Daligal's Attempt at Dating

[Daligal83]

It's done. I'm not even asking because I'm just done with the whole situation. I will be his friend, but I no longer want to date him.

 

I called him on Wednesday and he didn't pick up. He texted me back saying he was out of town for work and would call me the next day. Fair enough, I remember him telling me about that. Thursday he texts and says that he forgot he had an early hockey game and he'd call me the next day. OK, I knew he had that game too. No big deal. Friday comes and goes and I don't hear from him at all. He calls me Saturday around 5:30 and I didn't pick up. I called him back around 6 and we talked for like 15 minutes maybe. He apologized that it took him so long to get back to me. Then later on we talked about our weekends and he said that Friday night he just sat at home doing nothing all night. So then why didn't he have time to call? Either 1) he was lying and he was out with someone or 2) I'm obviously just not that big of a priority to him. Either way, I'm done. It's just stupid at this point and I'm sick of it. Plus he said he did absolutely nothing all day Saturday, then chooses to call me a bit before he has to go out. Done.

[annie24]

good for you. now you can focus on some more promising men!!! what happened with the other guys?

[Daligal83]

B, the blind date guy...he called two weeks after the last date we had. I just never called back. I wasn't interested and waiting two weeks is just rude!

 

M, the guy from the wedding. I lost interest because it was pointless and he came on too strong. And now this may be a coincidence...but I put up pictures from another wedding I went to and there were pictures of me dancing with this one guy. The day or day after I put them up, I never heard from him again. Which is fine by me!

 

So there is this guy at the gym, he's a lot older than me though. I'm guessing late 30's early 40's maybe. I see him EVERYWHERE. Like every festival I go to, he's there. I see him at restaurants and bars, it's insane. I went out to a restaurant by my apartment on Thursday, he was there. I never say hi to him because I don't know if he recognizes me. So I'm out last night at another bar, and he's there! Just two days after I saw him at the restaurant. He was standing right next to me and I finally said something. He said he did recognize me and that I've been going to the gym for a long time. We ended up talking for a good amount of time and he introduced me to his friends when they showed up. I ended up talking to his friend's girlfriend for awhile too. He was a lot of fun and he's pretty cute...just sucks about the age thing.

 

Other than that, there are currently no guys. And honestly, I don't know how I'd fit one in. I'm feeling very overwhelmed socially at the moment. I feel like I can't keep in touch with all of my friends and I end up driving myself crazy running around all weekend trying to see everyone. Meanwhile my apartment is a disaster because of it!

[annie24]

i dunno - give the older dude a chance. get to know him. you may find that the age difference doesn't matter if you two are really compatible!!!

[Daligal83]

Not much of an update...but here's the little things that have happened.

 

I called G last Tuesday. I still plan on being friends with him, just don't want to date him anymore. We talked for a bit and then for the first time (unless I had to go somewhere), I ended the phone conversation first. He did sound kind of annoyed. And he hasn't called since. When I think about it, sometimes I feel bad and like maybe I misread everything. But then I remember how he's the one who started calling less often and he's the one who has never really made any kind of attempt to come see me. So I shouldn't feel bad.

 

The blind date guy, B, texted me last Thursday. He goes, "Daligal, hope all is well. My friend and I are having a shabbat dinner for young jewish professionals. we'd like you to come." I haven't answered that either because I thought it was a bit strange considering I ignored his last phone call.

[annie24]

G's the one who never made a move on you, right?

 

and blind date guy? well, we often advise people to 'try one more time' if there's been an unanswered email, so maybe that's what he's doing?

[Daligal83]

Yea, G is the one who I met in May and he never made a move. I question a lot about the messages I was sending to him...but I think I really did show an interest. I would say how I'd want him to come see me here and he'd react in a positive but passive kind of way and never initiated interest. When I met his parents I said how much I liked them and his response was to ask who he looked like. I kept calling regularly and he started calling with more and more days in between. And like I said, up until last week he was always the one to end the conversation. I was always willing to keep talking. So I don't think I really sent out the wrong messages.

 

Yea I wasn't sure if B was just trying to extend the friendship thing or try for more...so I figured safer to ignore it. I have plenty of friends haha. Not worth the risk.

[Daligal83]

So latest with G...I hate that there's a latest.

 

He didn't call for a week. He called last Tuesday and I've been sick starting that day. No checking in or anything to see how I'm doing of course. I called him Friday night and he didn't pick up or contact me until Sunday night. Of course at that point I was pissed so I didn't answer. I called him back today and when I mention that I'll be home in a couple weeks, he invites me over to watch the football game. * * * !! Make up your mind! I mean even on a friend level he's confusing me.

[Daligal83]

So...I have an awkward new years situation. I haven't talked to my most recent ex in a very long time. I can't even remember the last time we talked. We broke up about a year and a half ago and it was my choice, not his. He was very clear that he didn't want it to happen. I decided not to pursue a friendship afterward for two reasons. One is that the things that made me not want to date him would be problems in a friendship as well. The other is that since I knew he didn't want the break up, I was afraid of doing anything to lead him on. I found not talking safer in that regard. I didn't communicate any of this to him.

 

So I had dinner with one of my best friends last Tuesday. I've known her since I was two, but we all went to college together and she's still friends with him. She told me that whenever they get together, he always asks about me and gets this sad face and says I won't talk to him anymore. It's not like I ignore any attempts he made to talk...I just didn't initiate. I was always very nice to him though. Anyway...she's having a new years party and she invited both of us. I've spent probably the past five new years with her, so it's a given that I'd go. They created an evite thing so you can see who else is going. I responded immediately and this was a couple weeks ago. She invited him too, and he's going. I feel like it's going to be so awkward. When we were talking more, he always said something to make me feel uncomfortable. And that's obviously going to be a long night...so it's going to suck if it's awkward.

 

Ugh, just needed to vent about it.

[annie24]

have you thought about doing something else on new years? (hahaha, i accidentally typed "doing someone else on new years" at first)

[Daligal83]

haha both are interesting options I always spend new years with this friend and I don't want to ditch her just because he's going. I do have another party to go to. I'm going to that one first and hers later. Maybe he's doing the same thing and going somewhere after hers. That's wishful thinking.

 

It's not like he's a bad person. He just always says things that makes me uncomfortable. And it's just weird because I haven't seen him or talked to him in so long and apparently he's still upset about it.

[Daligal83]

Nothing has been happening. Literally nothing. I never meet anyone! I'm partially OK with it because I don't know if I even feel like dating right now. I hate the drama that goes with it. But the other part of me is like, time is ticking. I know I'm young, but time is flying and I've been single for a year and a half. If nothing has happened in that amount of time, I feel like it could take another year and a half.

 

G is 100% out of the picture. He blew me off the last time I was there and I just never called him back. He hasn't called either and it's been 2 weeks. What a waste of time.

 

I'm really considering doing match. I widened my search to go up to 36 instead of 30 and there were more interesting people. But again, there's that side of me that doesn't want to deal with it. I don't know.

[annie24]

i'd do match. why not?

 

are you a member of a gym?

[Daligal83]

I really don't want to pay. I don't have the money for it and you can't actually communicate without paying. I know sites like POF are free...but they make me nervous.

 

I've been going to my gym for 2 1/2 years. It used to be that you could talk to anyone there and it was easier to meet people. But they've recently done renovations and it's more of a big gym feeling. All the "old timers" still talk all the time, but it's not as easy to approach new people.

[Daligal83]

So for fun I took the eHarmony questionnaire. It is scarily accurate. It's freaking me out a bit. And making me want to pay for the service. Except I only got seven matches, so I don't know if it's worth it.

[Daligal83]

Yea I paid. I'm enjoying it so far!! I'm talking to four different guys. Two I really like so far and two I'm so so about but wanted to give it a chance. It's so hard to tell from such little information. It's exciting!

 

But now I'm nervous that I'm going to meet and like more than one guy and not know what to do!! I'm horrible at making decisions. I just agonized all day over whether or not to communicate with this one guy. He sounds interesting but has the HUGEST eyebrows I have ever seen. Seriously agonized all day. I ended up going ahead with it because they are just eyebrows. They can (and should) be waxed. But if I have such a hard time making that decision, it's just going to get harder.

[annie24]

i think just give them a chance. eyebrows are fixable anyways, like you said, lol.

 

glad to hear you signed up! hope something good comes out of it!!!!

[Daligal83]

I do too! I'm still not willing to tell a ton of people about it, but the ones I have told are very supportive. But I realized that if it finds me the right guy, then who cares how it happened. It's better to do it this way than not to find him at all. I can't afford more than three months though, so I hope it happens quickly!

[annie24]

hun, EVERYONE is doing online dating. it's nothing to be embarrassed about. i went to several weddings last year where the couple met on match.

 

 

[Daligal83]

Yea I just need to get over it. When I've mentioned it in the past to some friends that I was thinking about it, I did get some negative reactions. But I can't let that get to me.

 

annie I think you're the only one that reads my journal!

[annie24]

lol, there are lurkers, i am sure!!!!!

 

good luck!!!!

[sophie274]

I second what Annie said. I lived in a big city this summer, and almost all of the twenty and thirty somethings I met were doing some kind of online dating.

 

I hope some of your matches turn out well! I have to say I am so sick of seeing those E-Harmony commercials on TV ... if I have to hear about Joshua and Tanyalee one more time! lol

[Daligal83]

Hahahaha yea they irritate me too. They are too pretty and perfect. I have to say that I do like the way eHarmony works though. I like that they find the matches for you so you don't have to search through hundreds of profiles. And it's based on a lot more information than the basics that most sites use. Like I say that exercise and health is important to me and I'm matched with a lot of people who keep fit.

 

P.S. Thanks for posting so I know at least two people read this! haha

[Daligal83]

So I'm having fun! I'm texting this one guy that I like a lot so far. I know to hold out on judgments until I meet him in person though. But he seems really nice and we seem to have a lot in common. I think our personalities are pretty similar.

 

I'm talking to seven guys. Some I like more than others. I'm trying to go outside of my comfort zone a bit. Like one guy has massive groucho marx eyebrows that look like they've been colored in with sharpie and he has both ears pierced. Not my style at all. But I agreed to communicate to see if our personalities match. I'm waiting for his next set of answers, but I'm pretty sure we're just not compatible. And another guy just sent questions and he has two kids. I said I was OK with it, but it does make me nervous. My dad had a kid when he married my mom and it was a bad experience. But I know it doesn't always work out that way. So I'm giving that a shot too.

 

But overall this is fun!! I'm still worried I'm going to have a hard time if I really click with more than one person. I don't want to get into a situation where I second guess my choice because there is more than one option.

[lady00]

lol, there are lurkers, i am sure!!!!!

 

good luck!!!!

 

Oooh, pick me, pick me, I'm a lurker on this thread!