Daligal's Attempt at Dating

[annie24]

i'd give things a few more chances before writing him off for good. the first date can sometimes be awkward, but the second date can be much better.

[Batya33]

i'd give things a few more chances before writing him off for good. the first date can sometimes be awkward, but the second date can be much better.

 

Yes, I'd give it a few more chances too. I know it's easier in a way to be involved with the Bad Boy who never really follows through so you never have to face whether you really like the guy or just the idea of him.

[Daligal83]

Yea I think I have commitment issues sometimes. Although the times that I've actually started serious relationships or wanted to (even if it didn't work out), I've never had a problem with it. But I think part of the attraction to K was that I didn't want anything serious with him. No attachment, no risk, no obligation, no expectations.

 

I'll definitely go out with him again. I just get worried because I can tell he really likes me and while I'm deciding if I want something more serious with him, I don't want to be leading him on.

[Batya33]

Yea I think I have commitment issues sometimes. Although the times that I've actually started serious relationships or wanted to (even if it didn't work out), I've never had a problem with it. But I think part of the attraction to K was that I didn't want anything serious with him. No attachment, no risk, no obligation, no expectations.

 

I'll definitely go out with him again. I just get worried because I can tell he really likes me and while I'm deciding if I want something more serious with him, I don't want to be leading him on.

 

It's pretty easy not to lead him on - accept the dates -- see him over a period of time though rather than all at once - maybe decide after a month/6 weeks of dating and don't agree to meet family/close friends if that is a big deal to him.

[Daligal83]

Yea I can do that. It'll mean a lot of turning him down because he asked me to get together this past Friday too and wanted to extend the date longer. But I was thinking of going to see my parents this weekend, so that will help.

 

It's really dumb, but he makes this one expression that really irritates me. I know it shouldn't matter, but it leads me to one of those "I'm not sure about him" moments. It turns me off. But then he's such a good guy that I get into those "maybe this could work" moments.

[annie24]

i think that certain "facial expressions" can be the result of nervousness and maybe on dates 2-3, you might find he's more at ease around you and he'll be less of a dork, if that makes sense.

[Daligal83]

So I'm pretty surprised, but I haven't heard from J at all! I haven't seen him at the gym or received any type of communication. And honestly I'm not upset about it. I'm kind of grateful. I wasn't into him enough. I've been really lucky not to see these guys at the gym after I date them haha. No awkwardness! But I am surprised about J because he seemed so into me on the date and tried to make it even longer. Maybe he was just looking for a hook up. Except that he wasn't all over me like K was during the date. Who knows.

 

At 5:30 this morning I was woken up by a couple fighting outside. The girl was crying and yelling at her boyfriend saying that it was 5:30 in the morning and he's never been out that late before. And it wasn't hysterical crying, she was just so upset. I felt awful for her. I peeked out the window (I figure if people are going to wake up me, I have the right to look for a second) and it looked like she was there with her car and he had come by cab. They met up at the bar behind my house. I'm so glad I don't have to deal with all that.

 

And on a completely unrelated note...my personal trainer did a body fat percentage test on me today using calipers. The last time we did it (which was in August) I was at 17%. This time it came in at 14.5%!!!! I'm so so so happy.

[Daligal83]

Time for some really uneventful updates...

 

A little awkward at the gym today. J was there and wouldn't even look at me. So odd. I know I definitely wasn't into him though because it honestly doesn't bother me at all. Just perplexing. And there was a guy I met on eharmony there. He was the one that asked me during the first date for a second one, then canceled the day of saying he wanted to focus on finding a new job. He kept looking at me but didn't say hi and didn't look long enough for me to say hi. Again...weird. Luckily the gym is kind of my "domain" in that I know all the staff and many members, so I felt like they were on my territory haha.

 

So I signed up for JDate. I won't pay for it because there aren't enough guys that I'm interested in. I made my username say "IMDaligal83" (except I put my IM screenname in there). Hopefully guys will get the hint. There is one guy that flirted with me and we both clicked yes (here you can click yes, no or maybe. The guy never sees what you click unless you both click yes). Unfortunately that means I have to be signed onto AIM, which I hate. Certain people IM me that kind of irritate me. And that specific person already has...I just ignored it. It says I'm away, so no obligation to answer her. I really hate being signed on though. However, there's an interesting eharmony guy that put up his screenname, so I'm waiting to see if he signs on. Unfortunately he lives an hour away where my parents live. But we'll see.

[Daligal83]

OK...so I think jdate guy is IMing me. Someone just started IMing me and said he was from jdate...but my god this is the STRANGEST conversation I think I've ever had. I think I have to block him. He started talking about being partners in crime and said we need gear, we could wear hoodies and spandex. And he just told me he bulges in them (the spandex). I'm starting to think I will never meet a normal guy...

[Daligal83]

Not a good day...

 

Saw J at the gym. I was chatting with my friend at the front desk when he came in. I smiled and said hi and he did too. He kind of stopped like he expected more to happen and gave me a look like "what gives?" Um, he didn't contact me either. Or acknowledge me yesterday. Am I crazy here?

 

Then I saw a guy on eharm who seemed interesting and put up his screenname. So I IMed him. We chatted a little then he asked if I could add him on facebook since he can't see my pictures on the site. Well he added me...then stopped talking to me and defriended me. Wow. Didn't realize that I'm THAT bad looking....

 

Depressing.

[annie24]

defriended? what?!?!? i wouldn't take it personally. you never know. maybe it turns out he dated one of your good friends? i don't know. whatever, i think it is totally his loss!

 

you know, and how serious about dating is he if he didn't join EH as a member? makes me wonder if he is really single.... hmmmm

[Daligal83]

I think he just didn't find me attractive so he didn't feel the need to talk to me anymore. He asked if I was cute before we did the facebook thing.

 

I'm definitely not renewing my eharm subscription. All the matches I got today are in Canada. I've gone on a whopping two dates. It's just not worth it.

[annie24]

i had a ton of dates on EH, but i think geography has a lot to do with it. in some areas, some sites are simply more popular than others. if EH isn't popular where you live, you just won't get a ton of matches.

 

i think you're plenty cute. i don't know - to me, he doesn't seem like much of a prize! blah

[Daligal83]

Apparently not in his opinion lol. Oh well...what can you do. Eharm didn't go well...jdate isn't going well. I'm afraid to try other sites. I'm sick of meeting weird people lol.

[Daligal83]

OK, so you guys know how I said that jdate has some guys I've already dated. One of them being a guy I really clicked with, but he disappeared and I found out it was because he was dating a non-Jewish girl and didn't want to tell his family (his sister set me up). He totally handled it badly because he led me to believe we'd go out again and then disappeared. This was a year ago January. Wasn't a huge deal.

 

He's looked at my profile twice. He was bumped up on my list of who has looked at me, so it means he just looked at it again today. I'm sure it means nothing, but now I have that nagging thought of, what if he wants to make contact again? I thought about clicking that "yes" button to see if he has...but I'm not sure I want him to see that I clicked yes. I mean if he hasn't, he wouldn't know. But if he has, I don't even want him to see it lol. He has my number, he could contact me. But maybe he's worried that I wouldn't give him a shot because of how he acted before. Of course this is all probably ridiculous thinking and I'm sure he was just looking for fun.

[annie24]

hm. yeah, i would guess he's looking for fun. i guess that the ball is in his court if he wants to ask you out again.

 

sigh. you're not having much luck these days, are you?

[Daligal83]

I don't know if he's looking for fun...he hasn't even contacted me. I just don't get why he's looking at my profile.

 

No luck at all. I'm frustrated. I'm out all the time. I'm friendly. I meet new people. And it just still doesn't happen. I get set up, I try online dating...it still doesn't happen. I don't know what else to do lol.

 

And honestly I'm so overwhelmed with my personal life that I think a guy would make it more overwhelming, but it'd be worth it to find the right person. I mean I can barely find time for my friends because I have to see them all on the weekend. I just don't have the energy after work and the gym. So I have all these different circles of friends, family, and I have seen my old foster kids in SO long. A friend of mine that lives near them invited me over on Sunday so I might give the foster mom a call to see if I can swing by before I go home.

[annie24]

well, the bright side is that you have this very active, busy social life. i think it's only a matter of time before another friend introduces you to someone, or a new guy moves into the area and into your social circle, etc.... i think it's just patience and time, you're doing all the right things.

[Daligal83]

I hope you're right annie. Do you think I should click yes to that guy on jdate? If there's a tiny chance that he is interested again...I don't think he would contact me since he screwed up before. He probably thinks I don't want to hear from him. Plus he can't see that I have seen his profile, I have that hidden for me.

[Daligal83]

Interesting night last night....our favorite bar always provides some entertainment haha.

 

We got to the bar and staked out our spot. I was talking to my friends and spotted this guy who was pretty cute...but it was him, a guy and two girls so I figured no go. But he kept checking me out, then we started kind of smiling at each other and he winked at me. Then, while the girls were there, he smiles, winks and goes "what?" But in this weird way...so I was like, "what?" And then he never came over. ODD!

 

So then I start checking out this other guy. He seems to be chatting up a LOT of girls, but also talking to guys he just met also. So maybe just a chatty guy. He's checking me out (thank you straight hair...curly hair would have made for a boring night hahaha) but not approaching. He went to the bathroom and then his slightly strange friend starts checking me out and pulls me away from my friends to talk to him and the people he was talking with...which happened to include a girl I went to college with. Small world. Anyway, I went because I knew the hot guy would be coming back and I figured this was my in. So hot guy does come back and introduces himself and we start hitting it off. They're both from the city I'm from and the weird guy lived in my town, hot guy lives outside of it right now. Then weird guy starts saying how hot guy stole me from him blah blah blah, then he goes to talk to my friends haha. So hot guy and I talked for a long time, with weird guy butting in here and there to tell him how I'm beautiful and he stole me away. The hot guy says that he's in my current city like every other weekend and asked for my number. My phone was dead though so I told him he'd have to text me so when I got back to my charger I could have his.

 

So then he says that they're all leaving and we say goodbye. But he only made it halfway down the bar, so again I was like, OK he's probably chatting up another girl. But then his friend (the one they came to crash with in my city) comes over on his way to the bathroom and is like, did you start that over there? I guess weird guy and hot guy were still arguing over the fact that hot guy butted in. A little while later hot guy comes back over and is like, I guess we're not leaving so I'm going to hang out with you. And of course weird guy comes back over.

 

So a bit later my friend and I left the bar. We were thinking of going somewhere else and hot guy was trying to find where his friends went so he could come with us, but it didn't work out. When I'm leaving, he's like, I'll call you and teased me about my phone being dead again. I got two texts from him already...at 3 and 4 in the morning. First one says "It was a pleasure meeting you! Make sure you keep in contact with me! " And the second one asked if I was charging my phone.

 

So I don't know. One of the girls said he seemed like a tool and he was chatting up a lot of girls. My best friend who was with me said that the other guy was weird, but hot guy seemed OK. We'll see what happens.

 

OH! And before hot guy and I actually started talking, I noticed that this guy I had talked to before came in. This was months and months ago, but we met at that same bar, talked, he got my number, texted me that night...but then I texted him the next day and he responded but it was really no conversation and I never heard from him since. So he walks into the bar and definitely recognizes me and kept looking at me. But then I ended up talking to hot guy, who kept putting his arm around me while talking to me and the other guy walked by and saw it. It was pretty funny

[sophie274]

Hot guy sounds fine to me! (And weird guy needs to just get over it). Maybe he's a tool, maybe he isn't, but I don't think his behavior in the bar that one night really indicates anything.

 

I hope he ends up asking you out, and if he does, I think you should at least go on one date and see how it goes.

 

By the way, you must have looked fantastic! Lots of being checked out

[Daligal83]

I only get checked out when I have straight hair though! And I can only straighten it under certain weather conditions haha. If it's raining, snowing, humid...not even worth it. I only really do it when I'm going out since I know that if my hair is curly there's a much much smaller chance that anyone will approach me.

 

Guys typically disappear on me quickly...especially ones I meet in bars. So I really don't have any huge expectations from hot guy. And when you add on how many other girls he was talking to...probably not a good sign. This one girl came up to us while we were talking to say goodbye and it was nice to meet him and she really meant it that she wanted to get involved in some thing he was doing. He told me that he's starting up a non-profit that has to do with mental illness. Which, if that is true, is amazing. If it's true haha.

 

If he does end up contacting me and asks me out, I'd definitely go. I'm just not going to expect it to happen. Or to even hear from him again.

[sophie274]

Well, I think you have a good mindset. And even if nothing comes from it, I think it's really great that you put yourself out there and make a real effort to meet people.

 

So weird about the curly hair. Although I do notice a big difference in attention between when I really do my hair up and when I decide to go "natural". I pray for the day when frizzy wild hair will be "in".

[Daligal83]

Hahahaha I'm waiting for that day too. Then maybe I'll find a decent guy LOL.

 

Well he's been texting me quite a bit. I guess his friend is still upset with him, which is ridiculous. It shouldn't be that big of a deal. I'm a stranger from a bar. But yay for him texting me! And he asked how often I go back to where he lives. Good sign so far. We'll see cause a lot of the guys I meet can talk but don't have the follow through.

[Daligal83]

I'm having a girl moment.

 

What if he asks me out and I go and he doesn't think I'm attractive anymore? I don't know how much he had to drink last night. What if sober hot guy doesn't think I'm cute? ugh...