guiltyflood

What I'm curious is if both sides truly, TRULY believed if the relationship was over, or if they were both stuck with each other on their mind's the entire time. My first ex came back to me wanting to reconcile, after 5 years of LC. She admitted that she never got over me. I had to turn her down, which is unfortunate because she deserves better. But still, in this case, she wanted to reconcile because she didn't lose feelings for me. In my current case, I simply have to assume that my ex is over me and is wanting to move on, whether or not that is the case. But, if a couple has reconciled after years of being apart, is it because they both truly lost their feelings for each other and started over, or is it because they never got one another off of their minds? That doesn't necessarily mean that all the extracurricular dating that has happened were rebounds, but that when one or both moved into a new relationship with someone else (more than a year after that BU), do they still have each other in the back of their mind?

Gah! This is a great thread, but I certainly hope it doesn't lead me to false hope. I'm going to soon ask my ex if she wants to join me next week for coffee (one of those, "I'll be here during these times, if you care to join"). But all this thread does is lead my mind to wander...

Day 5 I'm missing her already. I knew I was still riding the emotional rollercoaster, but I guess some days are more down than others. I think I'm so close to... "being there", and other days where I feel like I'm miles away. I've dreamed about her 3 of the past 4 nights, including 1 dream where we had sex. Before going back to NC, she sent me a last message (string of 4 messages we sent back and forth, which was a response to a message I sent 1.5 hours earlier. She was friendly, laughing at my commentary, and somewhat trying to open up the lines of communication [i think...], but since I committed myself to NC, I shut it down. I still have the option of responding to her, but I'd rather not). I sometimes wonder how much she thinks about me, but I quickly remind myself that that's not in my control. Had a drink with the ex ex 2 nights ago, and tanned at the beach yesterday. So I'm still going out. I still wonder, though, what she really wants with me, because it would easily dictate my course of action. Problem is, I know I'm not ready to ask, yet, and that is why I'm in NC.

I'm starting NC all over again! But I KNOW that this is the final stretch... It's been over 3 months since the BU, went the first 2 months of NC. She initiated contact, and we had coffee a week later. Meeting basically confirmed that she loved me, and cared for me, but doesn't think a relationship could work out for a variety of reasons (paths after college, communication issues, etc.). Meeting ended with a strong hug, and she put herself in position for a kiss, but I completely avoided it. Back to NC for 10 days, when she started posting more stuff on my facebook wall. I completely ignore it and don't even respond. She quits on that, but I make the mistake and start reading her facebook wall. Basically, LC with no direct initiated contact on my part. During this time, I start dating again, and wind up hooking up with a couple of girls who I find out have boyfriends (they didn't tell me until after). I feel guilty for reasons I can't figure out (as in, perhaps I wasn't ready, perhaps I helped instigate some form of cheating, perhaps I was just missing my ex, riding the rollercoaster, etc). As a result, I sent a ping on Friday night, my first initiated contact since the BU (and text message 3 days after the BU). Basically, my ping was an email with a couple of youtube vids that I thought she would like. It was very neutral. She replies 2 days later with an "I'm sorry I would have responded sooner..." post, the rest of which is neutral (in addition to addressing me by my formal name and a couple more vids she thought I would like). I wait a day and send her another video, to which she responds within an hour with another video that she thought I would like, and is generally being very casual. In addition, she even posts on my wall for the first time in 3 weeks. We were together for 3 years, and I know I'm at a point where I'm almost not even worrying about her actions or her thoughts. I think I'm 95% there. My interpretation of the ping is that she wants to friendzone me, which to be honest, I kind of don't mind because of my current state of mind (can't be too sure, since 5 days ago I was riding the emotional coaster). Well, to be completely sure, I'm going back on this challenge. In my mind, it's my ex's last chance to reconcile with me based on whatever emotion I have left. Otherwise, I feel like this is my last permanent step out of here. I'm starting to date other people, I'm having fun being single, and my confidence is pretty much back (heck, my ex ex from high school, who broke up with me 4 years ago after together for 11 months, has been sending me flirtatious texts and I promised to buy her a drink for her birthday). Well, we'll see how this goes! So this is Day 1!