SapphireNoir10 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Share Posted September 30, 2009 This is driving me crazy, keep checking my phone...nothing Link to comment
dangletsbang Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 I turn my phone off sometimes when we're arguing just because he will BLOW my phone up if I don't. I know it's kind of immature but it's the only way I can take a deep breath, gather my feelings and prepare to discuss our problem. My suggestion would be to blatantly ignore him like he is doing you. Have you tried having a serious discussion with him regarding this..or will he just not listen? Ignoring him will get the point accross. What he is doing to you sounds extremely manipulative - he knows exactly how to push your buttons, so he does. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Share Posted September 30, 2009 Im the same sometimes. I've been guilty of ignoring but we've both said so many times we wont do it. and i havent but he is, i tried ignoring him back once, it took him a WEEK to give in and talk to me. Its so hard. Link to comment
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 Yes, I hate this. He would always just put his blackberry on "busy" or something and not answer my calls or literally just ignore me when I was talking to him. Such a test of my anger management skills. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Share Posted September 30, 2009 I get angry, then sad, then just plain worried. It drives me nuts, hes had it off allll day. Link to comment
avman Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 I think you should consider throwing your phone in the toilet. It would remove that temptation to check it constantly. Go out with your friends and give it to one of them to hold. Make them promise not to give it back to you for 24 hours. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Share Posted September 30, 2009 Lol it is tempting you know!! I would switch it off if i didnt need the alarm on it for morning. I really wanted to go out but I feel ill and all my friends are bedridden at the moment, hopefully tomorrow I'll be busy with classes and friends etc. Link to comment
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 It really is in your best interest to ignore him when he does this. He is controlling you and your emotions. Let it slide and when he comes back to finally acknowledge you- have better things to do. I hate when people play games like that. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Share Posted September 30, 2009 Me too!! But like I said last time i did it back it took him a week to come to me, but he did come to me. But your right, from now, no texts or calls or anything. Link to comment
mandyc Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 I think that is exactly what he wants.... for you to care and get worried and wonder where he is/ what he is doing. I will tun my phone on silent or off when I get in a big fight with the bf, but I will always tell him before hand that I am going to do so. This keeps me from saying things I don't mean or breaking up with him in the heat of the moment. I think this situation is different though, like grey said it sounds like he is just being manipulative. And the fact that you told him this bothers you, yet he continues to do it is not good. I think you should just go out and have fun and not worry about this guy. He doesn't sound like he's worth your time. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Share Posted September 30, 2009 Oh I will. Im not gonna be a pushover. Link to comment
faithful14 Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 Blue, my boyfriend is the EXACT same way when it comes to arguments and stuff....and it pisses me off. I totally understand what you're going through because I am the same way. I'm always the one that initiates contact after an argument and tries to fix things but now I see if I don't put a stop to it now, he will always think he can do this!!!! I totally understand where you are coming from and you don't deserve that, no one does. Link to comment
FreedomRing Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 I was once in this sort of position and the relationship wasn't viable, not to say that your's isn't or anything. It took me a very long time, but I finally figured out that the distance had nothing to do with it. He would have ignored me at close range too. Blue, you always give such excellent, spot-on advice. I think this ^^^^is an interesting perspective to consider; doesn't seem like this is much of a positive relationship overall.. Link to comment
DaBladeRoden Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 I have a whole thread about my friend ignoring me Link to comment
mmike Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 You know, I do the same thing when I'm fighting with the boyfriend. I will turn off the phone so I don't have to deal with him at that moment. It's my way of just having a few moments of peace because otherwise he will blow my phone up. This always is so illogical..you solve problems by communicating! How long do you usually "turn him off"? BTW this is a great topic....cause it usually come off as being so unfair to the stonewalled individual. Link to comment
avman Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 This is a pattern with your boyfriend though Blue. It's more than just not communicating. It's manipulation and passive-aggressive behavior. He accuses you of something ridiculous You argue a little He ignores you You get upset and frantic and try to contact him relentlessly He now has the upper hand having made you believe that you are in the wrong He resumes discussions on his own terms I worry about you Blue. I really do. What this guy is doing is really, really bad for your self-esteem. This behavior can make you feel just horrible about yourself and isn't that really the opposite of what a relationship should make you feel like? I understand he can be sweet, loving, and attentive when he so chooses. But thats where the damage is done. Now he's got you convinced he's some sweet, loving guy with just a few issues or two and if you'd only adjust to fit his demands everything would be perfect. It is a setup for failure with you taking the blame for it. It's wrong, wrong, wrong. Please do not continue to fall into this guys trap. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted October 1, 2009 Author Share Posted October 1, 2009 He emailed me today saying it was because of a problem with his phone (hmm yep ok?!) Which I've heard before. I know you worry Avman. But maybe Im a sucker because I think he is a good guy, he treats me better than i've been treated before (not saying much I guess)And he is lovely sometimes. I dont know, part of me just WONT give up Link to comment
avman Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 I dont know, part of me just WONT give up Ok one more post and then I'll leave this alone. Please don't see this as giving up. What I'm saying is take a stand and refuse to allow yourself to be treated like crap. The burden is then on his shoulders not to treat you this way and if he doesn't, the one giving up is him. You are merely setting a standard for what you will tolerate and what you won't. And having this guy treat you just slightly better than the abusive guy just isn't good enough for me. (I'm starting to feel like I'm your father for some reason You deserve to be treated a lot better. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted October 1, 2009 Author Share Posted October 1, 2009 You are right, absoloutley right. ARGGGG 'Pulls hair out* Link to comment
DaBladeRoden Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Staying with him is giving up on yourself. Link to comment
greywolf Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 This always is so illogical..you solve problems by communicating! How long do you usually "turn him off"? BTW this is a great topic....cause it usually come off as being so unfair to the stonewalled individual. Some people just need to cool off before they can handle things calmly. I've had to say to my ex, "I need some space right now before I regret something I say or do." It is normal. It becomes a problem when the person does it just to emotionally manipulate someone. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 Some people just need to cool off before they can handle things calmly. I've had to say to my ex, "I need some space right now before I regret something I say or do." It is normal. It becomes a problem when the person does it just to emotionally manipulate someone. I agree and I think when the time span to "cool off" is exagerated like this, when you know you're hurting someone... is manipulative or just mean. Blue, just remember that just b/c he's treated you better then any other guy he isn't perfect. I had this happen with an ex of mine who was a so called nice guy, and most of the time he was aside from those OTHER time when he was a jerk... But when you think about it... if you're comparing his nice behaviour to your ex's then that's not setting the bar very high. Still try and have another last talk with him about this whole "phone issue". He could have called from anywhere else. Link to comment
whes Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 I really don't buy any of his excuses. Not considering his history... And I totally agree with avman and all the others that are telling you that this guy is not worth you time. I can understand that feeling of being unable to give up on someone. But when that someone is totally wrong for you, sometimes you have to overrule your heart and do what's best for you. Can you imagine what this is doing to your self-esteem and your confidence?? Every moment sitting there feeling guilty for something you didn't do, waiting for him to call, is one more notch cut into the foundations of your confidence and your self-worth. I've been there, so desperate to hold onto something that I knew was tearing me apart, and it never gets better. You need to get rid of him and move on with your life. You deserve better than this. something my friend said to me that finally made me change my mind about that relationship: "Do you really want to be with someone who isn't excited by you?" Link to comment
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