Daligal's Attempt at Dating

[Daligal83]

Oh no, I have no interest in the guy whatsoever. I just meant about telling her that I saw him on the website. I have zero intention of communicating with him.

 

I see what you guys are saying how it wasn't exclusive. I just don't like seeing my friend hurt. She really is an amazing person.

[annie24]

i probably wouldn't even tell her about it. what's the point?

[Daligal83]

Well you guys were right about the gym guy. He's (insert ENA-inappropriate words here). Here's a rundown of the conversation over text.

 

K: Hey I just checked my account and I'm broke. I don't know if I can do anything tonight.

 

me: We can stay in if you want. But if you don't want to do anything, let me know.

 

K: Yea idk i'm really bored and tired

 

me: So is that a yes or a no?

 

K: Wanna do something sunday

 

me: You do know sunday is valentine's day, right?

 

K: ...No I didn't actually...i hate that day...

 

me: Listen, I think it's pretty rude to cancel at the last minute so I don't think we should do anything.

 

K: I know I'm sorry I just have no money

 

me: Which is why I said we could stay in. Don't worry about it.

 

K: Really now I feel like you hate me

 

me: Well you say it's because of money and I gave you another option and you still want to cancel. So you aren't that into hanging out or found something else to do. Regardless it's rude and I don't usually put up with that.

 

K: It's not even like that.

 

me: Then what is it like

 

 

And no response since that. I'm done with the situation. That was just really stupid. I hope I didn't come off as a psycho, but I didn't want him to get away with being a jerk either. And seriously, it's not like I was being psycho leading up to that. I didn't even contact him. Most of the time it was him. I did yesterday to narrow down a time for tonight since he's incapable of doing that. And I've been frustrated every time it's come down to making plans, so I'm 100% done.

[annie24]

hey - i think you did the right thing. you called him out on his idiocy. ok, has no money? sit home and watch a movie on tv together. he still said no. sheesh. this guy is a bonehead. you are so better off without him.

 

i think you need (and will wind up with!) a classier guy, one more at your level, a guy who is more straightforward about what is going on and is a real man. not a man-boy like this guy.

[Daligal83]

I just feel kind of dumb for even trying to be (casually) with a guy like him. I know I'm better, but I went for it anyway. I had a feeling this would happen.

 

My friends that I called made me feel better. They were all like, wow good for you for calling him out on it. One girl was like, I think you are in a really good place for dating because you are being very strong about this. I mean I am a little hurt, I won't deny it. But it's more over being treated badly than the fact that it didn't work out.

 

The problem is I don't meet guys like the one you described. K is the first guy to approach me in a year. That's pathetic. I think because I come off as such a nice girl, I attract these jerks who think they can take advantage. They don't know about my inner b*tch lol. And the other thing is that I look so young, that only the younger guys approach me. I honestly think the ones my age see me and think I'm too young. I constantly get told I look 16 or 18...even when I do wear makeup.

 

I'm just frustrated overall.

[annie24]

i don't think you should feel upset, this guy is just a bonehead and i am glad that you were strong enough to just put it out there. tell him what he was doing just wasn't right. hopefully this will help him grow up.

 

be patient. that guy is out there for us!!! hopefully one for each of us, not the same guy, lol.

[Daligal83]

Haha I think we live far enough apart that we won't run into that problem. I should have run from this guy when he started talking about vaginas looking like flowers on the first date. Am I really that desperate to hook up? lol Ugh I was really really lowering my standards for him. It's just that there was chemistry there and I rarely get that and have it be mutual. And I'm really not liking the guys on eharmony at all. That is not helping the situation.

[Batya33]

I'm glad you're done and yes it is lame of him and rude. Obviously he can afford to buy drugs (on top of the fact that you offered just to hang out). Don't give yourself a hard time about the interest in him - you showed yourself that your interest ends when the disrespect/unreliabiity begins.

[Daligal83]

Thanks Batya. I'm trying not to be too hard on myself. I don't really regret ending it at this point as opposed to earlier because I probably would have wondered what happened. Now I'm just glad I didn't hook up with him. I just still kind of want to yell at him lol.

[Daligal83]

I have an eHarmony date on Monday. I wasn't that really into him, but he seems like a nice guy and sometimes you just need to see what happens in person. So I said yes to a date. But now I'm already on the no side. We were texting for most of the afternoon and then I told him I had to go because I had just met up with my friends. He said to text him later if I had the time. We just texted all afternoon...why would I want to text him again? We haven't even met. I dunno, maybe I'm being judgmental but I see it as a sign already that I need more "away" time than he does. I just don't need or like the constant contact.

 

My friend and I went out to night. This guy was hitting on me all night. He was 45. Ugh. No offense to 45 year olds, but that's almost 20 years older than me! I mean there's a dude there in his 60's that my friend and I always talk to, but I know he's innocent so it's different. This guy was being weird. And he was there with a 25 year old and that kid's dad, who he left on the other side of the bar. But was texting all night until they came over. So weird. I like this one bartender there though. He's really nice and cute and makes sure to say hey to us. When we left he was like, you guys are coming on Tuesday, right? So I'll see him then at least!

[Daligal83]

I just met another guy at the gym, J. I'm proud of myself because I noticed him, thought he was kind of cute, and took up an opportunity to talk to him while we were stretching out. It was just the two of us sitting on the mat and he took off his headphones and I took off mine. We were both watching the basketball game, so I went with that. He seemed pretty interested in talking to me, which I think is a good sign. He said he's there everyday, so we'll see what happens.

 

I am really not too excited about tomorrow's date though. I just got really turned off by the whole, text me later if you can, thing. The good thing is it's just a drink so once I finish my drink and I can make up a lame excuse to leave. Is it rude just to say that I should be getting home?

[Batya33]

I agree that he sounds needy - would be a turn off to me too and sure you can do what you planned as far as the drink!- and that is very nice going with the guy at the gym - woo hoo!

[Daligal83]

I don't know what to do with the eharm guy. He texted me around 3 asking how my night was. I told him it was fun, but I couldn't talk because I was just on my way out to meet a friend. He goes, "oh ok i see, text me later if you want." So now 4 hours later he texts me again and asks if I'm still busy. I literally just walked in the door. I don't like that. I told him I was busy...so why is he texting again. It's really making me want to cancel, but I feel like it's kinda harsh to do that. I wouldn't know what reason to give him. I feel like I can't say compatibility because we've already been talking and I said yes to the date.

[JeckyllNHyde]

Maybe this is a case of not going with first impressions?

 

Some guys may come on too strong - and it can be a turn off - but maybe under that there is really good potential?

Anything else turn you off about him ?

[Daligal83]

The conversation is pretty boring. It was on email and it is over text. He doesn't seem like a bad guy, but I'm extremely independent (especially emotionally) and have a lot going on. I can't deal with a guy constantly needing my attention. And I don't like texting someone all day every day. Even when I had an LDR with my ex...we'd have one phone conversation a day and that was it. And that was plenty.

[annie24]

ugh. it's hard to say. maybe this guy had an ex-gf who constantly texted him so he thinks all women like that? i'd say give him a chance..... but have an excuse ready if you want to leave early!!!

[Daligal83]

The thing is I kind of already addressed this. One of my multiple choice questions was about personal time and he said he only needs one day a week. So one of my open-ended questions was asking if, because of his answer, he would be comfortable with someone who needs a lot more than that? And he said he was.

 

I'll go on the date and give it a chance, but it just bothers me that I told him I was busy and he still texts 4 hours later asking if I'm still busy.

[Daligal83]

Guys...he's being really weird! He just asked if I have a camera on my cell and when I said yes, he asked if I wanted to trade a pic. We met on a dating site...he already has pictures of me. Am I being way too harsh or is this odd? Be honest. I tend to get negative about guys easily.

[annie24]

yeah, kind of weird....

[Ellie2006]

Daligirl, if I may chime in ... arent dating profile pics notorious for not being faithful representation of the person? Maybe he's just curious. Maybe he doesnt have a lot of experience in the dating field and doesnt really know what's ok and what's not?

 

If you think constant texting is aggravating your negative perception of him (which may mar the outcome of your first date), how about discontinuing the texting by telling him you wont be able to text him for a while (as you're going out) and that you'll see him on the date?

[Daligal83]

I told him he's seen pictures of me on the site. He responds back, "i know but i want one for my phone. please it's ok if you don't want to" I told him I'd rather not and that I haven't even met him yet.

 

Should I cancel?

[annie24]

eh, i don't know. on one hand, i'm all for giving guys a chance. however, most of the time, when i had a bad feeling about a guy before i met him, i didn't walk away from the date feeling like he was a good match afterall. i could kind of 'sense' how i would feel about him before we went out. if that makes sense. that's just me though. i think if you want to say no, i think it would be fine.

[Ellie2006]

Dont cancel but dont send him the pic!

 

I had a friend in college who'd always ask me for a picture of me. I'd ask him why and he'd say just so he'd have a copy. I was totally creeped out and avoided him after that.

Later down the road, I heard nasty rumors (so no way to check the veracity) that he's a frequent visitor to prostitutes. I didnt want to be too judgmental but ... in the end, I guess i ended up being a bit judgmental.

[JeckyllNHyde]

Guys...he's being really weird! He just asked if I have a camera on my cell and when I said yes, he asked if I wanted to trade a pic. We met on a dating site...he already has pictures of me. Am I being way too harsh or is this odd? Be honest. I tend to get negative about guys easily.

Yes... I'd find it a bit weird. I'd think maybe he wants to show friends? But uhm it sounds really silly though since you have pics on the profile already.

If you think constant texting is aggravating your negative perception of him (which may mar the outcome of your first date), how about discontinuing the texting by telling him you wont be able to text him for a while (as you're going out) and that you'll see him on the date?

 

This would be a good solution so she doesn't get more turned off LOL. But if I where the guy, I'd wonder if maybe the other person wasn't even looking for someone to date/had time.

 

[Daligal83]

I don't know. I'm really creeped out by the picture thing. I have never ever met this guy and he wants a picture of me on his phone? That's creepy to me. I don't feel comfortable. And he said he just wants a "face picture" but still...why would I want a guy who I've never met to have a picture of me on his phone?

 

Then he starts asking me if I like glasses because he usually wears glasses at night and wanted to know my thoughts on that.

 

I think I need to cancel. Should I just say, "I'm sorry but I don't think we should meet tomorrow. I don't think we're compatible enough. Good luck with your search."