SapphireNoir10 Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 Dont you hate it? has anyone ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend who just dissapears or switches off their phone when you argue/or they get annoyed. Me and my guy have had so many issues and were finally giving it another go, and I was prepared to go in open minded. But he threw a fit about some pictures on facebook with me having fun and me talking to guys who are friends. And now has switched his phone off? He will always just ignore me for a few days until he cools down, by then Im so worried and then relieved to hear from him I forget the issues and forgive them. Erg he knows im not well and hes still just gone off and switched off his phone Link to comment
metrogirl Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 You know, I do the same thing when I'm fighting with the boyfriend. I will turn off the phone so I don't have to deal with him at that moment. It's my way of just having a few moments of peace because otherwise he will blow my phone up. Link to comment
greywolf Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 You know, I do the same thing when I'm fighting with the boyfriend. I will turn off the phone so I don't have to deal with him at that moment. It's my way of just having a few moments of peace because otherwise he will blow my phone up. That is understandable, but it sounds like blueafterglow's bf does it to manipulative. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Share Posted September 30, 2009 Oh I told him at the beginning of our relationship I HATE being ignored, also, if he didnt want to talk I'd rather he said 'I dont wanna talk for a few hours' But kept his phone on, incase of an emergency or something. He is being nasty. I have done nothing wrong other than have some fun. And its been off for like six hours now, and he'll keep it off for a couple of days and I'll get worried. Link to comment
avman Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 Well Blue you know my position on this. I don't think this guy deserves you. I think he's childish and selfish and I really think this kind of behavior is simply going to continue as long as you allow it to. Link to comment
greywolf Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 Oh I told him at the beginning of our relationship I HATE being ignored, also, if he didnt want to talk I'd rather he said 'I dont wanna talk for a few hours' But kept his phone on, incase of an emergency or something. He is being nasty. I have done nothing wrong other than have some fun. And its been off for like six hours now, and he'll keep it off for a couple of days and I'll get worried. Do not give him the control like that. He has you eating out of his hand every time he does this. Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 Oh I told him at the beginning of our relationship I HATE being ignored, also, if he didnt want to talk I'd rather he said 'I dont wanna talk for a few hours' But kept his phone on, incase of an emergency or something. He is being nasty. I have done nothing wrong other than have some fun. And its been off for like six hours now, and he'll keep it off for a couple of days and I'll get worried. A couple of days? I can somewhat understand turning it off for a few hours...but for a couple of days...that is just beyond ridiculous and very immature. I don't know your history with this guy...why do you want to stay with him if he treats you this way? Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 Yeah it's disrespectful and immature. If he can't deal with conflict resolution, he probably can't deal with being in a relationship. To answer the question, nope, never had a GF do that. That would be a fairly big red flag for me. Link to comment
gsxr104 Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 Funny. I thought only girls did that. I was just thinking about how much I hate that. If I know things aren't right and I would get a call from the other , the last thing I would do is screen or ignore the call. There are things on their mind and I would think that the last thing we would want them to do is suffer the agony of holding it in. I mean really, let's put ourselves in the other shoe. It's almost like being inturrupted, but the opposite. You almost feel violated. Now I know with strangers it's a different story, but with your g/f or b/f??? Itsn' that the one person that you're putting your trust in and then only to have them just toss your thoughts or concerns off to the side till they're ready to deal with it. Sorry, but it just doesn't make any sense to me. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 A couple of days? I can somewhat understand turning it off for a few hours...but for a couple of days...that is just beyond ridiculous and very immature. I don't know your history with this guy...why do you want to stay with him if he treats you this way? I agree...... Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Share Posted September 30, 2009 Its I guess the mean/sweet cycle. he can be the sweetest most caring/perfect guy, sweet/attentive/massages/little presents/saying all the lovely right things. Or he lets me down and dissapears. We fell out over him lying not long ago. As far as I know he hasnt lied since then, but you'd think he'd be trying to prove to me its worth this go. Link to comment
stargirl1980 Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 You know, I do the same thing when I'm fighting with the boyfriend. I will turn off the phone so I don't have to deal with him at that moment. It's my way of just having a few moments of peace because otherwise he will blow my phone up. Ok. Other people do this? In a way I'm alittle relived. I had just started dating a guy months ago, and then got mad at him one night- I'd asked him to hang out the day before, but he never txted back and gave me an answer. So I left a stern voicemail to the effect of "I know you're busy, but you'd think you could still take 5 minutes to tell me 'no thanks', instead of letting me wait around like an idiot." When I STILL didn't hear from him the next night, I sent a txt, being even angrier. No reply the next night, wash rinse repeat. (I honestly thought he'd just humped and dumped me, which made me madder.) After about a week, he finally txted me, saying he HAD been busy, but also that he'd been trying to give me a few days to calm down. "I don't like arguing with people. And if you're angry, I'm gonna want to have space from you." When he put it that way- it sounded pretty reasonable. But my friends thought it was an excuse. Blue- I don't know your whole story. But IMO, the guy sounds like an insecure jerk if he got mad at you just hanging out with friends. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Share Posted September 30, 2009 Its really annoying. Every time I sit here worried thinking...so is this him breaking up with me or what? it doesnt help were long distance either Link to comment
greywolf Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 Its really annoying. Every time I sit here worried thinking...so is this him breaking up with me or what? it doesnt help were long distance either Think about it this way, can you picture putting up with this for the rest of your life? Link to comment
waveseer Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 I was once in this sort of position and the relationship wasn't viable, not to say that your's isn't or anything. It took me a very long time, but I finally figured out that the distance had nothing to do with it. He would have ignored me at close range too. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Share Posted September 30, 2009 No definatley not. Yet Im still here, ill, crying, wondering where he is/whats going...keeping texting him, worried hes breaking up with me Im an idiot Link to comment
avman Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 Im an idiot No you aren't. But you do need to stand up for yourself and not let him turn everything back on you. He is manipulating you and controlling you and of course it makes you miserable. You are worth more than that. You just need to see it. Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 No definatley not. Yet Im still here, ill, crying, wondering where he is/whats going...keeping texting him, worried hes breaking up with me Im an idiot Stop it. Don't put yourself down. This is exactly what he wants you to feel. Abusers are always like that- They're super sweet like candy canes until you accidentally do/say something they don't like, and then they will just ignore you. I could understand from his point of view if you did something that might have hurt his feelings, but in this case, he's only doing this to make you feel like crap. Back when my ex and I were together, whenever we would have an argument, he would just hang up on me. Yes, hang up, to my face. He thinks, "It would just give her enough time to think." But really, it just gave me a lot of resentment against him. When it's time to talk things out, it's time to talk things out. Sadly, some people don't understand this and rather take the easy way out. If this guy makes you feel like crap, then honey, it's time to walk away and find a guy who would put your feelings first above anything else. You deserve it. *Hugs* Link to comment
stargirl1980 Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 Its really annoying. Every time I sit here worried thinking...so is this him breaking up with me or what? it doesn't help were long distance either Oh, I totally know how you feel. The guy I was seeing, last dropped me off and said "Call you later, beautiful." No word from him until a week later, when I asked about going to see a movie and he wrote back "Still at work. Can't Go. Have fun." Haven't heard ANYTHING from him since then- and that was about 5 weeks ago. I'm so pissed, and sad. Especially for the first week or two I was treating it as normal, chalking it up to "well, work's probably been hectic." Around week 3 , I started being like "Ok, * * * is your problem?" And I'm not sure how to feel, cuz I don't know if it's "I'm REALLY busy" silence "We need space/you txt me way too much" silence "You got really mad at me, so have some cool down time" silence or "I just never wanna see you again" silence Or a combination of the first 3, or what. And, like yours- he's really sweet when he sees me. So it breaks my heart to not know what the situation is. I finally decided to go NC on my own, since none of my txts were getting answers. (I'm too scared to call. Nothing hurts quite like hearing the phone ring once, and suddenly getting shunted to voicemail. ) Link to comment
Amberelise Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 My boyfriend does that. I HATE it. I HATE HATE HATE it. I hate it. I can't for the life of me figure out how to get him to stop doing it. Neither one of us are yellers when we fight. Neither of us are irrational or do vindictive things. I just really really really want an explanation for why he feels a certain way or why he did something a certain way, and he'd rather just not talk. We have different philosophies. I think his way sucks! lol Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Share Posted September 30, 2009 Its just the week before uni we had a misunderstanding and he promised never to do this again. And yet hes switched his phone off and I have no other way of getting ahold of him. he must know im sat here wondering/waiting, ill/crying...and he shouldnt want me to feel like that. I dont get how he does it thanks for the advice guys, your all so nice Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Share Posted September 30, 2009 My boyfriend does that. I HATE it. I HATE HATE HATE it. I hate it. I can't for the life of me figure out how to get him to stop doing it. Neither one of us are yellers when we fight. Neither of us are irrational or do vindictive things. I just really really really want an explanation for why he feels a certain way or why he did something a certain way, and he'd rather just not talk. We have different philosophies. I think his way sucks! lol This is him. Are we dating the same guy lol? Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 What Amberlise explained! Lol. My bf can sometimes be this way. And it's not nice at all. I can say that he doesn't do it to be mean, just to cool off I guess. But someone said something on the first page which is 100% true: why for a couple of days??????? That's plain manipulative, and I see why the issue never gets talked out if he's doing this. I think when you guys are good again, you should have a serious talk with him about it. Explain to him how much he hurts you by doing this, and if he continues to do it, KNOWING how it's affecting you, then you have a clear answer. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Share Posted September 30, 2009 The thing is hes done this before. Everytime I say I hate it, it hurts me. Its the one think I can't stand. I'd rather argue than be completely ignored, his phone switched off, no way to reach him. its also not knowing where I stand, if thats him ending it or what? arg Link to comment
jmantra Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 The thing is hes done this before. Everytime I say I hate it, it hurts me. Its the one think I can't stand. I'd rather argue than be completely ignored, his phone switched off, no way to reach him. its also not knowing where I stand, if thats him ending it or what? arg This guy sounds like a manipulative jerk, you deserve better than this, tell him that if he's going to ignore you instead of trying to work on issues (the relationship) then it's not worth having a relationship. Don't put up with this kind of bs. If you hear from him and he promises never to do it again, but then goes back on his word, at that point walk away. Link to comment
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