Daligal's Attempt at Dating

[Daligal83]

I keep updating this one thread with my dating life and I felt that it should just move here. So this is a continuation from the other one, which you can find here.

 

 

 

Recent updates...I went on the blind date on Thursday with B. I had a lot of fun and he's a cool guy. We went to a coffee shop and then they closed so we just walked around for a bit. Then he pointed out this bar that has a shuffleboard type game so we went in and played a couple games. It was a good time and he seemed pretty interested with attitude and body language and such. We hugged goodbye and he asked if we could do it again soon and I said absolutely. I got a text from him a little after 8 the next morning wishing me a good trip (I went to a wedding this weekend). If he calls I'd go out with him again. I didn't have huge sparks like I did with G, but you can't expect that every time. I just get worried about the age because he's only 23. I would prefer that the next person I get into a relationship with is the one I marry and I don't know if someone his age is thinking the same way.

 

And then at that wedding, I met someone. I thought we just happened to start talking, but my friends said he basically made it so that we were dancing together. Then a bunch of us went to a bar after the reception and we talked just the two of us the entire time. Unfortunately, he lives in a different city so nothing can really happen. It really sucks though because we really clicked and if we lived in the same place, I could see something happening. I found him on Facebook and I'm debating about friending him.

 

And nothing new with G. I tried to give him a call on Saturday, but he didn't pick up and I didn't have any other time to talk. But again, nothing can really happen until I see him again and that won't be until mid-October.

[annie24]

hey daligirl - i think you should write to that guy you met at the wedding. how long distance is it?

[Daligal83]

He lives in DC right now and might have to move back to Ohio if he doesn't find a job. So it's not really close at all. I wasn't even happy about dating someone an hour away! haha

 

I did add him yesterday. He accepted a few hours later and immediately sent me a message that was kinda flirty. I went on and we chatted using the facebook IM thingy for a long time. He's got this friend where he lives that is from my city, so he mentioned that he was talking to him and they were thinking of taking a road trip here, but might need to wait until it's nice weather again. I was like, um it's not that bad here yet! But I thought that was a good thing that he's already talking to his friend about coming here haha. I'm pretty sure that means I came up in the conversation.

 

The blind date guy, B, texted me Sunday night asking me out again. We talked yesterday and we're going out on Thursday. I'm kind of nervous because I'm not entirely sure how interested I am. He seems very interested and I don't want to lead him on, but I'm not uninterested, you know? I don't really know how to handle the situation.

[annie24]

I'd go out with the blind date guy again. give him a 2 more dates and then decide if you are feeling the chemistry or not.

[Daligal83]

Yea that's probably a good game plan. He shouldn't have any expectations that are too high after only three dates. I hope.

[Daligal83]

I went on the blind date. I don't think I should go on any more. I mean I honestly do not have a bad time...I think I'm not just attracted to him. I kind of wanted to go home pretty early on. And I really didn't want him to kiss me, which he didn't. I don't know what my problem is.

 

It was kind of ridiculous though because I'm emailing M all day at work (even though I shouldn't be), then I go out with B, then get a call from G while B is driving me home. I call back G as soon as I get home and we barely talk, but he's on vacation with his family. He did ask about my ankle (I tore a ligament...again...). It was the very first thing he said, which was sweet. And I was saying how I was jealous of his relaxing vacation and he goes, well next time. I'm like what now? But he also mentioned that he sold back his ex-fiance's ring. I asked if he felt good or bad about it and he was like, eh whatever. My mom got some jewelry. So yea...still confused.

 

But then as soon as I get off the phone with G, I'm talking to M on gchat. I really really like this guy. He's interested in me and interested in sharing his interests with me. He had sent me another email and then while we were talking sent me an email with links to music that he likes since I'm not familiar with it and wants me to send him the ones that I like. We just click really well and I feel much more sure of his interest than with G.

 

So now I'm starting to wonder...is it me or the circumstances that make this difficult. G is emotionally unavailable, yet I still like him a lot. M is geographically unavailable, but I like him a lot. B seems to be both geographically and emotionally available...yet I'm not interested. Is it just how it worked out or am I doing this on purpose without realizing it?

[JeckyllNHyde]

First thought that pops into my mind, is that perhaps you're looking a bit too much into the future and getting ahead of things..

 

I think you should just look more into letting things run their course ("go with the flow"), and think/analyze less (about things like "could he be a good partner?", "could this/that be a sign he's interested?"), and just try not to predict the right person for you. If he likes you, it'll happen and you'll gladly let it... and I KNOW it's hard to just sit back lol, specially if you're really into a guy.

 

I also feel G is beating around the bush ALOT, and he probably just isn't ready to get into a relationship now. Maybe down the line. Seems like he's been burned by his ex, or something along those lines.

 

By being too anxious about figuring out WHERE things are going, or where you sit with someone is just plain torture. And will just suck all the fun out of dating.

 

 

You don't seem into B.. How come? I've read that sometimes you don't hit it off on the first date and the second one is where you both feel a bit comfier. But if you felt no attraction, and where dying to get home, then yea... maybe it's best to move on from him.

[Daligal83]

Yea that's why I gave it a second date. I think I see myself as being good friends with him, but not dating him. That spark just isn't there. Plus we have some very differing political views I think. We kind of got on the topic of same sex adoption because my brother is gay and him and his partner have a little girl. I'm obviously all for it and he basically said he likes to think that he's tolerant but sometimes you are brought up a certain way. I get that...but I don't know if I could date someone who disagrees with my niece being a part of my family. I have very strong views on this.

 

Yea I'm kind of running cold on G. I'm going to be there in two weeks, so we'll see what happens. I think the way things are going with M are making me move on a bit though. Even though M isn't here, he's already talking about visiting and is obvious in showing his interest. It's kind of like, oh yea, that's what dating is supposed to be like! Not that I'm dating M since he's not here...but you know what I mean.

 

Ugh I just like M a lot. I'm frustrated. Why does he have to be so far away!

[JeckyllNHyde]

Yep! Exactly! Lol. The way M is doing it, IMO is how dating should be... not like pulling teeth. Not even men like women who are overly hot and cold, so why would we? Haha.

 

If it helps, you know about the history between me and my bf (well you probably just remember it vaguely lol). We did ALOT of online chatting and keeping in contact. And even though none of us knew how things would end up, all that talking till late at night, and sharing stuff really made for a great bonding experience.. Deep down we both had a liking for each other but just not enough till we met and began hanging out. What I'm saying is that with all that chatting online and getting along, it wasn't very much different when we met in person. Ok ok.. it was lol and a bit nerve wrecking!

 

basically, the bonding usually comes AFTER people are already dating, but this way has alot of plusses.

[Daligal83]

Yea M and I are already bonding, that's not the problem. It's just that we live too far away from each other. He's moving slightly closer, but it'll still be a 6 hour drive. I just can't do that. I've done long distance and I don't really want to do it again. Plus I can't afford to fly there all the time and I can't handle a drive like that on my own.

[JeckyllNHyde]

Ooohh, I see.

 

Would he be willing to move closer, or you?

[Daligal83]

I don't think we could do that...we've only met once. I would be pretty scared if he moved here just for me. And I won't leave this area...it would mean leaving my family. Plus I really really love it here and I'm so happy.

 

However, he can't find a job where he lives so he has to move back home. He did mention that he's in this position where he can pick up and move to wherever he wants since he won't have rent obligations. I asked where he might want to go, and he said a bigger city like Philly, Boston or Chicago. I might live in a city, but it's definitely not a big city. But hey maybe he'll come visit like he said and get a job opportunity or something and move here for that haha. Can we say pipe dream?

[Daligal83]

So I've been talking to M...a lot. We've stayed up till 3 am and 2 am over the weekend on the phone. We text a ton during the day. I just talked to him for like an hour and a half before he had to go play soccer and he said he'd call me when he was done.

 

It's fun and it's exciting and I really like talking to him...I'm just worried that it's too much communication. I don't if it's just one of those being excited in the beginning things or he's the clingy type. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. At least I don't have to guess if he's interested! I mean he's texting him while he's out with his friends and I know he's telling them about me from the things he says. I'm curious about what it would be like if we were in the same city. Like I really wish I could just hang out with him right now to see what the chemistry would be like that way, but I'm wondering if he'd still be wanting to talk so much if we could actually see each other, you know? Like maybe he wouldn't need/want to as much if we didn't live so far apart and didn't have that option.

[Daligal83]

Update...

 

I'm kinda over M. First because there's no point. We're far away and neither one of us can afford frequent visits. I have zero interest in doing a long distance relationship at this point anyway. Second, he's a little...intense. He immediately wanted to talk at least once a day and it was overwhelming. He's definitely backed off a little bit now, but I'm already over it.

 

With G, I'm over that too. I called him last Sunday while I was out of town for a wedding. I haven't heard from him since and I'm supposed to be in his city this weekend. At this point, I'm just making other plans and not caring if I see him or not. He obviously is not making me a priority so I'm done with it. I'll still be friends with him, but I don't want to date him.

 

And with B, I thought it was done. We had the second date and I'm really not interested. That was two weeks ago and I hadn't heard from him, so I was like, OK he feels he same way, PHEW! But no...he calls tonight while I'm at the gym and goes, sorry I haven't called you in a couple weeks, give me a call. Why would he wait that long? I thought I was off the hook!! I honestly don't know what to do now. Any suggestions?

[annie24]

eh, sorry things didn't pan out with that guy you liked. sigh. oh well. well, you can always stay friends. like 'when harry met sally' you never know - sometimes a romance comes out of a friendship, but years down the road.

 

with the other guy.... i wonder if maybe he got bored and decided to see what you were up to? i've had that happen too where a guy calls after a few weeks. not really worth it, imho. i guess just tell him whatever you feel like. i sometimes don't even respond. maybe rude? but after 1 date and if he doesn't contact me for a few weeks, i feel like it's sending a message as well.

[Daligal83]

Well it was the second date, not the first. Does that make a difference? I feel rude not responding, but I really hate having to call and be like, yea no I don't want to date you. I don't know which is worse to do.

[JeckyllNHyde]

Well it was the second date, not the first. Does that make a difference? I feel rude not responding, but I really hate having to call and be like, yea no I don't want to date you. I don't know which is worse to do.

 

Heheh, so true.

I would say at least let him know you're not "available" but then again he waited so many weeks. What's up with that.

 

I'm probably not the best to give advice about letting guys down. I'm such a wimp when it comes to saying No sometimes.

[Daligal83]

I've done it when it's necessary...but I really hate it. I feel so awful about it. A friend suggested that I just text him instead because it'll kinda send the message. So I'm thinking about texting him this weekend and being like, sorry I didn't get back to you. I'm home for a wedding and things have been busy.

[JeckyllNHyde]

Yea texting is a good way to go. That way it's short and to the point.

[Daligal83]

And if he asks to hang out...I'll just say I'm busy. Which used to be true...but now I'm actually going to be in town for awhile. I don't like lying either. UGH I should just stop dating haha. And then the other problem is that sometimes when I text him back he'll just call.

[savagegirl]

What happened with the guy that you were seeing but you two had not made a romantic move on each other? Do you still talk to him? Are you guys still friends and hang out? If not, what changed?

[Daligal83]

G is the guy that never made a move. He's been calling, but less frequently. For example, I called him last Sunday. We didn't talk long because he was at his parents. Then I don't hear from him all week. So I say, OK I'll just make other plans for the weekend even though we said we'd hang out this weekend (since I'm at my parents' now). So he finally calls last night. I told him I was here and he sounded excited and was like, oh do you have anything planned for the weekend? I told him that today I'm meeting friends for lunch, then heading to the family I used to babysit for, then going to the movies at night. That leaves dinner open if he wanted to ask to hang out, but I don't know if he picked up on it. His response was to ask what movie I'm seeing.

 

I just don't know what to do anymore. For some reason, last night I felt like I messed up. So I might text him today and be like, if you want to do something this weekend, I can do dinner tonight. See what he does. Then when I'm back home I can tell him, sorry I didn't have a lot of time to hang out, but when I didn't hear from you all week my plans started to build up.

[annie24]

I don't think you messed up, I think he messed up!!!!

[Daligal83]

I ended up texting him and saying that it turned out I didn't have to be at the movie theater until almost 9, so did he want to get dinner. He said yes and we did go out. But it was definitely a friends thing because we met there and paid our own way. But he did invite me over to hangout until I had to go meet my friends. We had a lot of fun and he gave me a good hug when I left and said he had a really good time. I realized that if he wanted to kiss me at all when I leave, I give him no opportunity. I hug and then turn to leave.

 

I know it's stupid this far into it, but (if I can get up the guts) I feel like I still have to ask. I know he's pretty much sending clear signals that he just wants to be friends, but I need to hear it or else I'll always play the what if game. Like what if I sent out signals that I didn't mean to so he backed off. I think I'm just going to say something like, I know it's stupid to ask after this long, but I'm the type that just needs to hear it so I'm not second guessing things. We met on a blind date and things have kind of faded into friendship...that wasn't really my intention and I just needed to hear it for sure if that's how you want it to be.

 

God that will be so hard to say. Would it be totally pathetic if I text it? ugh...

[savagegirl]

I think you should definitely ask. If I were you I would ask over the phone though, I don't really believe in serious conversations through text message. You have alot more patience than I do though! I would have asked so long ago as it would have kept bugging me. Who knows, maybe you are sending out friend signals without even knowing you are. In the very least, you will have your answer and then you will know what NOT to do next time right?