, he said he had missed me, he was very bored and lonely and always needed someone to talk to. and he really wants me back, but is still not ready for marriage, and doesnt even want to think about marriage for now. And then i messed up.........i started the water works again. This is just all so messed up.

 

Whoa girl! You went from NC to sex!

[Ms Darcy]

i got to his house, and he invited me in, and we got talking and all that, and then before i knew it we were hugging and kissing and as usual we ended up in bed.

 

After the sex, he said he had ... is still not ready for marriage, and doesnt even want to think about marriage for now. And then i messed up.........i started the water works again.

 

Ex sex, still not 'ready', and tears. Yup, sounds like a set back. Sorry you are going through this. Does this answer any questions for you?

[jaygirl]

@uncomfymnb, don't laugh....am not really happy. It was a disaster. When he said it, I told him I wanted to think about it, and then he said he had changed his mind and thought it over, that we shld be friends.

 

And he gave one long speech about how he doesn't want this and how he really wished we were in a different society and culture where marriage wasn't the most important thing....

 

Anyway I cried and cried, and begged, but after a while I stopped. Enough is enough. After six weeks of the breakup, I think its time I move on with my life. He said we shld be best friends.....

 

Anyway, that's it. Finally deleted him off everything. I am ready to move on.

[uncomfynumb]

I'm not laughing at you baby, but that was completely opposite of what you wrote earlier.

 

I feel like I've messed up breaking NC with my emails but I'm actually proud of myself that is all I've done. And I didn't even email him back after he emailed me the other day even though I had some questions and some smart alec comments about his junk mail folder.

 

Anyway, I'm sending a big cyber hug your way even though I'm a bit jealous that you got some and I didn't. I was telling my GF last night that I have not had sex since January and she held me for a minute she felt so bad for me...

 

I met with my attorney today and I could hardly concentrate on what he was saying because I was looking at his hands and imagining what they might feel like and then I got to wondering about other parts of his body...

 

I'm a mess.

[Ms Darcy]

@uncomfymnb, don't laugh....am not really happy. It was a disaster. When he said it, I told him I wanted to think about it, and then he said he had changed his mind and thought it over, that we shld be friends.

 

And he gave one long speech about how he doesn't want this and how he really wished we were in a different society and culture where marriage wasn't the most important thing....

 

Anyway I cried and cried, and begged, but after a while I stopped. Enough is enough. After six weeks of the breakup, I think its time I move on with my life. He said we shld be best friends.....

 

Anyway, that's it. Finally deleted him off everything. I am ready to move on.

 

Good for you. He's answered your questions; now you have your closure.

[jaygirl]

So i started this morning. I guess we can post our progress here? since it is a challenge.

 

For the first time i deleted him off msn, yahoo messanger and gtalk (we both are always 24hrs online). it took me about thirty mins, but i guess i feel better now. so here is day one. I have also deleted all my get your ex back books. I am focusin on my self now. I am also attending an online support group for co dependents. so i would focus on that now.

[ex sweatheart]

So i started this morning. I guess we can post our progress here? since it is a challenge.

 

For the first time i deleted him off msn, yahoo messanger and gtalk (we both are always 24hrs online). it took me about thirty mins, but i guess i feel better now. so here is day one. I have also deleted all my get your ex back books. I am focusin on my self now. I am also attending an online support group for co dependents. so i would focus on that now.

 

Oh sweetie, im so sorry you had such a horrible couple of days with it all

Take stock, have a good sleep tonight and wake up fresh and energetic about a new independent life, without an ex that doesnt deserve you

Your making such amazing productive and proactive steps for yourself

Head up , hold it high and know that someone amazing will come around soon but you have to close one door completely to open another one.

xo

[1guygirl]

aww jaygirl...been a rollercoaster for you hasnt it?

 

but you know what...i feel stength in your words, and it is showing by your actions.

 

think i will join this challenge next week...cos by then it will be 8 weeks since split and 30 days completed NC challenge...kinda like a double bullseye

 

i find it funny mind how so many ex's contact around the 2 month mark...my ex ex did this even tho he left me for someone else...but i had found this board back then and was doing NC and i ignored him...he was seriously abusive.

[crymeout]

i am taking up this challenge, i am on 1 month NC today....

 

i have been tempted at times to txt my ex, you can read my thread going NC and sticking to it this time. I have been so up and down but i am proud of myself that i have not given in to the urges i have had. I ma trying to focus on me altho he is still in my head constantly, i feel like i am fighting with myself half the time. I am hoping in time this will get better and i wont miss him as much.

i dont think he will be back, but i am joining this challenge and well see what happens. I kinda said to myself tho once i got to 1 month and he hadnt been in touch then well he isnt going to...but hey who knows what will happen in the future....

 

good luck to all of you that are also taking this up

[jaygirl]

aww jaygirl...been a rollercoaster for you hasnt it?

 

but you know what...i feel stength in your words, and it is showing by your actions.

 

think i will join this challenge next week...cos by then it will be 8 weeks since split and 30 days completed NC challenge...kinda like a double bullseye

 

i find it funny mind how so many ex's contact around the 2 month mark...my ex ex did this even tho he left me for someone else...but i had found this board back then and was doing NC and i ignored him...he was seriously abusive.

 

 

 

lol. well, lets see how it goes, somehow i kinda feel thaT If i make it to two months, i wouldnt want him back. I take the NC like a weaning process/rehab.....so i would stay away and get over him! I am kind of upset that he was dangling the relationship in my face...saying lets get back, sorry lets not get back, lets be best friends, etc. but anyway thats done.

 

I felt a bit better today, day 2. i didnt cry, but twice this evening, a stupid thought just came of him and another girl getting married by xmas, and i almost started feeling depressed. i imeediately put on some evanescence music, and it helped. The second time it came back, i actually closed my eyes and had a long day dream of me and a cute mystterious guy spending a romantic time together in a lovely spot, and the silly thought went away. I dont know how long i can keep this techniques up though, but i hope it helps. I am also doing lots of prayers and trusting God, and talking to by LAA support group too.

 

 

I am home now, and i am happy that by tomorrow it would be day three.

 

 

Welcome crymeout! please we would be glad to have you join us.

[uncomfynumb]

jaygirl, did you find a copy of the book?

 

Well the eight week challenge is just about up for me. It will be 8 weeks this coming Saturday and I not only think he will not call me but I half ass care anymore. And that is the best thing about NC my dears. Eventually you care less and less and less...

[jaygirl]

Hey uncomfymb, ur words r comforting. I really hope that by eight weeks, I wouldn't care. Because as much as I am trying to be very strong, I don't know what wil happen if I hear he is dating someone else or getting married. I am also looking into myself. I know I have a problem. Because all my ex boyfriends are still single, and it was only one that was crazy about getting married, though is still single now. I get attracted to emotionally unavailable men. My remaining bfs ALL told me they were scared of marriage, at least till I left, and now they're flocking around.

 

 

I am reading lots of books, codependency no more by Pia melody, and its helping.

 

I still couldn't get the book uncomfymb, maybe I wld ask an aunt or uncle who lives outside africa to buy a used copy and send by post.

[uncomfynumb]

Jaygirl,

 

If you want to, PM me and I will buy and send you a copy in the mail.

 

I went a long time without a relationship and I led a full life without one and I will lead a full life without one again.

 

I don't remember how old you are but you will be fine.

[jaygirl]

I am 27, would be 28 this year. In my country, this is an old age for marriage. My parents are trying to marry me off to anybody they can find! lol Arranged marriage is common here

[jaygirl]

i know y'all are gonna break my skull, lol. but i felt like sending this to my ex but i just decided to post it here instead:

 

 

'Hi ex, i just wanted to say one last thing. to correct the impression that i ggave you on sunday, that i would come back to you despite your not wanting to commit. I was just being emotional anyway. but its al good. its over its over. Contact me only if you are ready to commit'

 

 

I know it sounds silly. but at least i didnt send it. or what do you think?

[uncomfynumb]

i know y'all are gonna break my skull, lol. but i felt like sending this to my ex but i just decided to post it here instead:

 

 

'Hi ex, i just wanted to say one last thing. to correct the impression that i ggave you on sunday, that i would come back to you despite your not wanting to commit. I was just being emotional anyway. but its al good. its over its over. Contact me only if you are ready to commit'

 

 

I know it sounds silly. but at least i didnt send it. or what do you think?

 

HELL to the NO!!!!!!!

[uncomfynumb]

Delete his number, delete his email. Delete all email correspondence between you. Remove everything from the computer. Take all his pictures, gifts, etc. and put them in a box at a friend's house. Remove all items reminding you of him from your life.

[guiltyflood]

Haha is there anything like this, but for the men?

[jaygirl]

Delete his number, delete his email. Delete all email correspondence between you. Remove everything from the computer. Take all his pictures, gifts, etc. and put them in a box at a friend's house. Remove all items reminding you of him from your life.

 

 

lol. i didnt send it. i wasnt really planning to! i just felt like writing it how i felt at that time. i have deleted everything, (though i have his number by heart). I have kept all his gifts in a box.

[uncomfynumb]

Haha is there anything like this, but for the men?

 

The basis of this is that men aren't always in touch with their feelings and given time, they might be in touch. And it is because men and women are for the most part, different in their desires.

 

I think that the reasons women leave are either

 

1. Immaturity

 

2. The man was not the man in the relationship that she wanted him to be.

 

BUT I don't want to get into that in this thread. Please open another one if you are interested.

[jaygirl]

Day 4.

was feeling down yesterday, even into the night, but i guess i feel better today. Got tempted to send him several messages, but i am glad i didnt.

 

Isnt it funny when you look at the stuff you planned to send and see how silly they sound? i typed out about five different letters. been looking at them this morning and they seem so silly. lol

[nanana]

I'm on day 4 too jaygirl, have written out numerous texts to him and deleted them beFore sending them. He wants to meet in 4 weeks but we won't be speaking before that. Everyone thinks I shouldn't meet him because of how badly he has treated me. He just decided he didn't want a relationship anymore but I'm missing him so much and finding it difficult to resist phoning.

 

He has loads of my stuff that he 'forgot' to give me the last time we saw each other after the split. I feel almost like he's holding him hostage so we can meet again one day!

 

I've GOT to stick to no contact. Last time we spoke he just sounded frustrated like he couldn't wait to get off the phone. I was crying about my dad being in hospital. Siiigh what a mess! Thank god I can vent here!

[jaygirl]

I'm on day 4 too jaygirl, have written out numerous texts to him and deleted them beFore sending them. He wants to meet in 4 weeks but we won't be speaking before that. Everyone thinks I shouldn't meet him because of how badly he has treated me. He just decided he didn't want a relationship anymore but I'm missing him so much and finding it difficult to resist phoning.

 

He has loads of my stuff that he 'forgot' to give me the last time we saw each other after the split. I feel almost like he's holding him hostage so we can meet again one day!

 

I've GOT to stick to no contact. Last time we spoke he just sounded frustrated like he couldn't wait to get off the phone. I was crying about my dad being in hospital. Siiigh what a mess! Thank god I can vent here!

 

 

nanan are u my sister? lol

 

he still has my flasks, and his whole load in my house. he said he wouldnt collect them unless he sees me! since he wants us to be friends. i have a plan to drop them at his friends house next month though. they will pass the message accross to him.

 

lets make it work sweetie. day four too